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garyb04
Reviews
Future War (1997)
Got to be kidding me????
I first saw this piece of crap on MST3K when it was on Sci-fi channel and I couldn't believe what I saw because it's so bad.How bad?? Well,the acting for one.Second,the so-called effects because the dinosaurs are smaller than they actually are.Third,the script...I have a question:why do the nun and Runaway get on the train after the dinosaur attacks them and the others at their house??? Did anyone notice that there's a cardboard box factory during the fight between the cyborg and Runaway??Nothing but empty boxes..I wouldn't advise anyone to watch this by itself.Please only watch it with Mike and bots and that's it,then it won't be so painful.Not unless you're into that kind of thing..Fun to watch?? Maybe.Painful? Could be.Really bad??? Definitely!!!!
The Skydivers (1963)
One of the better Coleman Francis's movies,but....
I'm giving this 3 stars not because it's a good movie,but because it's better than his others and that's saying a lot!!There are mistakes in this one,but doesn't seem as much when compared to "Red Zone Cuba" or especially "The Beast of Yucca Flats".Both dreadful through and through.I suggest you watch the MST3K version to start off with and then see it by itself after-wards.You'll thank me.The acting and the writing is the same as it is in other movies by Coleman Francis:awful..Coffee seems to play a important part in each of his movies..Why does Beth let Harry's friend kiss her?? I didn't know there was some sort of sexual chemistry between them.What's that Scotsman doing at the dance? Where did he come from?? It doesn't matter.It seems Coleman let everyone he knew and his cast knew in the movie,as long as he didn't have to pay them..Don't expect much when viewing this,OK??
The Eye Creatures (1967)
See it to believe it..
I've only seen the MST3K version,but never by itself.This is a remake of INVASION OF THE SAUCER MEN,which is a lot better and even stars a young Frank Gorshin.If you notice that towards the end that some of the eye creatures don't have all of their costume on.Just the headpiece and that's it.Guess they didn't have the budget to make more,but for goodness sake,you can see it plain as day or night,if you're referring to this movie.I don't think the director has ever made a good movie and I've seen a couple more he did,but that's it.John Ashley looks embarrassed being in this movie and I don't blame him.He probably did it for the money,if it was that much anyway.See it for the mistakes or just watch the MST3K version instead.Either way,you're in for a treat! Bad movie? You bet!
The Creeping Terror (1964)
Watch the MST3K version first...
I'm giving this two stars just for the movie itself because it is so bad.The MST3K version is better because of the funny comments.I have a question:did the director think it would be more scary if he had the people in the movie not run away from the monster?? Most of them just sit there or stand there for this slow moving carpet to swallow them or they crawl inside instead.Notice the dance hall scene where they have more than enough time to get away and then,there's a fight on the other side.I know it's just a movie,but would anyone in their right mind continue to fight with someone if there's this alien on the other side eating your friends?? I don't think so.Or the woman hanging laundry just stands there watching this thing come towards her..I wonder if anyone else watching this was ever yelling at the screen,"RUN AWAY YOU STUPID,STUPID WOMAN!!!"?? I did enjoy it,but only with the MST3K gang though I did watch a bit of the movie by itself,but it wasn't the same.What makes it worse,aside from the monster and the acting(if you call it that),is that the dialogue was lost,so there's A LOT of narration!!! Worse than "Plan 9"? You bet.Enjoyable?? If you're in the right frame of mind it is.
The Beast of Yucca Flats (1961)
Painful.
I've only seen this piece of dreck by way of MST3K and believe me,I wouldn't want to see it by itself..OK,here goes:At the beginning,who is the guy that killed the girl that just got out of the shower? If it was Tor,why would he kill her,if he wasn't the beast yet?? Why doesn't she scream?? What happened to the girl that the 2 cops found by the cave? They were carrying her,then,she was gone as they were coming down the hill.Did she disappear into thin air?? I've noticed that most of the dialogue that the actors spoke were off-camera.Why is that??? Bad editing,too much narration and even worse directing makes this a poor excuse for a movie.I usually enjoy bad movies,but this is too painful to watch,even with Mike and bots riffing on it.I say,skip it,if you're going to watch it by itself.If you watch the MST3K version,then don't say I didn't warn you!!
