littlejimmy835's Reviews

Invasion Earth: The Aliens Are Here (1988)

2/10

4 March 2011

The premise of the movie had least some potential: deliberately crummy looking aliens invade a small town movie theater which is screening a B-movie marathon. The aliens take over the projection booth, to enact their plan to first numb the mind of the audience with the terrible films they are watching, and then when the audience is at their weakest, in some nonsensical to control them in order to take over the world. Naturally only a group of young kids are the only ones aware of what's really going on, and it's up to them to save the day.

Now of course, this isn't exactly the material for the next Citizen Kane. But that said, there's no reason this movie couldn't be some cheesy fun, maybe as a "monsters gone mad" movie the likes of Gremlins (1984) or Critters (1986), or perhaps as a nostalgic throwback to monster the movies of days gone by, the likes of say The Monster Squad (1987), or at least Transylvania-6-5000 (1985).

Apparently there was a reason it couldn't be any fun.

The problem is while the movie is about aliens making an audience watch old movies, that's the ONLY thing this movie is about. The thing is, there are more scenes of these old movies, than there are scenes of the actual movie itself! I'm serious; about 80, perhaps even 90 percent of the movie is simply clips from old B-movies. Out of the few and far between clips of original footage, most of it simply consists of the audience members watching these clips. There is perhaps only 10 minutes worth of actual "plot" scenes in the entire 79 minute film.

So it's not really a movie; it's just a 79 minute montage of scenes from other movies, occasionally inter-cut with clips of aliens making an audience watch the said montage. It's as if the filmmakers starting off by trying to make a movie about this group of kids, but then ran out of film 10 minutes in, so they had to make up the rest of the movie with stock footage. In fact even out of the original footage in the movie much of it gets reused over and over again, but set to different voice tracks.

The film is just wasted potential. Of course it couldn't have been a masterpiece, but it could have been a bit of harmless fun. Thank god I only paid bargain bin price for the DVD.

0 out of 3 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

Predators (2010)

6/10

A step in the right direction, but still a letdown.

8 July 2010

Predators is the long awaited sequel to the 1987 science fiction classic Predator and it's 1990 sequel Predator 2. Ignoring the events of the recent atrocious Alien vs Predator films, Predators follows a mercenary named Royce as he is and seven other killers are abducted by the alien monsters known as the Predators. They are released on a jungle planet, which they discover acts as a giant game reserve for the Predators to hunt alien beings from around the universe, and that they are the latest game for a new breed of Predators.

So here's an act by act breakdown of Predators.

The first act of the film is flawed, but solid. The films starts off a little too fast paced for my liking, as our lead characters are introduced rather abruptly and are not given enough back-story or character development for the audience to form a bond and be able to relate to them; for some of them, we don't even have a chance to learn their names. And even though all the characters all being shady untrustworthy strangers in a strange place, they somehow make the decision to form a team almost instantaneously. However despite these flaws, the film manages to capture interest; there is a sense of mystery and suspense as we are left to wonder who are these people, why are they here, and where exactly here is? The jungle setting manages to be both beautiful and claustrophobic, and suspense is added as the Predators have yet to be revealed.

The second act of the film is where things start to pick up. The pace of the film slows down, allowing the audience a bit of a chance to get to know the characters; some of them even get the chance share a few lines of dialog about their back-stories and personalities, though unfortunately most still don't. Answers to the previously established mysteries, while entirely predictable, still do carry some impact. The action starts and actually manages to be rather intense; the "Predator hound" attack scene is probably the highlight of the film. The special effects look rather good for such a low budget film, though it is curious that the Predators cloaking effects do not look as good as they did in the first two films, despite those films effects being done with old fashioned optical effects as opposed to this films CGI.

