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Char Man (2019)
AWFUL, 10/10 RATINGS ARE FROM DIRECTOR AND FRIENDS
Come on guys, at least a few people made fake accounts with only one review (this movie), but when the name of the producer is in one of the usernames? Unethical guys. As another poster said, dishonesty is as bad as lousy cinema.
As far as the actual movie goes, I enjoyed seeing Ojai (lived there for a five years), but the novelty of saying "I know where that is" or looking for your car wore off in five minutes. Literally nothing happens in this movie except for a few kids in masks looking through windows or appearing in a hallway, and grating characters that freak out over nothing. Not sure how this is adding anything to the genre.
In the end, as an Ojain, it also feels like a disservice to the town. Zero decent establishing shots of a unique town, instead it's just the Blair Witch Project (without any supernatural stuff). I was shocked that someone could drain anything picturesque or scenic out of this town, but these guys found a way. Sad too, because there's so much actual lore and fun regarding the Char Man myth (there's hot sauces and bands named after him), as well as a town full of colorful characters and rad business owners that could have been interviewed. The Vine (the place they shot behind for a few scenes) is literally full of theater actors. So much missed potential. But hey, that's what happens when randoms don't research towns.
Dragonslayer (2011)
Burnout, deadbeat garbage.
I cannot fathom how other reviewers think this is interesting film making, a good love story, or in any way redeeming. My guess is that SWSX is now populated by hipsters, but that's just a theory.
The lead character is the epitome of a loser. :I met my girl at a punk show, I was totally drunk". Wow, really? Now they have a kid that he not only doesn't take care of, but the two of them are ill-equipped to.
I used to skate, and I can't knock the beers, girls and what not... but holy crap, not one shower was taken in this movie. Wake and bake, beer after beer... it's vile. These were the guys that hung out in the park, never worked, and bummed your smokes... or showed up at the party and leeched off your keg because they didn't have two nickels to rub together. Sadly, this went past high school for these people, assuming they even went to high school.
There is no punk rock attitude either. The lead can barely form a sentence.
Well... if you want to see people skate pools, I suppose that's one redeeming value of this "documentary" (that anyone could have filmed with a mediocre camera and editing skills). Then again, it's not that hard to get decent skating when you have no job, no ambition, and ignore your kid.
Two stars for motivating me harder in my endeavors.
Prison of the Dead (2000)
Garbage. Biggest cop out ending ever.
Before I even waste time on this, I'll tell you why I rented it. My girlfriend apparently likes to rent bad B horror films and pick at them. While this sounds like a fun evening, I now remember why I like GOOD horror films (I'm still waiting for a good one to come out of the USA that isn't a remake). I want the 2 hours of my life back I lost watching it. The plot is nonexistent... some rich guy invites friends to a funeral home, then there are plot twists that just plain SUCK. A mysterious key, the lamest zombies ever seen on film (watch as you see the same zombies come out of the ground two or three times over, from the same angle) and the worst acting this side of high school.
I CANNOT comprehend how some person that was involved in this film didn't catch half the crap they let through to the final edit. I seem to remember having fun watching really bad movies... but when they're this bad, well.. it just hurts. I knew when I saw it in Blockbuster as a double-feature with "Hell Asylum" it would be a bad B movie... but not this bad.
Captain Kronos: Vampire Hunter (1974)
oh, I WILL have you...
People, this movie is classic. I know its oldish, and English accents turn most people off, but this is good stuff. The hero is the MAN... and the effects are alright. I shouldn't even be talking about effects... I don't want to be that guy. You know, the guy comparing everything to the matrix. The style and time of this film (1974)... I was a year old... works. Just look at the font used for the credits. You know what I'm talking about. This guy kills with style... and an almost Clint Eastwood kind of "man with no name" attitude meets James Bond slickness. Just remember the line where he talks to his new female companion who wants to tag along...
her : "Oh, but I would travel with you, that is, if you would have me..."
Kronos : " Oh, I WILL have you..."
classic.
My Sweet Satan (1994)
Great horror directing you hosers
OK... lets get the record straight. This movie is about Ricky Kasso, a knob of a teen who was involved in a "Satanic" cult called The Knights of the Black Circle. He killed his friend over drugs, and was high on mescaline when he did it. Nothing extraordinary, just strange. Fear Factory does a great song called 0-0 about this murder...its on the album Obsolete. I cant believe the review someone wrote about this movie talking about Satan worship and such... thanks for the religious right comment, but there are much more shocking things out there than some high school kid killing his friend over some imaginary bad guy. Thats right, I said it... Satan is my favorite IMAGINARY character. Well, him and Han Solo, and the tall man from Phantasm. This is a short film (like 20-30mins or so) but is really good. Good luck finding it. Watching this movie combined with a little internet research on the subject (http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Shadowlands/4077/kasso.html) makes for a nice night of psychotropy.
Big Wednesday (1978)
Classic beyond classic.
