Change Your Image
kencrisis
Reviews
Unbreakable (2000)
More Crap from M.
With my viewing tonight of "Unbreakable," I have now been unfortunately forced by well-meaning people to see all of his films.
Once again, Mr. M proves that he has an amazing ability to take an interesting premise and turn it into a horribly derivative farce of movie making. I'm constantly shocked by people comparing Shyamalan to Hitchcock and Kurosawa -- I believe these directors would be turning in their graves if they knew they were being compared with this inarticulate pop schlock Meister.
A much more accurate comparison would be Spielberg -- another director who pumps out discount emotive crap that continues to bring in big box office scores. But tonight, I've realized I have a new appreciation for Spielberg -- at least he knows how to make a shallow, single-themed storyline a little bit more interesting.
Honestly, I'm completely perplexed at how the movie-going public continues to support M. Night Shyamalan's work. His movies have all the cheese of a Spielberg movie with none of the cheap thrills moviegoers seem to love.
Hmm, maybe the fans of this director think they're having some kind of "cultural art experience" -- like the way my mom says she's going to see "theatre" when she goes to Broadway musicals.
If you spend your life watching WB sitcoms, going to Starbuck's to read a Grisham novel, and shopping at The Gap, you will love this movie. If you have the slightest bit of discriminating taste ... well you've probably already figured out that M. Night Shyamalan is a hack best avoided.
Bad Apple (2004)
looks interesting, but avoid
Like me, you might want be thinking about watching this movie for the "name" actors in it and the promise of a funky, funny mob laugh-up. Believe me, you shouldn't waste your time. Half way into this horribly ill-concieved production, I knew that I was too invested to stop watching but would regret every moment of the next hour. I stuck it out and, yes, I did regret every moment of the second hour.
Even if you are a fan of late-night, beer-soaked trash TV (like me), this isn't worth your time and will make all but the dimmest of people angry with all the horribly weak plot developments. Worse than the worst Three's Company episodes you'll find yourself screaming over and over again about how, if they only just acted like they were as smart as they were supposed to be (re: 3rd graders), non of the characters would act the way they do.
SPOILERS: Why doesn't Chris Noth call the FBI instead of 911 (he must have a toll-free number for that)? Why doesn't the pigeon just shoot the guy from T2 at the crucial moment (even the worst James Bond movies weren't so lame)? I could go on, but the real question is, Why doesn't everyone who ever gets into a pickle in this movie do anything to get out of it -- when it's so easy to get out that pickle and staying in it is the hardest thing to do?
Totally frustrating, every character totally hatable, totally nonsensical in every way, this is the only movie that has ever inspired me to actually register with IMDB to make a comment. As a big fan of bad movies, I have to say that when I read reviews like the one I just wrote, I usually want to watch the movie. PLEASE, this is the exception. You will be so bored. Easily the worst TNT movie ever made.
Mr. Noth (executive producer, lead actor), what the hell were you thinking? I can't help but think how you've sabotaged your own career.