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Reviews
Madame Web (2024)
Not even "fun to watch" bad.
Genuinely one of the worst movies I've ever seen. Can't think of any redeeming qualities about it. There is a way to make this a decent-ish movie and the fact that the screen writer or script writers couldn't fall into it is a massive indictment on who they are. Don't waste your time, it isn't even funny bad, just exhausting. Everything is predictable, the camera work is disorienting and distracting, the villain lacks any sense of threat or real motivation, and the main characters are just a pile of cliches thrown together tossing out one liners before they start a sequence of poorly choreographed chase scenes.
This Place Rules (2022)
A highlight tape of weirdos with no direction
Really wanted to like this but came away just sort of let down. They never delve into anything for more than a few minutes and it makes the whole documentary feel incomplete. They tryi to cover too much and as a result fail to really cover anything. Barely touching covid, the election, protests, etc, everything was so surface level and the whole documentary had no real direction or narrative. It felt like they just found the weirdest individuals they could and then tried to weave a story around that after the fact. The start of the film talks about asking "how we got here" and then they just silently hold the mike up to the most riled up people they could find without really questioning them. Honestly not really worth the time.
Uncut Gems (2019)
I finished this movie 2 hours ago and I'm still tense.
I probably would've rated this movie higher but its so tense, and so frantic that there were parts where I couldn't actually enjoy the movie. Beautifully shot, amazingly acted, believable, shocking, and exhilarating. Don't watch if you're trying to relax.
The Midnight Gospel (2020)
It's just not that good.
It would be an interesting YouTube series possibly, but making it an animated series is a huge miss. It's really just a podcast with sporadic guests, the conversations are way too short to talk about the subjects they're trying to go over which makes the whole thing come off as sometimes pretentious, sometimes faux deep. All in all it feels sporadic and not in a good way.
Star Wars: Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker (2019)
Surprisingly bad
This movie was impressively bad. It found new and creative ways to disappoint constantly. The moments that were supposed to be grand or dramatic were just convoluted or corny. I truly can't think of a positive thing to say about this movie except for "thank god they're done with the story like they've been destroying for 3 years now.
Tiger King: The Tiger King and I (2020)
Not worth it
Don't watch. Joel McHale is obnoxious, he's not a good conduit for an interview. He's way more concerned with getting a "clever" quip in than he is with actually giving an interview.
Bad host aside, the follow up really pulls you out of the documentary entirely. The vague and sudden ending of Joe going to jail was a solid ending, the follow up just kind of takes a larger than life story and makes it mundane again. If you're really still dying to know more then give it a watch, but you're probably better off passing on this.
Carol's Second Act (2019)
"Old people and young people are different" the show.
There's nothing creative or redeemable about this show, at all. Every joke is a cheap "oh millennials are terrible" or "lol look at me, I'm older than you'd think". I can't find one positive thing to say about it and Carol is a profoundly unlikeable character. Just really bad stuff.
Baki (2018)
I can't think of one good thing to say.
Everything about this show is absurd in the worst way possible. The premise is simple. Young Guy is supposed to be the toughest, a bunch of killers break out to challenge him from all over the world ala street fighter and there you have it. It makes it even more shocking at how badly they screwed it up. The animation is choppy, the backstory and interactions are just a series of one liners being traded back and forth, none of the characters have a motivation other than "I'm strong let's fight" except for the main character who is completely unlikable and has no personality. Even if you're okay with all of that and just want to see the fighting you'll be disappointed. The fighters are constantly doing things that make no sense like looking away, walking away before a fight is over despite previously saying they wouldn't, sitting around and waiting to lose, and everything else you could think of. It just comes off as poorly written and lazy by the writers. On top of that the fighters are so over the top that you won't feel invested in anything. They're constantly wasting time showing meaningless feats of strength just to show that the other person is strong too. A fighter will get hit with a bat, shot with a shot gun, have their hand cut off, break both legs, shatter their wrist, destroy their ribs, get hit by a car, kill 20 cops, and have their chest cut open just to shrug it off and have their fight like none of that happened. So much time is wasted in between fights where they just stare at each other that each episode would probably only be 13 minutes if you condesed it. It's a slow, boring, frustrating, poorly written mess.