Down the street from my house is a restaurant/bar called RT's Longboard grill, which was opened by family as a tribute to a brother lost at sea. Adorning the bamboo laden walls, amongst yesteryear photos, boards, posters, and memorabilia, are TV screens which endlessly show classic surfing movies. The feeling one gets in this environment is similar to what one gets watching Big Wednesday. This isn't a surf movie in the sense of the word. You see, the trendy, infantile children that drunkenly roam the streets of Pacific Beach (where I live in San Diego)for the most part don't have souls, sadly, living in the very town in which many surf legends have been born. Hard pressed to find are the light hearted conversations over a good burger, malt, and a good set of waves. Big Wednesday contains such an epic story. OK... I seem bitter. It's because I am. I know the word "dude" and a nose covered in sunscreen is an easy stereotype... but the spiritual life altering experience behind surfing is most often misunderstood. What is your passion? Do you have one? It may be your children. It may be horses. It may be hockey. But no matter what goes wrong in your life, or who dies or what happens, at the core is your passion (translated : spirituality)... something pure. At the heart of this movie is this purity... and after the draft, relationships, addictions, and just plain adolescent insanity, the characters find that their friendship is still alive because of a common love. Don't try and make too much sense of this review. This isn't a restaurant review. I can't explain the feeling nor would I expect the 95% of America that doesn't live near a surf-able wave to get it...just watch the movie.
The Thing (1982)
Absloutely classic, arguably one of the best.
How do I tell someone what a classic is... how do I saw "it was the scariest movie of its time"... There have been remakes, advances in SFX, and how annoying is it (Im 30) to run across someone who just saw the Texas Chainsaw Massacre and NOT KNOW that its a remake. I wont even go into the Manchurian Candidate story.
Luckily, we have The Thing. The special FX are EPIC...EPIC!!! Timeless. You have the ultimate not only in Hitchcockian horror (the unseen being scarier than what is actually showm), but blinding horror in the shape of what IS seen. A tough mix. AND... what makes this movie epic on all fronts...the storyline, and the main, central plot... the relationships between characters. Not just fodder, or characters that exist just to get the body count... but a very scary game of CLUE..hehe... in which nobody trusts anyone. Sci-Fi fans jump on in too. This is the nightmare passenger on ANY flight.
WOW. By the way, after writing this, I'm putting this movie in. Do it right, people. Turn out the lights, let your guard down, unplug the phone, and prepare to be disturbed. This is THE THING.
Strangers with Candy (1999)
Two longshoremen fighting over a squirrel...
This is a comedy of epic proportions. I was originally annoyed, being a fan of British and subversive humor, but the first time I actually sat an watched an episode all the way through I was hooked. There's some familiar faces from SCTV, and Amy Sedaris is a genius. I'd look up the name, but Ill just call him the Daily Show corrospondent...classic. I love a show where nothing is sacred, where no race, ethnicity, or religious belief is not nailed to the wall... political correctness be damned.
I will NEVER FORGET this line... the principal and associate hold up a controversial picture of Jerri naked spread eagled... and the principal says "...not sure... it looks like two longshoremen fighting over a squirrel." Epic. Catch it late night on Comedy Central, or CC on Demand if your cable allows it.
The Rules of Attraction (2002)
utter trendy crap
give the cast of dawson's creek, friends, melrose place etc...etc...drugs and a little sex, mix in some pretentious boring droll dialogue, and you have this movie. I am utterly shocked and horrified that other reviewers (who no doubt like the above mentioned shows/soap operas) consider this a cinematic masterpiece, or found any meaning or fascination in its plot or characters. The reason why I hate cookie cutter Hollywood faces reciting boorish dialogue, in this case with drugs and sex thrown in to try to squeeze some interest out of them, is that NOBODY IS LIKE THIS. No doubt fans of this pseudo teeny bopper flick are knee deep in similar tripe like North Shore or The O.C. on Fox. Since there is really no storyline (and don't get me wrong, I don't need an Oscar award winning storyline to keep me interested) it would have to be a character study...unfortunately there are no characters... just stereotypical placeholders. Character study movies like "Best in Show" can keep me glued to the screen with a ten minute long dialogue between a bloodhound and its owner...why? Because its interesting. Rich, spoiled brats doing coke, giving head, complaining about their meaningless lives, worrying about who's screwing who...please. Infantile. Lets get this cast, the cast of Friends, 90210, Dawson's Creek, and every other soap opera/mindless/brainless creation into a rocket and launch them into the sun.
The Entity (1982)
Interesting.......remake in the works?
Wow... I am fascinated by ghosts and the paranormal. This movie has some cheap thrills... Hollow Man Style... but it is freaky in its own right. This Entity TRASHES this chicks house worse that me after a 12 pack back in college. Seriously...its worth seeing... its in my collection now after seeing it late night on Cinemax (pronounced "Skin-a-max"). The concept, great...but I need a manifestation...Poltergeist style... and there is not enough of what is traditionally "Hitchcockian" style horror to build enough fear of something you cannot see. I understand this is a 1981 movie, but there's a serious lack of acting here. Like the shrink who borderlines on obsessive. See it...I'm waiting to see the remake (its better that what Hollywood is regurgitating anyway)...
p.s. Rent "Legend of Hell House". Its a beauty, eh?
Welcome to Woop Woop (1997)
I kinda liked it.
Its a character study, to be sure... but I liked it. I also liked Muriel's Wedding (which is a tremendous flick , both of which are full of relatively no name actors). From big red roo to "sockin' it to her" this is a pretty hilarious movie, and worth seeing once. I see the Aussie takes offense in his review, but as an American I could name a few that upset me. The story is basic... but it can be. Whats interesting is the characters. It's like some twisted family from Road Warrior meets Twilight Zone. Its been on late night recently, and thats the perfect time to see it. I'm not expecting to buy or see this film again... but its definitely worth seeing once. Its fun.