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MovieloverIreland
Big fan of Horror, Sci Fi and Fantasy.
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Reviews
Hooten & the Lady: The Amazon (2016)
Dumb-charted
Whilst watching this i was reminded of Uncharted, Indiana Jones, Romancing the Stone and those cheesy Richard Chamberlain/Sharon Stone Allan Quatermain films. It tries to have the tone of the Brendan Fraser Mummy movies. but there is one problem. it fails to match any of the aforementioned and instead ends up being more like those cheap Noah Wyle Librarian movies. The banter between Hooten and the Lady feels flat and forced and Michael Landes feels like a poor man's Bruce Campbell but lacking in the charisma. While Ophelia Lovibond as fiercely independent feisty Lady comes across as very unsympathetic and unbelievable. we are expected to believe she is not terrified in opening ten minutes as she is basically hog tied by a bunch of angry natives. There is no sense of danger whatsoever. Even when Hooten gets shot it seems like a mere inconvenience to him. I will give the production kudos for location shooting. Everything looks the part but the parts don't fit together and the result is akin to Relic Hunter or other long forgotten cancelled adventure series. What could have improved this pilot would be a rousing adventure theme like they had in The Lost World TV show from a decade or so ago but the theme tune here is instantly forgettable. They also need to write the heroes to be more likable. The cutaways to London as Lady's co workers worry about her progress seem unnecessary and sap momentum. There is some minor bad language that conflicts with the childish feel of the show but did raise a smile on occasion. Other than that I am really struggling to find positives. This was a deeply unoriginal generic slog that somehow makes finding lost cities a dull experience. No tension, no suspense, no excitement, little action, forced banter, weak villain, poor acting, poor music. very disappointing.
The Secret Life of Pets (2016)
The irritating life of pets
One of the most irritating family movies i have ever had the displeasure of experiencing. While it started out enjoyable enough in a Toy Story with pets type of way it quickly degenerated into an onslaught of tediously plotted uninteresting nonsense that was a chore to get through. The whole sewer subplot was the hardest to endure, the villain Snowball was poor and the finale on bridge just reminded me of Finding Dory. The was an hallucinogenic scene in a sausage factory that felt very out of place yet was one of the more watchable scenes. Too many scenes of animals driving cars and very little endearing moments Could not wait for this film to end.
Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates (2016)
Mike and Dave need a better film
Anyone familiar with American Pie style humor will probably enjoy this but i found the characters too unlikable. Zac Efron is strangely subdued here and Adam Devine takes on the"funnyman" role and he becomes very annoying as the film progresses. The comedy set pieces rely on sexual humor, mostly nudity and many fall flat except the sequence where Adam Devine stumbles upon a few family members in throes of ecstasy. Anna Kendrick gave one of the most disappointing performances i have seen from her, she is usually very dependable but some line readings here were poor, she also looks out of place and embarrassed to be involved. Aubrey Plaza plays exact same character from Dirty Grandpa except more unlikable. The last half hour drags on and the outtakes in end credits were painfully unfunny.
Friend Request (2016)
Is this request worth accepting?
Having seen Unfriended a while back i was always going to be comparing it with this and sadly Friend Request falls short. Though not a total misfire the longer this story drags on the less effective it becomes, ultimately becoming a run of the mill paranormal stalk and slash story we have all seen a million times before. It starts off well though. setting up the charming Alycia Debnam Carey as the popular girl everyone wants to be friends with. Using effective music and montages of Facebook postings we get a real sense of her enviable life. The creepy lonely new girl latches onto her after an act of pity and things spiral out of control from there. Sadly none of it is believable due to the antagonist Marina never being fleshed out, she is just odd from the get go. she never feels real and because of that the movie stays a generic and forgettable journey. I was interested up until the killings began, then it became repetitive until an ending that while fitting and poetic did not feel earned. I did not believe Alycia's character would give up like that. There are a few mildly effective jump scares but this script needed a few more drafts to reach it's potential.
American Horror Story: Chapter 1 (2016)
American Blair Witch Story
So so start to the new season. With it being season 6 and seeing so many 666 imagery I was really expecting a devil themed story for this season but what we have been presented with is a send up of mockumentary "reality" horror shows.
