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ashley-crookes
Reviews
The Flash (2023)
Not gonna, Keaton was the ONLY reason I went to watch this film.
I really wanted to enjoy this film to the max. I have been a DC fan since the 1980's when as a kid I first saw Christopher Reeves as Superman. Later came Tim Burton's Batman, complete with Michael Keaton in the starring role and I've been hooked ever since. Fast forward to the cheesy '90's and the TV version of "The Flash" which I also loved.
Then came this latest "The Flash" movie. Wow. Ezra Miller. Gosh I found him an annoying character to watch. It really was a chore for me. When the lead character irritates one so much, then there is a problem. The first hour or so I slogged through. Some of the slow mo scenes honestly reminded me of the original 1978 Superman when Clark is running next to the train...it was that bad, as back then they did not have modern technology to make things look good (DC needs to go and watch Marvels "X-Men Days of Future Past", a certain Quicksilver speed scene and see how it can be done properly!). For a movie about a speedster, there really were next to no actualy speed scenes, just terrible slow mo scenes!
Finally, the big reveal that most of us were waiting for when a certain caped character returns - complete with original music score by the great Danny Elfman. I had chills, goosebumps, whatever you want to call it, nostalgia was there and I was loving it. No, this is not the next Batman movie, but it really could have been. Loved the easter eggs and cameos so look out for those too!
Vehicle 19 (2013)
Boring. Pointless. Waste of Time.
I saw Paul Walker and remembered watching him in the Fast & Furious series. Thought surely the 4.9 rating wouldn't be too bad - nope, it was definitely worse! Poor acting, idiotic scenes, characters that you don't care about and a plot as thin as last years underpants, you can find something much MUCH better than this drivel. As a South African, this really was extremely cringe worthy.
The location scout must have gone out to find the absolute worst of the Johannesberg area, the dirtiest, most trash filled, scummy areas that you will ever see on film. I personally have never seen places like that after living in SA for 40 years. Oh, and by the way, having a white policeman is pretty stupid as there are practically none left due to the racist ANC that are running this country and their BEE (Black Econonomically Empowered ) policies so that part was equally unbelievable. All in all a complete waste if time!
Jungle Cruise (2021)
A fun romp in the jungle
I honestly wasn't expecting too much from this film, most Disney movies these days don't impress me as much as their older films did. Others have already mentioned that this feels like a Pirates of the Caribbean and Jumanji mashup - or maybe they just met and had a love child and called it Jungle Cruise. I was pleasanlty surprized though.
My father and I enjoyed the film overall. Adventure and mystery are always a firm favourite in our household, and there were enough silly jokes to make the movie quite enjoyable all around.
Sadly the only thing that detracted from it was the awkward "brother bares all about his love interest not being girls...but his interest being in other areas" moment - another PC point that Disney just had to shove in our faces to push their gay agenda. It felt completely forced and did not suit the movie or the scene at all. This went from a watch again in the future movie to don't bother, I wouldn't want to have to explain the scene to my kids.
Melancholia (2011)
Perfect film to watch...when you need a Sunday afternoon nap.
Somehow I came across this film and added it to my watchlist. With a lot of rain falling this evening, I thought I would give it a go.
Not sure how I'm supposed to sum up in 600 words, exactly what I felt about this movie, but here goes It starts off extremely slow. So I fast forwarded to get to the start. It then proceeds to ramble on, and on, and on. After an hour - a precious hour out of my life watching Kirsten Dunst's character look extremely bored with life, then smile, then drink some alcohol, then run away, then come back and enjoy a party, but not really, then run away again, then talk, then sleep...after that 1 hour I then started to flick through the rest of the movie until I got to the end and the credits finally rolled.
Thank goodness, because I couldn't stomach anymore of this absolute drivvle - I cannot believe so many well known actors were in this! Melancholia gets my vote for most boring film of all time!
Disenchanted (2022)
Disappointing
We sat down as a family and decided to watch this film as we had only recently discovered and enjoyed Enchanted. Sadly Disenchanted is exactly what the title states.
A plot not worth anything, and a runtime that was about 30mins too long, coupled with a mish mash of things happening, I'm sure all of us fell asleep at least two or three times during this movie. The only thing I picked up on was Disney made a huge effort to include as many female cast members in as possible to the point that it was very noticeable, and made this another diverse PC film - if they spent as much time on that as they did on actual story and casting then we might have a good film from them again one day. Until then, best avoid this movie and go watch the original instead.
