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Grotesque (2009)
5/10
J-Splatter that's worth a watch... for horror fans only. *spoilers*
19 September 2009
Warning: Spoilers
Could Kôji Shiraishi be a new Takashi Miike? He's already made 4 film this year, and appears to attract controversy for the type of extreme 'splatter' movies he makes. Most notorious at the moment is this little slice of horror entitled 'Grotesque'. The BBFC have already banned it, but that doesn't really mean anything anymore does it? Does it? Or does it??

What Kôji Shiraishi appears to be doing here is attempting to outdo Eli Roth's dreadful 'Hostel' movies. A sort of 'who can make the grisliest horror movie' trip. Well, he certainly succeeds in terms of outright horror, and includes scenes that American film-makers won't go near... specifically a scene which includes sexual assault.

Note that, as I write, this movie is not available outside of Japan, and the DVD has no subtitles, so It's possible I've missed some intricate subtleties of the plot. Oh no, wait! There isn't one HAH HAHAHAHA!

Ahem. So, what's the rumpus? A serial killer kidnaps a young couple and ties them up and tortures them. That's the story, well, more of a basis for torture to be honest. The film includes scenes of Nihon nipple-sucking (and nipple cutting), chainsaw choppiness (or rather choppenis), testicle-nailing, vicious stabbings and gut-spilling goading. The effects are okay ,sometimes laughable, and the ending is hilarious. Tongue firmly in cheek, Mr Shiraishi?

It's a pity I didn't understand the dialogue, the girl (AV actress Nagasawa Tsugumi) has a final speech which is obviously crucial, and could go some way to justifying the violence. Or could it?

Anyway, it's bad, but not that bad.The horror isn't very cringe-worthy, (where as some of the effects are), and it certainly doesn't justify being banned. For what it's worth (duration is 1hour 13mins), I believe someone should give it a decent DVD release in the future (in Holland, definitely).

If you're a fan of horror, you should see it. It you work for the BBFC, you should sleep with it. Well worth a watch.
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8/10
A Lost 1970's classic. What a belter.
6 August 2005
The Daddy of 'em all. The original & still the best. Arkin & Caan are on top form as (you saw it here first) mis-matched, loose-cannon cops, who leave a trail of destruction (oh, beautiful destruction!) in their wake. With it being the 70's, the language is somewhat 'colourful', which just adds to Caan's character. Foul-mouthed 70's cops, don't you just love 'em? The stunts are top-notch and spectacular, not to mention highly original and almost comic book (The car pile-up scene & 'that' scene where they crash the car)

Rush's direction is excellent as well. He only made this because he couldn't get 'The Stunt Man' off the ground! (which is another corker) Altogether an very, VERY enjoyable romp (COP-romp, that is) The film was virtually remade as Lethal weapon 4 (not to mention 1, 2 & 3!)

My favourite scene is the ludicrous fight in the restaurant kitchen, where Rush must've just said 'try to destroy everything you can in this scene, boys'. Which they did. Brilliant.
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Blueblood (1974)
THE GREATEST FILM EVER MADE!
1 May 2004
Ollie reed & co take the mickey in the luxurious home of the Marquis of Bath (who, himself briefly appears in the party scene). Derek Jacobi makes the best of a poor script, probably written on the back of a beer-mat. The film is soooooooo unintentionaly hilarious, it beggars belief! The film is full of musical tangents, poorly dubbed kids, satanic-undertones and a truly winning performance by the late, great Oliver of Reedshire. If it appears on T.V (it'll never appear on DVD, that's for sure) tape it, watch it, then watch it again. Best line (By Derek Jacobi): "ohhhhh, youuuuuuuuu stuuuuuuuupid biiiiitch".
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