The Good : Beautiful cinematography and lighting worthy of a cinema release.
: A more focused story than recent seasons with less rambling subplots.
: The backwoods setting evokes a sense of unease and the isolation helps create more tension i.e. the bathtub scene.
The Bad : Having the two leads tell the story via interview drains any tension as we know they ultimately survive.
: Evan Peters is credited but i did not see him in show.
: I would have preferred Lily Rabe and Sarah Paulsen to have swapped roles.
For all the failings i still enjoyed this season opener more than any since Asylum and will tune in next week to see where story takes us.
How to Train Your Dragon (2010)
Best Dragon film ever
One of the most joyous animated films i have ever seen with a goose bump inducing soundtrack from John Powell that elevates the film to classic status. With a hopeful message of getting to know and understand your enemy to discover they may not be as monstrous as you suspect this is a wonderful story. Upon first viewing this i was reluctant to watch due to Dragon movies generally being poor and this being a "kids" film, I was also put off by the unusual design of the Dragon's which looked silly to my eye but the story got me hooked especially when Hiccup voiced wonderfully by Jay Baruchel finds the wounded Toothless. These scenes of initial fear that gradually turn to mutual trust and bonding are wonderful and the heart of the film. I was worried the plot was going to have Astrid America Ferrera report Hiccup to his father Stoick Gerard Butler but instead Astrid joins Hiccup in his adventure and the film is all the better for it. We never get bogged down in forced romances. The real romance is a bromance between Hiccup and Toothless. The soaring flying scenes with John Powell's driving score raise hairs on back of neck particularly in the training flight and more beautifully in the romantic flight with Astrid. Every film needs a villain and this is perhaps HTTYD's weakest point. The final battle is visually spectacular as Hiccup proves himself to his father and takes on a giant Dragon losing a limb in the process but i think it felt just a little rushed and needed further set up but this is just nitpicking.
Zombeavers (2014)
Endless Beaver jokes
Surprisingly entertaining low budget blend of horror and comedy utilizing mostly practical effects such as puppetry which lends scenes some unintentional hilarity. The acting is pretty poor from everyone although writers deserve credit for at least trying to give them some arcs, although the dialogue is mostly cringe worthy. Rex Linn shows up and chews some scenery in a fun performance. Cortney Palm lends the movie some gratuitous nudity and is probably the most enjoyable character in the movie. The opening scene with two guys bantering in vehicle was funniest moment and toxic barrel escaping reminded me of Return of the living dead.
The Drop (2014)
Dark horse
Whilst watching this i kept getting flashbacks of Dead Man Down, The lovely Noomi Rapace is in both and has scars in both. This is a hard movie to review as there is not a lot to love or hate with passion. I enjoyed the performances but found the plot ponderous save a neat little twist at the end. I'm not sure i could enthusiastically tell a mate they HAVE to see this movie yet if it came on TV i would say "its a good movie, give it a watch". I wasn't overly fond of the whole dog subplot, it just felt manipulative to me as if the writer thought that anyone who cares so much about a dog must be a good person leaving twist at finale more of a shock. But that's just a little niggle, performances were fine, a good send off for Gandolfini.
The Happening (2008)
Oh dear!
Sometimes whilst watching a movie there is a specific line or scene where it all falls apart. In this case it when camera tracks in on Walbergs face as he says "oh no" and the characters then outrun the wind. This way midway through the movie and up until this point i was actually enjoying it a little. There are so many problems with this movie, a complete lack of tension, dismal performances from Wahlberg and Deschanel. at no point did i ever care about any of the characters. Terribly unfunny attempts at humor and unintentionally hilarious scenes that are meant to be horrific or disturbing such as old woman smashing her head through window. And what was that house where everything was plastic? seemed like a plot device solely to have Wahlberg talk to a plastic tree. The positives of the movie are James Newton Howard's score and little else. Shymalan needs a strong producer to tell him not all his ideas are worth filming. A disappointment.
