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Tuco-Benedicto-Maria-Ramirez
Reviews
Long Time Dead (2002)
Does anyone else think that the title sounds like a Steven Segal movie sequel?
There was a point - as the film was starting - that I felt that maybe I had had low and unjustified expectations of this film over the last couple of years: forget the bad reviews and box-office sales at the time of its release, and instead concentrate on the actual film itself. After pressing play on the VHS, this rather confused and quite frankly stupid reason of thought was quickly diminished after the first ten minutes or so had passed by.
I won't go into the story much (it does exactly what it says on the tin, except it doesn't scare or entertain) as there isn't that much of a story, and what there is of it feels like a contrived mess that looks like it was thought up by an arrogant 15 year-old who thinks they're a genius (but they're NOT). Most of the film seems to consist of each character walking about in the dark for a bit, and then getting killed. No real scares to speak of, although the crap-looking student nightclub was a bit of a fright I can tell you.
Deep Freeze (2001)
Deep Freeze? That's where the negative of this movie should have gone.
Awful film about an Antarctic (hang on...) research team (THAT sounds familiar) who have discovered a strange lifeform frozen in the ice (you guessed it). Said lifeform (a big flesh-eating bug) goes on the rampage. Terrible acting, trite script and poor ("poor" as in: "you will laugh with your friends and make fun of the film-makers who poisoned the world with this trash") special effects. It even goes as far as using unused footage from The Thing (shots of the camp from outside, and **PLOT SPOILER (not that you'll care)** when the camp blows up at the end PLOT Spoiler END (aren't you glad I warned you?)**)! Save your money and see The Thing instead, or perhaps hire a prostitute from your local escort agency - that's what the film-makers should have done. Or at least given the money spent on "Deep Freeze" to a script that deserved it.