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The Lost Daughter (2021)
Watch paint dry and feel more fulfilled
I wonder what the book this "movie" is based on is like... I am guessing eat, sleep, catch some insect, sleep, eat, go to the beach, eat, sleep, eat, go to beach, talk to some strangers, eat, sleep, steal a doll, eat, sleep, talk, the end.
This was, without a doubt, the most boring movie I ever saw and I felt really sorry for myself afterwards, realizing I had spend 45 mins that I will never get back.
Also, I don't like watching nostrils in close-up all that much, or whatever that was. Camera's a disaster, too. My 4yo would have done a better job.
Appalling.
24 (2001)
(S1) Utter garbage
After a few disappointments of newer date (Sneaky Pete, and some others I already forgot about again) I thought I'd turn to "24", which I for some reason remembered being a real gem of television. Good times, happy times.
Oh, boy.
Honestly I can't imagine being so dumb 20 years ago to consider this a "gem". Maybe it's the new habit of binging that brings to light all the logic errors, motivational idiocies, incontinuities, annoying characters and the like. Or I got much smarter. One of those two it must be.
How that Bauer character could become anything in a gov agency is beyond me. Uncontrolled and emotional are two of this main characteristics, incompetent as a leader is another. He is also the prime example in this series for how they deprived spoken language from the purpose of communicating. Characters constantly talk to each other, but they don't share vital information for the other party to understand what is happening or why something is happening. (And no, this is not because they can't trust each other; basic explanations for motive of action are simply not communicated, leaving the other party and the viewer perplexed, the latter sitting in his chair shouting out "tell her why, you f***** id***". - You'll know when you see it.)
Take note:
- Tracing a call in 2001 took 10 mins or more.
- Video clips, on the other hand, were being sent to car video systems in seconds.
- A "heavily guarded" gov safe house will be taken down by 1 (one) baddy, easily.
- CTU "tactical units" are training targets for baddies, they never succeed with any of their goals, but usually just get shot.
- Memory loss can happen anytime, and it can go away anytime.
- Spouses of high ranking officials are treated the same way as the official himself, classified information is shared and discussed, family matters are treated as official business, they can freely move around in the agency's offices, etc.
- Rope ties generally open themselves when subjected to water.
- No one of CTU ever leaves the office, except the boss. He is the only field agent there is.
- Info on escaped kidnapping victims is not shared with the victim's father who is on his way to the kidnappers in order to trade. Why would it...
The characters are annoying to such a degree, I was really happy about what happened to that ugly and stupid wife in the end.
On the plus side, we get a fairly accurate and entertaining depiction of Hillary, albeit her black version.
If anyone needs me, I am back to watching movies from the 90ies. Everything after that is a waste of time. Period.
Jack Ryan (2018)
Utter garbage
I am halfway through S1, and I stop watching now.
I know that poor Suleman turned to religion (guess which one) because he was rejected by the evil Western system, he is a loving husband and father (although his wife may disagree on this), we know about his difficult childhood, his difficult time in France, and basically about all there is. Poor guy.
Jack, on the other hand, is ex-Marine, ex-Afganistan, the end. No more background story.
Apart from the fact that the actor playing Ryan has the vibes of a total douchebag, the character is also an idiot. The death of the French police woman is on him and him alone (the moment he saw that the car was stolen he should have moved away, he had to know the guy is about to return any second).
Is the US military now in the business of buying corpses? Or why do they do that in Yemen (?), where unfortunately one of the corpses isn't in fact one, but a baddie (or goodie? You never know, it's 2020...) who then enables a whole bunch of other baddies/goodies to invade the entire base?
Is it standard procedure for 50+ armed police officers to ignore a child playing in the entrance of a residential building when trying to neutralize a terror cell in said building? Really smart.
And the list goes on. The idiocy is great in this one. I feel provoked by what I am supposed to believe.
Remember the scene in "Red October" where Ryan is allowed to attend a meeting of high ranking officials, accidentally bursts out "Son of a b*itch" and is then to speak in front of that panel to explain a seemingly absurd theory? Yes? This scene is replicated at least three times in the run of only four episodes in this miserable excuse of a tv series. So much for creativity.
Greer a Muslim? Get outta here.
This is not "based on characters by Tom Clancy", it is "Based on names invented by Tom Clancy". But I guess they had to dumb it down, who of 2020 can follow a plot like in "Clear and Present Danger" or "Patriot Games"...?
I am really surprised by the huge number of people stating that S1 was something in the line of "good", but S2 "sucks". S1 is already utter garbage and only watchable if a) drunk, b) intellectually challenged, c) while doing the laundry. How bad must S2 be?
Unlocked (2017)
Technically ok, but...
... the story line is awful Zeitgeist propaganda.
Female hero speaks dozens of languages and beats up trained male fighters by the bunch, Islam is basically peaceful and muslims are either loving fathers and husbands or wise preachers, and the old white men (CIA or converts) are the evil ones.
I hope you choke to death with this crap one day, Hollywood.
Last Man Standing (2011)
Season 7
S1-S6: 7 stars
Liked the show up until S6. Just binged though the first four episodes of S7 and laughed, well, smiled only once (when K hits his neighbor's office wall twice). It seems the show simply lost all that made it likable.