Foxcatcher (2014)
Creepy Carell
When I sat down to watch this I had no real idea of the true story. I knew some murder took place but didn't know who was killed. Watching the story unfold I somehow expected Channing Tatum to kill either Ruffalo or Carell but how wrong I was. The atmosphere is this film is palatable, I've rarely felt so uneasy watching a movie. Steve Carell is so creepy in this but I found him a little distracting, I thought how could anyone be that strange..but upon looking up footage of the real John Du Pont I stand corrected, Carells performance captures Du Pont 's stilted speech very well, The difference in some mannerisms, the real Du Pont had a creepy grin as he spoke while Carell played him much more intense. Channing Tatum impressed me more than Carell, I've never been a fan of Tatum but his intense portrayal of a man trying to escape his brothers shadow is understated and subtle making his occasional emotional bursts of frustration all the more impressive. Mark Ruffalo is the heart of the film in a warm charismatic performance that is entirely believable. Many fault the glacially slow pacing and over abundance of wrestling scenes but I was engrossed as previously stated I had no idea what was going to unfold. Overall this is a dark uncomfortable to watch tale that I appreciated but its not a film I would want to sit through again anytime soon.
Judge Dredd (1995)
Judge Dreddfully average
Upon first viewing this back in the 90's I recall actually enjoying it somewhat. 18 or so years later as a 33 year old I just re-watched it with some mates and the feelings of nostalgia could not help me enjoy this revisit. The problems : 1 : Anyone can read trivia here on IMDb and see how difficult a time Danny Cannon had with Stallone . If Stallone wanted so much creative control perhaps he should have Directed and not try influence someone else's vision. 2 : The tone is all over the place, is it a comedy or straight action. Robocop 1987 got the balance spot on but here its uneven, it also feels like a PG13 film with gore. 3: The acting, can you keep a straight face when Stallone spits out "I AM THE LAW!!", The normally reliable Diane Lane also struggles in some scenes looking embarrassed, Max Von Sydow was only performance I liked, less about Rob Schneider the better. Pointless character. 4: Dated effects, The bike chase through the city skies is not cringe inducing as green screen is so obvious and distracting that I felt sorry for the actors. 5: The costume the Judges wore looked like cheap plastic props. 6: Keep your helmet on Stallone. But I sound like a hater here. It wasn't all bad. I like Alan Silvestri's triumphant score, Armand Assante is hilariously over the top and the production design is impressive eye candy. Overall a deeply average movie.
Godzilla (2014)
Over rated
This was perhaps the film I was looking forward most this summer. The trailers were fantastic, the cast is very talented, a promising Director. Everything was in place so I should have loved it right? Sadly not. Let me explain why (Heavy Spoilers) 1: Bryan Cranston
By far the best thing about the film acting wise, his early scenes are emotional and wonderfully performed which the rest of the movies acting performances cant live up to
why? .because he's killed off in first half hour leaving us with problem number 2. 2: Aaron Taylor Johnson : Now don't get me wrong, I like this actor, I enjoyed him in both "Kick Ass "movies and even Oliver Stones "Savages" but here he is so unemotional and without facial expression that its very difficult to care for him. Now you might say he's a soldier and trained to be like that and I respect that but my point is it makes for such an un-engaging protagonist to vicariously live the movie through. He just brought no charisma to the role. He struggled to carry this movie when monsters weren't on screen. 3: Godzilla : Much has been written that the titular character only spends 26 minutes on screen but that did not bother me so much. What bothered me was the design of Godzilla. I know some will say it's faithful to the original design and I accept that but for me the original design looked silly. It's a man in a suit after all. I took my 15 year old nephew along with me to see this movie and afterward he said "Godzilla looked like a fat bear with spikes sticking out of his back". I found it hard to disagree. 4: It was just boring. For the whole middle third after the attack on Oahu to final battle in San Francisco I felt restless. I get that the director wanted to tease the audience until the final battle but I just wish he gave us something interesting to watch in between.
