Change Your Image
joseph-hagee
Reviews
Haywire (2011)
Ok movie
Well,the week end was a wash out due to the remnants of Ian so I decided to rent a movie On Demand. I had never heard of Gina Carano prior to her being fired from Disney last year and then being interviewed about last month by Tucker Carlson,so I did a search On Demand and came up with Haywire. I like female spies/assassins,both in movies and in books,so I decided to rent it. It was an ok movie. It tried to do a lot in 92 had a number of plot holes,leaving you wondering how she got from point A to point B,or how she found a certain someone. It was very much a T & A movie,Gina Carano didn't help this movie,they could have swapped her for another MMA or martial arts trained actress and it still would have been the same movie. What saved the movie for me was Michael Douglas,Antonio Banderas,and Bill Paxton,Mike and Antonio in particular because they did a lot with little bit they were given. If you want to see an ok movie to kill sometime I recommend it but I've seen far better.
Public Enemies (1996)
Ok movie
If you're looking for a historically accurate movie,this isn't it. If you're looking to be entertained with a fun movie that plays fast and loose with the truth and has wild,improbable shoot outs,this is for you. What's fact is that while Arizona "Kate" "Ma" Barker did accompany her sons on their crime spree,and they did team up with Alvin Karpis,she never went on robberies with her boys,nor did she ever wield a gun. As for being the master mind behind them,I'll quote Alvin,"Ma couldn't even organize breakfast."She really was a fascinating person though. She was kind and generous to people who she met on the run,and many were shocked to learn she was the infamous Ma Barker. Also,she was a faithful church goer,always managing to make it to Sunday services.
Theresa Russell and Frank Stallone were horribly miscast. Stallone looks nothing like Alvin and Theresa's too young to be Ma,but I guess they needed a pay check. Also,Alyssa only plays a limited role as a prostitute runs with the gang,runs afoul of Ma,and meets an untimely end. As someone else said,it hearkens back to the gangster movies of the 60s and 70s,so if you like those kind of movies,as I do,give it a watch.
Embrace of the Vampire (1995)
Wasn't bad
This was after all,a straight to video movie,so it's not going to go down as among the best in horror but I enjoyed it. Alyssa plays a conflicted young lady who's torn between her faith,her new,more liberal friends at school, and her horny boyfriend. Oh,there's also a wussy vampire after her too who has to get her to want him before she becomes his victim. Further,it's time sensitive,he has 3 days to do it or he dies. Some plot holes,like how he found her,how he resides where resides without being discovered,but over all not a bad choice for an On Demand rental.
Btw,I watched it for her nude scenes.:-)
I Was a Teenage Werewolf (1957)
Good 50s fare
I'm not going to rehash the plot,I'm just want to everybody why I enjoyed the movie.I like the 1950s.It all started with watching Happy Days as a kid,then later when I started getting into rock music,appreciating artist like Chuck Berry,Buddy Holly,Elvis and others,and I I liked the clothes and the cars.Anyway,I liked 50s horror movies in general,they are not great cinematic masterpieces,but they are entertaining.When I first saw this movie as a kid it was part of a Saturday Creature Double Feature ,the other one was I Was A Teenage Frankenstein.I had only really known Michael Landon as Pa from Little House,but he gave a solid performance as Tony,the kid with anger management issues that we all knew as kids/teens.I also thought it was kind of sweet/quaint that his girlfriend's Dad took issue with him not coming to the door and coming in to say hello.My Dad did that with my sister in the 80s.:-)I thought the new spin on the werewolf tale was pretty inventive too,that a person could regress to that state in hypnosis instead of being bitten.Anyway,my favorite scene was the gym with the lovely,curvaceous,voluptuous,and doomed Theresa played by Dawn Richard.As others have said,it was a fairly erotic scene for the 50s,and after I saw a picture of her as Ms.May 1957 for Playboy,I thought to myself,"Man,who wouldn't want to chase that around the gym."She got my engine revving .Anyway,good 50s fare,watch it if you get a chance.
Just wanted to add a blurb about Whit Bissell.I didn't remember being in the movie,I just knew as a character actor for western tv shows like The Rifleman and Have Gun,Will Travel.It was a nice change to see him play the arrogant scientist.
Ghosts of Shepherdstown (2016)
Guilty pleasure
This is a guilty summer pleasure for me because it reminds me of the cheap horror novels I sometimes read.You have the hero type,Nick,the hot chick,the geeky tech guy,and the skeptic turned convert cop joining together to battle supernatural forces.As someone else said it's X Files meets Ghost Adventures.Really,ghosts using the town run to join forces to avenge a woman accused of witchcraft and now the evil force is spreading outward?Oh,well as long as the keep having shots of Elizabeth in tight jeans I'll keep watching.
