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simon-kingsnorth
Reviews
Gunpowder (2017)
Dull
Wouldn't waste your time with this one. Ok, that's going to make you want to watch it, but don't. There are better versions of this story.
It's a bit of a mess with an awkward script, disjointed story and mediocre acting. It lacks any real drama and tries to compensate with shock and gore. No real build up, no crescendo. I struggled to care about any of the characters and neither side made me want to cheer for them.
The words feel very forced and cliched and the scenery at times looked a little cheap - like a clear set. Guy Fawkes seemed a little pointless and also a bit of a ridiculous character.
So much potential in this story. Totally wasted.
Have a nice long nap instead.
Napoleon (2023)
A miss and a mess
It's very rare I leave a review but I couldn't let this one go. Spoilers in this but if you don't mind that then read on - this review will save your life (well, a few hours of it anyway).
This film gets everything wrong. Napoleons personality is totally incorrect. A depressing, pointless character is not who Napoleon was. Other characters are also completely wrong or missing.
Why do all the French have a mix of American or English accents with one or two French thrown in? This lack of consistency removes you from the story and becomes laughable. Any amateur Director knows to be consistent when dealing with anglicized nations. Really poor from Scott.
The scripting is very cliche and silly. It feels like a school child writing a film they think would be really cool about a period of history they didn't read the book on. The period is not understood at all with lots of flowery language and cheesy lines.
Sony says it charts Napoleons "rise and fall". There is no rise and no fall in this choppy mess of a story. He starts near the top and very quickly becomes General then Emperor without seemingly actually fighting any battles. When there is a hint of a battle there are no tactics (again, contrary to Sony's nonsense of a plot summary) except "run at stuff with swords" which was not how any of these battles actually happened. It's akin to Braveheart in its inaccuracy of the battles. Hugely important things either wrong or missing.
Waterloo is completely wrong. Austerlitz (his most important win) was missing as are the whole Italy and Portugal campaigns. Trafalgar is missing.
It also seems to suggest that Napoleon was a thug. An idiot just waging war for no apparent reason. It doesn't touch on his laws or code that still underpins much of democracy and law today. It doesn't touch on his leadership and why the troops loved him. He doesn't even really seem to be aware his troops are there most of the time. Such huge gaps in understanding of the subject matter are ridiculous and unforgivable.
It very much feels like a film made by a first time Director featuring a group of whatever actors he could pull together doing a highlights real of the career of someone they don't know much about in a period they couldn't be bother to read the book on.
But I think the worst thing is that, even if you don't care about any of that - even if you can forgive all the historical inaccuracies, incorrect portrayal of Napoleon etc - it's still a terrible film. Boring, disjointed and pointless as a piece of cinema.
So in summary, everything about this is wrong, badly acted, directed, scripted and dull.
Don't waste your time.
Johnny English Strikes Again (2018)
Not as good as the others
It's ok and fun to watch with the family. My little ones enjoyed it but not as much as the first two movies and I'd agree. It feels like he's forgotten the Jonny English character and is just doing Mr Bean as a secret agent in this one. Looking back on the first two movies Jonny is a unique character. A cheesy and ridiculous Bond spoof. In this he's just a clumsy idiot. Still a fun movie though. Safe family entertainment.
Battlefield Recovery (2016)
Amateurs plus an annoying American
My first ever review after many years or rating things but I couldn't resist for this. It's interesting to watch as a fan of ww2 history but it's very amateur. A bit pathetic that they have their little arguments. The style is a bit like a bad reality tv show. The American guy is so arrogant whilst being wrong a lot. He's the worst kind of American. Too much self belief with no skill to back it up. Some interesting things here but wish it had been done by some interesting, intelligent, humble, respectful professionals.