Change Your Image
deflep318
Reviews
Shark Babes (2015)
I have never laughed so hard
As I was flipping through channels I saw something so hilarious i could not stop laughing. It was an actress making a motion like she was trying to put an invisible key in an invisible lock over and over again under the belly of another actress she was behind and the camera is doing a close up of it. This is some of the funniest simulated sex, and/or lets face it bad editing I have ever noticed. I stayed long enough to see a guy standing behind two ladies that seemed to be having sexual encounters with invisible twins as they were naked twerking in a way where no organs could even line up unless the male actor got his porn degree from Hentai University. Then I had to come here to write this review.
Iron Man Three (2013)
I do not understand how this script was OK'd by Marvel
I would have gone into detail and actually clicked on spoiler but there is no need. Looks like at least 100 people did that already tonight. So I am just going to hit the high notes and the low notes and call it a night.
The good It was an OK movie. Not great, not good. but I got to see explosions and hear one liners.
Pretty good acting by the major players. Kingsly particularly was great with what they gave him.
Stay for the ending credits for a small laugh
The bad
This script sucks They completely retcon'd a major villain and a major organization. Screwing them up for any future marvel movie. Seriously screwed the pooch on that.
This was a Tony Stark story, not an Iron Man Story It appears that Tony must have got some shield training because now the rich guy that only knows how to blast people and tackle people acts more like a cross between Macguyver and Hawkeye then Iron Man.
They screw up several major plot points from the first two movies such as why Tony has a superconductor in his chest to begin with and the weapon systems war-machine uses.
Finally, Where the hell is Nick Fury. Iron man does not need to have Nick Fury in his movies. Except when that movie basically deals with domestic terrorism on a massive front. If you see this movie you will see a part specifically where iron man calls out a major bad guy in the press and says bring it on I will be here. In the marvel universe there is no way in hell something that public would not have shield all over it. Especially since Tony Stark basically builds their cool stuff.
G.I. Joe: Retaliation (2013)
This should be called GI JOE: RETCON 1!
For those of you that are not sure what retcon is, it's a short for Retroactive Continuity aka pretending facts previously known to be real are now changed and accepted as having always been truth. In this movie ChanTAT aka Magic Mike reprises his role as Duke. His best bud of all time "Rip Cord" has now been replaced by "The Rock" with no explanation. The "Pit" is now gone. General Hawk is gone. Most of the signature Joe's from rise of the cobra are gone. For some reason every single GI Joe gets wiped out in 10 minutes because they were set up to die. I guess every single Joe goes on every single mission. No one is sick or recovering from a wound, or was on leave. They managed to get every single one in flat desert with little cover guarding nuclear war heads waiting for extraction by common military.
The Good:
Bantering between Magic Mike and Rock was funny. Though it lasted about as long as a teenagers first time.
Bruce Willis did his best Bruce Willis since the last time he played Bruce Willis in a movie. Which maybe rhetorical in description but accurate in explanation. Funny thing is I enjoy it when Bruce is Bruce and not trying to be overly emotional or extremely serious.
Firefly was an interesting change up of character from the cannon. I liked this version of firefly and thought he was the best villain of the bunch.
The Ninja Team up, was a nice throw back to some of past story cannons with a team up between snake eyes and storm shadow.
Finally, Lady Jay in a red dress.
The bad:
To much to list but I will give my top five most atrocious.
1.GI Joe goes with a plan that allows for 63,000,000 people to die so that a plot point can be explained by the bad guy. "Hey Storm Shadow! I know you want to kill Zartan, and you probably could do it at any time seeing how you are one of the two best assassins in the world. You have literally taken on an army of elite soldiers and won, but instead of just killing Cobra Commander and Zartan when you are on the boat with them; can you wait until the world is about to be destroyed by nuclear war heads to make your move? Now, if you really think that everyone will disarm their missiles then it's cool. You should just wait to attack Zartan after Zeus obliterates England. We hate those limey bastards anyway."
2. Although the 10 minutes Magic Mike was in the movie was funny, he never should have been billed as starring. Was like when they said Steven Seagal starred in Executive Decision.
3. Where was Lady Jay's javelins and why didn't she have short hair? In all honesty they would have made a better story if they would have characters Flint and Lady Jay out of the movie and just recast Scarlet and Rip Cord. Then it would have made a little more sense.
4. Where the hell is the Baroness?
5. The utter lack of disregard for continuity makes my inner child cry like it just got hugged by pedobear.