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Annabelle (I) (2014)
3/10
Boring, Boring, OK, Boring
12 May 2024
I have seen a great many horror films, far more than is probably healthy. I have seen some excellent ones, many good ones, a great many terrible ones, but remarkably few boring ones.

This, most definitely, falls into that last category.

After rewatching the excellent Conjuring again I decided to go through the whole series in release order, and what a fall from grace!

The characters are so two dimensional even the familiarity of cliché is largely lost. The father basically doesn't need to be in the movie, he brings so little to the proceedings. The mother never feels desperate to save her family. The priest held so much potential but again was effectively pointless. Of them all, I wanted to see more of the bookshop owner, but again, too little too late.

The effects, such as there were, were OK. The lift scene was pretty good, and the girl running through the door scene (if you've seen it, you know it) was very well done, but everything else was... boring. Long, lingering shots of a doll (that doesn't move). Occasional glimpses of a demon\devil\monster (that was unthreatening). The occasional child giggling far off, because why not; babies are known to giggle like 5 year olds.

Even the setting was lacking. The Conjuring *felt* like the 1970s. This film just proves you need more than a few old background cars and a knackered radio to give that vibe.

Overall, this felt like two films: The first 40mins is a haunted house movie, the next 50mins is a monster movie, and neither of them are scary or particularly well done. I could have excused a great deal if I'd been given characters I could root for or sympathise with, an antagonist to fear or hate, or even effects to be impressed by if I was really desperate. This gave none of that.

Have I seen worse horror movies? Yes, absolutely. But it's a rare thing to find one that made me seriously consider giving up half way through.
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Cthulhu (2007)
5/10
Brokeback R'lyeh
22 May 2014
Warning: Spoilers
As a long-time HP Lovecraft fan, I tend to consume with an open mind as much of the related content as I can, and this was no different. I understand a lot of what is out there has only the most tenuous relationship to any Lovecraft story or mythos and the whole 'nameless horror' thing is simply used as a device. And this in many ways is no different.

So, anyone expecting a full on Cthulhu Experience (tm) will be disappointed: Cthulhu itself is referred to in only the most general terms and only directly spoken of once; the Cult of Dagon an easily missed, fleeting reference early in the film; and the acolytes themselves, while not over-done, much to their credit, could easily be avid followers of any cult or fringe religion.

There are many references to entities coming from or going back to the sea, to horrors committed by and to the locals, but again these are mostly indistinct mentions with no real fleshing-out to make the feeling of creeping dread really take ahold which just left me itching for more of the old fisherman and more backstory. Having said that, there are moments during the film of desolate foreboding that work, and at brief times reminded me of the first Silent Hill game, which for anyone whose played it is high praise indeed! And these points are to the films credit. Same too with some of the other cinematography, with good use of the seascape and threatening clouds, as well as the town itself to create the impression of a coastal colonial American town with some of the history that you might expect of a Lovecraftian horror.

However, there were certain points that admittedly other reviewers have covered that I feel genuinely detracted from the film, not least the whole sexual aspect of it. The fact that the main protagonist was gay was semi-relevant to the storyline, so I can grant that, but the amount of time spent on it was inordinate to the amount of time spent on other, more important things like developing tension and moving the plot along. A few minutes less of him making cow-eyes at a truck driver and a few minutes more backstory would have paid dividends! Also, the sexual aggressiveness of Tori Spelling's character, while well done and performed well, smacked just a little of misogyny, as well as a huge missed opportunity for a grander plot device. I similarly felt other female characters were somewhat sidelined, with the sister given only the most cursory of parts. Given the set-up, I would imagine the protagonist and sister to have spent a LOT more time together, or at least that time to be much more emotional.

