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Lady Ballers (2023)
6/10
An important yet flawed film.
3 December 2023
With very few creatives in the world being willing or able to produce stories of this nature, I applaud the attempt and intent.

However, it just isn't very good overall. Not terrible either, just... barely adequate.

The premise is funny, politically and socially valid but the execution leaves a lot to be desired.

The actors mostly do a good job, Matt Walsh steals every scene he's in, but the direction, cinematography and editing were just passable.

Coming from an independent conservative media group seems to be a double edged sword for the production. They can have an absolute field day with thematic freedoms others just don't have, yet are simultaneously stifled by a logical foundation of understanding when it comes to creativity.

The result is a premise with huge potential that comes out a bit bland. The product placement was a terrible choice but, if it was absolutely necessary, they at least got it all out of the way in one segment and moved on.

The story has a moral, the outcome is relatively wholesome, there are certainly quirky characters, humourous events and some level of entertainment to be had here. Given the almost complete lack of comedies produced these days, and the fact its themes are verboten throughout almost the entire entertainment industry... you could do a lot worse for something to watch.

I had similar sentiments after seeing Sound of Freedom, a film with much better production values and talent. A very important and topical film which will have nowhere near the impact or historic longevity it deserves because of uninspired artistic achievement.

The ingredients are all there but they're being prepared by short order cooks and not world class chefs. Unless these types of productions can make a deal with the Devil and coax an unhinged artistic genius into their cause, this trend will likely continue.

There IS a thing called movie magic, and people who don't believe in magic can't perform it. Without it you don't have art, you only have a product. Maybe that's enough these days given how little of it remains but with it, the impact would hit so much harder.

Anyway, watch it, enjoy it for the bland yet rare thing it is. And maybe someday, an important film will achieve the artistic gravitas needed to perform its function well.
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Gangs of London (2020– )
8/10
Season 2 takes a massive dive in quality.
23 October 2022
Sure, season 1 had its issues. Unbelievable scenarios, undercooked characters and weird pacing with it peaking at the halfway point, and then lumbering onwards. So yeah, you had to turn a significant portion of grey matter off to enjoy it, but man, it was worth it for the fights/shootouts choreography, editing and brutality. And if you could suspend the huge amount of disbelief and shark jumping, it was pretty entertaining with how over the top it ended up being.

Season 2, on the other hand, has made the mistake of doubling down on all the ridiculous and sub par elements of character writing and plot, asking us to turn off our brains to the point of drooling lobotomy, whilst offering almost none of the rewards of excellent fights/shootouts, editing, creative camerawork and crazy conspiracy cheese of the previous season.

I can't even be bothered to list or explain how bad all the elements of season 2 are. It is just SO stupid, it's beyond belief! Beyond the suspension of disbelief capability of anything with a consciousness.

From the practically total absence of police/ bystanders or concern for leaving evidence everywhere. Like just dragging a freshly murdered gangster from a car, for no reason, in front of security cameras and an amazingly oblivious staff member. To having a skinny woman who you could believe with some effort, could be capable of shooting many men in season 1, to entirely unbelievably beating a number of beefy men in hand to hand combat in season 2. To the point where a main character somehow has a 10x zoom level on a 1x optic at the end, to the ammo capacity of handguns rivalling a drum magazine, to the very poorly integrated digital blood/fire/explosion effects... to even call season 2 stupid is an insult to stupidity.

I don't know if the new producers, apparent non-involvement of Gareth Evans, if the budget was drastically reduced, if some kind of Covid related restrictions/ people just not bothering to do a half decent job at anything any more, or what is responsible for it... but it is borderline unwatchable now. However it does continue the story and have occasional flashes of what made season 1 good.

I can't fathom anyone greenlighting a season 3 after this, but if they do, they'd better make sure they wrap it up with a home run.

Here's the issue with trying to review series, where one season is vastly inferior to another. I'm leaving my overall rating as is, for the excellence in parts of season 1, which truly do deserve merit.

Season 1 - 8/10.

Season 2 - 4/10.
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Under the Skin (I) (2013)
4/10
The Epitome Of Pretentiousness
9 July 2021
I see reviews of films all the time, where the reviewer can't enjoy or appreciate a film, calling it "boring, slow, tedious, confusing, uninteresting or pretentious" etc. I tend to take these reviews with a grain of salt, as I know the likelihood is, that the reviewer just has a very narrow range of appreciation.