I probably sound like a hater here but there was scenes I enjoyed. 1: Bryan Cranston was excellent in his few scenes, highlight being his tragic scene with Juliette Binoche at reactor. 2: I enjoyed the Oahu scenes of destruction more than the final battle scenes. 3: "Let them fight". great line delivered by ken watanabe 4: Elizabeth Olsen was solid as always but underused in a thankless wife role. 5: Effects were great but avoid seeing it in 3D if you can. 6: Music score had some great eerie moments particularly when soldier skydived into city.
Overall I did leave disappointed but I respect what the director tried to achieve.
Leviathan (1989)
The second best underwater movie of 89
Plot : The crew of an underwater mining operation fight for their lives against a deadly foe.
Acting : Daniel Stern really annoyed me with his one dimensional horn dog. Amanda Pays was not very convincing either. Peter Weller was solid and Richard Crenna was the stand out of the cast reminding me of Ian Holm in Alien.
Effects : We don't get to see Stan Winstons monster on screen too much, when we do it is underwhelming, it's best viewing in quick cuts but i enjoyed the practical effect nonetheless, scenes of humans trapped inside a constantly mutating creature is disturbing, i remember seeing this as a kid and those images stayed with me. The flamethrower props looked dreadful, not only did they look cheap and impractical to use but why would undersea miners even need flamethrowers? welding torches maybe but i don't see the use for flamethrowers.
Action/Suspense : Things don't really get going until final third but are hampered by having an animatronic creature which limits what can happen, lots of pipes bursting etc, the final ascent to surface is cool though, the exploding creature at end looks a bit disappointing.
Music : A solid but unspectacular effort from the amazing Jerry Goldsmith, however the end credits music seemed out of place. Cinematography : Excellent use of lighting to convince viewers the underwater scenes are actually in water and not filmed on a dry sound stage.
Overall : A fun and enjoyable monster movie borrowing heavily from The Thing and Alien, my problems are with the rushed ending where they randomly get attacked by sharks before monster shows up, Killing off Ernie Hudson annoyed me also but i loved the punch at end when Weller knocks Meg Foster out.
Coma (1978)
You wont fall into coma watching it
Plot : Geneviève Bujold investigates shady goings on in a Hospital and finds her life in danger.
Acting : Serviceable, Richard Widmark was my fave performance, big fan of his movies from the 50's. Geneviève Bujold was not entirely likable throughout and i kind of wished Michael Douglas was lead character as his natural charisma shows here. saying that i thought Bujold did well and blame the writing more than her for how her character turned out.
Action/Suspense : An unintentionally hilarious assassination aside i really enjoyed the few chase of hide and seek sequences in second half of movie. Best being a scene in the morgue, felt like a slasher movie. The Jefferson institute scenes were also compelling and the final few minutes offer great tension as Michael Douglas races against time to save his lady on the operation table.
Cameos : Lois Chiles looking lovely as a soon to be unfortunate victim. Tom Selleck rocking an awesome pre Magnum mustache and Ed Harris in his first role with a fine head of hair looking like a young Will Patton. Nudity : A surprising amount for a PG movie including Geneviève Bujold having a shower,
Music : The score doesn't kick in till second half of movie but Jerry Goldsmith music helps the suspense brilliantly and improves the film as a whole.
Cinematography : Depressing hospital interiors aside there is a sequence in the middle of movie where Bujold and Douglas go on a day out and it looks all soft focus and inconsistent with look of the rest of movie.
Directing : Unremarkable but solid.
Overall : Saw this as a kid and always had a fondness for it, revisiting it twenty years later i am happy to say i still thoroughly enjoy it, an intriguing plot, suspenseful chases and a satisfying climax make for an entertaining and solid thriller.
Ferocious Planet (2011)
Sliders SG1
Acting : Joe Flanigan does his thing and is likable, John Rhys Davies adopts an hilarious accent.
Naughtiness : nothing.
Effects : bargain basement CGI with one practical creature that spurts ammonia as blood, the effect where the ammonia sprays on a guys face killing him is competently done. The scenes of the larger CGI creatures running about the forest are laughable.
Music : Cheap as can be expected .
Cinematography: Poor, too many static camera shots of bad acting.
