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Reviews
The Human Centipede (First Sequence) (2009)
Both overrated and underrated
I won't bother explaining the plot as if you're even looking this title up on here you've probably already been told. This movie is considered to be the goriest and scariest film of all time, many say it's too bad for them to even watch it. You are stupid if you say those things, however.
The film has little gore at all, besides a few second surgery scene and some blood, but beyond that it's nonexistent. I'm a fan of bodily horror, it creeps me out and gives me a thrill, because there's nothing scarier than the idea of your own body being completely messed up in horrible ways. And that's the horror appeal of this movie; the idea!
In fact, the movie has little more to offer than the concept of mouth- to-anus attachment. Many of the actors can't be taken seriously and plenty of the plot devices used are unrealistic and laughable with that classic horror movie sense of "WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!"
I give the movie a 6/10 since the idea is so freaky, and the fact that the actor that played the villain is great. If it would of had better actors, better writing, and perhaps showed a slight bit more gore, it most definitively would of been better. It just feels like it doesn't live up to the horrible descriptions you get from friends with Netflix and yet it feels like it excels for how bad it should have been.
The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence) (2011)
Not for the light hearted
This film was the sequel to the first, though I suppose you already know that. It is surprisingly different from the first, however, this time with less tension and fear of the idea and instead being filled with gore, gore, and more gore.
That is, in fact, all this film has to offer. It has gore ranging from a person being shot in the leg all the way up to a newborn's head being smashed. There are scenes in here witch made me question why I was even watching this.
There is no such thing as character development, something vital in horror films as the effect is only amplified by being attached to the protagonist or whoever else. In this movie, character development is replaced with disturbing scenes and unlovable, one-sided characters.
I don't give this film a 3/10 simply because it has gore, I give it that because gore is all it has. You need something besides gore to help make it interesting. Whether that be action, romance, frolicking through daisies, or whatever, there has to be something else. Most horror movies have moments where the protagonist can catch their breath, away from whatever horrors they face. Not here, after each time you see someone being cut open and die someone else gets cut open. It's exhausting and repetitive to say the least.
Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed (2008)
Creationism/Intelligent Design pushing
In this film, Stine takes a look at the education system of America, claiming there is no academic freedom. There are major issues with this, however.
The facts seen in this film are twisted quite far out of proportion, and are quite one sided rather than looking at the true facts of the case. Not long into watching this, I realized that this film exists for no reason beyond Stine pushing his beliefs on the viewers and pushing mankind back into the Stone Age rather than looking at the other side of the debate.
I have no issue with creationism, if that's you want to believe it's your choice, however this film only embarrasses the idea of creationism and intelligent design.
Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003)
Amazing
I remember when this cam out when I was much younger. Before this movie, I didn't take movies all that serious. I was a toddler, stuck in my room watching Bugs Life and Toy Story. Watching this, however, changed my view on movies. The amazing story is well written and directed. The amazing soundtrack makes you want to move, and makes you feel as though you could take on an army while the theme plays in the background. The amazing humor that makes you laugh without pushing it on you or even seeming intentional at times. The amazing actions scenes that are even better coupled with the soundtrack. Everything about this movie is simple amazing.
This is the only movie I've ever seen that I can say I don't have any major complaints or criticisms of. Whenever I watch this movie, I can't help but smile and laugh. I've seen it so many times I have to hold myself back from reciting the parts of the script that I've memorized by heart.
I can recommend this to anyone of any age any day of the week. It's quite easily established itself as a timeless classic in my eyes.
The Purge (2013)
Meh
The only thing i can really say about this movie is meh. I saw this movie expecting something fairly unique, and got a practical remake of Panic Room. The idea is most defiantly cool, I love horror, I love chaos. The intimidation of a giant angry mob rioting and causing overall mayhem excites me even in movies. Sadly, this movie didn't do too well in that aspect.
I expected some rich family locking the house for 'the purge' and the door getting forcefully kicked in by a giant mob of people, hoping to loot the house, or perhaps just seeing an overview of the 'purge'. However, it's yet another generic hide and seek type of horror film, consistently shoving overused horror clichés in your face.
I can see how people would enjoy it, it's decently made and can defiantly be called a horror film. I can't give it more than a 5 though because it doesn't live up to the sky-high expectations the amazing marketing campaign gave me.
Parental Guidance (2012)
Great for the family, bad for the movie critic.
Ah yes, this movie, the movie I was forced to watch during one of my classes. I honestly don't even know how to describe this.
The movie revolves around two grandparents that volunteer to babysit their grand-kids for a number of days for their daughter. Throughout the movie, you are subjected to immature jokes, overuse of slapstick humor, and classic clichés that have overran any and all family value movies, such as completely useless technology.
If you love movies and expect an artistic masterpiece, you'll be horrible disappointed by this movie. It's just not something you can read deep into, and puts out the same message that every movie of this kind does, that classic values are much better than the way many people are trying to raise their children today.
However, if you're just a normal mom or dad looking for something funny to watch with the kids, this movie will deliver. I found myself disgusted while watching this movie, critiquing every aspect of it, but when I watch it with some friends, and again later with my parents, I found myself laughing quite a bit.
This is the kind of movie that seems like it requires other people to enjoy. It's something you'd watch during another Saturday movie night, not while looking for something to entertain yourself whenever you get bored of playing on a console.
V for Vendetta (2005)
My Favorite Film
I saw this movie completely by accident one day, and I couldn't be happier that I did. This film is 2 hours of action, romance, secrets, and an extremely long story-line that is explained almost entirely throughout the movie. That is all I will reveal as any amount of spoilers will ruin the film for you, trust me, don't read about it, watch it all in one sitting when you have time, and then watch it again and break down the story part by part so you can fully comprehend it, trust me, you need it.
So why only an 9?
Well, there are several issues. For one thing, it's 2 entire hours long, witch is fine by me, I have 6 hour video streams from my favorite YouTubers saved on my computer. However, I found that whoever I showed this film to got very bored towards the end due to it's length and how long some scenes seem.
My only other nitpick is that it doesn't follow the graphic novel that it's based off of. Although it would take a near 4 hour movie to fit all of that in it, so whether that's a good or bad thing you can decide.
Overall, it's a great movie, but it's also not for everyone. It's something you can really appreciate if you can understand the story, but if you're just wanting to watch it for the action aspect of it, you will be quite disappointed with it's use of time.
The Life Zone (2011)
Poor Propaganda
I originally watched this movie because of my love for horror movies. I looked up some reviews on this site only to see this was apparently a terrible movie, witch only made me want to watch even more. I love horror movies, but I love the laugh a terrible movie can provide even more.
If you are like me, however, you won't like this movie. The completely terrible and laughable concept of this movie is outweighed only by it's offensive nature. The movie revolves around 3 women who get kidnapped by some pro-life psychos just before having an abortion, and end up getting forced to have their children and debate about the topic of abortion. If you think the plot is already offensive, here's the kicker, throw in religion! Yes, this movie exists only to send the message that if you get an abortion, you go to hell.
At first I thought it would be mildly interesting, I love debating and seeing other's views on matters such as this. However, both sides of the issue look completely laughable in this movie, and everything during the movie is completely pointless as it's later revealed that the women were already dead and in hell, dying from their abortions.
Sorry for revealing the ending, but if you have an ounce of integrity and common sense, take my word, this movie is nothing more than propaganda for pro-life fundamentalist parents to show their kids to scare them into not only avoiding abortion, but also having them force their mortality on other people, just as this movie did.