Change Your Image
crosbyj13
Reviews
Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (2018)
Pathetically bad.
Do not watch this abysmal movie. I didn't make it halfway.
For starters the plot makes no sense. Pratt's ex, in one conversation convinces him to join her in going to an exploding Island to try to capture renegade killer dinosaurs and save them by moving them to a convenient secret island. (WTF?)
I don't care how much these people love dinosaurs. Nobody would risk their life for this.
Then you've got the unbearable woke millennial characters. Including the hipster genius girl who stands up to an entire military squadron holding her up at gunpoint, and causes all of them to lower their weapons. You might as well have just beat me in the head with a hammer chanting "strong female character" over and over.
But I thought I would give the movie a few more minutes, but it becomes Looney tunes. Pratt is hit with a tranquilizer gun, slobbered on by a dino. Lava starts coming toward him, but the tranq wears off at that exact moment and he flops/rolls away from the lava in the nick of time.
Actually, you could have just shown Chris Pratt flopping away from lava for an hour and a half and it would be better than this garbage. Holy hell.
The Guest (2014)
Great start...God awful second half.
Starts with a great premise. Guy shows up at the house of the fallen soldier identifying himself a fellow soldier/friend, there to honour the soldiers dying wishes to take care of his family.
But it's clear something is off. Creepy. Just not right. The tension builds nicely.
Then all of a sudden, in the blink of an eye the movie becomes "Rambo acts like Michael Myers"
It becomes comically dark and over the top dismal with left and right slayings, cartoonish military battles at a rural home. It just got ...weird?
It's really too bad. The first half was really great and I was thinking that it was going to be more of a slow building premise where the guest was lying, turns the family against each other, all for some secondary gain.
Have they stuck with a more realistic slow building second half plot this would have been a fantastic film. Unfortunately it just became ridiculous and over the top and outrageous.
Like I said it goes from slow building suspense to Rambo acting like Michael Myers.
The Martian (2015)
Balancing out good reviews
Starts ok. Gets weaker and weaker.
1. Every problem or life threatening situation is solved immediately so it never feels this guy is in peril.
2. Ridiculous nonsensical physics throughout.
3. Main character is a botanist and yet everyone is bewildered he can grow crops. Isn't that what he was presumably up there for?
4. All supporting characters are generic and bland.
5. The original crew decide within 30 seconds to turn around and go back to Mars. Good Lord. They basically act like spending another 2 years in space and risking their lives on a statistically improbable mission is a no brainer. This would be a ridiculously hard decision that would involve an intense debate.
6. The Chinese officially offering their assistance took place over one silly phone call.
7. Matt Damon flying through space via a hole in his suit.
8. Matt Damon seems nearly completely unphased that he has been left stranded and unlike in Castaway, there is no suggestion that his mental health is in any way affected by such a difficult situation.
On and on I could go.