Overall : Intrigued that this was filmed in Dublin. Not the worst Syfy effort, Flanigan is always likable but it gets tiresome watching a bunch of people running back and forth through the woods. Fave scene had to be the quicksand bit.
Burke & Hare (2010)
Not very "hare"larious
Thoughts : Black Comedy that falls disappointingly flat with laughs few and far between, most of the joy coming from cameos. If Jack Sparrow showed up wandering around he would fit right in with characters in this.
Acting : Being Irish I feel qualified to say Andy Serkis gave the best performance accent wise. All the performances were fine, Ronnie Corbett seemed miscast and a little distracting taking me out of story with his presence.
Naughtiness : Alas no Isla Fisher in the nip, you do however get to see a fully clothed Andy Serkis humping away if that's your thing
.twice!
Effects. A great visual effect of a rigor mortis body bent in an hilarious shape, funniest scene of the movie for me.
Music : Can't recall music making any impression for good or ill but the end credits song is guaranteed to get you smiling. The Proclaimers singing "500 miles"
Cinematography. : Dark and creepy looking, Hammer studios would be proud of this aesthetic.
Overall : A failure but entertaining nonetheless. Made me look up the real story of the titular characters. Worth a one time watch if you don't feel too demanding.
Crawlspace (2012)
Don't crawl in front of this movie.
Problems
1: The plot. Starts off interesting with a bunch of soldiers sent to a top secret underground compound to extract the lead science team but quickly falls apart as the story unravels into a series of dull twists and loses the viewers interest long before the finale. What I had hoped would be a claustrophobic Aliens type movie quickly descended into an evil scientist/ psychic warfare bore-athon with tedious scenes of crawling around vents of varying width before we get a literally head popping final confrontation between crazed psychic, evil scientist and brainwashed soldier leading to crazed psychic escaping a grenade blast despite being two feet away and blowing up a nearby town or compound or whatever with her mind. Meh
2: The character named four pack. When I saw him first I thought he looked like a guy who should be in a biker bar than an elite military unit, as the film progressed it annoyed me even more, surely an elite soldier should be ripped fit and young but this guy is so out of shape he can barely crawl through a vent. Add the fact he is also a total idiot who contributes to his own death by being defiant to his aggressor instead of playing along and perhaps living to fight another day. It only made sense to me during the end credits why this actor was cast
.he's also one of the movies writers.
3: Unsympathetic characters. The Romeo character played by Ditch Davey is the lead in this movie and I guess we are meant to care most about him but his character is just a run of the mill grunt whose plight I did not care for, that's the problem with this movie, its impossible to care about it.
4:What was in the body bag Eve opened after killing her attacker with her psychic powers?, she screamed in horror but we never see at what or else I just zoned out. Or was the creature she saw in her end flashback the thing in the bag maybe?
Highlights
1: Amber Clayton. She's hot like a more beautiful Kate Bosworth. Her character was annoying though especially for the latter half of movie.
2: There was a big gorilla type monster chasing our heroes early on leading me to believe more was to come, how wrong I was.
Overall : like an average Stargate episode if Stargate had gore.
A Dark Truth (2012)
Tedium
Problems.
1 : Direction. Damien lee director of such classics as Ski School, Inner Action and who can forget the much loved
.er
..Abraxas, Guardian of the Universe . So in such safe hands what can we expect from this movie?. The answer is uninspired direction, miscasting, and the feel of a TV show pilot that would never go to full series.
2: Plot. This plot concerns an evil water corporation whose goal is ultimately to privatise water trying to cover up mass murder in Ecuador after something goes wrong with water there making the locals ill. So instead of calling in the WHO, the local General kills everyone while Forest Whitaker escapes and former CIA agent turned radio host Andy Garcia has to rescue him and get him back to states to expose big bad corporation before they are assassinated by Kevin Durand. Why would a retired radio host want to rescue a guy in Ecuador you ask? Contrived script I answer. Turns out years earlier Garcia had Whitaker incarcerated. But don't worry, Whitaker doesn't mind because he wrote a book in prison and thanks Garcia for it.. Despite the fact its said Whitaker was in a really tough prison, why would Whitaker thank him for that? Perhaps he enjoyed the daily buggery?.
