Reviews

That was the comment popular film critic Richard Roeper said on The Tonight Show and now, I could not agree more. For the last two years I found Moore to be an obnoxious loud mouth and especially after listening to his acceptance speech at the Academy Awards in 2002.

But have I been completely fair to Michael? The only movie I had ever seen from him was John Candy's last film, 'Canadian Bacon.' While the idea was original, the movie simply wasn't funny. But after seeing his latest film Fahrenheit 911 becoming the highest grossing documentary ever, ($117 million and counting) I thought may bey it was time to put our differences behind and see how talented he might be.

My God, does he have talent. 'Bowling For Columbine' is a powerful piece of film making and Moore has pulled it off brilliantly to make this easily one of the best films of 2002. It centers on the horrific massacre at a high school in Columbine where 12 students and one teacher were gunned down by two kids (also students in the school) and further elaborates on the gun craze in America dating back to our forefathers and why we are the way we are in this country of ours.

The movie opens with Moore walking into a bank that is offering a free rifle to all new customers that open an account. You watch with surprise while the teller in the bank confirms that its true. The vault is packed with weapons and Michaels only fair question is, "don't you find it odd to have guns in a bank?"

Blame it on this and blame it on that is everyones response to Moore. While some of the arguments seem valid such as high unemployment, racial tensions, and poverty being the reason, Moore easily proves that wrong by giving the above statistics in Canada. While the unemployment rate in the United States averages 5.5 - 6%, Canada's average is 8 - 9%. And we see Japanese people, black people and the likes strolling through the streets of Canada everyday. And poverty? The government of Canada provides more than adequate living for those in need plus health insurance for everyone. (Ok sure, they have higher taxes to subsidize these programs but at least only 75 or so people were killed by guns in their country compared to America's 11,000)

One disturbing (but well done) scene is the news team reporting on the murder of a six year old girl who was accidentally (perhaps) shot by a another six year old classmate. The reporter (who I was hoping would get shot) tells the audience what a sad moment it is and his deepest sympathy goes to the family who lost their little girl. But once the camera cuts, his only real concerns are what time lunch is and wishing he would have sprayed his hair before he left home. And remember "nice" guy Dick Clark from America's Bandstand? Lets just say his first name fits his true character perfectly.

To no surprise, President of the NRA (National Rifle Association) actor Charlton Heston appears frequently in the film. Unlike Mr. Personality Dick Clark, Heston agrees to an interview with Moore but unfortunately, his replies to the gun violence in America are so unconvincing that I now understand why he has Alzheimer disease.

So, does this movie make me hate America? Of course not. 'Bowling for Columbine' makes me feel sorry for it. As many politicians have said when running for office, "it's time for a change", my reply is simple; prove it, because Michael Moore sure as hell did...................

So whats wrong with family entertainment? With most comedies relying on gross out humor in an attempt to make us laugh, Pop Rocks is huge sigh of relief.

Jerry (played by underrated actor Gary Cole) is your average guy. He's happily married with two children and a loan officer at the local bank. His daughter is at the fright full age of 17 and his son is more interested in being a musician than a straight A student. Little does Jerry's family know that he was once the lead singer of the most popular heavy metal band Rock Toxin. But after waking up in a garbage bin during a night of heavy partying, Jerry decides to retire from the scene and start living a normal life.

On an ordinary day at work, a scary looking hippy walks into the bank and to Jerry's horror it's the lead guitarist of the band Izzy (David Jenson). Izzy has a vision of wanting to get the band back together for one show that will pay $75,000 a piece and Izzy is particularly desperate because he is currently behind on the rent to his mother. Jerry says no before Izzy finishes the question but when Jerry's bonus at work turns out to be only enough to buy a happy meal at McDonalds, the only way to now pay for his daughter's education is to accept the offer.

So its time to rockn' roll. To keep it all secret, Jerry throws every excuse in the book to his wife on reasons for coming home late while practicing for the audition. Things get even worse when his bosses wife is running for office and chooses Jerry's wife as her campaign manager and win the popular vote from the public by holding a protest on the bands visit.