Black Adam (2022)
Another forgettable movie - stay for the end credits only!
Here is another run of the mill superhero movie. I really was expecting more, but, was sorely disappointed. I felt my eyes closing a few times during this film, so that is never a good sign as I never fall asleep during movies, especially not ones that are supposed to be action orientated!
The problem with all the superhero movies these days, is that the writers and directors are making them all - the same. All the heroes seem to have the same un godly powers, super strength, can fly, bullets bounce off them. It's boring. It's tiring. Clearly Superman has rubbed off on every other wannabe hero. And all the B-grade heroes they chuck in on the sidelines just make it worse - Hawkman/hawk guy, the girl who is a tornado or a cyclone or whatever and the dude who grows, I thought I was watching Marvel's Ant-Man again. It feels, meh. I can't even remember the names of their characters and I don't care about them either.
Come on DC - you don't have to try copy Marvel. The reason Nolan's Batman films (and even the most recent Batman) were so good, is that there was a story that was properly built and executed and I loved them. The action scenes were then really appreciated. It wasn't just exploding buildings every 3 seconds.
Prisoners of the Ghostland (2021)
Really, really...not great
Well at least I have found the worst Nicholas Cage movie to date. I was really hoping it wouldn't be as bad as the review score it had. It was actually worse!
Unlikeable characters, terrible voices, it was fine when there were sub titles during the Japanese dialogue, but near the end of the film there were some pointless secondary characters shouting, garbled words...who the heck knows what - clearly all the other fill in actors knew what was said as they were happily cheering. Gosh, it was just all so bad. Do yourself a favour - and go and catch a sun tan outside instead. You will achieve more and not waste your life on this boring drivvle.
Avoid - worst movie I've forced myself to sit through in the past few years!
Smile (2022)
Well made - but ending just makes it generic.
I'm not a big fan of horrors, for the simple fact that most are just plain stupid, have a non existant story or characters that are just dumb and you hope they get killed off as soon as possible.
Smile, actually - was quite enjoyable, as far as horrors go. The scares were well done, there were lots of tense scenes, there was a decent enough story line with only 1 wooden actor that sadly wasn't taken out. We as the audience were actually rooting for the main character, we wanted to know if she would figure out some way to solve the puzzle of what happened to her patient.
Unfortunately the ending just turned it into another generic horror ending, and I left the cinema feeling quite let down after having enjoyed the first 98% of the film before that.
The Karate Kid (2010)
Not even karate!
I gave 2 stars just for Jackie Chan because I like him as an actor, and then -8 for the movie as it has nothing to do with karate and for a very annoying Jayden Smith. Seriously, how this movie was even greenlit is beyond me. Kung fu is used in this film, so really they should have changed the title to something else as this movie has nothing to do with the original and was just trying to steal the fans away who also loved the original.
Avoid this trash and watch the 1980's original film instead and then check out the sequel series "Cobra Kai"!!! Life is too short to waste on movies like this.
Gremlins (1984)
Expected more, too long
I'd never seen Gremlins as a kid so I didn't watch it through rose tinted glasses like many others here. Personally I found the movie a bit boring and long winded. They could have trimmed it down by at least 20mins. I can't say I felt anything for any of the actors, except the mom. She was great when she had to protect her home! The rest of the characters though, really could do with some more time in acting school. Wooden and unlikeable at best.
For a movie with Spielberg as a producer, quite disappoiting. There are so many older 80's movies that are so much better, so I really was left wanting after seeing this film. Don't expect much, maybe you will enjoy it.
Marriage Story (2019)
Boredom Guaranteed!
After watching 30mins of this drivel I could not stomach anymore. When I watch a film I actually want to be entertained and not bored to tears - this movie does not entertain AT ALL. Avoid.
Top Gun: Maverick (2022)
Solid, Fun Action Film!
Go on, you know you want to watch it. Finally a decent Hollywood action film, without having too much of an '"agenda" shoved in your face like every other movie these days feels it has to do. It's good, solid fun for those who appreciate the old fashioned movies of the 80's and 90's, but great for the youngsters too - the sound effects and jet scenes on the Imax are awesome! Tom Cruise and the rest of the cast did this movie justice.
Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (2022)
Very Strange indeed
I was expecting to see more of Dr Strange and his story...instead most of it is about Wanda and some kid. It was ok, but slightly misleading title.
