Reviews

I'm one of those people that will usually watch anything as long as Shatner's in it. So when i saw he was in a Christmas horror movie, I knew I had to give it a shot. Reading the synopsis, I knew Shatner wasn't going to be the star focus, but i was okay with that. I thought a Christmas horror story would be a fun idea. And then I actually saw the movie. This story is really 4 in one. Santa with elf zombies, changling kid, krampus against family, and haunted basement. All of this is connected by Shatner who is a radio DJ. And he's the only real saving grace of this film. Hearing Shatner as a mildly drunk Christmas loving radio DJ is amazing. Besides him and perhaps santa, every single character in this thing is annoying. There's seriously no character that I rooted for or even wanted to stay alive. Every single character is a pain in the butt level of annoying. I also have to say. This, this was a chore to get through. I didn't enjoy a single moment of this movie (With the rare exception of the Shatner scenes) When we're introduced to the characters we see them as unlikable jerks, and just because they're put in danger doesn't make them any more likable.Plot points are just kind of....there and quickly forgotten. The endings of most of these wrapups are RIDICULOUS and are at odds with what they're trying to convey.

1. The kid being a changeling story wraps up with the mother going to return the changling to where they took it from in the forest. She meets up with this guy that says "they won't harm you here because they're afraid of me." she sees she's surrounded by a bunch of changlings, and proceeds to shoot the guy and he dies by accident. The changlings, instead of killing her go "oh! okay! here's your son!" Wait.....what? That's the end? no twist? no...'she dies and the kid was already dead'? seriously? this mother character was one of the worst freaking characters! I was actively hoping she WOULD die. the fact that she or the kid DIDN'T die actually dropped this from a 3 to a 2.

2. Okay so with the santa story I was all for it when i was writing this review. Then i saw the ending 'twist'. it completely ruined it. look. you can't have a twist like "oh, of course this guy is really just crazy for no reason and is NOT santa fighting krampus because that makes more sense" when you have KRAMPUS ALREADY IN YOUR MOVIE. It's not far fetched to have him be the villain when he already IS killing people in your movie.

3. The krampus family thing had development that lead nowhere. you find out that the son who is a giant asshat is in actuality a sociopath who kills animals, but the mother and father were actually understanding each other and then developing as characters then "poof. dead." thanks for that? It reminds me of the actual Krampus movie. except....you know, even stupider.

4. okay, basement possession baby didn't even have anything to DO with Christmas. That could have literally taken place at any time of the year. The fact that it was Christmas had NOTHING to do with the plot. it almost feels like this was made for a different story but ended up being too short so they tacked it onto this and had the characters say "oh by the way it's Christmas!" a few times during their scenes. These were the most boring of the bunch as 3/4 of the scenes were slow walking with no payoff.

Speaking of payoff, with the exception of the santa scenes, none of the deaths were on screen and it looked stupid and cheap.

If it weren't for Shatner this movie would get a 1, but god help me, Shatner can make even the worst piece of garbage worth it. So Shatner, I toast you with a wassail. As for the rest of this stupid nonsense, it can go right in the trash bin. 2 out of 10.

You know, normally when i review movies, i like to make jokes about how the camera quality is bad or the cinematography is nonexistent, however, this was an odd movie because for more than half of it, there WAS no cinematography by which i mean, it was pitch black with the camera moving around in a vain attempt to find the actors. half the time i thought they just filmed a version of their game of manhunt. So i will do the best i can to piece together what happened in this review.

We open up with our very European sounding cast not having any weed so they drive up to a person's house and buy some weed from them for a whole 60 quid!...being American i have no idea how much money that is. let's just assume it's.... five bucks. i don't know. they then proceed to go camping in the woods. and they proceed to, you guessed it, do drugs and have sex out there. the sheer originality of this movie astounds me. What's that? we need a location? well we can always put them in an orgy party in the woods! Brilliant! I guess it's just the fallback locale because it's cheap and you don't need to invent your own ambient noises....except in this woods there WERE no ambient noises, but i digress. The main character, (some guy i don't even remember his name) is depressed because his adopted brother went missing a year ago and he gets sulky for a while. then they decide to investigate a house in the middle of the woods because.....i have absolutely no idea. Because it's there i guess. Once inside the main char hears some weird voices and sees a few ghostly figures of children.