Some of the best moments (even though predictable) is when Jerry's daughter catching him in tights and an especially funny scene when Jerry rushes to an appointment and his client asks, "are you wearing makeup?" Another bright spot is seeing the members of the band being so out of shape and especially the drummer, who falls off the chair and onto the floor before the opening number.

Without giving to much away, I will end by saying that Pop Rocks is a consistently funny and original movie and a rare film you can let your kids watch by themselves. Now thats entertainment!

Before 'Another 48 Hours' was released, things were already in an uproar. Nick Nolte and others involved with the movie, vowed never to work with Eddie Murphy again. There were constant spats on the set with the biggest complaint that Murphy would arrive three hours late for filming while everyone would have to set around and wait for him to show up. If the above was true, Murphy is not the one to blame for the movies failure. 'Another 48 Hours' offers no surprises, originality and a "plot" that has been recycled over and over again.

Co-written by the director of the first installment, Walter Hill, (who had years to come up with something good) gives the fans of the original a HUGE letdown. The opening scene has three bikers cruising all over the country blowing innocent people away and apparently they work for a major drug dealer known as Iceman that Jack Cates (Nick Nolte)has been trying to track down for years. The Iceman wants Reggie Hammond (Eddie Murphy) dead for reasons that go unexplained throughout most of the movie.

Cates job goes on the line when he kills a suspect who's gun cannot be found after the shooting. The suspect is burned to a crisp in a gasoline fire but the one important clue is unbelievably sparred.

So Cate calls on Murphy to assist in saving the day and while the chemistry between the two was so good in the original '48 Hours,' something is now wrong. Nolte and Murphy don't seem to be enjoying themselves. They are not having fun. And either am I.

The routine plot becomes more routine as the writers seem to know that the movie is not funny and try their best to distract the audience with endless car chases, shootouts, and the likes. One unintentional laugh I got was watching a bus roll over a dozen times at 50 miles an hour with Murphy in it but later seeing him walk away without a scratch. And the so called surprise when the identity of the Iceman is revealed is about as believable as Frosty The Snowman. (Perhaps the Iceman would be a better bad guy in Spider Man 3).

Eddie, come back to us. We miss you.

Weeks before Alien Vs. Predator was released into theaters, I was already laughing. If it wasn't bad enough to squeeze every last dollar out of little kids by toning down a should be R rated film to a wimpy PG-13, it was further blessed by Fox giving the project to writer/director Paul Anderson, who's ugly resume includes Event Horizon and one of the worst movies of 2002, Resident Evil.

Happily, AVP prevents strike 3 for Anderson. It's a rockn' good time and one of the best monster movies since the all time great, Aliens.

To keep up with the special effects and moderate budget, AVP has no familiar names such as Tom Cruise or Julia Roberts. Our main character is played by Sanaa Lathan (Alexa Woods), an expert mountain climber who has been called to the line of duty by billionaire Charles Bishop (Lance Henriksen). Bishop. Now why does that name sound familiar? (watch Aliens for the answer).

It turns out one of Bishop's satellites have discovered a pyramid 2,000 feet below the earth core in Antarctica. Since Bishop knows others will soon discover it as well, he's willing to pay top price to anyone who will help him explore it. Alexa senses danger from every corner, but curiosity gets the best of her so she agrees to lead the expedition.

Now we've got problems. The Predator's aboard their own ship have been watching from space and it turns out they are responsible for the re-appearance of the pyramid and when opened up, it's show time.

Once inside, the crew finds out the the pyramid is a maze that adjusts itself every 10 minutes and when the first surprise unexpectedly hits, everybody gets separated and a few end up being hosts for the aliens who began to spread faster than a social disease.

The best thing about AVP is the attention given to the aliens and predators. One disappointment about the original Alien was we never got a good look at it. Here we have an all out experience in virtual 3-D with in your face close ups of the monsters and the battle sequences with with alien and the predator are done to the cue. And we also find out that a dead alien can make one hell of a fighting weapon.

A nice way to end summer at the movies.

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I rate the entire Alien/Predator series as follows:

Alien ***1/2

Aliens ****

Alien 3 1/2*

Alien Resurrection ***

Predator ***

Predator 2 **1/2

I remember laughing good and hard at the previews for Dodgeball but was still skeptical about seeing it. I mean how many times have the studios shown all the funny parts but only for one to discover after watching the movie those were the parts that were only funny. Ok, you can all put your hands down now.

