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NineInchNailed
Reviews
The Grudge 2 (2006)
See it...but try to save as much money as possible
THE GRUDGE II
Directed by Takashi Shimizu; Starring Sarah Michelle Gellar, Amber Tamblyn, Edison Chen and Jennifer Beals.
GENRE: Comedy - 10/10; Horror - 1/10; Drama - 1/10; Thriller - 2/10; Romance - 1/10
Watch it. Not in the theater of course, but sometime when it's on TV for free or in the garbage bin. I ended up spending 11 bucks on it and even though I regret it somewhat, I don't really.
ACTING: Sarah Michelle Gellar had about...6 minutes in the movie. I think you can guess what happened to her. One way or another, she played a pretty good mental patient.
Everybody else...well...it's not their fault, it's the script writers' fault. You can see that they are trying, and trying pretty hard to act...but...it just doesn't work.
SCREENPLAY: ...no. Random plot lines thrown together, trying to explain the 'evilness' of the ghosts but really, completely pointless and unnecessary.
Do you see what I'm getting at yet?
It's simple. To conclude, The Grudge 2 was the best COMEDY I've seen all year. Hand to heart. I don't remember the last time I laughed so hard to the point where I was crying. The best part of this comedy is the fact that it was intended to be a great horror flick...but...it's simply impossible to believe that it wasn't intended to be funny.
One of the scenes depicts a ghost boy getting under the bed covers and doing something that could only be discovered as oral sex because the girl giggles, blushes and says "Michael, it tickles!"
Another great scene shows a sexy blonde cheerleader going over to her best friend's place - and her best friend is a Goth - and her Goth friend starts drinking milk from the bottle. She then throws up in the bottle, the blonde stares for a while and leaves. <--- is this scary? No, I don't think so. In fact, I fell off my chair laughing. 'Got milk?'
But yes, I will admit that ten year old kids in the back row and some teenage girls screamed every time the pale kids showed up on the screen under the creepy cheap music. So if you fall in the age group of 7 - 12, you might find this movie pretty scary. And if you're above that age group, you'll have the best time at the theater.
A vast majority of my friends came out laughing and saying that this is the worst movie ever. It's not. It's horrendously bad if you try to watch it as horror movie with a deep meaningful plot. It's wonderful if you watch it as a comedy with an open heart, mind and imagination.
And so this is my review, nice and simple, very direct and straightforward. I rated this movie exactly as I saw it to be, and for what it really was:
A great comedy.
PS Question: what does a reasonable person never do in a horror and ghost movie where all the ghosts want is to make everyone suffer? Answer: go into their house to talk and ask them to stop killing people.
Vika.
Vechera na khutore bliz Dikanki (2001)
Interesting, but more worth checking if you're of a slavic culture.
I've seen this the night it came out, The New Year's Eve and it was, well...interesting. I mean, I knew the story it had followed and though I wouldn't say it was accurate it was still pretty good. The singers they chose were fabulous and it incredibly amusing to watch Fillip play a devil because he turned out to be a great one. Most of the songs were very good and I vowed to find them someday but there were some that were quite unemotional and, in fact, boring. But in overall, this is worth a check and it may bring some entertainment to you. Still, it's best to watch on the 31st of December rather than any other time of year. Gives you "the" feeling. Worth a check. (I very very much doubt there is even a version with subtitles though)
Urban Chaos (1999)
For me this is a one of a kind game.
Still, never minding the M rating, I love this game. Still my most favorite game that I've ever played. Every time I play another action 3rd person game, I think of Urban Chaos and only and at the end of the game always go back to play it. The music is stunning, the plot is wicked, the characters are cool and develop through out the game, bad guys are...bad. Well, the graphics are in no comparison to Doom or the latest Tomb Raider games, but I, personally, don't give a sh!t about graphics if the game is exciting, mysterious and action packed like Urban Chaos. Besides, when I was younger, I thought this to be the game with best graphics in the world. Well, I soon saw that it obviously wasn't - but like I said before this is still my most favorite game of all times. Rating is 10 out of 10. I could give a 9 because of the graphics, but I won't - graphics are not important in my world and in this game. A must play.
Alone in the Dark (2005)
Worse way of money you could ever spend on. Don't mind the action - take ANY action movie EXCEPT ""Alone in the Dark""
OK, me and my five friends walk into the theater...and we see 2 people sitting in the first row. "Not good..." went out from our minds, but we were NOT trusting our intuition to get the hell out of that place right away. NOO, we had to walk in there and sit down and watch that damn movie! *SPOILER* (What kind of spoiler can there be, btw? That's like the worst movie ever, don't ever even THINK of watching 1 minute of that movie)OK, it starts OK, I watch that with much interest, actually trying to get the plot and remember some words of that moving up screen. OK, then we see a guy riding in a car, getting chased by some bold and fat "Dozer from Matrix" (in the same glasses) running after him, straggling him and them jumping around without gravitation like in Matrix, as well as using Jackie Chan moves. "Not good..." came out again, but I stayed where I was. The following things that I'm going to say...are simply the general terrible things that were in the Movie. The stupid blond, to which I was shouting "die, bitch" the whole movie, had a handgun which was absolutely automatic with which she was shooting the invisible monsters quite successfully. The blond, the main guy, the agent and another agent get to the door that they've been trying to get to all the time...and decide not to open it because "some doors are not meant to be open" though they've sacrificed hundreds of agents and millions of money to get here. Then when the door accidentally opened, they walked in anyway...and that was the passage to HELL. So they decide to finally get the hell out of there and the agent sacrificed himself by blowing up a pocket size bomb that LITERALLY destroyed the whole HELL with all of the cheap computer monsters in it that I could have easily drawn in Paint. The blond and the main guy get out and see the empty street as they've destroyed the mankind now...well, they smile, hug and while they are walking, they are attacked by a monster or whatever that attacks them, they scream and the screen goes blank. Me and my friends were so bored that we were like "Yes! Gosh, these losers so deserved to die!"...but my mood got spoiled right away as the suspense was cut by the ending song in the titles by Nightwish "I wish I had an angel." What the hell does an angel have to do with Alone in the Dark? And the main characterS NEVER have been alone in the dark, by the way! No matter if that was made on a game or not, which I'm never going to play, this movie sucks so badly, it's not worth anyone's time! The actors are pathetically stupid not to know that this movie is BULL****!!! The only good thing that reminds me of this "movie", is the game that came out in 1995, where there was really a GUY who was ALONE in the mansion with monsters in the DARK. Play a game if you must, but I beg you, DON'T watch this movie! (I don't see this as a spoiler, because there must be no spoiler for a movie that should NOT be seen, and we have to share its stupidity with people, who we don't want to end up like us: spitting and cursing "The worst $12 bucks I could ever spent on!")