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Reviews
Kiss Them for Me (1957)
Disappointing
I wanted to love this movie. How could I not love it? Cary Grant, Jayne Mansfield, Stanley Donen; all icons in their own way. However, the train wreck that was Suzy Parker ruined the entire experience for me. Her acting was so appalling that I sat there with my jaw hanging open, not believing my eyes or ears. I could barely make it through one viewing, THAT'S how hideous she is in this.
Cary? Gorgeous and in fine dramatic form. Jayne? Adorable, endearing, and obviously having a ball. The supporting cast does alright, and the city of San Francisco is captured in all its stunning, retro elegance.
Then you see Suzy Parker attempting to speak her lines with a woodenness, a deadness, a cluelessness that simply defies belief. Who told this creature she could ACT?? Oy VEY, people.
Dude, Where's My Car? (2000)
Dude, Where's My Can of Whup Ass?
This movie blows major chunks, and has almost single-handedly destroyed my obsession with Seann William Scott.
Please don't get me wrong - I dig good teen gross-out movies. In my opinion, Animal House is a classic, and so are American Pies 1 and 2. I even like Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure and Porky's, fer cryin' out loud.
DWMC, however, is so appalling, so insulting, and so horribly wrong that I may need therapy in order to determine why I even ventured to go there in the first place. To think that legitimate actors (SWS, are you listening?) willingly starred in this embarrassing piece of CRAP defies logic, so it had to be the money talking. In which case, the actors truly do suck ass, and in even larger quantities than I originally suspected.
As if the movie itself wasn't bad enough, I beg you, don't watch it with the audio commentary on, because it will just throw you into the worst kind of funk. These people vote, they drive cars, and soon they'll breed. When the boys (Seann and Ashton) start discussing what a chick's bowel movement smells like? Um...I'm sorry. Somebody needs to be smacked upside the head, and it's not me. There's no excuse in the world for that kind of sophomoric commentary. It's not funny, it's just...icky.
Stark Raving Mad (2002)
Interesting work, Seann!
I was smiling to myself all throughout this movie, because it was such a well-intentioned break-away role for SWS. I mean, I could feel how much this part meant to him as an actor, and while I thought he did a decent job with Ben's character, somehow I'm still unable to completely accept SWS as a MAN. There's something too undeniably boyish about him; it's almost like he doesn't quite have the life experience to make himself fully believable as a complex, edgy hustler like Ben, at least not yet.
But you just keep plugging away, Seann. You're intense and you've got drive and talent, and that really comes across. Acting lessons might be something to keep in mind, however.
The other comment I want to make is regarding the audio commentary. It was entertaining and enlightening, but I found SWS's constant juvenile eruptions regarding "HOT chicks" to be distracting and tedious. Yes, we get it. There were a lot of hot chicks on the set, and you didn't score with any of them, apparently, although you wanted to, which makes you everyman. Now shut the hell up about it, already. He explodes with passionate enthusiasm about "hot" women on every single commentary he does, no matter which movie it is, but for some reason it annoyed me more this time around.
The thing is, females comprise a huge percentage of SWS's audience, and when we're sitting at home in our bunny slippers chugging Yoo Hoo and watching the DVD, we're melting because one of our favorite actors is up there looking smoking hot and incredibly BLASTABLE. We're fantasizing about how cool it would be to hook up with this guy, and then?
SWS goes and says something stupid like, "Dude, look at her. Was she HOT or WHAT?" (Insert sound of fingernails on chalkboard, or needle scraping across record). It probably wouldn't be nearly as objectionable if he didn't say it every thirty seconds or so, but he does, to the point where it becomes off-putting and funky. It only underscores his essential lack of polish and maturity. (For instance, can you imagine The Rock saying stuff like that on an audio commentary? Didn't think so...)
Having said all that, let me also say that I predict SWS will have an amazingly successful career. It will be so much fun to sit back and watch him grow and watch what kind of movies he'll choose to make. If only he'd stop saying, "Dude, she was SOOOO hot!", he'd be perfect!
BTW, the music in this movie is incredibly powerful and relentless, and so realistic that it's almost like a separate character. They nailed the rave thing brilliantly, and I fully intend to purchase the soundtrack.
American Wedding (2003)
Wanted mightily to love it!
Let me start by saying that I am passionately in love with Seann William Scott. I think he's one of the finest pieces of man ever to grace the screen, for so many reasons.
Secondly, I'm a huge, HUGE fan of both American Pie I and II. I could watch both of them over and over again, and have, as a matter of fact.
But American Wedding SUCKED. It felt hollow, empty, and painful. It was like watching a former beauty queen drunkenly struggle into a pair of too-tight pantyhose. There was no dignity about this movie, no joy, no lighter-than-air charm. What happened to all the strong, delightful females? What happened to Oz? Nobody even mentions him. How sad, and what an unforgivable oversight.
Even my beloved SWS came across as gimmicky and self-conscious. Stifler isn't endearing anymore; the actor knows he's a hot commodity, and that all eyes are on him. Quite frankly, he buckles under the pressure. (I'm sorry, Seannie, but it's how I feel).
I came away from this movie feeling quite forlorn. I'd been expecting so much, but received so little. Even the audio commentary with SWS did nothing to allay my blues, because he ends up sounding like nothing more than a typical San Fernando Valley "like, ya know, oh man, dude, kinda like"...doofus.
Sigh. I've heard he's a doll in real life. And maybe he's a pistol in the sack. We can only hope.