Happily, there is a lot of funny stuff in Dodgeball to make you want to see it a second time. Nice guy Peter La Fleur (played by Vince Vaughn who has been on a roll the last 1 1/2)is the owner of a small gym that is on the verge of foreclosure unless he can come up with $50,000. Even if the mortgage payments were current, the club is so outdated that it looks more like a place where homeless people crash for the evening.

In a desperate attempt to save the gym Peter hires an accountant Kate Veatch (played by pretty lady Christine Taylor) to go over the books. The problem is that Peter hasn't looked at the books since Clinton was President so her help is to of no avail.

Things have gotten even worse because a rich spoiled brat has built a beautiful gym right next door. The brat is played to absolute hilarity by Ben Stiller who has his own unique way of impressing the ladies.(Hint: puff puff the magic dragon).

By sheer coincidence there is dodgeball tournament at Las Vegas that will pay-yep you got it, $50,000 to the 1st place team. Since Peter and his friends have virtually no talent, they bring in coach Patches O'Houlihan for training. His training includes tools of steel(literally)to ones face that will adjust them to the agony of being hit by a ball. (That part was included during the sneak preview but I laughed even harder the second time around).

Two other characters also add to the fun. Gary Cole (Office Space) and Justin Bateman from Starsky And Hutch play the sport announcers and Bateman isn't exactly rowing the boat with both oars especially after he hopes that the outcome of the game won't be affected when Vaughn's team has to forfeit.

For the directing and writing of Dodgeball I was expecting to see the name Zucker or Wayan. Instead the credit was given to some guy by the name of Rawson Marshall Thurber. If I see that name for the upcoming Scary Movie 4, I'll take a chance and see that one too.

P.S. The Surgeon General has a warning that drinking pop with a straw may be hazardous to your health if you watch the ending credits.

A disappointment doesn't even begin to describe this sorry excuse for a movie. When Burt Reynold's career took a nose dive after making stupid movies like Cannonball Run, I thought this might be a comeback but only to succeed by driving another nail in the coffin for Mr. Reynolds.

Reynolds plays detective Mike Murphy an irresponsible smart ass who was partners with Lieutenant Speer (Clint Eastwood). For reasons unexplained they have become the worst of enemies. Now stop right there because my question is, why? Speer's reply is, "lots of reasons." Good because for the stories sake, it would be nice to know.

After a pointless and unfunny fight at the local diner Murphy finds out the next day that his new partner Dehl (Richard Roundtree) may be barking up the wrong tree when his personal finances have blossomed. Apparently (at least I think so) Dehl has obtained the accounting books from Leon Coll (Tony Lo Bianco) that shows where all his dirty money goes. In turn Dehls plan is to sell them to Primo Pitt (Rip Torn)and that will turn Pitt into number 1 and Leon Coll into number two. Speer? Primo Pitt? Where did writer Blake Edwards get these names anyway?

But Dehl changes his mind and is subsequently killed but Dehl's girlfriend (Irene Cara) manages to escape and becomes a key witness to the crime. For more reasons unexplained Speer happens to show up in the nick of time but Primo gets away.

So Reynolds and Eastwood team up (sort of) to solve the case which in itself seems impossible because the story is full of more loop holes than Michael Jordan's basketball shoes. The only bright spot is the late great Madeline Kahn who plays Caroline Howley, Reynolds girlfriend and she by herself has some good moments.

But, here are some moments and situations I do not believe:

1. That Speer would know the exact time and place to show up when Dehl is murdered although he was not given any information prior to the meeting place.

2. That Speer would not have known that Caroline (who's father is one of the most well known people in Chicago)was kidnapped by Primo Pitt until after Murphy tells him much later in the film.

3. That Murphy would know where Pitt and his thugs are although he has not be given directions to the hideout by anyone. The same goes with Speer who also shows up about 5 minutes later.

4. That Speer's character detests unnecessary violence but becomes crazy and psycho when someone has spilled his coffee.

5. That Clint Eastwood, Burt Reynolds, Richard Benjamin and Blake Edwards just didn't say know to the whole thing.

There is an old saying that a sucker is born every minute and after wasting $5.00 on this garbage proves me a statistic.