Hector and Eve have nearly no screen time. Big loss. Same goes for the Mother, whatever her screen name was. And Kristin's leftist husband. All of them were hilarious at times. Now they just exist.
The new Mandy is a transparent airhead. No presence. Perhaps she has talent as an actor, but it does not show here. Total miss.
Leno is a PITA. He can't act. Period.
Kyle is now stupid-dumb, no longer funny-dumb.
No action. Episodes fly by, and not even 24 hours later I can't tell what they were about. (Except E1, which was mostly about making fun of ABC.) There is no focus on any topic, no flow. The Halloween episode was so standard that I can't get it out of my head that I have seen it before. Down to already-heard dialogs.
Lame jokes. Imagine it without the laugh track and it becomes totally moronic.
I really wanted to like it, but sorry, so far I can't.
Ozark (2017)
S1: 8/10, S2 terrible
S1 was enjoyable, nothing to comment on that.
This is all about S2. Apart from the script becoming more and more ridiculous (they actually launder cash, and there are "encrypted accounts", you know.; who wrote that script? A 10 year old?), it is clear that the show fell victim to gender and other PC idiocies. While Marty is practically silent throughout the entire season (if there wasn't a S1, the part of Marty could as well be left out entirely - he has no part in the story any more), his wife suddenly becomes a criminal master mind. Also, the Mexican tough guy now is a woman in form of an attorney, and finally - spoiler - Charlene takes over from Jacob.
In a nutshell: Men are weak emotional idiots (and in most cases dead in the end), women strong logically thinking leaders.
No, thanks.
Imposters (2017)
Dumbest show for a long time
Irrational plot line, flat characters, so 2017. Not a single likable character. The three idiots I definitely don't feel sorry for. Long and pointless arguments about "code". Illogical reactions of characters., did I mention irrational plots? So, we need a lawyer (at this point, I considered it not worth the effort to think about "why?" anymore), how to find out but to con yourself into a gentlemens' club and, well, look for one there. Google or a phone book would be too easy, right. Sometimes it seemed as if the plot had been written by a 5 year old. Really, really dumb.
The Good Neighbor (2016)
Waste of time
Really?
This movie is a complete waste of time. The premise sounded interesting, but the plot leaves you utterly unsatisfied. The so-much-wished-and hoped-for twist, like e.g. the "good neighbor" himself turning into the prankster or something of the like, it never comes.
Instead, we get
- a foreseeable plot, no real twists;
- boredom to the extreme, with endless pointless conversations between typical 2016 teenage boys;
- extremely, and I mean EXTREMELY unlikable lead characters, i.e. said boys;
- hours of utter stupidity: Main character carries a gun when entering the neighbor's house to fix a camera... I mean, really;
- most annoying of all: A movie that only for a very short amount of time takes advantage of the entire screen estate; mostly we see a small box with black stripes not only at top and bottom, no, but also left and right. OK, we get it, it's the image of a camera, but wouldn't the text on the screen suffice to explain that?!
- a fantastic James Caan, who does his best to save this wreck from sinking - albeit unsuccessfully.
A real confirmation for my feeling that movies from around 2005 and later with high probability suck, despite the names on the cast lists.
The Following (2013)
If you care about your time, skip the Following....
I'd actually forgotten about "The Following" already, but thanks to Netflix' nice "new episodes" reminder, I took on Season 3. So the following (pun not.. well, go figure) is mostly about S3.
Let's start on the plus side: Technically (image, sound, quality of soundtrack, color, mood, location) nothing to complain about.
Another plus: The acting. Well, it's mostly decent. And where it's not, I blame the script. Eg. Hardy's "depression" and the alcoholism. First I took it for Bacon-ish Over Acting, but at a closer look, it's just the whole reaction as given by the script that is plain dumb.
But here we are in the middle of that this show's biggest problem is: The writing and the plot.
1) FBI = morons.
They locate people and cars within minutes by looking at traffic cameras, regardless whether in New York, Virginia, Maryland, you name it. And of course, the images can be zoomed to the extent of bugs on the windscreen. It's ridiculous.
Anyway, then they go there, often in the hundreds. Cars, vans, soldiers in bullet-proof vests and some really nice guns, the full Monty. And they arrive within minutes.
And then, for some reason, the FBI guy usually walks into the building completely alone, just holding a flashlight and a gun. Of course, he gets hit on the head by the villain, who usually manages to attack the FBI guy from behind.
Not only is the "FBI-guy-gets-hit-on-the-head-in-a-dark-room"-pattern really annoying (as others have pointed out, it repeats in every single episode), but the entire picture of the FBI is moronic.
2) Nearly every episode follows (pun...) the same pattern. FBI locates baddie, hunts him/her, something bad happens, FBI comes 2 minutes too late. It's really annoying.
3) There is no bigger picture, it all seems made up on short term. Also, what happened to the one-eyed black FBI guy who appears in the middle of the series, as some kind of boss to Hardy & co? Then suddenly there is this female FBI agent, who IIRC back in time lead the case of the "mirror-slashing killer", suddenly she's head of Hardy's investigation? Is this a quota thing?
4), 5), 6)..... I could continue, but then again, this show isn't worth it.