My absolute favourite criticisms are "like watching paint dry" and "{insert film run time} of my life I'll never get back". So I'm unhappy to report, this film is all of those things.

When it comes to the positive reviews of this film, it may not be the cinematic equivalent of visiting a minimalist, post modern gallery exhibition and witnessing a pack of snooty, pseudo-intellectual posers pondering the deep meaning behind the mop and bucket the cleaner left sitting against a wall, which isn't actually part of the exhibition... but it's damn close.

I don't know how this film manages to take such interesting themes and make them so unengaging. I felt nothing but annoyed by almost everything, the soundtrack, pacing, acting, even the cinematography (with some rare exceptions).

The events that take place make no sense, whether taken as literal or metaphor, whilst simultaneously being much easier to understand than people have made it out to be. It has some substance and a little style but the execution and result are so bland it left me baffled and irritated.

While I detest this film, I'm glad A24 are supporting things like this, and have to give it credit for its themes, daring and technical competence.
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Regression (I) (2015)
5/10
Exactly what you think it is... if you're not surprisingly ignorant.
29 June 2021
Watched the entire predictable thing, waiting for the surprise twist that never came.

Waited for the disturbing gore, which never came.

It was exactly what I thought it would be after 15mins in. The only way this film will surprise you is if you know nothing about this time period, the similar cases this is based on or the hysteria that surrounded it all.

The only thing that frightened me is the fact I believed what one of the "helpful" user reviews here says, when I know better.

This movie is very average. Actors all do well with what they have to work with. Unfortunately, unless you've had your head in the sand for half a century, this will be a slow journey to the realistic ending you should expect.

Look, If you're a dumb-dumb normie soccer mum looking for a midday movie to crochet something to whilst getting a tad tipsy on a glass of cask wine before driving the monster truck to pick the kids up from school... this might be a good one.
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Mile 22 (2018)
4/10
Very Bad Things...
23 October 2018
Warning: Spoilers
... I think that was the only film featuring the contributions of a "berg" which didn't entirely eat da poo poo. I'm treating this review as delicately and intellectually as a "berg" would any of their collaborative "artistic" efforts.

So, if you're on that section of the spectrum where you're hyperactively annoying and narcissistic without any above average ability or redeeming quality whatsoever... you might be able to enjoy this film in the same way that an identity politics warped, frumpy Asian feminist can now enjoy a Star Wars movie thanks to The Last Jedi.

That's right you rudderless autists, Wally Whal is pretending to be you in this, pretending to be clever. Right up until he lets the "bad guys" win and gets everyone killed. By that point he's only being smug... which he doesn't need to pretend for.

You'll also like the low fps shakey-cam and .05 second consecutive cut editing every time anything moves, and usually even when it doesn't. Despite all this awesomeness I am saddened to report that the guy from The Raid films and a couple of entertaining kill ideas were sacrificed in the making of the "bergs" latest outing.

So in closing, go watch The Raid and its sequel for some cool fighting, go watch Sesame Street for accurate up to date intelligence community shenanigans... or watch Very Bad Things, ironically, the least bad thing a "berg" has ever been around. If watching "bergs" is, for some reason, how you've chosen to live your life.
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Ash vs Evil Dead (2015–2018)
9/10
Gimme some sugar baby
2 November 2015
Warning: Spoilers
After a disappointing re . . . make/boot/dux/hash . . . whatever, the king is back! HAIL! HAIL! HAIL!

You might be thinking this is just going to be another fanboy rant from some gushing deadite screeching something about swallowing your soul.

Well swallow this . . . it is(gotcha didn't I ya little sucker, so drop a star or two if you're not).

Now it's time for Raimi and Campbell to send us back, like in the deal. It wasn't just pillow talk baby, they meant what they said, this has been made for the fans.

Ash has aged since we last saw him and along with some new teeth arrive some new side characters such as his co-workers Pablo(who believes Ash to be El Jefe, a prophesied savior) and Kelly(Ash knows she wants a little, she just hasn't realized it herself yet). Given his experiences in the past it's understandable that Ash doesn't want to deal with the situation he, once again, has unwittingly created but it isn't long before he realizes that the boomstick and chainsaw are a better idea than trying to run.