Our only returning character from the first is Dr. Alan Grant (Sam Neil)who hasn't returned to the island and has no immediate plans to. He and Dr. Ellie Sattler (Laura Dern, who blink and you'll miss her) have broken up for reasons unexplained.

As an attempt to structure some kind of story, a couple meets up with Grant to ask for help in rescuing their son who apparently disappeared on the island and in return they promise a big reward. Now lets think about this for a minute. You've stumbled on to someone you've never met before in your life and you have no idea of their finances. Since Grant agrees to risk his life, wouldn't it be wise to collect some of the money upfront as an insurance policy? But with a plot that gets dumber along the way, why bother.

Now the obvious happens. The plane crashes on the island leaving the dumb folks stranded and virtually no way to call for help. A dinosaur attacks them and normally this would be exciting but hey, we already saw this in 1 & 2.

Now for the real fun. The missing boys mom, (Tea Leoni) barely escapes death from a dinosaur but soon after wards is screaming her sons name out at the top of her lungs giving the invite for every dino alive to come and have her for lunch. But there is still 45 minutes left of this slop so of course, nothing happens.

Eventually, Grant finds their son Erik who is really the only interesting character in the movie. He's fairly bright and considering how stupid his parents are, you figure he must have been adopted.

One (and I mean only one) exciting scene are the flying lizards that the group encounters. This sequence works well until one guy is grabbed by a lizard causing him to plunge into the river but only to survive with only a minor bruise. (Some may feel I'm giving something away, but in a movie where everything is so utterly predictable, I doubt I've spoiled it for everyone)

One of the many reasons that the 1st Jurassic Park worked so well is that it was like nothing we had seen before. Wonder kind Steven Spielberg didn't rely on cartoon animation to give us the eye popping effects. Every character was interesting and virtually all the situations were believable. Although the second was missing some of the thrills of discovery, Spielberg made it work.

At only 85 minutes long, Jurassic Park 3 follows the many sequels that shouldn't have been made but it did what it was intended to do; grab a worldwide gross of $365 million and offer nothing in return.

Note: Famous movie critic Roger Ebert gave the horrendous Jaws 4 a no star rating but gave Jurassic Park 3 a thumbs up. I think his other thumb was where the sun doesn't shine when he reviewed it.

School Of Rock is the best comedy Jack Black has done so far. Why I waited until DVD when I could have rocked out to Dolby Digital is something I will not forgive myself for.

Black plays Dewey Finn, a "rock star" who's only success in the music biz would probably the one hit wonders featured on MTV. The members of the band have had enough of his screw ups (especially when he air dives into the audience only to crash on to the floor) and sends him to the unemployment line.

However, Dewey was self employed so no cash or food stamps from welfare are available but fortunately Finn has been able to live rent free and gladly admits to his roommate Ned (Mike White who also wrote the hilarious screenplay) that he is taking full advantage of him.

But luck has changed. One morning the phone rings and it's the principal (Joan Cusak) from an anal retentive private school calling for Ned. Despite the free rent, Dewey realizes he needs to eat so he pretends to be Ned and gets the job as a substitute teacher.

Now its obvious that the only education he has is music and happily a student named Zack plays the guitar. Zack is a bright and very intelligent boy who is vastly unappreciated by his father.

Now the fun gets going. Dewey, (now known as Mr. Finn) has announced that the new assignment is rock band. He orders the students to pledge allegiance to the band and its time to get rockn'. Coincidently, there is the battle of the bands going on and its the perfect way for Dewey to get his finances in order. He forms the band with help from Zack (who is one hell of a guitar player) and as things progress, we see that Dewey really cares about the students and has found a unique way to build their self esteem and his too.

But as good as one intentions might be, Dewey's roommate finds out after he receives a paycheck from a school that he has never taught at. The children's parents also find out and now think their children have been kidnapped when they take off with Dewey to perform at the competition.

The timing is perfect when the parents arrive at the show to rescue the kids just as the band is going on stage. To be nice, I won't give it all away, but the next 10 minutes is a terrific and great piece of entertainment.