Unfortunately, everything seems to fall apart in the final act. Agin the pace of the film seems to be rushed; suspense is all but thrown out the window and character development comes to a halt, instead just devoting the remainder of the film to sub-par action scenes. It's as if much of the film has been cut to shorten the runtime; something I suspect has happened, as many scenes that appear in the trailers do not appear in the final cut of the film. Characters are killed off quickly and without tact, without giving the audience much chance to actually care for their demise. Fight scenes with the Predators seem more in place within a Super Sentai than a Predator film, as we are presented with men in rubber suits awkwardly and ungracefully getting into fisticuffs with our human protagonists, who somehow manage to hold their own against these 7 foot tall monsters; something that Arnold Schwarzenegger in his prime couldn't do in the original film mind you. Overall the third act seems to have more in common with the dodgy fan film "Alien vs Predator: Seed" then the original two Predator films. In fact, just imagine "Seed" but with a higher budget, and that's pretty much what you've got here.

Final Verdict: The film is a step in the right direction for the Predator franchise, as it has effectively distanced itself from the Alien vs Predator films, and manages to be more respectful towards the original mythos than the AVP movies ever were. However just because this is "better" than the last few films, doesn't mean it's good. This movie isn't anywhere near as good as the original Predator, and it's not even as good as the "run of the mill" Predator 2. It plays out more like the most expensive Predator fan film ever made than a legitimate entry in the franchise. While there are a couple of scenes that will make Predator fan-boys feel nostalgic, with the occasional homage towards the original films and whatnot, ultimately this film pales in comparison to the originals, and just isn't a very good film in it's own right.

Here's hoping there is a really good directors cut of Predators coming out in the future. Otherwise I recommend that unless your really desperate to see this, you just drive past the cinema to the video store and rent the original Predator and Predator 2 and watch them again.

13 out of 37 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

Avatar (2009)

6/10

Not revolutionary, but still entertaining.

19 December 2009

In the distant future, humanity is attempting to conquer the planet Pandora by overthrowing and annihilating its native inhabitants the Na'vi. In doing this, humanity creates the Avatar program, in which human scientists have created remotely controlled genetically engineered human-Na'vi hybrid bodies called Avatars to infiltrate their culture and either convince them to cooperate or destroy them from the inside out.

As soon as I heard about this film, I avoided all promotions for it like the plague. I watched no trailers, read no interviews, and paid no attention to any marketing. I did this so I could avoid any potential spoilers that came with the promotional material, and so that when the films finally did come out I could view it for what it was, not letting any hype affect my final opinion.

The film is often proclaimed to be revolutionary for two reasons: Firstly the film has been entirely shot in 3D, and secondly the CGI featured is at an unprecedented level of realism. But does it really deliver on these points? Maybe it was just the theatre I saw it in, but the 3D isn't really that much more impressive than 2D. Things don't poke out of the screen and make it "feel like you're really there", no, you just get a little better depth perception at the cost of a blurrier image and needing to wear awkward glasses. If you only get to see the 2D release of this film, you're not missing much. As for the CGI while it is on a technical level probably the best CG in a movie to date in that entire alien landscapes have been created leaf for leaf, the Na'vi have extremely detailed facial expressions, and that countless never before seen alien creatures have been conjured, it's still not all it's cracked up to be. The CG still isn't photorealistic; everything still has that plasticy look to it, with a lack of subtle detail. And the designs of the alien creatures is hardly creative; the Na'vi look just like people except they're tall and blue, Direhorse's are basically just horses with two extra legs, and Viperwolf's are just basically just dogs again with two extra legs. Any opportunity to create original intriguing creatures is really just passed up by this film.

So let's not judge the films by these factors and judge it by its own merits like any other film. Well the film is entertaining, managing to hold my attention all the way through, though admittedly it is very long, with a runtime clocking in at 170 minutes combined with a slow plot pace. And yes, despite my complaints, it is visually stunning; the choreography and composition is really top class. The special effects are really put to good use in generating the ambiance of the alien world and in creating action spectacles that have never been seen before on such a large scale. It's also refreshing to see a major Hollywood film come out that is based on an original screenplay that is not a remake/reboot of some prior source material.