Sleepaway Camp III: Teenage Wasteland (1989)
Not that bad
You have to look at this way,I think,in that the SC movies are spoofing the Friday the 13th flicks.For instance Kelly Hu played an ill fated Asian valedictorian in Friday The 13th Part 8,while Jill Terashita played a delinquent with a nice rack in SC3.I think that if you don't take it as serious cinema you will enjoy it.Some of kills are pretty funny too,like a girl being hoisted then dropped from a flagpole.Just sit back,turn off your brain,and enjoy.As a post script of sorts,since I'm being told there aren't enough lines,one of the reasons I liked this film so much is that I went to a camp like this.But unlike the film,we really got along with under privileged kids.They weren't really tough or mean,they all just had a knack for getting into trouble,like breaking into the dining hall for a midnight snack:-).
Mayday (2005)
Glad I taped it
I taped this movie so I could watch it after I read the book.The book was far better.In the book,the passengers who survived turned into zombies though oxygen deprivation and their actions threatened the survivors.One flight attendant was killed by them.There was a scene in the book where Kelly's character took off her pantyhose to close the cockpit door so the passengers wouldn't get in.Sadly that wasn't in the movie either.Also,I know that this was a TV movie,and that the acting wasn't going to be the greatest,but at least hire actors who can act well enough to get you caught up in the story,I'm specifically referring to Aidan and Kelly,somebody else said they acted like they were on a Disney World ride,and I agree.I kept looking at the tape timer to see how long it would be until it was over.If it comes on again,just tape it and watch something else.
Batman Begins (2005)
Great ride
I went to see this with my brother in law Monday night,and as my title line said it was truly a great ride.This movie showed Batman the way he was meant to be,a brooding soul traumatized by the murder of his parents,and driven by a sense a of justice.This movie did what none of the others did,explored the reasons he became Batman and how it transformed him.The Bat Cave has always fascinated me,so I found the scenes of how it was discovered and transformed really interesting,as well how he came to possess the Batmobile,suit,and the gadgets.Also,his surprise return to Gotham was cool.Hats off to the whole cast with the exception of Katie Holmes.Very cute,but her acting ability did not impress me.Christian Bale was awesome as Batman,he nailed it perfectly.As for Alfred,Michael Kane was unbeatable.Enjoy.
The Punisher (2004)
Tribute to 80s Action flicks
I was in the mood for a violent shoot 'em up movie last night,so I rented this from the library.I had never heard of The Punisher,not really being a comic book fan,all I had heard about was that it was a violent shoot 'em up,so I thought what the hell?I was actually pleasantly surprised by this movie,it was the first action movie that I have seen in a long time in which the plot actually made sense.Personally,I can over look the problem of how the mobsters found Frank,they found him,period.I also thought that it was clever how he took apart Travolta's family and empire,that is the sort of thing you usually don't see in a violent shoot 'em up.Also,the violence itself was not gratuitous,but actually served a purpose,namely pay back and the scenes were strategically placed with enough story line behind it so one could understand why what was being done was being done.Finally,let me say a word about the neighbors.I think the neighbors are introduced to help reflect Frank's sense of alienation.Think about it,these people are all misfits in some way,and they have come to depend one another to deal with,at the the risk of sounding overly dramatic,a cruel world from which they feel alienated.Further,I think that Rebecca,even though her acting skills are some what limited, had a decent role in this film,it was not the typical gratuitous role in that her character had a little substance.If you want to see an action film that actually keeps you interested,rent this.
Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989)
Unintentional tribute
I originally saw this movie last Halloween on Spike TV and enjoyed it's over all cheesiness enough to go rent it.I think this movie is an unintentional tribute to the B horror flicks of the 1940s and 50s in that there is cheesy dialog and unintentionally funny scenes.I don't know whether this is what was intended,but that was what the finished product turned out to be.Another that really surprised me was that this movie was surprisingly bloodless for a Friday The 13th flick,which was disappointing,although I did think the killing of Eva and Tamara was rather cool.I think this movie had potential,especially being on a ship,but with a bad script and bad acting it was never realized.
Now for a little twisted humor on my part.I read the original script for this movie on the Friday The 13th website and there was a touching scene between Eva Watanabe(Kelly Hu)and her mother on the dock which was not included in the movie.Imagine if you will the rather difficult time the school and the authorities had explain to the parents,and Eva's Mom in particular, what happened to the entire Lakeview Senior Class."Mrs Watanabe,we're sorry to inform that your daughter,Eva was killed on the cruise.She was strangled/drowned(remember she was still choking when she hit the floor) in the disco by Jason Voorhees.She should have never stopped running.We have had problems with him in the past,he's a half human,half demonic killer,and every time we think we have killed him he comes back like a bad case of indigestion.Yes we know we're incompetent cops,they're the only kind you find in cheesy horror flicks."