3: Eva Longoria. Why is she in this film? Shes in no way memorable, distracting if anything. When I saw her first I said "hey that's that chick from Desperate Housewives" Then she started firing a machine gun and I laughed out loud, hard to take Gabrielle Solis firing a machine gun seriously.
4: Kim Coates. Now I like this guy, I think he's a good actor but here he's so obvious and dull that I found his scenes painful and predictable.
5 : Too many chocolate cookies. Andy Garcia has clearly had too many, suck in that gut dude.
Highlights.
1: The shootout. Decent gun fight toward the end with Kevin Durand's turn coat sniping the attackers while Garcia scuttles about and tries to defend a wounded Whitaker.
2: Forest Whitaker. Even in bland movies like this Whitaker brings gravitas.
3: There's a road block scene where Garcia is trying to calmly negotiate his way through then takes out a gun and shoots down three army guys in rapid succession. Caught me by surprise
by that I mean the loud gunfire woke me up. Overall : very bland and should be watched by those who are easily pleased by generic things like flavourless ice cream
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (2012)
A mixed bag
Problems:
1 : Ragadast the brown. This character was terribly misjudged, was Jackson hoping to cater to a younger audience ala Jar Jar Binks. In my experience comedy relief characters never truly work in big films and the only relief here is when his scenes are over. I mean who wants to see a hippy old guy with bird droppings caked on his face riding a sled pulled by giant bunnies. I had to check my drink to see if it had been spiked by LSD. Get lost Ragadast!
2 : The Goblin King. This testicle chinned Jabba the hut wannabe is not the slightest bit scary. First impression of him was that the rendering could have been better, I saw this movie twice in cinema, firstly in 3D 48fps and then in 2D and The Goblin King looked noticeably faker in 3D 48fps. It also annoyed me when he started a sing a long. Stop singing you fat fool, it feels like I'm watching a Dame Edna cabaret show. Heaven forbid.
3 : Unnecessary characters. old Bilbo, Frodo, Galadriel and Saruman had no need to be in this movie and I challenge anyone to defend their scenes as essential to plot. Ian Holm and Christopher Lee look so old and rigid its as if they have a team of puppeteers just moving their facial features and its really sad and distracting. Why have them in it? Did Jackson just want the gang back together for old times sake. These scenes should have been saved for the extended editions which begs the question what will be in those editions? Will we get a sequence where Gandalf has a bit too much to eat at the opening meeting in Bilbo's and has to rush to the bathroom and is too big for toilet bowl and blocks it in a scene reminiscent to Jeff Daniels in Dumb and Dumber. Perish the thought.
4 : Galadriel. This character is utterly useless, she just stands around posing. She cant even walk because she will trip over in that long dress. Then she tells Gandalf if he needs her help to call her and just disappears from shot. Where did she go? Did she hide behind the pillar? Makes no sense, if she can just transport around the place at will then why didn't Gandalf call her for help when they were in peril at the end instead of sending a bug off to get giant Eagles. Galadriel is as much use as a glass hammer.
5 : Trolls. Tom, William and Bert. I mean really? Tom, William and Bert. Are they tax accountants, sesame street puppets or trolls?, awful names for threatening characters. That whole sequence irritated me, felt like something out of a Narnia movie, too silly and lame comedy.
What was good?
1: Gandalf. Ian Mckellen is fantastic as usual, every time he appears on scene its like an old loved friend returning.
2: Thorin = total bad ass
3: Gollum. Steals the whole movie with the riddles in the dark sequence that is compelling to watch. Gollum is scarier than he was in LOTR, cant fault this scene.
4: Music. I enjoyed Howard Shores score, its not as memorable as his LOTR score but he does the best of what he has to work with and the main dwarf theme is suitably rousing, I also loved his music used when the Eagles arrive and rescue our heroes.
5: Final showdown, I was gripped by the tree top escape from Azog and his wargs, I felt real emotion there, it felt like the old LOTR movies and I was captivated and didn't want movie to end from that point.
