Reviews

Paul Mazursky's completely wonderful journey of a woman from happy, married life to being single. Jill Clayburgh plays Erica, a woman who seems to have the perfect existence. One day, without warning, her perfect life unravels completely. The film follows her odyssey into divorce and recovering from it. What's even more great is that the film does not forget to be funny while not losing its ability to move. This is Jill Clayburgh's finest hour. Alan Bates is the perfect actor to play Erica's love interest. I kept imagining his Rupert character from Women in Love being presented with another kind of woman. Not a false note in the whole film. One of the best movies of the '70s.

Recently I read a forum where various people expressed joy that Gene Siskel is dead. I did not agree with this critic a lot of the time, and I disagree with him about this film. Gene Siskel was the most vocal critic against this overrated slasher, and it is to him I dedicate this mini review. I think Mr. Siskel was giving this film way too much credit. In the case of this kind of film bad publicity only helps the gross. I think Friday the 13th is a Z grade ripoff of Halloween and Twitch of the Death Nerve, and THAT'S IT. The story is moronically simple: a buncha kids are violently murdered by an unseen killer. The bloody shock scenes and the surprise ending are what made this flick a runaway hit. Frankly I've never liked it at all. There's a stupidity lurking around the festivities that makes the gore very non threatening. The killer's identity is one of the dumbest revelations ever put to film. And there is zero suspense here...just bloody carnage. Even the bloody effects are outdated now...they look plastic and fake. Still people like this junk, so whatever.

This Ken Russell film plays like a demented MTV feature length video with classical music. I should note that it should NOT be taken as a serious biography about Peter Tchaikovsky. Throwing all history and logic aside and prepare yourself for a crazy, wonderful musical fantasia loosely based on Tchaikovsky's life and set to his music. Within this fantasia is a super frenetic "romance" where a very gay but closeted Tchaikovsky decides to marry Nina, a nymphomaniac with an emphasis on maniac. Never have so many champagne glasses been smashed. Richard Chamberlain and Glenda Jackson star as the oddest couple. Jackson's performance as Nina is one of the most unforgettable I have ever seen in a movie.

British comedy about a marsh community with a little secret. Some government snooties bounce into town to boss folks around, but the joke is on them. The entire community is involved with booze smuggling, and they're not about to give it up. Richard Burton and Honor Blackman are among the cast. Favorite part: the fate of the little clipper ship full of booze as it encounters a dangerous storm. What does the crew do when faced with being discovered with contraband? They drink it...and wreck the ship. The next morning the ship has been lifted over the sea wall into a farmer's meadow. A movie that makes me smile every time I think of it.

I really have to give up on Jess Franco movies. This film was a total ripoff for anybody expecting a gory version of a Poe adaption. It had very little to do with Poe's famous story and much to do with Franco's previous Dr. Orloff film. A good chunk of this mess is scenes from Orloff and looks like what it is: padding. The box art for the version I saw has a woman being menaced with a power drill: no such scene exists in this movie. What does remain of Poe is a badly done retread of earlier efforts concerning the fall of the house of Usher: all done better by the 1960 film by Roger Corman. Nothing to recommend. I have heard there is a Spanish version that is completely different and much better but at this point who cares?! Avoid!

Alexandre Aja strikes again with this winner remake of the 1978 Roger Cormen Jaws spoof. This film is exactly what folks are looking for when they want a horror movie with people being attacked by toothy predators from the deep. The story is simple: an earthquake beneath a lake unleashes some pretty nasty prehistoric piranhas. To make matters worse these nasty boogers are let loose on Spring Break weekend, and their new home is Lake Victoria! Shocks are kept coming pretty fast, and the 3D effects are fantastic. Director Aja's first film, High Tension, was a source of agony for me. This time the gore director has delivered what is my favorite horror film of 2010 so far.