Now, you might find it odd that i'm pretty much ending the review here, but i gotta tell ya, i saw the movie the whole way through, and i honestly don't know what happened. It was so dark for over half the movie that i could not tell who was doing what. At some point one of the girls hurts her ankle near a crystal statue of a deer or something and starts to scream and then gets drowned or something....i couldn't tell ya. Seriously it was like someone put a garbage bag of the camera lens. Every once in a while you'd get half the screen at around 10% visibility and you'd have to try to figure out what was going on from there. We understand that darkness is scary, but not so much darkness that you can't see ANYTHING for HALF THE MOVIE. So i guess some more of them die and i think the main character runs away. There's some interspersed movies of some kids getting killed. i don't know WHY they're just there. If i could have seen half the movie maybe it would have made more sense. As it is, it was a confusing mess, and it makes me want to watch an incredibly bright movie to reacquire my eyesight. So you may ask why this movie isn't a 1. and that's because sadly, i actually liked the ending credits. It was done pretty originally and coolly from pieces of newspaper clippings and that actually was the best part of the whole movie. Sad eh? I would have liked to have seen what was going on , but sadly as the movie is, i really couldn't tell you what happened halfway on.

So with terrible lighting, nonsensical scripting, and unlikable characters, "The Innocent" is FAR from innocent, with a 2, out of 10.

Ha. the first thing i noticed about this movie was that i'm the 6th person to grade this movie. that means only 5 other people besides me took the time to come on this site to say they've seen this movie. That's funny.

The only way i believe anyone could have seen this movie is on the "Mortuary of Madness" collection on disc 2. But, enough of the introduction, lets talk about the movie.

This movie was interesting. messed up, weird, and odd.....but interesting. interesting in the way that finding an old rotting banana in the back of your fridge is interesting.

The movie does one of those "Starts off at the end" things where it shows the main character getting arrested for something. what? well we'll find out eventually. So a apparently famous band named "fear....something" are at a boat house near a lake. Despite the fact that it is stated that the main character hates water. so yeah. this is making sense already. The drummer is a complete idiot to every one of his teammates and treats his love interest horribly. He ties her up with duct tape then leaves and a few minutes later she's killed. it's far too obvious that it's the drummer so you know it can't possibly be him. the band mates complain about stuff, a random cop comes in and they make a bet about getting a tattoo, and the cop finds the dead body.

The rest of the band is worrying about making an album because their manager is a crazy chick with a pseudo god complex. Oh, did i forget to mention that the main character has visions? well he does. why you may ask?...i have....absolutely no idea. he just...does. They don't affect the story line in any way, shape, or form...he just....has them. i don't know if they were trying to be artsy or something, but it just seemed to me to be confusing and weird. So towards the end of the movie, we see the band manager drug one of the band members and kill him making it look like a suicide. (which the cops never mention btw) We then find out that the manager is the sister of the main character (mitch) and she was the murderer and was going to pin it on mitch because he was going to leave the band. and she killed people to use the death screams of the people she killed in their new single (rubs bridge of nose) so....let me get this straight. you saved your brother from your abusive father as a kid only to later frame him for murder because he was going to leave the band breaking it up so she killed another member of the band because he was learning too much and you killed random people to use death screams in a video as opposed to just hiring actors....

I can't even make a joke about how that makes sense even sarcastically. Because it doesn't. Reading that paragraph just gave me a headache. The biggest problem with this movie was that i didn't know what genre this movie was going for. it wasn't really a horror...it wasn't gory, it wasn't psychological....it was....just THERE. um... so it's hard to really despise a movie where you don't know what they were going for. So i'm just going to go with saying it was pointless. That's the word for this movie. Pointless. The motivation was nonsensical, the acting for a lot of the actors was pretty meh, and the attempt at vision artistry just confused me more than anything. While it isn't the worst movie i've seen on this set so far, I hope to GOD it won't be the best.

Branded gets 3 death screams on CD out of 10.

This movie is WEIRD. Now I know that's an odd way to start a review, but trust me, this is an odd movie. The first thing i noticed about this movie was the actual video quality. I don't know how to describe this. Firstly they used letterbox Widescreen cameras. And...for direct to DVD movies.... that.....can be a problem. it wasn't anamorphic, it was like keyhole widescreen. and that got a bit distracting. The second odd thing was the filters. This movie LOVED filters. Either black and white, blue and black, orange, yellow, i don't know what was going on, but i think they just found a box of filters and went "Hey! Now we can call the movie artistic!" And thirdly, the sound. Sometimes it would be very quiet, and sometimes the mic would pick up wind in the background. Not the most professional level quality, but hey, what do you expect on a 50 movie set?