In general, I had no massive problem with the film in that I have certainly seen worse Lovecraft adaptations and much worse acting. But considering how many of these get made that are at best amateur and at worst throwaway projects, seeing that this seemed to at least have the makings of a decent version is a sadly wasted chance at submitting to a niche genre already bloated with half-hearted attempts. Having said that, it by no means sinks without trace and does stand up by itself as a half-way decent film. Unfortunately that is mostly because it's pitched itself at a subgenre with precious little competition. It is ultimately worth watching, but as a Lovecraft fan there are other films I would get to first.
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Nightmare Factory (2011 TV Movie)
9/10
Excellent Horror Doc
1 April 2012
Just seen this at a horror festival (like, literally a few hours ago at the end of a very long night of other films) and was blown away at how absorbing I found the whole thing from start to finish. It's always fascinating to listen to anyone talking about any subject they are honestly passionate about, but these guys just appear to be a history of horror from 1980 to the present day in and of themselves, as well as an impressive gamut of non-horror films from the last 20 years. The directors they have worked with, the projects they have worked on, and the skill they bring to the craft are all on show in this brilliant bit of documentary filmmaking and make it worth watching whether you are interested in the craft, history, or just expanding general horror knowledge. I'm deducting one mark simply because I would have liked more detail on the evolving mix of traditional model making and CGI in new horror films even though it was touched on, as well as a bit more detail on some of their past projects that have since become genre set-pieces or examplars of the craft, but that may have made a 3hr doc and may not have been the directors intention. But besides, utterly compelling, even to someone who did not expect much and was exhausted at the viewing!
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7/10
Refreshing Take On Zombie Film
1 April 2012
I didn't know anything about this film going in to see it, and was very impressed! I'll hold my hand up to being very unfamiliar with Cuban cinema, but horror and zombies especially are my thing. However, in general, me and comedy-horror have had a somewhat checkered past. This film, however, works very well and on a few different levels: Being a ZomCom, the comedy violence works well and isn't overplayed; the characters are parodies of what you'd expect, but again only taken as far as the tone of the film would allow; and as for tone, its where this film really comes into its own and makes it well worth seeing, elevating it above the status of most mid-budget horror. The political overtones are just that, and are meant to be taken as very obvious and tongue-in-cheek, and play well with the general idea that the characters know they are being lied to by the government and just play along, and for the audience it's made quite clear that any political subtext is not meant to override the point of the film as mostly a bit of a laugh. The scatological humour is not frequent but is there and can be taken or left depending on your personal tastes, but some of the jokes are genuinely funny and work well, and the interplay of the two male leads is very similar to Frost/Pegg in it's chummy familiarity and is something that hangs the whole films together nicely. The feel of the movie is very interesting, with a good mix of a Dawn of the Dead (remake) apocalyptic desolation, with Spaghetti Western styling, against a backdrop of 50s styling in both scenery (as you'd expect in Cuba), but also 40s and 50s farce in several places. Alexis Díaz de Villegas plays the everyman hero excellently, and with a style that reminds me of some of the world-weary yet streetwise heroes you might have previously seen in older cinema. Think Charlie Croaker in Italian Job (the original, of course). I wouldn't be surprised to see him crop up again in Western-released films before too long! All in all, it mixes to make a very original-feeling zombie movie and totally worth watching.
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Dr. Giggles (1992)
Tongue In Cheek Gore
7 November 2004
As one of the last of the 1980s style splatter-horrors, it does take a special place in the genre but sadly is not the best on offer. Gratuitous gore are par for the course and to be expected and better is to be found elsewhere, but when appreciated as a very satirical view of the whole genre it rounded off it isn't that bad a film. When taken as a serious horror, it will fall down badly however, with very few scares, gore that simply cannot be believed, and few 'inventive' deaths considering the main protagonist is a wannabe surgeon!

Other offerings such as 'The Dentist' benefit from a more serious plot and more threatening central character (not to mention tapping a general fear in most people!), but if Dr.Giggles is seen for what it is; a very black comedy with OTT gore to match, it's worth a look. If you liked the humour and gore-splat ludicrousness of 'Braindead', you may well like this.
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