This Paul Morrissey film adaptation of Sir Athur Conan Doyle's mystery masterpiece is the single worst literary adaptation I have ever seen and one of the worst movies I have ever sat through. The film stars many comedic celebrities, and not once is anyone remotely funny. For instance there is a gag involving a perpetually urinating dog that seems to go on for years. The mentality of the whole project seems to be that merely having a British accent makes things funny. The film stars Dudley Moore and Peter Cook, but its all rubbish. Spike Milligan and Terry Thomas are also wasted. Sure to give ya a big ole ulcer. Avoid this stinker at all costs.

SAW from 2004 is one of the scariest films to come along in quite a while. It isn't surprising that since it was a small film and was such a hit, a sequel would be inevitable. Unfortunately Saw 2 is awful: this film is so bad I almost wish Saw 1 had never been made. The story follows the further exploits of Jigsaw, a terminal cancer patient turned serial killer. Jigsaw's existence and motives were part of the reason that Saw 1 was kind of hokey, but at least that film had characters I cared about and it was scary. There is absolutely no one in this film that I cared for, and this film is merely disgusting and cruel AND NOT SCARY IN ONE SCENE. There could have been scares later on, but I turned this film off at the 50 minute mark, taking cue from the late Redd Foxx. (If something offends you, and you sit through the whole thing...then, *#@! it, 'cause you a dummy!) BOO! again to Lion's Gate who already have a nasty mark from me for High Tension (another horror movie for morons!)

This goofy horror movie is about the Lorelai, a mythical demon that collects people's hearts. Its set in a village where young girls are being slaughtered by the beast. They use a lizard costume with a hood for the creature's visage. The murder attacks look fake enough, like the Lorelai is attacking mannequins. It is fast paced, though, and its silly enough to keep trash fans interested. Directed by Amando Ossorio of the Blind Dead fame. Released in 1985 as When the Screaming Starts where they gave out barf bags, although there really isn't anything barf-worthy in this movie. Lots of good looking naked girls though. This film isn't available on DVD yet. I saw it on the When the Screaming Starts VHS.

Lucio Fulci was famous for his Italian splatter movies, mostly his undead films like Zombie or The Beyond. Here he directed a black comedy of sorts, but there's just one problem: its nauseating. I say this knowing that I like City of the Walking Dead (which is also gross but not like this). A compulsive gambler gets money for his habit by romancing ugly and deformed rich women then murdering them and stealing their cash. The film makes this plan look that easy. I guess the women were too ugly to go to a bank, so they always had their cash on person. After the upteenth murder I began to suspect what I've always heard about Fulci: he hated women. He must have. At any rate this film stinks, its not funny, and Fulci should have stayed with giallo and supernatural zombie movies. Avoid this film at all costs.

What can I say? First of all no stars for this turkey. I saw Killing Machine on one of those old '80s videocassette deals hosted by Sybil Danning. She is actually the best thing about the program, because the movie stinks big time! It is billed on the video box to star Lee Van Cleef, Richard Jaeckel, Willie Aames, and Margaux Hemingway. They are more like guest stars, because the real star is some Spanish bum that I've never seen before and never want to see again. Its supposed to be about a truck driver that is attacked by French unionists: they kill his wife, and he goes after them. It is never fully explained why the unionists are angry at the truck drivers other than the fact that they carry fruit that is evil (I guess...like I said...It is never explained). Lee Van Cleef plays a lawyer (!) that covers things up for the union. There's an interesting scene that is supposed to be in a courtroom, but it looks like the scene was shot in a cheap conference room in some warehouse. Cleef was very old here, so the idea of him being some kind of tough guy is demolished by his aged appearance. Hemingway looks astonishingly bad, and her acting reflects her awful appearance. Richard Jaeckel (mispelled?) makes the worst performance by William Shatner look good, and Willie Aames is annoying as always. Aames had passed over his teenage good looks, so there isn't even anything good to look at. I heard later that he bottomed out on drugs and converted to Christianity (no small favor for movies...stay out, Willie!) PLEASE SKIP THIS TRASH! UPDATE 08/04/05: I originally voted this the worst film I saw in 2005, but then I saw High Tension and changed my mind.