Overall: I did like this movie, it entertained me.
Jack Reacher (2012)
"BIG" shoes to fill
As a big fan of Lee Child's Jack Reacher series of books I feel qualified to voice my disdain for this movie. I've no problems with the plot, action or supporting characters but I've a big problem with little Tom Cruise playing the 6 foot 5 -fifty inch chest title character. The whole joy of reading the books came from knowing Reacher was a giant bad ass whom most men could look up to, a guy who would always do what he deems as justice but Tom Cruise just can not be that, not now not ever, he isn't Reacher.
I cant remember the last time I was so disillusioned after seeing a movie, Spiderman 3 comes close. I hope they reboot this series in 5 to 10 years with Chris Hemsworth but until then I am done with Lee Child, he has lost a big fan for insulting his fans and giving his approval for Cruise to make a joke out of a great character.
As for the movie, it has a Bullitt style car chase which wasn't even in the book, in fact the book version of Reacher rarely drives anywhere, he admits to not being a very good driver yet here we see Cruise driving around like Days of Thunder 2. Admittedly that chase is the best part of the film only to be ruined by Reacher merging into a crowd of onlookers and those people helping him hide from half a dozen cop cars. Reacher could have been an escaped lunatic or serial killer and the guys in crowd help him hide, I mean what the heck?,
Speaking of Days of thunder, Cruises co star in that Robert Duvall shows up to help Cruise in the finale. Robert Duvall is always a likable presence and here is no exception I've stopped referring to Reacher now as this movie should be called Tom Cruise instead, Cruise storms a quarry to defeat lame henchmen except Jai Courtney who gives a promising performance.
Only other plus points was a very menacing alley scene where The Zec played nicely by Werner Herzog gives a minion the choice of death by execution or chewing his own fingers off and be let live.
Rosamund Pike is just an exposition character and a plot device to move story along, I notice that she's two inches taller than Cruise in real life yet they have them same height or Cruise slightly taller in scenes together, if the filmmakers were so conscious of that then why not have Cruise wear shoe lifts so he wouldn't look so tiny in the scene when the five guys call him out to lay a smack down on him.
Alexia Fast plays a character called Sandy and I found her scenes with Cruise to be very engaging especially the bar scene where Cruise insults her leading up to the street brawl. Some great dialog in that sequence.
Overall I can not recommend this to any Lee Child fans and for anyone else
.well just imagine if Hugh Jackman was Jack Reacher. Now that's what id pay to see.-
Nazis at the Center of the Earth (2012)
Optimus Hitler
Wow! What did I just watch?
I recall zombie robot Hitler, imagine Hitlers head on a mini Optimus Prime body, I'm calling him Optimus Hitler, and with the incredible gift of sub par Playstation 2 graphical power he attempts to take over all non Aryan countries by dropping flesh eating bacterial bombs from his flying Nazi saucer
yes you read that correctly
A flying Nazi saucer which emerges from the center of the Earth no less, now I'm no expert on geology but I do know the center of the Earth is roughly 4000 miles below the Earths surface, I only bring this up as our "heroes" and I use the term heroes lightly as this group is as forgettable as a week old cheese sandwich left out in the sun, journey down a shaft that is nowhere near 4000 miles, perhaps 2 miles if I'm being very generous.
A CGI snow-cat vehicle (surely renting a real one would have been more cost effective)
A Wilhelm scream in opening skirmish, I call it a skirmish but it was really just four guys in a row shooting at a few other guys with no actual sense that they were shooting at each other, like watching one sided tennis, watch it and see.. Actually just watch grass grow instead.
A zombie Nazi gang rape (just an excuse to get gratuitous boob shots in) and whatever happened to that girl? Did they kill her afterward? It all seemed so unnecessary and left a nasty taste in mouth.
"Saw" type torture porn scenes with the most efficient face peeling in history.
