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Der Samurai (2014)
3/10
Art house Claptrap
29 June 2015
Warning: Spoilers
The description of this film (a police officer encounters a woman with a sword running around killing people) sounded dumb, but despite my better judgment, I wasted an hour and a half on this schlock. This film is by parts horror, suspense, and drama, and sadly fails at each one. The protagonist is Jakob, a somewhat mild mannered cop who is trying to deal with the rash of wolf attacks/sightings in his small town. He puts out meat for the wolf in an attempt to keep the wolves at bay (which as one man points out is stupid since what will happen when Jakob ceases to put the meat out). Little does Jakob know, but his putting out the meat has somehow summoned a man who dresses as a woman and has a long samurai sword with which he slices and dices up half the town it seems. Compounding the stupidity of the plot is the fact that Jakob gets a package in the mail which he nerves opens until he gets a phone call from a mysterious stranger who tells him the package is his. Jakob delivers the package in the middle of night to, you guessed it, the man/woman and the package contains the samurai sword. Half hour is spent with Jakob as he chases the sword wielding he/she (all without any other cops responding). The taunting dialog seems to suggest that at some point there will be some interesting revelation: maybe the samurai is Jakob's alter ego or something? But in the end, the denouement spirals into some homo erotic type of ambiguous ending that makes no sense. Anyhow, save yourself the time and agony and pass on this one.
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Anna (VII) (2013)
5/10
meh
20 May 2014
Based on the reviews of this movie that I read on this site, I went into this film with high hopes. 90 minutes later,I was truly perplexed as to what all the buzz was about. Maybe films today are so bad that even "average" rates as "very good"? Well, I don't know, and while the film was not a total waste of time, it had little to offer,and was not as half as interesting as the reviews had lead me to believe it would be. The good: The beginning of the movie is very well set up: the movie takes place in the not too distant future where there are people who have the ability to recover and view the memories of others. The protagonist of the movie is a broken down memory reader in need of money and so he goes back to his old employer in search of a job.He is given a "simple" assignment: get a very precocious teenager to eat. But said teenager is *very* smart and not what she appears to be... Both the male lead (the returning memory recovery expert) and female lead ("Anna",the teenager) are played very well. The bad: Very convoluted plot, which devised to make the movie intriguing,in the end was a little over the top and maybe too clever for its own good. The ugly: The ending. Much ado about nothing. I was surprised that after all the complex twists and turns in the move it all came down to (what was in my opinion) an ending that is simple but unfortunately didn't really make much sense.
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1/10
Dumbest movie ever ... absolute torture to watch
11 January 2014
If I could give this movie negative stars, I would! Please avoid this movie at all costs. I got roped into seeing this by 2 of my relatives over the holidays and when we left the movie all 3 of us hated it and confessed it was all we could do to sit through it. This movie was possibly one of the stupidest I have ever seen. The gags were not funny, the situation comedy not even the slightest bit in the realm of possibilities for people with IQs above 50, and in the whole movie there were maybe 2 lines that were slightly amusing. The rest of the movie was sheer torture. Will Farrell is simply not funny, nor is Steve Carrell. Whoever made this film obviously thinks that something being in bad taste and stupid is automatically funny, and sometimes it is, but in this case it was just painful to watch and actually insulting to the audience. Will Farrell just might as well be picking his butt and making monkey noises, this is the level this film is at. I shudder to think that the average American moviegoer is so stupid that they would find such material even the slightest bit humorous.
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7/10
Great Little Film
1 November 2013
I went into this film with zero expectations and was *very* pleasantly surprised. Film is about a teenager, Emily, who becomes blind after being in a car accident that killed her mother. The actress playing Emily, Noell Coet, turns in a very strong performance. I can see her becoming a major star. The movie suggests Emily's blindness is psychosomatic. Anyhow, Emily and her father move into a house, where we see the previous occupants get slaughtered on "Mischief Night". Well, Mischief Night is back, and the miscreant who killed there before is back. Except this time, Emily's dad has left on a date and Emily is alone. The psycho killer enters the house and eventually a taut game of cat and mouse ensues between the killer and this blind girl. The killer is scary and there are some scenes that are very creepy. There are a few things in the film that are not explained (which I won't reveal), but in the end, they don't detract from the film. If you want a good suspenseful movie, check this one out!!
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Final Exam (1981)
2/10
Boring ... Even for a B horror film
17 October 2013
The film is basically boring. Half of the film is non-action filler that does nothing for the film. The kill scenes are not gory, nor are they original or interesting.

Killer has no persona or screen presence: just a guy in an army jacket with a knife. Guess he is supposed to be like a Mike Myers, but w/o the mask or the scariness. Also there is no story or motivation behind the killings: he is just your generic killer.

The only good thing about the film is that the annoying students you have to put up with for half of the stupid film finally get offed.

Ending is not interesting and is abrupt. It is like a film student project almost. Don't waste your time.
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Heist (2001)
9/10
I don't even tie my shoes w/o a backup plan
5 September 2013
Warning: Spoilers
David Mamet writes slick,psychologically dense drama. GlenGary GlenRoss, Redbelt, House of Games, etc. Heist is in the same vein as his other movies: complicated plots with even more complicated characters in them, in which nobody's motives are what they seem and nothing is as it appears.

