Change Your Image
sarahfirman
Reviews
The Tapes (2011)
Fails in most respects
I quite like the found footage sub-genre, and I like Britissh horror generally, so this held some promise for me. What a let down. Unfortnunately, the film simply fails on most levels. I've seen my share of bad horror (in fact I've seen three other terrible horror films this evening), but rarely have I seen a film that sets out with clear, easily attainable objectives and yet manages to miss every mark. Firstly, that pacing is flawed. I see what they were going for. I'm all for building character, having 'nothing happen' so that when something happens it is creepy and impactful. However, not only is there no ominous atmosphere, there is little in the way of characterisation. The protagonists we an amalgam of stereotyped traits: clearly the screenwriter saw some of Noel Clarke's films and added as many slang terms as they could in order to make the "kids" seem "real": the result is as stilted and distancing as it sounds. Part of the problem is that the actors themselves either didn't believe in the material (who could blame them) or are just not very good. Wooden, unconvincing and entirely lacking chemistry. Regardless of how one feels about Blair Witch, one of the the reasons that film became so iconic was because the actors did a great job. The context (three actors, two camcorders, no special effects, natural light/sound) means all that is left is the interactions - without actors that can carry the material, the film is doomed from the outset. The director's misunderstanding of the material and context is underscored by the "subliminal" foreshadowing insert shots throughout: these are badly edited, being on screen for the wrong amount of time - like a joke, timing is everything in these cases. Shorter or longer would have worked better, but the length and frequency renders them ineffective. Moreover, it would work if they were naturalised by the camcorder context, but the filmmakers fail to integrate them into the 'found footage' in a naturalistic way (say what you will about August Underground, but that form of editing is something Vogel manages to to extremely well). All in all, considering the film is constituted by a bunch of clichés, i am shocked that it didn't manage to be effective at some point or other, but somehow it did. My advice is to avoid this, and watch just about anything else instead
I Am Nancy (2011)
Okay, but not amazing
I have been looking forward to this since seeing the preview on the Never Sleep Again DVD. I thought it looked like a great premise - Heather Langenkamp investigates the place Nancy holds in the Elm Street legacy by talking to fans at major horror conventions. However, the preview clip provided on Never Sleep Again really says it all: there is not much more to it than that, spread out over 90 minutes. Anyone that is interested in seeing this already knows why the character Nancy is so great, and that Nightmare is the greatest horror film of all time, so those folks don't really need a 90 minute documentary that reiterates those points. Anyone who doesn't concur with those notions won't be convinced by this documentary in any case. That said, there are a couple of interesting bits and pieces here: the interview with Wes Craven's daughter is intriguing, as is the discussion between Wes and Heather. However, too much of the documentary is nothing new, and the somewhat schmaltzy 'inspirational' latter third made me cringe. All in all, it is not a bad documentary, it just isn't a great one. Too often, it feels a little meandering and pointless. When it is aiming towards a point, it feels forced. A must-have for completists only. For everyone else, there is always 'Never Sleep Again'.
Torture Me No More (2005)
Before the end, you too will be screaming 'torture me no more'
This is totally unwatchable - it looks like some (rather untalented) schoolkids have made this on an iphone. Really, don't bother.
The acting is so bad it is hard to tell exactly what is happening. The plot is unintelligible nonsense. None of this is helped by appalling lighting, dire camera-work, hideous editing, woeful music, and pitiful dialogue (what of it is audible).
The film even includes a section where the lead protagonist appears to have sex with a cat outside an animal shelter - since this is no way adds to the plot, I might surmise that this has been included purely for "shock", although it even fails on this front. Also be prepared for a number of stereotyped representations that would be offencive if they did not simply further attest to the worthlessness of this venture.
Unrelentless in its atrociousness, I challenge anyone to come away from this not feeling like they could have done better themselves.
Different for Girls (1996)
pacing problems
Okay, just so I don't get anyone's back up here (there seems to be a staunch group of defenders surrounding this film), let me first say that I quite liked Different for Girls. I'm not generally a fan of rom-coms, and I found this to be interesting, and raises some valid points in an articulate manner. However, that said, this film does take a while to find its feet. The first half-hour (the friends' re-meeting and so forth) is far too rushed. I don't often say this about films but this could really have done with another half hour of run-time. That would have seriously helped to establish the characters and ground their relationship. After the arrest, the film's pace slows down, and the characterisation improves, having space to breathe. The institutional discrimination is handled really well, and makes the opening scenes (which, as I have already stated, seemed rushed to me) seem like they are going to avoid the serious issues and implications in favour of being overly PC. By the end of the film, I was on-board and impressed. I can see why people are turned off by the opening, and potentially do not give the film a chance once it has faltered. If you can bear with it for 30 minutes, you'll get much more out of the experience.
The Zombie Chronicles (2001)
Wow! this is horrendous!
Without wishing to be a killjoy, Brad Sykes is responsible for at least two of the most dull and clichéd films i've ever seen - this being one of them, and Camp Blood being another.
The acting is terrible, the print is shoddy, and everything about this film screams "seriously, you could do better yourself". Maybe this is a challenge to everyone to saturate youtube with our own zombie related crap?
I bought this for £1, but remember, you can't put a price on 71 minutes of your life. You'd do well to avoid this turkey, even at a bargain basement price.