Now onto the actual movie. The first thing i'm going to mention is just plain "No". It shows how these girls are supposedly in an EXTREMELY popular rockband, popping up on the covers from everything from Rolling Stones to Playboy. And of course, they're living in this random house with no paparazzi around. EVER. Sure. whateeeevver you say. The movie opens with the girl already dead. Narrating herself being dead. But that's quickly forgotten as a random cop makes a joke and leaves never to be seen again. Damn. I didn't know this movie could afford extras! So the detective arrives on the scene (Why do all these low budget detectives look like they got to pick their own wardrobe for these movies?) and takes one taste of some coke found on the dead girls body and profoundly announces "Case Closed" and that's why we apparently don't even need a coroner at the scene. Or this guy's partner. Just him all by himself pretty much immediately after a high profile death took place. Awesome job movie. No one is taken down to the station, instead this detective seems to be like a vigilante case running around trying to find this girl to get information about the death.

At one point we cut to the Coroner's office (Aka some building with chairs and a few drawers) stating how the death wasn't an OD and she was murdered by asphyxiation. Oh noez! really! and now i'm supposed to care, right? OK. just making sure.

So next the girl who also was in the band ends up getting killed as well. Okay, wow. After the first girl was just found murdered, this band which is supposedly AS POPULAR as like N'SYNC just got murdered, there's no extra bodyguards assigned, not to mention NO PAPARAZZI. oh sorry let me rephrase. When they hold a press conference about their band mate's death. 1 guy with a microphone shows up. These guys are beginning to sound less like Rolling Stone material and more Home and Garden's style.

So, after a whole bunch of random crap including a girl who was far to chunky to be the supposedly sexy member of the group sleeping with the cop it turns out the cop is evil (makes shocked face). oh no. wait. that was cliché. whew! Turns out he's also a dirty cop and wanted the money for his drugs. Instead of...you know...just taking the drugs back after he killed her. cause...that would have been SMART. Also i have another question. If he's a cop, wouldn't he KNOW that the autopsy would prove she was killed by asphyxiation? Just a thought. Did he just HOPE that they wouldn't do an autopsy on a music star? I don't know but that's just stupid.

So we get to the last five minutes, the evil guy points a gun at the girl who's holding a knife and says "see, i have a gun and you have a knife. in order to kill someone with a knife you have to get close" and i am NOT kidding you, he walks into stabbing distance and pretty much says "like this" and then he stabs her and went "i didn't think you'd DO that!" (facepalms) This is the stupidest villain ever! i'd be more scared if Marv from Home Alone showed up on my doorway!

And then, to add insult to injury, after she stabs him, he's still fully conscious with the gun pointed at her AND KEEPS TALKING! oh my god i wanted to punch this guy! shoot somebody you dumb piece of crap! but of course he gets beaten by a lamp or something. i don't know. he doesn't really get...beaten... the chunky chick kind of just... lightly taps something on the ground that was obviously borrowed from the house they were in so it wouldn't break. So they lock the guy in the room who's unconscious, only to wake up and die from his blood loss. Cause yeah. THAT makes sense.

This movie was just pointless. I GUESS it was trying to go for like..a Film Noir feel, but it wasn't NEARLY cool enough for that. The acting was dry (especially from the chunky chick and the cop) it was stock, trite and most importantly boring. And of course one of the most obvious things, it had NO BUSINESS BEING IN A HORROR SET. This movie was all around unnecessary. however, it isn't the WORST film i've seen. so yeah... 3 out of 10.

p.s. movie makers, if you're reading this, if you're going to make a boring rip off at a film noir, at least SHOW some of the nudity. you're not being clever with your camera angles, you're being annoying.

This movie was one thing. extraordinarily bland. movie number 27 on the countdown of 50 Chilling Classics and once again, a bore. Well, at least it wasn't as painful as the last one on the list. But oh well, i guess i better tell you what it's about.

This girl comes back from college with her two friends, (both from America)and they return to the house to find that since she's been away so long, all the staff has changed and her brother is there to welcome her back. it was said that her father, owner of the blanchville estate died in a fire. During this, she falls in love with the American guy, but during the night she's visited by her supposedly dead father who tells her to go to a tomb and die.