American Housewife (2016)
Lazy and unoriginal.
This show is like someone took a collection of every cliche sitcom joke that didn't land and decided to turn it into a show. The characters have no personality, the "jokes" aren't funny, the problems and drama are minute and unoriginal. Every line is delivered without passion or personality. It's the kind of show that makes you want to turn off the tv.
Krampus (2015)
Horrifying
I can't really tell you why, I don't know what it is, but this is for some reason one of the scariest movies I have ever seen. The whole thing is dark and unsettling. The visuals are eerie, it feels hopeless, and the twist at the end is wild.
Flip or Flop Nashville (2018)
Big personalities, bad home renovations
I live in Nashville, I've seen the way the housing industry has been turned upside down by people doing bare minimum renovations to flip houses for $50,000 more than their worth, and these two are some of the worst at it. They find the cheapest homes they can and do basic facelifts on the homes to try and sell them again in a month or two. The end results look terrible compared to the other homes surrounding them, and they almost always sell for less than they appraised. Just watch the show a couple of times, almost every episode ends with "we got less than we expected" or "we're hoping to get an offer soon". The renovations are just underwhelming.
Coco (2017)
Perfection in storytelling
There is no other way to say it, this is Pixar's greatest film. The music is authentic and not over produced, the conflicts are understandable and not over exaggerated, and the interactions are the most human and authentic of any movie I've seen. From start to finish you connect with these characters and their stories, the world they create sucks you in and makes you immediately invested, you feel real emotions watching this, you come away feeling a deeper connection to your family, regardless of your heritage this is a perfect story of family and destiny interwoven to one. It doesn't hurt that this is the most beautiful film ever created by pixar, the scenes and worlds are stunning. Absolute masterpiece.
Star Wars: Episode VIII - The Last Jedi (2017)
No answers, no real stakes, poor dialogue.
I finally got around to seeing The Last Jedi several weeks after its release and somehow managed to avoid any spoilers. I had heard that it wasn't landing well with fans but I just brushed that off as people expecting too much or being dismissive of a direction the story was heading; after seeing this movie I can see why they were so upset.
The best part of the movie arguably happens in the opening scene. Scrolling texts, rebels desperately attempting an escape, dynamic space fights and a bit of humor. It makes you feel like the movie is picking up where it left off and the amount of casualties and character interactions makes you feel like this movie has weight, sadly it doesn't continue on this path. The space fight sets up a scenario where all characters except the main 6 or so are nothing but pawns, just nameless bodies waiting to be killed with no real consequences for their deaths other than a sort of "whoops, lost a few more". They handcuff every character to just kind of stand around and it makes the whole movie feel stale, and the fact that so many die just makes it seem like they never really mattered anyway.
The stagnant Rebel vs Republic standoff aside the interactions of the main characters are equally dull. In a movie that set itself up to seem like there would finally be answers to log standing questions, fans got none. We finally get an answer to who are Rey's parents, apparently they're no one important and they reveal that bluntly and with no real weight behind it. For such a major driving force of the first movie it didn't seem to matter at all. Luke is sad because he failed but still seems to have learned nothing from his experiences. Snoke is very present, and shows off very little power, and is killed without much resistance or conflict with no answers about his origin or motivations, he never fights, he just gets killed and now hes done I suppose. Kylo Ren is the only redeemable character in the story, we get a half answer about when he destroyed the temple and ran away from Luke but even then it left more questions than answers, and his big "turn" where he interacts with Rey is rushed and unfleshed out because of the previously mentions rebel plot being dragged along. Finn's entire side story just seemed like they didn't know what to do with him. He had no real impact on anything in the story, he could've been left out entirely and the main plot would not have changed. The final battle was inconsequential and anti climactic. I left the theatre not only underwhelmed by the movie I saw but not excited for any other films in this storyline.