Not long ago I saw Sin City, and I was crazy about Mickey Rourke's character Marv. This character was actually a comic book monster (with a heart), and since I loved Marv so much I have sought out other Rourke films. This one is just another one of his best rolls. He plays Butch or Bullet who has been in prison for eight years for a crime he didn't commit (he kept his mouth shut and suffered for a friend). He's a junky that is sick of the life and wants to die...really...'cause nothing is going to change ever. Tupac Shakur plays a thug that is after Bullet for blinding him in one eye. The way the revenge plays out reminds me of Shakespeare's Merchant of Venice, especially when Rourke says to Shakur, "You want your pound of flesh...your business is with me." (Not a direct quote) I thought this film would be like a Die Hard type film, but I was very surprised. Ted Levine and Adrien Brody play Bullet's brothers: Levine's character could rival his Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs. This film never played theatrically (I think), and its a shame. Good drama always deserves its audience. I hope all reading these comments will give "Bullet" a chance: you won't be disappointed.

Although this Western isn't very good, its interesting for one of David Carradine's early performances. He plays one of three men accused of raping a young girl in a small New Mexico town. Fernando Lamas overplays the Mexican sheriff that has to find out who raped the girl, because the town's people are vengeful and ready to go a-lynchin'. Carradine shows that bad-guyness was one of his strong points as an actor even in his early years: at one point he keeps referring to the sheriff as "Mex," clearly getting under the poor man's skin. The film itself is kind of a bland drive-in type picture that would've played better on television. Aldo Ray also stars.

I took my summary quote from Leonard Maltin's movie guide, and I couldn't agree more with his statement. Bette Davis stars as Charlotte Vale, a spinster well into her thirties with a domineering mother (that's really being polite). She has a nervous breakdown and goes to a sanatorium headed by Dr. Jackowith (Claude Raines). When she's discharged she goes on a cruise to Rio and meets Jermiah Derrance (Paul Henried). They have a small affair, and then the real soap opera takes off. This film was released in 1942 and was based on a popular book. It has the famous scene where Henried lights two cigarettes and hands one to Davis. Thoroughly romantic and impossibly sweet, this is one of my top ten favorite movies of all times. If you love old movies that count, please see Now, Voyager.

Tobe Hooper returns to his Texas Chainsaw roots with a remake of a film that ripped off his classic Massacre movie. This film is a definite improvement over the 1978 film (that film sucks). A young couple moves into an old apartment building, and then the "fun" starts. Someone is murdering people using various tools. This is not the usual slasher movie, but it is very violent and very scary. Its nice to see someone taking a movie that ripped off their original and making a great film out of it. Don't watch this one with the lights off, and don't watch it alone. The lead actress was the star of the film, "May." Released on DVD by Lions Gate Entertainment.

This film is about a young boxer who falls in love with a club manager. That's the story: the theme to me was about coming out of the closet as a gay man. I know this situation only too well, and this film hits the nail on the head (no pun intended). Roger Daltrey is the only star in this film, playing an older gay man seeing the younger make mistakes. The two male leads are handsome, and the sex scenes are neither exploitational nor lurid. This movie tells it like it is: coming out is a very painful and distressing emotional experience. Please see this film. This is a very strong drama for those who can take it. Released in 1998 hy First Run Features.

This is my favorite Pasolini film. This version of Arabian Nights does away with the slave girl telling a master tales: it tells the tale of a slave girl who outwits every man she contacts. First at the slave market she arranges to have herself bought by a young man instead of an old coot. Then she has to teach the man how to make love. Throughout the poem (it works better as visual poetry) Zummarud, the slave girl, gets into one mess after another with all kinds of men (kings, crooks, and governors): every time she outwits them. Along the way are various poetic tales of betrayal and justice (and other things.) Definitely not in the Aladdin vein and a masterpiece of cinema.