We find out this is because there is a prophecy on an old tombstone that says if she's allowed to live to 21, then the blanchville estate will collapse. Supposedly the father isn't dead and he's a burned crazy guy running around trying to hypnotize the girl to walk into a tomb. Something i don't understand about this movie is the fact that, if he wants to kill her, why doesn't he just....oh i don't know, stab her while she's sleeping? and for that matter, why'd he wait until 2 days before she turned 21 to kill her? that doesn't make any sense! Long story short, nobody trusts anybody, they all run around like chicken's with their heads cut off, they think the girl died, so they put her in a coffin behind solid granite which she later....leaves. i don't know how because they never showed it, but she kind of just ignores being trapped and decides to come out. Turns out the killer isn't her father, but her brother in a halloween mask. and then he backs up and falls into a well because he fails...at everything.

for being a horror movie, this movie has a whopping body count of TWO. whoo boy. watch out! This movie takes too long to do anything, is quite dull, and you really don't care for ANY of these characters. If i had to watch it again, i wouldn't explode, but i wouldn't pop it in for fun anytime soon. The Blanchville monster gets 3 bad black and white looking effects, out of 10.

Wow. Just wow. Never before have i seen a horror movie in which it seemed like a bad self insert fanfic that somebody wrote one day in 20 minutes. And then i happened to come upon "Lady Frankenstein". This movie takes everything you know about Frankenstein and turns it completely upside down... and not in a good way. If you've seen this movie you either stumbled across it on Italian TV, or you have the dubbed version on the 50 Chilling Classics Box set like i have, as number 24. And lets just say there's a reason why these movies are here. Because they're not very good. enough of that though, onto the movie.

It starts out with Dr. Frankenstein trying to make the monster with his assistant who's....obviously not igor for some reason. His college graduate daughter (?) shows up and states how she just graduated with a medical degree, cause yeah. there were so many female doctors back then. So she states how she wants to help her father with his work and he says no. And then he makes the monster and it kills him. So she grieves for exactly 7 seconds and then makes up a story with the assistant how it was a burglar. The monster escapes and goes on a rampage.

OK, i really can't believe they killed Dr. Frankenstein so early in the movie. he dies like...20 minutes in. and then his daughter takes over. which.... doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but sure.

So Lady frankenstein decides the best way to kill the monster who's now rampaging....is to make ANOTHER monster! oh yes how i love her logic. so her new monster she gets the body by killing someone and putting the brain of the assistant in it...i know. just nod and go along with it. So the monsters meet and duke it out. I love how the assistant asks "why don't we just let the mobs kill it?" and she answers with "They wouldn't know how to kill it!" and in the end he kills it with an axe to the head. haha. oh yeah, nobody ELSE could have figured THAT one out. so in the end the brain switched new monster kills lady frankenstein. The End.

This movie was just....weird. it was seriously like somebody wrote a self insert fanfic. There's no other way to describe this movie. there were some odd naked scenes too. like, this girl was having naked sex in the park with her boyfriend, the monster picks up the girl and the guy drives away. haha. nice guy. She then struggles a bit and dies from.....to be quite honest, i really don't know what she died from. But whatever. It's Lady Frankenstein. It doesn't have to make sense.

This movie had a lot of those "Why?" moments to the point that i just gave up. Movies shouldn't do that, but for some reason i see that more than i probably should.

So final word, it's not the worst movie i've seen on this pack, but it's a tad boring, and full of many many holes and random things.

So Lady Frankenstein gets 3 Frankenstein porn scenes, out of 10

Now i don't like to use juvenile terms when i review a movie, but honestly. i hated this movie. hated hated hated this movie. I know that's a childish thing to say (no pun intended) but there's no better word. This movie was stupid.

Allrighty, i might as well tell you WHY. So let's jump into Movie number 22 on our Chilling Classics 50 movie pack.

So it starts off with these little annoying kids who climb out of a bus that crashed apparently unharmed. It seems that they just escaped from a crazy house and they are just.... it isn't really clear what their motive it, they're just doing stuff. On the other side of the plot though an old guy who isn't much of a family man has a get together for the rest of his family. They all kind of yell at each other the whole time, so it really isn't that good of a reunion. Or then again, it's like EVERY reunion. Now it said on my DVD sleeve that these people were mafia. I don't know, they never mentioned it, and if this old guy were the head of a mafia you'd think he'd have guards or something, but you know what? i seriously question ever aspect of this movie anyway.