But the storyline is a real let down. It's completely by the numbers, probably more suiting of a video game than a film. No real attempts are made to use the films setting to employ themes of say colonialism, nationalism or imperialism. Nope, every single plot point in the film follows the same old formula with absolutely no twists; a human Avatar is sent to infiltrate the Na'vi tribe, falls in love with their princess, and ends up leading their people against his own. Same old shtick. This and just about every other plot point and gimmick used in the film has been seen before. And this is a real shame because it makes all the effort that went into making this film seem kind of wasted.

So in the end, is Avatar a ground breaking, revolutionary film? Not really, it has all been done before, in some cases even done better. But it is nevertheless a good, professionally crafted movie that will keep you amused throughout its duration.

3 out of 13 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

The Dark Knight (2008)

8/10

While not the greatest movie ever made, it's still an enthralling experience.

16 July 2008

A lot of people here on IMDb are going to be rating this film 10 out of 10 claiming that it is the best film ever in the history of cinema. While the film is not _that_ good, it is still a great experience that manages to keep the audience immersed in it's unpredictable story line and tight action sequences.

The Dark Knight, the first Batman film not to have "Batman" in the title, takes place after the events of the last film "Batman Begins". Crime in the city has fallen drastically ever since Batman (Christian Bale) started roaming the streets and made the police pull their act together, but this progress starts to become undone when an insane anarchist dubbing himself "The Joker" (Heath Ledger) comes into the scene. What follows is a tight story control vs. chaos as Batman and the Jokers ideals clash in increasingly violent ways. The plot veers and turns as The Joker and his crew continuously create increasingly dangerous diabolical complicated schemes for Batman and the police to thwart, and all the while the film constantly strives for realism by trying to make the events that take place as plausible as possible, and is delivered with utterly seriousness dark attitude more along the lines of a good crime drama than a stereotypical superhero movie.

Since Batman and the other characters from the previous film are largely the same as they were last time around, I'll get to the man we all came to see: The Joker. While Heath Ledger's Joker doesn't top Jack Nicholson's from Batman 89 (because let's face it, who ever could?), Ledger does provide an immensely interesting take on the character. It is probably not fair to compare the two actors seeing as they both do completely different approaches to the character; where Nicholson's Joker was an egotistical, narcissistic psychopath, Ledger's Joker is a schizophrenic, sadistic anarchist. And believe me, The Joker in this film really does play off the anarchist factor. Here we have a man who wants nothing else but to see the world collapse, and the only reason he wants it is just for the very reason of seeing the world collapse. He is jumpy, twitchy, intimidating, and gives off the vibe that he could flip out at any moment for the smallest reason, or even no reason. He spends the whole film scaring, bullying and murdering people, just because it somehow makes sense in his twisted mind, and he feels no fear, remorse or guilt whenever Batman or anyone else tries to "punish" him. He's just dangerous, truly the Batman's arch nemesis; Batman hates everything about him, and the Joker loves making Batman hate him.

District Attorney Harvey Dent (Aaron Eckhart) is the other big newcomer to the story, and while anybody who knows anything about his character from the previous installments in the Batman franchise already knows his end, he is probably the most well rounded and three dimensional character in the film. You can really get to feel his motivations, and seeing his rise and fall from power is really interesting.

And for the more superficial out there, I will say the action scenes in the film are wonderfully choreographed, and the use of stunt men and practical effects over computer generated ones the majority of the time really does make for some exciting fight scenes.

The film is not without flaws though, the two biggest that come to mind are the films fast pace and ending. Granted, the film is nearly three hours long, but it still feel like the creators tired to tell too much story in too little time. If someone walked in 5 minutes late for this film, they would have already missed about 50 plot points. Granted that is an exaggeration, but it's still true that the movie constantly jumps between set piece and set piece, skimming along to the next action scene, where it would have been nice to spend a few minutes here or there get to know characters better and establish mood. This isn't to say the movie doesn't spend time doing this at all, no, but it still would have been beneficial to pad out the movie a little more. This fact becomes apparent with the ending. Without giving away anything, I will say the ending of the film, while still satisfying, does sneak up out of nowhere and abruptly bring the film to an end, leaving you saying, "Uhh... Don't you have a little bit more you want to show us?".

