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I, Frankenstein (2014)
Slightly Better Than Bloodrayne Movie
Ugh. Now I know why this movie was so low rated. I generally love movies like this, like Underworld, like Van Helsing, like League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, like Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters. They're not great movies, but they entertain and their plot/dialogue/acting are of decent enough quality to get you engrossed into them.
I, Frankenstein is NOT one of those movies.
To begin with, the plot is totally out of left field. When I think of Frankenstein's Monster, I think of something along the lines of Penny Dreadful. THAT is a proper plot for Frankenstein. In contrast, this movie's plot makes as much sense as a Dracula movie where the vampire fights aliens from outer space and Bigfoot. W...T...F?!?! Who thought Frankenstein should be fighting this movie's foes?!?!?
This movie is just slightly better than Bloodrayne and Dungeons & Dragons. The special effects and acting and dialogue are just one step above that of the latter movies. I've seen episodes of Hercules & Xena that were better all around than this movie. So disappointed.
Gantz: O (2016)
Outstanding Graphics, Everything Else Sucks Really Bad
Without the stunning graphics, I would rate this 2/10.
Characters are infuriatingly stupid, so much so that I began rooting for the monsters to kill them all.
1. Characters armed with energy guns capable of ranged fire routinely advance to within arm's reach of monsters, or they just wait out in the open for monsters to come within arm's reach, before firing their weapons.
2. Characters routinely engage in lengthy discussions rather than firing their weapons, when the monsters are right in front of them or even hitting them.
3. Characters routinely show boat around monsters they THINK are dead, only to be killed/injured when the monster recovers and attacks.
Remember the biologist from Prometheus, the one that tried to pet the alien cobra monster? Remember the geologist that somehow got lost in the Engineer lab complex even though his drones made a 3-D map of it? Remember the daughter who keeps running straight while the crashed Engineer ship is falling over her? Yeah, these Gantz characters are THAT stupid! I could barely stand to finish watching this.
Windtalkers (2002)
Just Like Call Of Duty!!!
An incredibly realistic portrayal of what would happen if real soldiers fought like Call of Duty gamers! Don't bother to take cover or to form a firing line, just run & jump all over the battlefield like mad, shooting everything you see on the fly!! This movie even has humiliation kills, with a soldier knifing multiple armed enemies dead. And if you get killed, don't worry...er...oops, my bad. Unfortunately, in real combat there are no respawns, although the soldiers in this movie don't seem to realize that.
What a movie!! In fact, Activision could learn some things from this movie on how to make their C.O.D. games more exciting!!
Still, I give it 5 stars cause the action scenes in this movie are truly spectacular!
Heartbreakers (2001)
Contrived, Barely Funny
I was hoping this movie would be as hilarious and fulfilling as Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. Unfortunately, it falls flat in every way. The schemes, plot points, and romance seem contrived and/or forced. They just don't make logical sense. And I didn't find most of the humor funny, either. Also, the characters aren't that interesting or believable. I don't understand how so many people could give this movie good reviews and ratings. It's a massive letdown compared to Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. So disappointed.
BloodRayne (2002)
Scream, Nazi, Scream!! Die, Nazi, Die!!
In most games, even though your character is supposed to be a bad*ss, they always make your foes difficult enough that you really can't enjoy being a bad*ss. Not Bloodrayne, at least not for the first Nazi level in Argentina!!
That first Argentina level, Bloodrayne is obviously overpowered compared to the hapless Nazi soldiers. You get to easily slaughter an entire base full of Nazi scum, and there's pretty much nothing they can do to stop you. Even machine gun fire isn't enough to stop Rayne (with her bullet-time ability, she can actually dodge machine gun fire). You're like the big, bad wolf in a house full of defenseless sheep.
And these sheep don't suffer easy deaths, oh no!! You have the ability to chop off limbs and heads. You can even completely flash dismember entire groups of Nazis in a rain of body parts and gore!!
And the Nazis scream and scream and scream!! You can even prolong their screams if you use Rayne's bullet-time ability.
And if you want to prolong their suffering and/or watch them flee in terror of you, just take a little bite or cut off a single limb. Once that happens, the Nazi soldiers lose their composure, drop their weapons, and run away screaming (crawl away, if you've chopped off a leg). And they take a while to die, leaving a bloody trail and screaming up a storm all the while. It's so satisfying chasing down terrified Nazis!!
Once I got to that first Argentina level, I was totally enthralled, and just kept replaying it again and again! For once in a video game, you actually get to enjoy being a total bad*ss, and since your foes are all Nazi scum, you don't feel bad about it.
The rest of the game is great, too. Rayne's voice actor was spot on, playing a sarcastic, but charming smart*ss. Like another reviewer said, she's like a female Hellboy, plus she's totally gorgeous!! I also LOVED the cut-scene before Germany, where you get to see Rayne put the fear into a Nazi general. "Are you scared, yet?" LOL!!