So these kids show up and start killing off people one by one. And everyone thinks it's suicides. Because they're idiots. And then they lose their guns. because they're idiots. Then they start getting killed off one by one... because, well something tells me you could figure out why.

I am going to spoil the ending here for one specific reason. So you know what happens and you have no cause or reason to see this movie. EVER. The only guy left's girlfriend gets killed by the kids, so he goes out to get his revenge. FINALLY! oh. wait. then he falls in some bear traps and dies..... God i hate this movie.

Look. There's something people who make movies need to understand. Just because you have a child in a movie, that does not make them invincible. If a child/ group of children are killers, it does not mean that they can get away scott free and that we think that would be chilling or a role reversal. No. IT'S STUPID. it doesn't frighten or disturb you, it INCREDIBLY ANNOYS YOU. if that was their attempt, then great job, but something tells me they're not that smart to think of something like that. If you have 5 main evil kids, AT LEAST 2 have to die if you're going to make some live. you CANNOT have all of them live. That is BEYOND retarded. Now i know that sort of thing in the role reversal is terrible like Jason Voorehees pretty much won't ever be seen killing a kid, but on the other hand, if 5 kids are slaughtering everybody around them, i think they need to pull out the punches and start lopping off some annoying kid heads.

Now i normally don't review in this way, but this movie made me angry at it. So much so that if it were not part of a collection, and "passenger of bali" (which is also on the same disc) not being somewhat entertaining, i would have thrown this stupid thing out.

Devil times five gets 1 terrible EVERYTHING out of 10.

So yeah, movie number 19! holy Jesus have we really seen that many on the "Chilling Classics" Box set? Yes, if you've made it this far, apparently we have. So this movie "The Revenge of Dr. X" or...one of the 30 other alternate titles this movie has from "Double Garden" to "Venus Fly Trap". And to be honest, both of those (well, maybe not double garden) make a whole lot more sense than this title. I can find 2 problems with this title. 1. he never refers to himself as Dr. X. so WHY is he Dr. X in the title? and 2. What revenge? who is he getting revenge on and why? it makes no sense.

But anyway, onto the actual movie. A scientist at NASA completes his test to send something into space. yays! but he's very stressed and his assistant makes his take a vacation. He agrees and he's off to have a nice vaca in Japan. Hey! i'm currently living there now! But when he gets there he immediatlely wants to start work on a venus fly trap that over the LONNNGGG course of an hour he turns into a venus fly trap...man...thing. Why? i have absolutely no idea. I guess good scientists become evil scientists on vacation? no idea.

That's one of the biggest issues i had with this movie. He goes on a vacation to make a giant venus fly trap man? HOW is that vacationing? Whatever. Eventually the thing gets loose, kills a few people and then he and the doctor fall into stock footage of a volcano. The End.

One of the biggest problems i had with this movie is, of course, it's boring. It takes the doctor a good hour to create the monster. and when he does, it's so cheesy and stupid that it just makes you laugh. it looks like a guy in a rubber suit with boxing gloves on. And then there's an odd scene where there's a bunch of topless Japanese girl scuba divers who helped out the doctor by diving to find some weird plant to which the doctor doesn't even bat an eyelash, and in the next scene they're all wearing shirts on the beach. Don't get me wrong i'm not complaining, it just seemed....misplaced. It's the equivalent of watching a documentary on the civil war and they splice in cinemax. It's....definitely a surprise. a GOOD surprise, but a surprise nonethenless.

It takes far too long for the monster to be created, and when he gets loose, he only stays like that for maybe 12 minutes. It's not nearly interesting enough and the monster's more stock than a cardboard robot from the 50's. This movie is the EPITAMY of B cinema, only with less monsters and more people who sound like Bob Barker talking. I spent half the movie playing cards because i couldn't seem to keep my focus until the last 20 minutes when something actually happened. This movie just takes WAY too long to say what it wants to say, and to me that's the WORST offense a movie can make (well, next to animal and eye violence).

So all in all, "Revenge of Dr. X" Gets 2 boxing glove hands on a man in a rubber suit, out of 10

So yes. Here we are at number 18 on our "Chilling Classics" Movie pack. And oh well, we might as well get right into it.