That and Batman's voice does get a little try hard.

So while many will get wrapped up in the hype that surrounds the film and prematurely denote this films the "Best Movie Ever Made In The Universe" award where it probably does not deserve it, the movie does manage to deliver to an audience member looking for a fun experience and tight storytelling. It's not a masterpiece, but it is a great movie.

11 out of 27 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008)

6/10

Nowhere near as good as the first three, but if viewed on its own, it's okay.

1 June 2008

Indiana Jones is back for a fourth film after 19 years. This time around, he's on a quest to find a crystal skull to lead him to a lost city of great mystical properties. And of course, he is pitted against some "good O'l" bad guys, naturally agents of the Soviet Union, who want to get to the treasures first. While this sounds like your typical classic romp and stomp Indiana Jones adventure, it unfortunately just turns out to be mediocre.

Let's start with the good: This movie is probably the first "true" sequel to come out in years. For example while movies like "Rambo 4" and "Die hard 4", while still good movies, if you just changed their titles they would have no connections to the previous movies. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull however truly earns its title as an Indiana Jones sequel as it establishes firm connections to the other instalments in the franchise; all the original cast and crew have come back to reprise their roles, the film is shot in the same visual style as the originals, the film often uses stuntmen instead of CGI like its predecessors, characters and settings reappear, and the film is laced with subtle nods and homage's, such as the Paramount Logo to hill fade-in or the simular storyline with simular villains. Aspects like these securely place this film within the canon established in the Indiana Jones series.

Add to this the fact that the movie can be plain old entertaining; the jokes are often funny, the sets look nice, the effects are solid, the action scenes are well choreographed, and the music it uses is the classic Indiana Jones theme. With the aforementioned, you could be led to believe that there is nothing wrong with this movie.

However this film is filled with faults.

For starters, the story is weak. And I do mean weak. While the previous three Indiana Jones films weren't exactly Oscar winners with their screenplays, their stories were intricate enough to carry the film; character relations would tension and blossom, the plot would often be loosely based on historical fact, Indiana would have to solve complex puzzles and riddles in order to find out where to go next, and all their characters had strong motivations to drive them. For Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, it's really just a bunch of stuff that happens for no reason until the movie ends; it just boils down to bad guys just show up, make Indy look for some Crystal Skull, they follow some very loose connections to various locations for no particular reason, bad guys all die, oh there's an alien too, Indy gets married, and then the end, movie over, go home. That's all the movie boils down to. No twists, no surprises, just a straight forward A through Z account made for no other purpose than to get Indiana Jones back on screen one more time.

And that's just disappointing.

It's that weak story that is the source of the majority of Kingdom of the Crystal Skull's faults. There are no big "wow" scenes that we had in the last three movies. Remember iconic scenes such as Indy ruining from a boulder, climbing under a moving truck, opening the lost ark to release demons, the man having his heart taken out while he's still alive, the mine cart chase, the speedboat chase, the discovery of the holy grail, or the countless other breathtaking classic moments that just rocked your face right off in the other movies? Well you'll find nothing like that here; instead make way for a scene of our heroes riding motorcycle through traffic while not doing any real stunts, or a scene of out heroes going over a waterfall on a boat a cliché scene you have seen in countless other movies, or how about a scene where an Alien spaceship takes off while being obvious CGI and once again not really doing anything spectacular. Really, that's about it. Nothing amazing ever happens, but by contrast, nothing boring really ever happens either. Stuff just happens then it ends and that's it To add insult, it's obvious that the movie has been modernised in order to better suit current moviegoer tastes. The use of CGI still comes off as excessive despite its "minimal" use, with every other backdrop in this movie is a CGI matte and even things as simple as monkeys or prairie dogs being computer generated. Indiana Jones doesn't shoot or whip anyone because it's not PC for a hero to kill bad guys today it's only okay to punch them unconscious. And of course, the movie has to be filled with handsome actors, fashionable clothing, clips of pop music, pretty colours and too many effects shots which were placed in for no other reason than to be effects shots, just in order satisfy the short attention spans of the current generation. This is just disheartening and disappointing.