I had debated on how many stars to give School Of Rock and to be fully convinced, I went out and bought the soundtrack. It gets 5 and School gets 4. This is the best comedy of 2003.

NOTE: I could not agree more with Roger Ebert on the MPAA decision to rate this movie PG-13. MPAA should stand for morons, putz, airheads and a**holes.

With the summer thrills at the theater slowly winding down, I Robot is certainly not the most refreshing sci-fi I've seen lately (like Minority Report) but it does succeed on a lot of levels.

Will Smith is Del Spooner, a dedicated police officer who's assignments are homicide. Del is likable, smart and caring, unlike the idiot police officer he played in the horrible Bad Boys and the even dumber sequel.

The year is 2035 and robots are the key to the nations economy. Virtually all tasks large and small are done with robots with three rules that cannot be broken.

1.A robot must not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to be harmed.

2.A robot must obey orders givin it by human beings, except where such orders would conflict with the first law.

3.A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the first or second law.

For reasons unknown, (well for the first 45 minutes) Spooner is the only one that doesn't trust them. (A clue is given at the very beginning but is not revealed until later.) When called to the scene of an apparent suicide by the creator of robots, (Dr. Alfred Lanning) Del is unsurprisingly convinced that it may be murder by the head robot Sonny. Though Smith is given top billing, Sonny pulls a Tommy Lee Jones (his character Gerard in The Fugitive) and slyly steals the rest of the show.

The action rarely lets up and really gets going within the last 30 minutes and especially when the robots go completely beserk (caused by the one you don't expect) and director Alex Proyas who gave us The Crow and the vastly underrated Dark City has done a decent job of giving us what Steven Spielberg brilliantly did in Minority Report; good characters, good effects and the story, convincing.

P.S. I'm sorry Mr. Roger Ebert but 52 million just proved you were wrong again. (see his review of this film and Scooby Doo)

I've never been a big fan of Mr. Mockumentary Michael Moore, but being a fat guy and the desire to lose weight (like most of America) I entered the theater with my large soda and popcorn on high anticipation at a subject that even Mr. Moore has not enlightened on (And looking at his waist size, it's easy to see why.

Writer/director Morgan Spurlock is in perfect health. His girlfriend is a vegetarian so it's obvious he eats well. Noting the increased problem of obesity in this country he decided to prove the potential dangers of fast food. Until the 1970's the use of tobacco was finally taken with great assault. (I grew up as a Jehovah's Witness and in 1974 the Watchtower changed its mind on cigarette smoking and would ex-communicate a member if they were found doing so) Cigarettes and the likes have been around for a hundred years, but not taken seriously to the obvious risks it has on the human body.

Spurlock (to the dislike of his girlfriend and mom) decides to eat nothing but McDonald's food for 30 days to prove the point. Before ordering at the drive through, he gets a complete physical from his doctor (Daryl Issacs) who is happy to say that his health is in tip top shape.

On the first bite of a McDonald's Quarter Pounder Morgan finds that he likes it. But halfway through he becomes ill and hasn't even started on the french fries. By the time he's finished he has become so sick that he leans his head out the door window and throws up. (Now one might think its fake puke, but we've all seen what happens to a person when they smoke a cigarette for the first time).

Two weeks into the binge, he now notices something that has never happened before.The level of energy is down and he now gets painful headaches that are "cured" after a meal at McDonalds. Coincidence? I don't think so.

By the time Morgan is done polluting his body, he's gained 25 pounds, his cholesterol is high enough to choke a horse, and even his girlfriend complains that the joys of sex they have always enjoyed has died like Fido in the road.

On the previews of Super Size Me it appears that the whole movie is about poor old McDonalds but to a nice surprise, it isn't. Morgan really gives us an eye opener when he visits the schools around the country and the cafeterias look more like an all you can eat buffet at Burger King. The "excuse" is since the schools are always broke the multi million dollar food and beverage companies sell the food cheap (although its obvious they are still making a huge profit) but with the agreement that vending machines can also be available to the students,

Moreover, Super Size Me also shows that we as a society have become extremely lazy. There are patches available to loose weight so we don't have to exercise. And people who can walk with no problem drive around in electric carts to do their shopping.