Ahuh, that's right . . . who's laughing now . . . WHO'S LAUGHING NOW?!

Here's your new home.
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The Muppets. (2015–2016)
8/10
How ignorant are you if you believe your children are too innocent for this show?
5 October 2015
I don't usually review TV series because if the show is still running I can't judge it in its' complete form and if it has ended there will already be many reviews which reflect my opinion. This is a special case because the Muppets have a significant place in my heart and because I find all the sanctimonious outrage surrounding this latest series of the show absolutely terrifying, here's why. Crazies from the far left ("progressives" is their ill-informed banner of choice) and far right maniacs ("conservatives" . . . slightly less ill-informed yet no less crazy) have managed to join forces with a large segment of the unwashed masses who've somehow managed to keep their heads submerged in quicksand underneath the most immotile of boulders, even in the year 2015.

The gist of what people are complaining about - "Kermit is a misogynist with mental health issues, poor Ms Piggy the strong independent woman has been besmirched by drug addled white cis male writers intent on curbing diversity and perpetuating harmful gender stereotypes AND the entire cast would make participants in a Roman orgy blush . . . wont somebody think of the CHILDREN!" etc.

What planet are these people living on? Are you so old that you don't remember being a child? Don't you let them go outside, attend school, interact with social media or the internet, TV, films, literature . . . anything? Have you managed to successfully wrap them in sound and light proofed bubble wrap since birth and are so far off the grid that child services hasn't intervened? If so, well done and I'm sorry your assumptions of what is currently deemed suitable for general audiences was misinformed, you should crawl back to your vault under a mountain now and never return for your own sake and those of us unfortunate enough to live on the surface who must deal with reality.

If not then you are either the biggest hypocrite to ever steal oxygen to complain about this topical yet mild and inoffensive comedy show which is suitable for all ages whilst buying your 6 year old daughter apparel which would be too flamboyant for Miley Cyrus for their beauty pageants and a smartphone to take their sluttish selfies with and plaster all over social media before acting shocked that pedophiles exist and have invited her to their home to catch up on keeping up with the Kardashians, or, purchasing hundreds of dollars worth of tech and a copy of GTA V (an adults only game, what? Adults play games? yes parents they do and if you spent as much time researching what you purchase for your kids as you did complaining about this show, even if that research consisted of looking at the packaging for 5 seconds, you'd know this) for your 9 year old son in the hopes it'll keep him off porn hub or breaking into your gun cabinet to make a splash at show and tell in school for the next month or two.

Or (and what terrifies me is that this might not be the majority of the whiners) you are so ignorant of what your children are aware of that you actually think this show is somehow harmful to them. Even if you are an extremely conservative type of parent who only allows your child to attend a school and none of the other examples and their like, understand that children who are like this are who your children are spending more time with and are more impressed by than you. So please, for the love of your children, roll the boulder away and wash the sand out of your head holes for just long enough to figure out something about the world you are attempting to guide them through and where The Muppets sits on the potential harm scale before jumping on the outrage bandwagon because you might just be shouting to the world exactly why you should not have authority over them and making yourself look a fool more harmful to their development than any TV show could ever be. The world is more openly morally corrupt than ever yet parents are more overly protective than ever . . . exactly how is this going to help them? At best you are proving to them how out of touch with reality you are as they learn about the world which will breed contempt and disrespect and at worst you are setting them up for failure and victimization.

As for you far left/righters . . . just keep doing what you're doing, there's no point trying to reason with you. Pawns of the powers that be you just keep dividing humanity, sucking up the vulnerable from the center, keeping everyone and yourselves distracted from the real issues that need solving whilst feeling proud of yourselves.

As for the show, yeah it's pretty entertaining. Chances are if you're in your early teens to middle age there will be something to enjoy here. If you're older or younger you may (MAY) have difficulty understanding the humour. Of course, there will be some people who won't like the slight voice and character changes or simply don't appreciate the humour and I don't begrudge those people their opinions. For me, I love it despite the small changes from previous Muppets incarnations. The tone is more modern, as every Muppets has been in their day. There hasn't been as much slapstick yet as there used to be but it's still early in the series. Miss (or should I say ms) Piggy hasn't karate chopped anyone yet. There have been some very (VERY) mild drug references and sexual innuendos which are pretty amusing and will go over the heads of anyone who doesn't understand. I can't say much more without entering spoiler territory except I chuckled quite a bit and laughed out loud a few times in the span of 2 episodes, recommended.
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7/10
Nobody can agree on who is the tree.
13 September 2015
Warning: Spoilers
Look, it's an action comedy . . . no, it's a romantic drama . . . no, it's a spy thriller . . . no, it's a car, it's a tree . . . it's a car hitting a tree, it's a tree stopping a car, no . . . it's American Ultra.