In the end, I can only muster to give this movie 6.5 stars out of 10. While it was a real treat to see Indiana Jones back on screen one more time, and let's face it, this movie is a lot better than many other films coming out these days, it unfortunately doesn't do itself justice with such as weak screenplay, and quite obviously this film doesn't have nothing' on the three movies that came before it.

It's a mediocre film: not great, not bad, just okay.

4 out of 6 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

Cloverfield (2008)

8/10

A fantastic, shockingly authentic depiction of a monster attack.

16 January 2008

Most giant monster movies you see are horrible. They are laughably unrealistic, poorly directed, unexciting, cliché, not frightening, and incredibly cheesy.

Cloverfield is not one of them.

Instead Cloverfield treats us to a fantastically thrilling adventure, which depicts a horrifyingly realistic situation, shot in the most believable and frightening manner, with breath taking visuals and is genuinely suspenseful.

The film is shot entirely from the point of view of a small group of civilians via the use of hand held camcorders. Unlike movies such as "The Blair Witch Project", the film is well photographed not relying on overly erratic and nauseating shaky camera movements, but rather has a much more pragmatic style, which allows the movie to both look like it was really shot by camcorder during a monster attack, but at the same time not leaving the audience grasping for straws as to what is going on, or worse feeling motion sick.

Better still, the events that unfold during the movie are entirely plausible. Not once during the movie are you left thinking, "Oh come on as if that would happen". No, instead the movie is encased with realism, from the military weapons, tactics and formations during battles with the monster, to how buildings collapse when struck by the monster, to the choices that the characters make when presented with unimaginable circumstances, to even the reactions that characters have when their comrades are injured or killed. The movie even goes as far as to make extensive use of symbolism of the terrorist attacks of 9/11, such as when a building collapses sending dust and debris rocketing down the street while the characters run inside stores for shelter, to emerge covered with dust.

The plot is immensely character driven. The movie isn't as much about the monster attack, as it is about our main characters trying to deal with this situation. This movie does not dive into the cliché of having the movie be about the military commanders and scientists coming up with theories trying to defeat the monster, but is rather about the problems and turmoils that our lead characters have to go through during this situation. The movie though staring a cast of "unknowns", is wonderfully acted, with all of the cast giving superb performances. When somebodies friend dies in this movie, they mourn and cry over their fallen companion, and when something attacks, they appear genuinely frightened.

Do not let the fact that this is a giant monster movie turn you off. Forget that you ever saw a travesty like a Godzilla (1998) or King Kong (1976), and prepare to be blown away by the extraordinary movie that is Cloverfield.

2 out of 9 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007)

2/10

The fact this movie was a theatrical release astonishes me, as it is deserving of the direct to DVD category.

27 December 2007

Warning: Spoilers

Starting where the last AVP left off, an Alien "chestburster" emerges from a dead Predator on a Predator spaceship, and causes the Predator space ship to crash into modern day Gunnison Colorado, where it breeds several more Aliens which start to cause havoc. The Predator race sends down a lone highly experienced and armed Predator to "clean up the mess". Our human characters are caught in the middle of the intergalactic battle.

The biggest problem with this movie is the pacing. This movie moves along way too fast. The opening credits have only just rolled and already the Predator ship crashes into the Earth after the Alien grows to full hight, a hunter and son character are introduced but before we even get to learn their names they are both killed, then we see the Predator home-world and the lead Predator flies off to fight the Alien infestation, and all this happens within the first five minutes. This unnatural pace does not let up for the entire movie; the National Guard comes into town but within two minutes are all killed without even getting a good look at a single ones face, the manager of a pizza store gets one scene of character development only to be killed off the very next time we see him once again without even learning his name, random hobos, a coffee shop waitress and chef are killed again without learning their names. One moment our main characters are at home, the next running around town, the next in a gun store , the next in an APC, and this random set jumping over and over just doesn't ever let up leaving the audience no time to settle in leaving them grasping for straws.