I am not objecting to the fact that a lot of people have a weight problem. Look who's talking. I object to the fact that I/we have the opportunity to live a healthy life and choose not to. Now dammit, Where is my Big Mac? (Sarcasm deliberately added)

Writers note: The effects that Morgan has are real. When I became addicted to fast food the energy level dropped and was accompanied by heavy breathing, lack of sleep, and painful headaches. I finally got serious and after just one week of a balanced diet the above things have ceased. Coincidence? I don't think so.

After the huge success of Animal House in 1978, Hollywood has "blessed" us with all of the tired sex joke comedies year after year. First came the occasionally funny Porkys then the surprisingly good Police Academy and a string of duds that I don't care to remember. Since the sometimes talented Will Farrell has starred in some of the worst movies ever made, it was no surprise that Old School should have been as equally unfunny.

Will, I TAKE IT BACK! I came into the theater expecting a disappointment, and found myself laughing all the way through it and Farrell gives a performance that would almost equal that of the late John Belushi (of whom there was nobody better).

Mitch (Luke Wilson) returns home to discover his girlfriend in the middle of a threesome. Realizing that her excuses are like a butt (everybody's got one) he almost buys into her lies until a knock at the door from a gentleman (no, not a Jehovah's Witness or Mormom) announces that he is hear for the gang bang.

Meanwhile Will Farrell (Frank Richard) is getting married despite warnings at the alter from Vince Vaughn who whispers "this is the last vagina for the rest of your life." This leads some very funny moments in particular the wedding singer who at the reception has his own version of a famous love song.

Mitch eventually moves into a house on a college dorm and funny guy Vaughn (Bernard Campbell) shows his friendship by throwing a party to "ease the pain" of his failed relationship. Frank assures his wife that he will behave and that lasts about 1 minute after he arrives.

The next morning, the dean (four eyed geek Jeremy Piven) cocks up an idea to have them kicked off campus unless they are able to form an actual fraternity. While the idea seems impossible, the Three Stooges find a way to pull it off.

One of the nice things in a movie is to see the co-star provide most of the laughs like Steve Martin did in Little Shop Of Horrors and Kevin Kline In A Fish Called Wanda. While Farrell is billed third on the credits, he is the star. This is not an exaggeration especially when Farell shoots himself in the neck with a tranquilizer and the rest, you just have to see. Even critic Roger Ebert (who awarded the film one star) admitted that Will Farrell had some nice scenes.

Like all comedies, the laughs aren't always there but there are a lot of them in Old School that makes you just want to stand up and yell, "lets party"!

Kay Parker was the queen of porn. Unlike today, a lot of beautiful women in Hollywood have every part of their body lifted, silicon breasts and eventually end up in Betty Ford for an eating disorder. Parker was a real woman and all natural like a fresh orange from the Florida tree.

On DVD, Kay admitted in an interview that she was attracted to her co-star Mike Ranger in real life who played her son. This is not an exaggeration that will be explained shortly.

The opening scene has Kay (Barbara Scott) performing a sexual act on her husband and its clear (despite the two having real intercourse) that the chemistry is non-existent. Angry and fed up, her mate packs up to go live with his mistress.

Barbara is then comforted by her son Paul who agrees to quit school and get a job if necessary to help pay the bills. "After all," he says. "I've got the best looking mommy on the block." She smiles and replies, " why thank you sonny boy."

While its no surprise Paul is in love with his mom no sexual frustration is about when we see him do two women at the same time and another one at home.

One (well one of one) highly charged scene is when Barbara is showering and Paul is spying on her. Barbara bathes every part of her sexy body with hot soapy water and we watch her slowly get dressed. The look on Paul's face becomes obsession to the point of being hypnotized.

Barbara's sexual tension is pushed to insanity when she returns home from a party (that turns out to be an orgy that she only watches). Ms. Scott wakes up in the middle of the night and on the way to the bathroom she sees her well hung son asleep. She can barely think. But she keeps looking and looking then touching and kissing and then explodes. The camera angles a perfect shot of Paul loading up between her breasts and spraying his manhood all over her.