Galactic Gigolo (1987)
Very bad indeed...
I wasn't expecting much when I got this from Netlfix,especially after reading a review of it on bad movies.org.I don't know if the filmmakers were trying for a Troma-type movie or what,but they succeeded in making a silly/stupid one.I got tired of the "Cut the frabber-jabber" and the hillbillies over-overacting every chance they could after the first 20 minutes.I know they were going for laughs and they did succeed in a few scenes,but after a while,it was annoying.Very annoying.And the guy playing Waldo was annoying.Even Eddie Deezen was never that annoying! The girls looked good,of course,but,is that all?? For some,maybe.I guess it's good to check it out once,if you want to spend 80 minutes of your life,but,also,I guess that's not a bad thing either.There are worse things to spend it on,right?? Right??? So,sit back,have a few beers and enjoy! Make fun of it,if you like.God knows there's plenty of stuff to make fun of.There are no big stars in it.No special effects.Bad jokes.Low budget.The alien comes from a planet of vegetables???? Huh??? Check it out..Maybe you won't hate yourself in the morning...
Werewolf (1995)
Watch MST3K version only..please!!!!
This is one messed up movie and I have a few questions:1)How come Paul doesn't say what he's writing about when asked twice?? 2)How come Natalie and Yuri don't notice Paul turning into a werewolf while playing pool?? 3)How come Sam the Keeper doesn't CALL the police instead of praying for them? 4)How come no one doesn't notice or say anything about Yuri's hair changing each time?? 5)Why does the girl leave the jeep when she sees Paul coming towards her?? 6) Why does Paul crawl on the ground as he's going after the girl in the jeep instead of running??? 7)Why are those cars behind Paul as he's going after the girl in the jeep? What are they doing there?? 8)Why is the security guard still driving while he's a werewolf? Do werewolves suddenly know how to drive while they're transforming??? Where did the barrels come from that he crashed into?? And,why did he keep going passed the same gas station over and over??? I know it's just a movie,but they weren't making a comedy,were they? Judging from the writing,the directing,the acting;etc,you would think that's what they were going for,but,I don't think so..Lack of money? Perhaps.Lack of talent?? Could be..The Mystery Science Theater 3000 version I'm giving a 10,but the movie by itself,I'm giving a 2 and that's being generous...
Hell Riders (1984)
Painful..
What else can you say about this movie,except that it's plain awful.Tina Louise and Adam West are the reasons why to see this,but,that's it,but their talents are wasted in this junk.I think that they used a double in some of Adam's scenes,like when he's running because you can't see his face.If Adam was embarrassed in being in Zombie Nightmare,just think what he must've felt about appearing in this??? If it was before or after,I'm not sure,but,still,Zombie Nightmare is a classic(check out the Mystery Science Theater 3000 version first and last)compared to this.The gang is very annoying and over-acting by some of the actors.A rip-off of The Wild One starring Marlon Brando,of course.Tina looks stunning though.I hope her and Adam got a good paycheck!! Pass!
Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966)
See the MST3K version only!!
I'm sure,like a lot of you,the first place you seen this horrible movie was through MST3K,right?? I can't imagine watching the original version all the way through and not feeling kind of dirty after-wards.To me,this is a lot worse than Plan 9.Why?? Well,Manos seemed to drag and drag until(I guess)they got to the Master's wives near the end,but that might be stretching it a bit.I don't know.I mean,the movie is only 74 minutes long,so how bad can that be,right?? Wrong!! I read that Hal Warren had rented the video equipment,so he had to hurry to get everything shot,which is why it looks the way it does.Even watching the MST3K version is kind of rough as well because you're going through what Joel and the bots are going through.I've seen plenty of bad movies in my day(a child of the 70's),but none had prepared me for this.I can understand people enjoying bad movies and some they watch over and over,but I seriously doubt this would be one of them...I have a question and I know it might not make no sense whatsoever in this movie,but what was the point of the cops?? What's the point of having them,if they're not doing their job?? Why not have them go up to Valley Lodge,encounter Torgo and the Master and they get killed?? Wouldn't that be better? Or am I asking for too much?? Probably so...