Another problem is the settings and time frame. The movie is set in modern day Gunnison Colorado. Every other Alien and Predator movie was shot in enthralling settings, such as industrial space ships, guerrilla war zone rainforest's, alien planets, and underground labyrinths. Now comes along AVP-R, set in a small modern day American town, with set "highlights" including a sporting goods store, parking lots, Pizza Shops, and little girl's bedrooms. I mean, were they actually trying to make the movie look as dull, drab and uninteresting as possible?! It's hard to perceive these monsters as frightening creatures when they are standing next to a shelf full of Reeboks, or hiding in the bushes outside little girls bedrooms.

Continuity is a big issue with this film. The Alien series was set in the future, no human had even heard of an Alien before the first film, and the Aliens not only had never been to Earth, but if they ever did reach Earth, humanity would be destroyed. This movie ruins that entire concept by being set in modern day, with Average Joes seeing the Aliens all over the place, and by the end of the movie, humanity is not destroyed, not even suffering what could be considered minor losses. It pisses all over that entire concept of the other movies. Attempts to maintain continuity are made with massive Deus Ex Machina's. The Predator just happens to carry around a bottle of unlimited magic blue liquid that's just to melt away any bodies with just a single drop, the army at the end of the movie just happens to go to overly drastic measures and drop a nuclear warhead that just conveniently erases all evidence of the Aliens existence despite the fact there were many survivors of the incident who are witnesses, and many more bad attempts are made at filling up impossible to cover plot holes.

Also, for a "Verses" movie, it has unrelenting bias in favor of the Predators. For the majority of the film, a lone Predator manages to kill dozens if not tens of dozens of Aliens, all at mêlée range while barely gaining a single scratch, while the Aliens just get slaughtered left right and center like clay pigeons, merely waiting their turn to be killed by the Predator without putting forth any effort to defend their selves. This movie should not be called "Alien vs. Predator", as much as it should be "Predator massacres Aliens". I mean, how can you have two species battle it out with suspense and tension, when one is portrayed as being vastly superior to the other?

The characters in this film are amongst the biggest flaws. Not only do they pale in comparison to the characters from the previous Alien and Predator movies, but even as a stand alone movie they are bland, dreary, and even at times cringe worthy. The characters in this movie consist of I kid you not, horny couples wanting to get laid, pizza delivery boys, blonde bimbos, high school bullies, children, and a blatant copy and paste job ripping off Ripley and Newt; the worst and most cliché possible ideas for characters. Not only that, but all of the aforementioned characters are acted by teenagers. While the casting of teenagers is an obvious attempt to pull in younger audiences, its only effect is to make the movie look and feel like a typical teenybopper slasher-porn movie, with actors who are too young to have learned how to give a convincing performance, with them mostly having completely blank facial expressions delivering monotone dialog. Not only this, but these characters do some of the most cinematically retarded things ever, such as using Predator guns, commenting the powers out when it has been for hours, following dumb plans to get out of town rather than just walking out of town somewhat quickly, and just so many other idiocies that the movie actually had the audience in my theater sighing out of frustration.

In the end this movie is just a horrible B movie, something deserving of the direct to DVD category. The fact this movie was a theatrical release astonishes me, as every part of the movie just ranks of amateur work.

73 out of 108 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

Eragon (2006)

3/10

The makers of this movie need to learn that just because the movie looks like The Lord of the Rings, doesn't mean that the movie itself will be good.

20 December 2006

3/10 To put it simply, Eragon lacks. The story is rushed unexplained and poorly thought out, the acting is below par, and the cinematography is annoying with its tilted angles and range so close to the action so that you can't see what is going on.