Also the characters read like the casting director had a checklist of everyone that had to be included in this movie in order for it to feel "inclusive" - so really feels forced. Most of them I certainly didn't care about and was glad when the ridiculous alternate characters were taken out. Watch once kind of movie, but I will never own it like I do many of the other Marvel movies.
Let Them All Talk (2020)
Boring as heck
After 40mins, I was waiting for anything comedic to happen. There was none. Comedy drama? No, BORING drama. My parents and I were starting to fall asleep on the couch watching this drivvle. Avoid.
Blacklight (2022)
Not as bad as some reviews make it out to be
If you're a Liam Neeson fan, go for it. As a long time fan, I enjoyed my 2 hours worth of this movie, and certainly enjoyed it way more than "A Walk Among the Tombstones" which has a score higher than this. Decent movie, but nothing to tax your brain - just enjoy the action.
Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021)
Finally another great Marvel Movie!
I honestly didn't expect too much from this film, after the last few Marvel movies have left me bored or they have been just plain bad. I was very pleasantly surprised, and really loved the "nostalgic" parts of the film that we got to see.
Sadly I had to take off 1 star. I thought Jamie Foxx had redeemed himself after his last terrible Spiderman outing, until he opened his mouth to moan and complain that he wishes there was also a black spiderman...! WTF? There are enough great black actors, movies and parts out there, we don't need to constantly have stupid comments like that made in a movie. If I wanted to listen to politics I would put on the news. Just dump Foxx please, and whichever idiot decided to put that line in the movie.
The Matrix (1999)
Awesome Sci-Fi - the original and BEST Matrix!
It takes a little while to get going in the beginning, but it is well worth the wait. I've watched this movie too many times to count, from the first time I saw it on the big screen, till I bought both DVD and Bluray copies of the collection. Give it a go if you have never watched it, you will not be disappointed!
The Matrix Resurrections (2021)
Nobody asked for it, and it should have stayed that way
As a huge fan of the original Matrix directed by the Wachowski "Brothers", when I heard this sequel was coming out I actually cringed. Lana, now one of the Wachowski "Sisters", has really attempted to pretty much remake the original Matrix movie, and shove all the woke crap she can think of in there. Gone is the green tinge that gave Matrix it's unique flair. Everything is blue hair and colourful. The movie is also extremely boring. Just let the franchise die already, forget this movie was ever made.
The Beatles: Get Back (2021)
Long and Tedious
Peter Jackson is a director and clearly not an editor. He should have cut more than 6 hours worth of fluff that just didn't need to be there. For die hard fans only!
Knight Rider 2000 (1991)
Terrible, terrible movie
I remember fondly watching Knight Rider as a kid. The sleek black crime fighting vehicle, awesome intro music. Sadly this movie had neither. No intro, no black car, no point and no soul. Utter garbage that should never have been made.
Godzilla vs. Kong (2021)
Not impressed
If you liked Transformers...then you will like this movie. I was hoping to see the epic battle of Kong vs Godzilla, well, we get it, but it's just a bit of fluff before the next "main event" comes along. Obnoxious teens irritate you throughout the movie, I'm looking at you Millie. The only decent character was the deaf little girl. I don't know what was up with the 3D in the theater I went to, but there was something especially wrong with that too. All in all a forgettable experience.
Star Wars: Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker (2019)
Complete Train Wreck
I read many bad reviews and had friends tell me not to watch it at all, so I chose instead to not to see this in the cinema but on tv instead. Thank goodness! I nearly fell asleep on my couch multiple times, and ended up fast forwarding through most of the rest. As a long time Star Wars fan I was so disappointed in this 3rd film and hopefully final film of this series. DO NOT BOTHER.
The Mandalorian (2019)
Thank you Jon!
This is definitely what the Star Wars universe needs! SO happy that there is no "political agenda" being shoved in our faces (in the first few episodes at least, although why Kathleen Kennedy is still listed as a Producer and hasn't been fired is beyond me!).
Jon Favreau, we the fans thank you for bringing us something to actually care about once again, I definitely won't be going to waste my money on SW9. Will continue watching in anticipation to see where this show goes - don't mess it up!
The Pledge (2001)
Slow...slow...roll credits
Don't get me wrong, this film was interesting, but Sean Penn's pacing is just soooooooo darn slow! And well, the ending is just plain depressing. Watch at your peril.