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Reviews
The Skeleton Key (2005)
Snooze
While not a horrible movie, "Skeleton Key" disappoints with its lack of a substantial plot and failure to use its setting to create a spooky atmosphere. The story felt like a rehash of the Oliver Reed-Bette Davis film "Burnt Offerings," except a lot more predictable. It's always bad to have the audience figuring things out ahead of the protagonist but in the case of this film, the big twist is apparent roughly fifteen minutes into the movie -- and Hudson is playing catch up for the rest of the running time. John Hurt is utterly wasted in the role of a paralyzed stroke victim -- which begs the question, why cast him? Aren't there any wonderful older stage actors who could have played it just as well? Why put a star in a silent part?
Red Riding Hood (2003)
Absolute madness
That two people have actually given this thing positive reviews makes me afraid. Very afraid. The kid and her grandmother were possibly the worst actresses in the history of cinema -- and I'm including porn. Grandma overacts with an abandon only possessed by really bad stage actors or the criminally insane while the girl underacts like a sleepwalker. Plus, what's up with those eyebrows? I thought they had hired Corey Feldman and slapped a wig on him. Oh, and I haven't forgotten the guy who plays "Jenny's father." He appears at the beginning and the end for two unintentionally funny scenes that will have you scratching your head with the sheer lunacy of it all.
Where does the blame lie? Look no further than writer-producer Ovidio G. Assonitis whose complete lack of talent, narrative skill or sanity taints every moment of every scene. This guy has never had a film go over a 4 rating on the IMDb. His name on the DVD cover is a good clue to avoid at all costs -- if not collect and destroy all copies.
Head in the Clouds (2004)
Dullsville
Surprisingly boring giving its epic subject matter and emotional potential, this WWII romance falls flat because of three reasons. First, some truly horrendously pompous dialogue that never allows you to relate to the characters as human beings so much as writer's contrivances. Second, a wooden performance by Stuart Townsend who is actually the lead of the film as he is afforded by far the most screen time and through whose eyes we see the film (just watch is non-reaction at the death of a friend during the Spanish civil war scenes). Third, a slew of melodramatic contrivances that add up to some unintentionally funny moments (a gypsy fortune teller straight out of a dime novel or the gut-busting fact that Theron joins the French resistance while neglecting to tell the French). Yes, there are a few bright moments: Cruz is good, the photography is beautiful and Theron does try hard. But really... didn't anyone read the script?