The writing of the movie is by far its weakest aspect. The story is rushed quickly jumping from one thing to the next without any plot development so the viewer is left constantly wondering what is going on, one second our main character is a naive farmer, the next he is suddenly a fully experienced warrior with absolutely no evidence showing exactly where he gained this experience from. Entire scenes of the movie plod along with absolutely no meaning or relevance to the story, scenes which should have been cut out of the movie to make the narrative flow better. Characters come and go as they please with no relevance to the story, such as the archer who just suddenly appears out of nowhere and then just aimlessly follows the main characters without actually adding anything to the story. It almost seems as if the movie was written by a 9th grade high school student for his English class.

The acting of the movie is far below par, as it seems that nobody in this movie seems to have emotions as if all the characters were cyborgs from the Terminator series or Steven Segal. For example there is the scene where the main character discovers that the stone he has found isn't a rock but actually a dragon egg as the egg hatches. Now normally people seeing a small monster burst out of a rock would express quite some level of surprise or shock, but all our star does is raise his eyebrows slightly and give a pathetic tiny gasp. Every character in the entire movie is like this, if someone is crying over a slain comrade all they do is frown and have a look of "dang it" on their face, if someone is cheering over victory, all they do is leer and go "woooo". The emotion is non existent.

Eragon is a poor movie at best that fails to be entertaining, especially when compared to the other movies it is copying they style of such as "Lord of the Rings" and "Harry Potter". It seems that the makers of this movie thought, "This movie has swords, magic, old English style speech, horses and dragons, it therefore must be good". They were wrong. The belief that just because your movie looks a bit like "Lord of the Rings" it must be good like it, is incorrect.

14 out of 18 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

Alien vs. Predator (2004)

1/10

It's been two years, and I still can't forgive the unscrupulousness of this POS.

23 April 2006

Warning: Spoilers

Paul W. S. Anderson, the man who has directed previous travesties as "Mortal Kombat" and "Resident Evil" doesn't fail to live up to his standards which consist of a horrible script, cheesy "2 kewl 4 skool" directing styles, weak cast, and every other weakness in a film you can think of. The only person who rivals his ineptness is none other than Uwe Boll. He has already ruined other franchises with his previous films, and now by directing and writing Alien vs. Predator, he has managed to ruin two movie series at the same time.

The story of this film is bay far the weakest aspect of this derision of a movie. All the previous Alien/Predator films had simple plots with good dialogue. Just simply there was a monster trying to kill the good guys, and they had to survive it. The stories were so uncomplicated yet incredibly well written that the viewer could not possibly complain that the story was bad. Alien vs. Predator however attempts to be a big, complex story with deep meaning to it, but it just comes off as being stupid and try hard. Paul, a complex story is good, only if you know how to write that is.

It's about a pyramid that is discovered on Earth in Antarctica. It turns out that this pyramid was part of the first human civilisation ever, that the Predators built it for the humans long ago, and in return, the humans worshiped the Predators as gods and acted as hosts for the captive alien Queens eggs that are in the pyramid, to make Aliens for the predators to hunt, not for sport like in the previous Predator films, but to prove that they are men. When modern day people go to investigate this pyramid, they become the new hosts for the Aliens that they Predators are going to hunt.

Not only is this completely unbelievable, (a pyramid in Antarctica? Come on) but it totally contradicts the previous Alien and Predator movies. In each Alien movie the point of the film was, "Don't let the Aliens get to Earth or they will kill everything!" Yet in this movie it was like, "Oh the Aliens have been on Earth the entire time and it wasn't really that bad now that we think about it." The previous Predator films are contradicted as well because the Predators are portrayed as creatures who are noble warriors, who actually respect humans and will help them if need be, rather than the ruthless merciless hunters who killed for sport and would kill a human just out of spite if he looked at him funny. Having Predators help humans build societies contradicts their nature, and takes away the mysteriousness and awesomeness of the Predator character.

But the thing is even as a stand alone film it's a very weak story. It can be compared to the later Jaws movies where you saw too much of the shark. Both extraterrestrial species are too in your face and have no mystery; leaving them just look like guys in rubber suits running around punching each other. Human characters have so little character development that often you don't even get to learn their names before they are killed, and so much more makes you feel like the script was made from a tipped over box of alphabet cereal.