X-Men (2011)
Anime Facade of The X-Men
Absolutely horrible. Worst of all the X-Men animated series I've watched. They merely borrowed the look and the names of the X-Men. Then they made them into lifeless facades of the originals (with the exception of Wolverine). Cardboard characters, cardboard dialogue, cardboard plot, emotions as fake as Anakin professing his love for Padme in Star Wars Episode 2.
Powers aren't even properly portrayed or used. Storm is a weakling who can't throw more than one lightning bolt without getting exhausted. Cyclops actually uses his motorcycle's rockets and lasers to shoot enemies! Y'know, the Cyclops that can shoot concussive beams strong enough to trash a tank, the Cyclops that has so honed his power and skill that he can take out multiple targets with pinpoint accuracy in a flash, the Cyclops who can make impossible trick shots with his beams -- he uses rockets and lasers instead.
With the exception of Wolverine, they may look like the X-Men, but it's like they're totally different people merely using their names and bodies. Ugh.
Conan (1997)
What if the Hercules & Xena TV series had been produced by the Asylum?
What if the Hercules & Xena TV series had been produced by the Asylum? I mean the worst acting, the worst special effects, the worst plots, and the worst characters. You'd get Conan the Adventurer, the TV series! Hercules & Xena may have been B-grade schlock, but at least they were professionally made and very, very entertaining. This series? The exact opposite.
I made the mistake of buying the entire series on DVD, having never watched an episode beforehand. Oh God, was that money down the drain! I forced myself to watch every episode (and believe me, it was torturous) in hopes of finding something, anything, redeeming. Nope, nothing! The more I watched, the more I wanted to smash my head hard enough to develop amnesia, so I could forget this godawful crap. If you're a fan of Conan, don't watch this! Conan the Destroyer is an Oscar-winning masterpiece compared to this! If you're a fan of fantasy roleplaying games, don't watch this! This is the equivalent of playing in a group with an incompetent, simple-minded DM, and a bunch of idiotic, insipid players. No! NO!!
The Dukes of Hazzard (2005)
I'd Love To Slap The Producer and Director For This Insult
I'm not a native southerner, but watching the original Dukes of Hazzard was a memorable and uplifting part of my childhood. The Dukes were the best of people, people who did the right thing despite the cost, people who would go all out for a stranger in need. The boys were certainly wild, but in a good way, with their hearts in the right place. Daisy was a classy, angelic lady. She never intentionally flaunted her sexuality, except for good reason (helping someone else out by providing a distraction).
The Producers and Director of this POS movie turned the Duke boys into imbecilic, classless, wise-cracking, sex-crazed, frat boys. And they turned Daisy into a straight out slut.
Those who liked this movie point out the original series was often corny and unsophisticated by today's standards, like a lot of 80s action shows were (Knight Rider, A- Team, AirWolf, etc.). But it was a wholesome flavor of corny, the kind that left you with a good feeling. Turning it into a bawdy roll in the filthy mud isn't an improvement. It's not even original, because that's what many series and movies are doing these days. People who support this movie over the original series are just sheep, all wanting the same, lowbrow entertainment out of their movies.
If you were a fan of the original series, I'd recommend you skip this movie, as most likely, it'll only make you mad and disgusted.
La belle captive (1983)
Do Not Watch Unless You Already Appreciate Alain Robbe-Grillet
Definitely NOT for general audiences. Watch this ONLY if you're well versed in art & Director Alain Robbe-Grillet's style. For everyone else, think about how interesting a Calvin Klein commercial would be if it was extended to run ninety minutes long. Also, what if only three of the actresses in the commercial were beautiful, while everyone else was nasty looking.
At first, I thought it was some sort of French private eye flick. Then, I thought it was some sort of French soft-core porn flick. Then, I thought it was a French vampire flick. Then, I thought it was some sort of psychological experiment flick. Finally, I think it turned out to be some guy's dream before the Angel of Death (his wife, naturally) comes for him. By the end, I was hoping that the Angel of Death would also come for me, too, because my mind had been hopelessly damaged by watching this high-end artistic gobbledygook.
Tang lang (1978)
Kung Fu & Sets are Okay. Character Actions & Behavior are Incomprehensible.
Okay, I don't expect any classic kung-fu movie to have an intricate, well-crafted plot. But most classic kung-fu movies do have a simple, but understandable and logical plot. You understand why the characters behave the way they do.
Not in this movie. Most of the characters in Shaolin Mantis behave in unnecessarily homicidal & down-right dirt stupid ways. Backstabbing deaths that could have been avoided with just a little discussion between characters who are supposed to care about one another, aren't avoided. Unnecessary deaths & conflicts which could have been avoided with just a little common sense, aren't avoided. It's like most of the characters in this movie took a permanent dumb pill. Too many things in this movie just don't make sense, and that includes the stupidly plotted twist ending.
Some classic kung-fu movies I've watched again & again & again (like Fatal Needles, Fatal Fist). This one I don't want to ever see again.
Still, I give it 3 stars because the set decorations and the fights are decent enough.