Allrighty. This movie begins with, that's right, you guessed it, somebody getting stabbed. Why they're getting stabbed? Who's stabbing them? i have no idea! well, maybe i will after the movie's over. OK. Here's the first problem with a slasher thriller. it's 2 hours long. The alternate title to this movie is "The Hatchet Murders" no movie with that alternate title should be over 90 minutes. if you make a slasher thriller and it's 126 minutes, you're just pure unadulterated evil.

So the movie is about this psychic who we know for all of 5 minutes as she's quickly murdered by somebody because she knows that person committed murder. Apparently that person thinks about it so loudly that it drowns out 200 other people in the audience. My opinion is that the killer was probably singing the meow mix song in their head while replacing the lyrics "i'm a killer, i'm a killer, stab my husband in the baaackk". And then the girl gets owned by a cleaver. several times. However our hero (a pianist) sees the murder take place and takes it upon himself to solve it. And the police kind of just step aside as he does so. Watch out men! he's a licensed Pianist! And to drive this fact home, they show a scene where he plays the piano, just in case you didn't believe him.

Then we're introduced to quite possibly the stupidest journalist in...well... okay, they are stupid in EVERY movie but you get the point. Not only does she barge into the crime scene to take photos, but she takes a snapshot of the only eyewitness putting his name and info on the front page of the paper. i'm sorry, that's...that's just stupid. So mr pianist and his new journalist spunky female friend (my brain hurts) try to figure out the murders. Why? i have absolutely no clue. Apparently it has a connection to a song or something, but then it doesn't? So after a grueling hour and a half of searching we discover that it's the pianist's friend. and granted his death is pretty badass. Getting dragged by a truck and head crushed is pretty nifty. and all is well....OR IS IT?! no! because the real killer is his mom! The reasoning behind that is that several decades ago she killed her husband because....he...wanted to take her to the doctor to get mental help. So she stabs him. Sorry but.... if you stab your husband...doesn't that kind of PROVE you're crazy? and that's all the backstory we get for the reason she killed like 10 people. and the son was just covering it up for her. And then she gets her head cut off because she was wearing gaudy jewelry. The End.

The biggest problem of this movie besides the ungodly length was the fact that i really didn't care about these characters or why they were doing what they were doing. i sort of just shrugged and felt like going about my business. They didn't draw me in, i didn't feel anything they were doing and i felt like the pianists involvement was random and i didn't believe it. i know i always say that a movie should be based on entertainment value and i stick by that. But if a movie drags on and on, you get bored and you begin to think about these things. Now granted there's some cool gore and it's not the worst thing i've ever seen, it's pretty passable, but other than a meh, i wasn't that interested. I was more than a little shocked when i saw the high ratings on this movie. I could see this movie maybe getting a 4-6, but nothing above that. that's just ridiculous.

Deep Red gets 4 Necklaces of death, out of 10

Welcome to movie 17 on the chilling classics 50 pack. Where we'll see, That's right. Another movie that makes absolutely no sense. Seriously, this movie had me so confused at the end, i thought i was rewatching "At Dawn they Sleep." The plot seems simple enough....well that is until 3 seconds into the movie where a girl supposedly killed a cat and then...um.. explodes? i have no idea what happened. and that was BEFORE THE TITLE SCREEN. That's really sad when i can't even tell what happened in the first 3 minutes.

Anyway it stars a photographer with a big mustache who finds this girl after dumping his other girlfriend on the way to take pictures of something somewhere. so we get there but not before somebody steals their jeep to drive it 200 feet out of the way towards a town. suspicious? nah. so they decide to stay at this deserted village with one old lady. and then blah blah stuff happens and blah blah talking. The guy with the mustache goes out in the fog for some reason even though the old lady tells him not to. He gets lost and then finds his way back.

Oh, i forgot to mention this is all after an incredibly pointless 20 minutes of them staying in the house of a guy who looks like that buggy eyed guy from casablanca. Then they leave. There's really no point to this scene. It's really just padding. if you cut it out no one would have noticed or cared.

But sadly, that was actually the best part of the movie. wait. let me rephrase that. REALLY sadly that was the best part of the movie. because the rest is so confusing that i had to look on IMDb to find out what happened. But of course no one else knows so i'm SOL.