X2 (2003)
Standard Comic Turned Movie Fare
I rented this from the library a couple of week ends ago,and after some deliberation,I decided to share my thoughts.
I am not an X man fan.Call me dry and boring,but I like my super heroes unconflicted because it's part what make them super.Also,I think that Hollywood,which is the most closed,superficial place on earth making movies that preach tolerance a bit nauseating.But overall,this was an OK movie,it was a classic story of revenge by a parent who thought their child had been hurt,not helped.Someone said already that all the actors had been models who had made the cross over to acting and sullied the screen.I agree.I thought that Hugh Jackman,Ian McKellen,Patrick Stewart, and Brian Cox did good work,but other than that,the performances were less than memorable.BTW,if you really want to see Brian demonstrate what a good actor he truly is,check out Nuremberg next time it's on TNT.He does a brilliant job as Hermann Goering.The actor who played Cyclops was really hammy and annoying.The plot and the bit about Cerebro were a bit far out,but again,it was standard comic book fare on the big screen,and the special were rather good.The only major problem I had was the fight between Deathstrike and Wolverine because it was gratuitous,unnecessary,and dumb.Kelly Hu,who is very attractive but who has no acting talent looked rather silly fighting the way she did,although I must admit I would not mind her climbing me in that leather outfit.Anyway it was OK,but I think I will wait until X3 comes out on video too.
Cradle 2 the Grave (2003)
Should be Cradle 2 The Trash
I followed the advice of some of the reviews that I read and waited until this flick came out on premium cable,and boy,am I glad I did.I used to like action adventure movies,and after the movie I was so disappointed with it I just could not figure out whether the movie was that bad,or whether my tastes had changed that drastically,I decided after viewing it twice that the movie was just that bad.This movie reminds me of the Saturday no name actor Action Adventure Theater flicks I watched on TV as a kid,except they were better done.The plot was really unbelievable,which would not have been fatal in and of itself,but the movie tried to save itself by too much over the top,doing it to just kill time action,and poor dialog and acting.Somebody said the movie would have done better to hire talented actors instead of hacks,and I could not agree more.Also,every character was so one dimensional you could tell who was on what side by just how they dressed.I have never heard of any of these people,with the exception of Kelly Hu and Tom Arnold,and I can see why,aside from Anthony Anderson who was quite funny,none of them can act.They should all profusely thank Tom and Anthony for the comedic element,it made the film bearable.As for Jet Li,I'm so sorry,but someone please tell me what the hype is about,he's a little twerp wannabe who can't act.He has no screen presence and delivered his lines with about as much emotion as giving a weather report.Bruce Lee still rules.As for Kelly Hu and Gabrielle Union,you can tell that the producers were going for the adolescent male audience and were using these women as eye candy because their roles were gratuitous and neither one can act.Also,I read that Kelly looked slinky,but I thought the out fit she wore at the ware house made her look more chubby than slinky.I heard she used to sell Philly Cream Cheese,so if she's noshing on it between takes,I have some advise for her,JUST SAY NO!Ok,spoiler alert,the ending of this film was the worst,most contrived ending I have ever seen in a movie.Firstly the "goggles"worn when the calibrating machine was turned on were just sunglasses with green lenses,which was cheesy and funny.Secondly,the arms dealers were all stereotyped and one dimensional and meeting out in the in the open like that was total bs,but the real issue for me was the Kelly/Gabrielle,Mark/Jet fights.Firstly,I found it funny how Kelly could not kill Jet with a MAC 10 at close range.Secondly I thought the chopper crash was so contrived that it was beyond belief,a perfect ring of fire spread by leaking gasoline,not to mention Mark walking away from a crashed helicopter unscathed.Further,why did Jet and Mark always wait for one another to recover from a blow,aren't they trying to kill one another?As for Kelly and Gabrielle,as somebody said,the fight was wack.Martial Arts against dumb moves,martial arts will win every time.Also,they way Kelly was killed was stupid,she practically turned the MAC 10 on herself.You're fighting for your life,act like it.Ironically,Kelly biting the dust was her best scene in the movie.Anyway,I recommend not buying or renting this movie,just wait 'til it comes on cable if you want to see it,but I warn you,you will find yourself asking for the spent hour and 45 minutes of your life back.
PS One scene that I did find slightly disturbing was when Kelly slapped the little girl,I know that it's just one scene and that Kelly's role was a villainness,but it was unnecessary.