Slight spoiler

The movie is about a robbery gone somewhat south. Gene Hackman, who is in charge of the crew, has to do another assignment for a crooked low-life played beautifully by Danny Devito (they should have a separate Oscars category for him called "Sarcasm"). Crosses, double crosses, and triple crosses ensue, laced with the cool witty dialogue and psychological insights for which Mamet is so well known. The casting is perfect: everyone is spot on although I thought the character that played Jimmy Silk was a bit thin. The ending will stay with you, and as Gene Hackman drives away you'll realize that he really "isn't a man who ties his shoes w/o a backup plan." It is the type of movie you almost need to see twice and even then you'll wonder who knew what and who did what intentionally.
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The Collector (1965)
8/10
Sick, Twisted, Touching, and Creepy
21 August 2013
I found "The Collector" simply fascinating. On the one hand, it is about a man who is a social outcast and abducts a girl with whom he is obsessed, in an effort to make her love him. He just wants to be seen and heard and cared about for who he is, despite his shortcomings. On the other hand, it is about a twisted, sick, manipulative, self-centered person who uses force and coercion to try and get what he wants. The dynamics of these two opposing aspects of the protagonist's character make you alternately empathize with his lonely plight and then recoil in horror at his cold stony interior. Terence Stamp, who I have known from his later roles as a villain, does an admirable job as the sociopathic young man, going from vulnerable and frail to keen and clever to hurtfully honest. Definitely a must see movie that will make you think and provide for some interesting after movie analysis.
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The Vanishing (1988)
3/10
Stupid ending undoes an OK film
20 August 2013
Warning: Spoilers
I heard many positive reviews, and was very anxious to see this movie. The beginning, which focuses on the protagonist, Rex and his girlfriend, Saskia, is somewhat annoying (as his girlfriend is a bit of a flake and acts pretty dizty). As you probably know "the vanishing" refers to the abduction of Rex's girlfriend, and this part is pretty good. The actor playing Rex is pretty good and turns in a believable performance as a distraught lover.

warning ... spoiler

Then the film focuses on the abductor, a man named Raymond. For reasons that are somewhat unclear, he has decided (after saving a woman) that then he has to start killing them. In any case, he is a methodical person and begins to plan out the abduction part carefully, rehearing each step and trying out various means to get women into is car (so he can put them asleep with ether). This part is somewhat interesting, but the guy is apparently so creepy, very few women will get into this car, and so he has a lot of dry runs.

major spoiler alert

And now we come to the end. Rex, after *3 years* is still obsessed with knowing what happened to his girlfriend. Now this part is just plain stupid. He obviously knows she was killed: apparently he wants to find out how. This is not the thinking of a healthy normal mind. To this end, he puts out posters everywhere, goes on TV, etc, asking for the person to come forward, and Raymond, who has been toying with him to meet for awhile anyways, eventually does confront Rex and promises Rex he can enlighten him as to his girlfriend's fate. A long car ride ensues, and at the end, Raymond gives Rex a drink, and it comes out that there is a sedative in the drink. Raymond tells Rex the only way he will "show" him what happened to Saskia is if Rex goes through the same thing she went through. In other words, it is *very* plain that he is going to murder Rex too. And what does Rex do? He drinks it and wakes up in a pine box buried six feet under. I am sorry, but the stupidity of the ending simply vitiates the majority of good work that went into the majority of the film. All in all, it is not a bad film and the ending is quite terrifying (the feeling Rex has in the casket is very realistic), but still a big disappointment. I think they could have done better
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Breaking Dawn (2004)
5/10
Fair movie... not really horror, just a trick ending really
6 August 2013
Warning: Spoilers
The film was at best a mish-mash of ideas. First, it tried to add an element of horror, by showing a man in a black robe called Malacai, which never materialized. The ending really didn't make sense, and the acting was uneven. While the head doctor and the mental patient were good, Kelly Overton, the lead actress was pretty weak. She did not talk or act in the least like a medical doctor, and so this automatically gives away the plot of the movie: she's not the doctor, she's the mental patient! (Like we haven't seen *that* before.) The reason for institutionalization and the way she is "cured" are stupid and not believable (even for a movie). I mean if you're tired on a Friday and want a mildly entertaining film, this might fit the bill. Just be prepared to be slightly disappointed.
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7/10
Deliciously Campy
30 July 2013
I expected a low-rate B movie with maybe a few good scenes. I was very surprised with how well the film was put together. The story is simple: the Russian army is battling Germany during WW 2. They respond to a distress call put out by another Russian troop. When they get to the location they only find a hand full of Germans. I won't give away much of the plot except to say they that their expeditions lead them into a Nazi factory for making monsters run by none other than the monster-making maestro himself, Dr. Frankenstein. The monsters are good: kinda like more mechanized versions of those in Hellraiser, and the factory is like a weird mixture of Ed Gein meets Willy Wonka. The acting and dialog were also above average. I would overall characterize the movie as fun, not just the same rehashed Nazi experiment movie, and definitely worth a try
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Bugaboo (1999)
8/10
Funny quirky film
5 September 2012
Let me start by saying that I am not a big fan of movies from India, but I thoroughly enjoyed this comedy! The film is centered on a young computer programmer from India who is not satisfied with his life in Silicon Valley. He knows there is something more than the superficial life he sees his friends pursuing, but has a hard time going counter to the norms and expectations of his society. THEN he comes across a "Doctor of Randomology" who, introduces random deviations into the young man's life. The Doctor of Randomology spins a dial and whatever it lands on, the young man has to do. The young man, still looking to an authority for answers, asks the Doctor each time what will happen after he does each task, to which the Doctor shrugs his shoulders and says, "Who know"? These deviations start the young man on a path to liberating himself. All in all, an insightful film, which is very funny and quirky.
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