I'm no expert on the fine art of peeling someone's face off but I imagine an incision across the forehead followed by a quick pull would not allow a face to come off unspoilt and then be stitched onto another head, it wasn't like that in "Face Off" which segues nicely into Dominique Swain who starred in that and whose career has gone so far down the toilet that Jake Buseys teeth act her off the screen here. Her character is hilariously inconsistent, she's hero-villain-hero, actually the only consistent thing is her bad acting.
I actually enjoyed the last twenty minutes when Optimus Hitler shows up, one of our "heroes" attempts a daring escape by jogging away very slowly and is decapitated by Optimus Hitler in an unintentionally hilarious scene.
The final battle is so naff that I couldn't help but smile, after Optimus Hitlers saucer crashes by aid of Jake Busey suddenly turning from villain to hero, presumably because the script told him to, we get a final face off between Optimus Hitler and Dominique Swain's bad acting. And if this film taught me anything its that the nastiest of evil is no match for unconvincing acting as Optimus Hitler sinks into the Antarctic waters immediately followed by Dominique Swain accepting a marriage proposal from some forgettable guy
.as you do
.after fighting a Nazi robot zombie Hitler.
As movies from Global Asylum productions go this wasn't the worst, but that's akin to saying that stale biscuits are tastier than moldy bread
Amour (2012)
One foot in the grave
This will be my first review here and I don't think I could have picked a more depressing film to start with. I'm just going to run through the film with a SPOILER filled review so anyone who has yet to see this should stop reading.
did this movie entertain me? No it did not, it was a tough uncomfortable watch. Was it a good movie? Yes it was.
The movie began with silent credits, I cranked up sound , then images kick in and I get fright of my life when sound booms out my speakers, horror movies should do that, I was not expecting a fright watching an intimate drama.
We are shown an apartment that will become our home for the next two hours, pretty nice place, spacious and very tidy, fire fighters force their way in to be greeted by an obvious stench of deathly decay, duct taped doors and an old woman laid out with loving care deceased on a bed.
Next scene finds us at a music concert and we are in the recent past with the old woman from the bed and her husband, Anne and Georges, a few scenes establish them as retired music teachers in their eighties with a daughter married to an English guy . Georges is instantly likable and easy to follow and empathise with, and the dedication he shows as Anne has a stroke and becomes paralysed on her right side is admirable.
One issue I have with this movie is we didn't get enough time with Anne before stroke to like her more and I found myself not really caring about her, I felt empathy for Georges all through but Anne's predicament left me cold, this is due only to the fact that Anne understandably falls into depression and its hard to care about a person who wants to give up. If we had only more scenes with her and Georges being happy and active together we would have more reason to care and remember why he loved her in first place.
The first half of the movie has Anne struggling to come to terms with her disability and making Georges promise not to send her back to hospital, a fate she dreads but its when she suffers her second stroke that this movie becomes incredibly uncomfortable to watch as her body and mind deteoriates. Georges struggles to cope alone, an incompetent nurse comes and goes after a shower scene that is very uncomfortable to watch, Georges and Anna's daughter visit a few times, the second visit demonstrating the degree in which Anna has failed.
Georges reaches breaking point and can't bare to see the love of his life suffering anymore and takes a pillow to her face smothering the life from her after telling her a story that I kind of zoned out from, The camera shots are all so free of movement that I was looking at the object on the bedside locker not paying attention when he takes a pillow and smothers her, I was like "WTF"
that's the second fright I got in this movie, more than last supernatural chiller I watched.
Afterwards its clear Georges starts to lose his mind, he duct tapes doors off, cuts heads off flowers, and writes letters to i'm presuming Anne. We then get our first action scene of the movie, a high speed chase around a room as Georges attempts to catch a pigeon with a blanket, by high speed I mean a slow stumble. I'm making fun of this scene as the movie started to lose me at this point. It wraps up with Georges imagining Anne alive and leaving the apartment with her, the daughter shows up and credits roll silently.
I've mentioned I got two unintentional frights in this movie and it is a kind of horror film in a way, through the thoughts that one day the plot of this movie could be the reality of our lives during elderly years or our parents or grandparents sooner.
If anyone was really moved by this movie I highly recommend a film called Iris starring Judi Dench and Kate Winslet, its similar to this but I found it far more emotional