Seriously, the last 30 minutes of the movie were some of the most mindscrewing moments i've ever seen on film. They dressed her up in a dress, he gets kidnapped, then released, he runs back to the house, then at the end the witches are in the house and it ends? seriously. i have hardly ever been so confused in a movie. i mean, as bad as movies such as "War of the Robots" are, at least they MAKE SENSE. this movie doesn't even make the ATTEMPT to be coherent. the ending was as confusing as the end of "At dawn they sleep" and the plot was much more boring. This movie gets a 1 just for its sheer "i have no idea what happened in this movie"ness. "Witches mountain" gets 1 confused movie watcher out of 10.

Now i don't say this because of the possible getting shot in the head in an initiation to a sorority (yeah, i know. it's stupid) i say this because if you join this sorority, you may end up in the movie "Sisters of Death" and that my friend, is worse than a gun shot to the head.

Welcome to number 14 on our 50 movie list of "Chilling Classics" and well, you're in for another less than mediocre film. We begin with what looks like an initiation to like a satanic cult, but it's actually a sorority. (They only have 4 members?) and for some reason they show their courage by having a fake gun put against their head and the trigger pulled. but uh oh, in a really obvious twist the gun kills one of the girls! oh noez! oh no wait. that was totally expected...anyway, the movie then skips to 7 years later.

What happens then you may ask? why they each get a note saying to meet at this place! and they all think that they're from each other. when they get there they get taken by two random goofy guys to the house where they're supposed to meet. so they arrive and... almost immediately the father of the dead girl says that they're going to find out tomorrow who really killed his daughter. The girls get freaked out and try to leave but there's an electrical fence so pfff. that ideas gone. So anyway the girls begin getting picked off one by one and even one of the annoying guys! yay! until finally the killer gets owned by a random pistol shot which she couldn't have possibly hit him with and he dies. and as we think they're all safe, the girl shoots the other guy and freeze frame. So now we know she was really the killer. WHY she killed people we have absolutely no idea.

the main problems with this movie are as follows. 1. the ending was stupid. it didn't resolve ANYTHING and i wanted to see the chick die. and she didn't. 2. NONE of these characters were likable. every one was whiny, stupid, and insipid. you were rooting for the killer to kill ALL of them so we didn't have to live with their stupidity. cause then at least the movie would have been over quicker.

3. despite the fact that they know the guy on the grounds is trying to kill them, they do nothing to fight against him! they just slowly die. because they're retarded.

4. they KEEP SPLITTING UP! if one of your friends die every time you leave them alone....WHY WOULD YOU KEEP LEAVING THEM ALONE?! seriously. retards.

5. the two male characters didn't belong in this movie and made it goofy and stupid Whatever. this movie could have been good, but there were too many parts with nothing happening. it wasn't the worst thing i've ever seen, but that would be saying a lot if it was.

So in the end, "Sisters of Death" gets 3 dead sorority girls, out of 10.

Movie #12 on our Chilling Classics DVD and for once, i can actually say that i was PLEASANTLY SURPRISED at this movie. Not only did it have some good stars, it had a very original plot, and the film showed you just enough to tantalize you but not overgorify you. For a horror movie, this was pretty good. For a Chilling Classics movie, it's AWESOME.

So let's get into it. Christopher Lee (sporting a snazzy black moustache btw) finds a man in the ice and is going to have it transported with him on a train. There he meets Peter Cushing where they don't get along right away, but slowly people who go near Lee's ice man start to randomly die, with smooth brains and no pupils. Eventually we see the ice man escape and take over the body of the policeman before it dies. So the police man is now the new villain. Along the way it kills a whole bunch of people hoping to get knowledge on how to build a rocket to get back into space. Sorry buddy you're in 1907. you ain't going ANYWHERE.

But eventually they discover it's the policeman, but then he transfers into a monk, and peter and Chris team up and beat him.

I have to say that i really liked this movie. on a normal scale, it gets about a 6.5 to 7. on the Chilling classics scale, pfff. a 9.

The only thing that annoyed me is that this is a brand new DVD set, and for some reason, the only DVD i had a bit of trouble with was for this movie. none of the other crappy movies stopped working to give me an excuse to stop playing them. nooooo only the good movie at it's climax! what crap.

But yeah. Bad DVD aside, this movie is actually very worth the time. If you own the chilling classics 50 pack, for ONCE you're in for a treat. Pop it in. it's the way 70's horror movies should be made. Horror Express gets 7 white eyes out of 10. by the way, if you're squeamish about eye violence like i am, there's a couple of times when they use a needle on an eye to extract stuff. so yeah, (shudder) look away when that happens