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The Sandman (2022– )
8/10
Beautiful storytelling
21 August 2022
Warning: Spoilers
Neil Gaiman is one of our greatest living storytellers. He has such an incredible imagination, and he creates these lush, immersive worlds and fully-developed, yet often mythical characters that stay with you long after you finish the book or the comic or the show. And throughout everything, even though almost everything he writes is fantastical, the heart of every story is an exploration of humanity and its best-and sometimes worst-qualities.

He writes shimmering hope in the darkest times. His stories aren't just beautiful and moving; they're important.

I discovered Neil in high school, and since then I have followed his career and read almost everything he's ever written. I've read his novels, his short stories, his children's books. The little vignettes he's written for Tori Amos. His blog. I saw him with The Moth and heard him tell an oral tale.

I was never able to read Sandman. I didn't know much about graphic novels, and the cost was always a barrier for me. Looking back, I could have saved a few dollars a year and bought the entire thing several times over in the time that's passed since I first checked out a dog-eared copy of "American Gods" from my local library, but hindsight is 20/20. So I was very excited to hear that an adaptation was being made, so I could finally experience Dream's story.

I was completely blown away by the show. Large parts of the scripts, including the dialogue, were apparently taken straight from the graphic novels, so the writing is of the highest caliber. But that's not the only thing that impressed me about this show. For example: It is absolutely beautiful to watch. The Dreaming and the dreams themselves are ethereally beautiful. They look like magic. The aesthetic of the show is so striking even when down on earth; in the first episode, the shape of the glass cage in which Dream is imprisoned, and the way they shot Tom Sturridge, the actor playing Dream, as this silent, white marble creature... It creates such a striking mood, bringing you into another world, and explaining without a word that Dream is not a human and that he is prouder and more stubborn than practical, and that he is powerful.

And the casting! Across the board, the casting was perfect. Even characters with smaller parts were so well realized, and again and again the actors inhabited their roles in such a way that I couldn't imagine anyone else playing them. This show feels alive. It feels like you are just stepping into this other world and watching these stories unfold around you.

I have noticed, as I've gotten older, and the world with me, that a lot of media is no longer interested in telling stories. We get gimmicks. We get remakes of properties studios know will make money. We get gotcha endings, like a shocking, surprise twist is the same thing as an ending truly earned.

I want stories. To me, honestly, they're the best thing in the world, and I think they're very, very important. I want "The Sandman" to get renewed, because it isn't a gimmick or a gotcha; it's storytelling. I am hungry for it, and I feel like a lot of other people are, too.
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Bitch Slap (2009)
1/10
I have enjoyed dental procedures more than this movie. (contains very vague spoilers)
17 September 2010
Warning: Spoilers
While I cannot say with certainty whether this is the worst film ever made, I am sure that it is the worst movie I've ever seen. It's like a porno with no sex, a satire with no wit. It is sexist, racist, and utterly charmless. The premise is stupid, the twists trite and unoriginal, and the dialogue stupid, trite, and unoriginal. The credits are clever. This is the only compliment I have. I have enjoyed dental procedures more than this movie.

I don't understand the writers' and director's aim in making this film. From the ridiculous plot, the vapid dialogue, the gratuitous breast shots, and the inevitable lesbian hookups, you'd think it was supposed to be a porno. But there's never any graphic sex. And then I thought, maybe it's supposed to be a satire. But it isn't funny or ironic. This film is literally so awful that I am just baffled not only that a studio funded it -- and it looks like it had a fairly decent budget -- but that so many people worked on this film and no one ever stopped to notice that everything about it was horrible. I'm just baffled.
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