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tunnercarjake
Reviews
The Dogfather (2010)
I could shoot a better movie with two action figures and a calculator.
I have seen some pretty bad movies. Mostly family films come to think of it... But this takes the cake. This movie is a disgrace. It is the worst movie I have ever seen, EVER! It stinks of cliché, every corner is of the square plot is a corner so obvious, so cliché, that it is a shock that they even pick it.
I rue the day I set eyes on this filth. It follows a kid who is boring as white rice as he gets a dog. The father has no time for his kid cause he has a job to do, and I don't blame him. His kid is insane. Of course like any freak the kid falls in love with the dog and risks his life and the life of his family to save him after the father gives him away because he destroyed his house and his project for work, causing the mom and kid to hate the dad, but its like what the heck? The dog destroyed the house and hours of work, plus the Mafia is after him so it seems more than reasonable to get rid of the dog, but he doesn't know that the people he gave it to was the Mafia because the boss wants his dog who has jewels and of course the whole movie two dimwitted thugs try to steal the dog and... AHHHHH!!!!!!!
This is by far, long and away the lowest of the low, the bottom of the barrel of crap. This is a metaphor for what is wrong with Hollywood. Atrocious acting, vile use of music, lighting, cinematography, casting, and editing. I would rather watch Battlefield Earth ten times then ever see this again.
Dolphin Tale (2011)
Go get a Pixar film instead.
BOTTOM LINE: With Pixar cranking out regular magic with charm and beautifully crafted stories, this kind of crappy family movie should be put to death immediately.
This movie was poor. It was low, and stank of hidden messages and tired cliché. If you look at the cover, you will know exactly what you are getting. Its that old annoying preachy movie, and it spews out world issues so fast and frequent that the plot devolves to laughable. The acting is inconstant, and sometimes so lifeless and poor that the entire scene will be sabotaged, though I don't think that even a De Niro in his prime could have saved the terrible writing.
The effects for the dolphins are usually terrible when not the real dolphin, as they look like a video game from about eight years ago. The plot is paper thin, full of holes and problems.
Expect to see the loner kid, who tinkers with toys in his basement, dreaming of fitting in, and who's parents have split. His cousin (I think) is sent to Iraq, he saves a dolphin, and yells at "evil" fishermen. Half the time you expect him to run away and join a mischievous band of thieves in London, or some other tired cliché.
This is the kind of movie that makes me sick. Made to wring out even more money on the "Free Willy" concept, built for shoving more messages in your face.