Plan 9 from Outer Space (1957)
Bad movie?? You're soaking in it!!
Yes,this movie is considered the worst movie of all time,but believe it or not,it is a lot better and far more entertaining than say,Red Zone Cuba or Beast of Yucca Flats made by Coleman Francis.Coleman Francis is a lot worse a director/filmmaker than Ed Wood ever was!! Anyway,the fun part of this movie for me is trying to count all of the mistakes.I don't know what it is about this movie that is so fun(a guilty pleasure,if there ever was one)to watch.Is it the double standing in for Bela Lugosi?? Is it the fake cemetery?? The dialog?? It's all of it actually.If you're looking for something fun to watch,then pop this in,you won't be sorry!
Attack of the Puppet People (1958)
Not bad for its kind,but that ending......
I rented this movie through Netlflix the other day and I must say,I was disappointed in the ending.Should I expect so much from a low budget movie from the 50's made my Bert I. Gordon?? I think so.I enjoyed the movie for the most part,but I did wonder why after the first 4 people was out of their tube in the beginning that they were happy about their situation,then turn around later and want to escape.What made them change their minds??? I did like The Amazing Colossal Man and Village of the Giants(from seeing them on TV way back then to Mystery Science Theater 3000).They were guilty pleasures and still are.What made me upset or disappointed(depending on how you look at it)was that John Agar and June Kenny didn't shrink the old man,put him in one of those tubes and take him to the police.Too predictable,perhaps?? They just left him there while they went to go get the police.Plus,what happened to the other 4 people?? Making too much out of it?? Maybe,but there's no payoff,right??? Didn't they think the old man would run off or maybe shrink some more people while they were gone?? Anyway,I liked the movie,but thought the ending was weak...Thank you! I'm outta here!!
Hobgoblins (1988)
Where to begin???
The first time I ever saw this piece of dung heap was through Mst3k and I couldn't believe anything could be this bad!!! Worse than Manos?? Yes,it's true!! I don't know if I should talk about the so-called acting or the many mistakes this movie has because there's so many to pick.I read that the director did it on purpose in hopes that MST3K would do this,but who knows!! The whiny hero to his non-supportive girlfriend to the nerdy pervert to the over-sexed floozy that is called Daphne;each actor is annoying in their own way.Even the creatures weren't even scary or even cute,like the ones in Gremlins,but it doesn't matter..If you're curious about seeing this,please,please see the Mst3k version and that's it,OK?? You have been warned!!!!!
Mystery Science Theater 3000 (1988)
MST3K deserves more respect...
MST3K was there way before South Park and Jon Stewart and Comedy Central doesn't even bother to show episodes.It's the little show that could and seems to be forgotten about because of shows like the ones I mentioned.Show MST3K some respect that put Comedy Central on the map,so to speak... At first,when I saw MST3K,I didn't know what to think.."Why are they talking over the movie?"Then,I finally got it and became hooked from there on out!What's great about the riffing,is that not only is it very funny,but you could be watching and thinking to yourself that this actor looks familiar or look at that boom-mike back there or whatever and then,next thing you know,one of them will say it! Making fun of bad movies is something that every one has done,way back to the 50's or 60's(maybe further than that),but MST3K has turned it into an art form. I agree that there were some movies that weren't that bad,but at least they made some really good riffing on them. As far as "This Island Earth",I think the studio picked that one for them to do.There were some really great lines in it,but the movie was a lot better than the ones they were used to on Comedy Central. I'd love to see the show back on the air because I miss spending time with Crow and the rest.Plus,there's a slew of bad movies to mock! Without their riffing,bad movies are more painful than usual..Bring them back!!