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Reviews
S.W.A.T.: Firefight (2011)
Ridiculously poor production!
I watched the first SWAT movie, with Sam Jackson et al, and enjoyed it a lot, so I was looking forward to the sequel. 3 seconds in, and I thought, "Hang on, is this a comedy version?" It started with cheesy and cliched party goers, over the top bong pipe and pill popping scenes with the typical hip hop racket and slow motion bikini out of water shots, then, when the actual dialogue began, it appeared somewhat dubbed, and I mean Flashing Blade/Heidi dubbed! The studio replacement dubbing was terrible, like it was done by cleaners at the last minute, even though the scenes appear big budget. I stopped watching, just so I could read reviews online to see if I was missing something, and the majority agree. Terrible! It's like the production company were laundering some money or something! Watch at your peril. It's worse than a school nativity play!
Invasion Earth 2020: The Order of the Black Sock (2019)
Remarkable Sci-Fi!
Whitley Streiber, eat your heart out!
This action packed blockbuster science fiction sees the Blaxxoch taking over the universe, one person at a time.
Time Tosser (2018)
Chronological sock escapades!
An indigenous lowland dweller is presented with a sock from the future.
In a cave, somewhere in the lowlands, the indigenous dweller and his mother, (Who had prepared him a sandwhich consisting of water cress and toe debris)... suddenly receives a visit from the 21st century. The blanket clad denizen is treated to a shocking display of futuristic offering... a second sock!
Affair and Drogden, in this epic high budget sci fi thriller, send the audience deep into the past, where, Why! Why! Why did you give the man a sock? Why! Why!
Cheesy Beginnings (2018)
Insistant chanting of deliberate, albeit assumed random and senseless words.
As always, a splendidly produced movie. "Itchy eyebrows, Cheesy beginnings, eggy residue". Those words will haunt you into the hereafter when you leave the safety of the cinema.
Twists and curves abound in this short thriller starring Affair, Drogden and Blemp.
You'll never look at your dr or bedroom cupboards the same again!
Jaws, Too (2018)
Stay out of the water.
Splendid production values as always, and compelling drama.
Jaws, Too, takes us deep into the mental devastation that is hydrophobic, black sock abusing terror as Brady, (Drogden), and Robert, (Affair), tackle the much maligned issues of teabags and taps stirring up images of shark infested horizons. Although sharks are as dangerous to humans as balloons, Brady, (Drogden) is clearly suffering from black sock separation issues.
In one moving scene, the tip of a teapag causes us to take a spirallingly downward journey through Brady's, (Ogden) fears.
I watched the first screening of this excellent motion picture at Joe Bugner's Hat Shop, in Garforth, along with thousands of other PathetiCinema fans from around the world, and I must say... We were never let down.
Again, Gideon Pickles provided the music score, which is evidently eclectic as it is variety filled.
Would recommend it to everyone with toes.
Darkweb (2016)
YOU THOUGHT IT WAS A DUBBED IN ENGLISH MOVIE?
Terrible acting, pointless script, (Or did they just make it up as they went?) The dubbing is unbelievably terrible, and I suspect by other people too! For instance, there's a scene where two black men are talking, and both of them have white men's voices! It was like watching, "Monkey Magic", or, "The Flashing Blade" dubbed into English by underpaid voice actors!
I only watched half the movie as I would have kicked the television in, and sent the producers of this movie the bill, had I watched its entirity!
I'd highly recommend not bothering. I only saw it on Netflix, and had to strangle myself to get as far as I did!
The Hatching (2014)
Good, but spoiled with the terrible special effects.
It's a bit tame in parts, (the humour)... and the characters, apart from Lard and his mate, are too weak, but essentially, the people who produced the prosthetic gore and effects, were lazy, not just because of the budget, but careless. One could do a lot better with no budget. Apart from that, the directing and photography was perfect and refreshing. Not to be taken seriously, so it's fine. Some of the really subtle parts were the most hilarious, so you can't blink, or you'd miss them!
Left Behind (2014)
Ridiculously biased Xtian rubbish!
I watched it to see how bad it actually was. It was absolutely terrible! Everything in it was like a sermon from some bible sucking nutters! You could simply tell it was written by do-goody Xtian arses! I cringed all the way through it. It was like some Jahova's Witness propaganda, watching all the "family value" based crap! Only watch if you are a brain washed American Xtian! The acting is wooden, the plot is predictable, boring characters and badly shot. The whole concept of everyone who doesn't pray to God, is non human and must be destroyed, is even ridiculous to most fools who actually do believe in religion. I couldn't imagine a better movie to kill the career of the actors than this.