Even with the above parts mentioned, there are more terrific sex scenes that make Taboo a highly charged film that rarely lets one down and will keep most people "UP."

When I was just a lad, my father told me that Santa Clause is a dirty old man. Our family did not celebrate Christmas and the only holiday movie I ever saw was The Scrooge.

Well times change and I did to so I was very reluctant to see this in the theater but after Bad Santa celebrated the holidays with $60 million of that green stuff and was also one of the best reviewed movies of 2003, I figured what the hell.

Billy Bob Thornton gives a tour-de-force performance as the Santa Clause from hell. His character Willie is a washed up pathetic human being who when dead would probably be mourned by only the fleas on his back but he and his midget partner Marcus (played by Tony Cox who has the foulest mouth next to Al Pacino's character Tony Montana) have the perfect scam. Each Christmas they move from shopping malls all around the country to put on a "show" for the kiddies and then rob place after hours. The "job" pays a $100,000 a year but Willie decides later on that this is the last one.

But eventually the money, the booze and the prostitutes are no longer a part of the everyday life so its time for another heist. Willie and Marcus head to California and are immediately hired by a dorky manager John Ritter (Bob Chepeska). Obviously the job of Santa is not hard to get since Willie is drunk during the interview.

Ritter (who should have been given more airtime) starts to smell a rat but cannot convince the head of security (Bernie Mac) that Willie and Marcus are con men especially after Bob discovers Thornton giving anal sex to a woman in the dressing room. But later on we see that Mr. Mac isn't such a nice guy either.

The major plot happens when Wille meets a little boy (Brett Kelly) who comes from a very dysfunctional family and is picked on by every bully in the neighborhood. Thornton is no nicer to the kid than anyone else, but when Willie needs a place to hide his new friend comes to the rescue. And the one scene you will be waiting for when Willie confronts the bullies is a treasure.

The film contains some very funny and dark moments, but it all comes together and the ending should surprise you just like the Christmas presents you open up on December 25th.

Warning to parents: Please take the R rating seriously. This film contains ushers of obscenities, strong sexual content and in one scene Willie is so intoxicated he falls over the Christmas props at the mall right in front of little kids who break out in tears. Of course I did too but I was laughing at the time.

Being a HUGE fan of the late great (etc. etc.) Peter Sellers I was really looking forward to There's A Girl In My Soup.

Well............the premise started off strong with Seller as the ladies man who knows what women want to hear and what they need to hear and virtually every female (young and old) simply can't say no to. Considering the age of the movie (34 years and counting and the gratuitous nudity may surprise you) it brought back the free spirit of the 60s'. No condoms, aids, and marijuana was probably considered part of the recommended daily allowance.

While on the way to a party Danver meets a young lady (Goldie Hawn) who has just caught her good for nothing boyfriend in lip lock with another female. Since Ted Bundy was only a boy in 1970 she accepts the invitation to Danver's apartment and the most brilliant dialogue between the two is enjoyed for the next 20 minutes.

Thats when Danver begins to realize that women are not sex objects, but breathing living human beings with emotions. Hawn does spend the night but Sellers chooses to sleep on the couch.

Eventually a healthy relationship happens but despite the two good actors (well, one being the best of the best-Peter Sellers) the chemistry between Danver and Marion is weak. (Hawn had the same problem with Mel Gibson in Bird On A Wire). Goldie has a look on her face like she is kissing her dad and Peter isn't able to hide his boredom either.

When they return from a fabulous vacation in France, Danver finds out to his horror that the tabloids have printed that he and Marion were secretly married and chaos begins.

Thats when screen writer Terence Frisby makes chaos. The terrific conversation that was enjoyed when Hawn and Sellers first met is now followed by two people that are no longer individuals we care about. Hawn in particular now dives into the stereo type dumb blonde (and in an especially unfunny scene when she embarrasses Peter at a wine tasting test but Sellers sharp wit saves the day with a hilarious liner in the elevator on the way back to his apartment) and eventually you just want her to go away. And the ending? I still had both eyebrows raised after the ending credits started to roll.

Recognizing my review as a prejudice approach, I recommend this movie to myself and only true Peter Seller fans. But even they should be warned: this not a Seller's movie in top form.