Here's a perfect example of how bad the dialogue is in AVP.

FemaleTechnician: What is it?

Male Technician: It's a data stream from PS12.

Female Technician: Where is she?

Male Technician: Right above sector 14.

Female Technician: There isn't anything in sector 14.

Male Technician: The is now.

It is obvious in that piece of dialogue that Paul W. S. Anderson doesn't know anything about mapping or geography. Look moron, there is no such thing as this elusive "sector 14", things are mapped using latitude and longitude, bearings and such. Secondly for this Female Technician to have said on the spot, "There's nothing in sector 14" implies that she has memorised the presumably thousands of sectors all over the world and what is in each and every one of them so she can recall instantly off the top of her head that the isn't anything in sector 14. This is just one example of how cheesy and full of holes the very dialogue in Alien vs. Predator can be.

It is clear that a movie this bad was made only for the action, not the story. The thing is, in this whole move THERE ARE ONLY TWO FIGHT SCENES! If you are going to make a movie that has no good script which is only about the action, put in a decent amount of fighting at least!

AND THE PG-13 RATING?! Every other Alien/Predator film released before this one had and R rating. This film has been dumbed down for kids so much, that about 95% of the movies deaths or other injuries were off screen. You would see an Alien just getting near a guy before the camera would cut away, leaving you thinking, "So not only do we have no story but we have no gore?! I want my money back!" The line "You are one ugly mother fer" which is the trademark line of each other Predator film had the last word of it not filmed to keep the low rating! Yet earlier in the film they said, "I hope it kills every fing one of them!". Why did they decide to put the F word in earlier when it wasn't necessary, yet cut it out later when it was?! If they had of just shifted the F word to the ugly mother part then there could have been just as many F words yet still kept the trademark line!

It's a POS movie. The 1000 word limit has stopped me from going on.

251 out of 498 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

Happy Lesson (2002– )

He lives the teenage boy dream, but it's more like a nightmare.

23 May 2005

The average day of Chitose Hitotose goes like this.

He wakes up from sleeping on the couch to the sight of his sport fanatical mother Satsuki standing over him. Before his young mouth can even form a scream, she picks him up by the throat and rock bottoms him through the floor. Falling through the foundations of his home screaming, he lands on a table. On this table he is suddenly strapped down, and has a live autopsy preformed on him by his science fanatical mother Kisaragi. After much struggling and fighting for his life, he manages to get off the table and crawl away. With his chest gaping open like something of Aliens busted out, and his neck broken from his unwanted wrestling, he crawls painfully into the dining room where his Shrine Maiden Samurai fanatical mother Yayoi spots him. Fretting for his life, she decides to put a curse on him in a vain attempt to stop the blood flow. Seeing this only makes things worse, she thinks the only way to stop the life force flow is to cut out his heat. Now pale as death draws near, he decides his only chance of survival is to get his other mother, the just plain crazy Uzuki, to call an ambulance and the police. She only puts a ballerina costume on him. Now beaten, sliced, hexed and humiliated he slithers towards the front door, hoping that a passer by will spot him and come to his aid. But before he can open it, his homework fanatical mother Mutsiki notices he has been slacking of, and crushes him under a six ton pile of books. He dies.

If you haven't already noticed it, this guy has five different mothers. All of which are crazy in their own way.

This is the average day in the not so average life of Chitose. He lives the teenage boy dream of living alone in a huge house with five beautiful, sexy women, who want to be with him all the time. It sounds so wonderfully right, yet it is so horribly wrong.

This anime looks very cliché. With the box set covered with lots of colours and pretty girls with giggly boobs, I though the only way this anime could look more typical would be if it had giant robots fighting it out with monster laser beams mounted in their buttocks. This just proves you can't judge a book by its cover.

As a final word on this series, you may watch a blockbuster movie once or twice because of its flashy special effects, but this you van watch over and over again because it is so damn funny. And special effects.

Did I mention that the five mothers are also his teachers?

2 out of 2 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

littlejimmy835

Reviews

Tell Your Friends

Recently Viewed