So, if you're a fan of any of these genres be warned, this film contains elements of all of them yet "fails" to be any of them. I used inverted commas there because it only fails if it intended to succeed at being any of those genres.

Before you can settle into any mood the film switches gears and not just between genres but within them too. Light hearted comedy is offset by dark humour, touching moments are offset by callous ones, slapstick action offset by gruesome violence and characters move between silly and placid to conniving and vicious. There is little gradient from one end of a spectrum to the other but an almost binary sequence of variance. This makes the tone of the film uneven and for many people I suspect this wont be enjoyable.

While most everyone won't enjoy a meal that varies from warm to cool and frozen to charred simultaneously and erratically, there are those of us who may not mind a film "baked" in this method.

I have to be honest, I haven't Seen much of Kristen Stewart but what I have, I haven't enjoyed. Similarly, with the exception of The Double, I'm not the biggest fan of Eisenberg either. So it was no small surprise when they both exceeded my expectations of their abilities in such a silly oddity of a film. John Leguizamo is a tried and true eccentric and he brought what he could to his role as did Walton Goggins.

Personally I absolutely loved this mixed bag of a scatterbrained film and its cute/ grim, compassionate/ nihilistic, unpredictable/ by the numbers schizophrenia. If you've seen the trailer you already know the bulk of the story and themes. It doesn't have the fun of Pineapple express, the shock value of Kick Ass or the bizarre chic of Kingsman but its counter-productive tone and anti-genre blend antics make it an oddity worth checking out.

Whether this film is the car, the tree, or just a wreck . . . well, you'll just have to see it to figure out what the hell I'm on about and make up your own mind. I added 2 stars because I can't decide between the first 2.
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Proxy (I) (2013)
8/10
Overlooked and Underrated.
11 August 2014
This review contains NO SPOILERS and I suggest you skip the reviews with spoilers until after you see the film.

In my opinion this film is a gem in a sea of gravel. Although it could be more polished it nevertheless retains its value.

The actors performances range from competent to stellar (Alexia Rasmussen was particularly impressive but everyone involved held their own and had their moments to shine) and this is in no small part due to good writing and direction. Cinematography is a similar affair ranging from adequate to mesmerizing. It is certainly a mixed bag but you'd be pressing pretty hard to go so far as to call any of it bad. I personally felt the score was superb and fit the tone of the scenes well.

With the exception of a fairly brutal scene in the first act of the film there really isn't much violence or gore on screen here and what little of it there is was handled tastefully. Visually there is nothing here you won't have seen before. What makes it disturbing is the context, the emotional and psychological mayhem rippling through the characters affected and the cold distance maintained by those less/ unaffected around them. The behavior of the main characters may be extreme but they are the extremes of common conditions.

This is where the film truly shines, as a study of the human condition when emotional needs are not satisfied, the common phenomenon of loneliness and isolation within a dense population and the resulting psychoses. The way empathy is handled in a clinical fashion by professionals and dished out superficially by peers when it suits their agenda, the way people within various relationships, genders (or rather, levels of masculinity or femininity within both genders) as well as how deserving a person may actually be of true empathy anyway are all bouncing off each other here and it's really engrossing to behold if this sort of thing interests you.

I really don't want to spoil anything for any of the viewers for whom this film is intended so I hope it suffices to say that there are "twists" resulting from the nontraditional narrative structure that create an unpredictable thriller spliced with elements of drama/ horror. Every time I made an educated assumption of where things were headed the film surprised me and seemed to revel in doing so until the credits rolled.

If you are the type of person who thinks a character in a film who happens to be of a certain gender or sexual orientation being portrayed as flawed is an accusation directed at everyone in that category or, more importantly, are enduring the loss of a loved one . . . viewer discretion is advised.

I hope this film isn't lost in the horde of mediocre entries in the genre(s). From me this film scores a solid 8/10.
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