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maxkaemmerer
Reviews
Nocturnal Animals (2016)
Amazing
I never give a movie a ridiculous rating like 10, but I feel compelled to give it to this one. I know this movie is good because of what it did to me emotionally. The film's outrageous. It shows that what is really terrifying is not Satan possessing your child or a murderer killing you in your nightmares--it's the things that can really happen. Like the Stephen King story "The Ledge".
The casting is perfect. The acting is impeccable. The script is almost beyond improvement. The imagery is especially powerful. The movie even has a subtle absurdist humor that made me think of the futility of human endeavors.
You probably see that I cannot gush enough over this movie. You need to see it. Now.
Free State of Jones (2016)
Inspirational
I feel compelled to write this short review after watching the film.
The story of Newton Knight portrayed in Free State of Jones kept me glued to the screen for all of its over 2 hours of run time. Tales of the fight against oppression by the oppressed always fascinate me, and none more so than the struggle of Americans against America's dark heart.
Free State of Jones is the story of Newton Knight, a man who went against the spirit of his place and time by rebelling against the Confederate States and fathering children with a black woman. The film shows the atrocities of war--the lost lives, the despoiling of civilians by their own countrymen--and the immorality of slavery and racism--which is shown to have continued into the 20th century with the court case of Knight's descendant Davis Knight--in great detail while not embellishing too much on the historical source material. The performances are strong and believable, the script is captivating and the production design is fantastic.
It is too bad that it failed at the box office and that critics had some harsh words for it. That, however, should not in any way prevent you from seeing this film and from furthering your knowledge of the American Civil War and the course of history towards justice.
The Exterminator (1980)
Avoid if you can
This movie is bad. And not the good kind of bad. It tries to be really cool, but it can't deliver at all.
The director seemingly knew nothing about composition. The revealing shots and cuts are ridiculous to watch. There is also no character ark. The guy starts out as the Exterminator right away. All it takes is his friend getting attacked and he's like: "Yep, this city just turned into Vietnam. Prepare yourselves, bitches." The dialogue is bad, the only exception being when the Exterminator talks to his friend at the hospital.
The cast consists mostly of people who seem to have had their first and last attempt at acting in this movie. I loved the scene where the detective is talking to the doctor on the phone and they kept his takes even though he had clearly slurred his lines.
Things I learned from this movie: decapitation is easy as butter, as man, uniquely among mammals, has no cervical spine; the authorities will first contact a male victim of violence's best work friend before informing his wife; also, euthanasia is not a big deal, it's more similar in gravity to a spontaneous coffee date.
The God Who Wasn't There (2005)
Well made, but dishonest
I am an atheist, like Brian Flemming, and I used to be a fundamentalist Christian, like Flemming. I think that religion is a bane on society that mankind should rid itself of. However, I am afraid that this movie is much too polemic and dishonest to make a big difference. Flemming makes all the usual mistakes that atheists make when attacking Christianity, like quoting the Bible out of context and demanding that Christians follow Old Testament laws. An assault on the gigantic monolith of faith requires more finesse and objectivity.
What Flemming does right is his titular topic, i.e. his gripping presentation of the problem of the historical Jesus. It is truly thought- provoking, and I wish he had stuck closer to that. Here and there, he also manages to shine a good light on the religious mind and bring up something worth thinking about.
I would advice viewers to be critical, even of this critical film. That should be a general rule, anyway.
Jodorowsky's Dune (2013)
A documentary about a mad visionary
This documentary chronicles the exceptional history of the 70s movie version of Frank Hebert's Dune by Alejandro Jodorwosky, a film that was never actually made. It gives you a short filmography of Jodorowsky and then leads you through his vision of the movie he was going to make. However, Jodorowsky's Dune would not have been a movie version of Frank Herbert's novel, but rather a re-imagination of the basics of the book in the mind of an avantgarde director who himself said that he wanted to make movies for people who wanted to experience LSD, but didn't want to take the actual drug, and Jodorowsky acknowledges the former fact with the words: "I was raping Frank Herbert... but with love." People in this documentary keep saying that the film would have been ahead of its time. This may be true in some way. However, I am more confident in saying the following: It would have been one of the worst movies ever made. They show you Jodorowsky's finished costume designs and storyboards, and it looks intriguingly weird at best, and boastfully horrible at worst. The colors you will see are truly like an LSD trip. Some of Jodorowsky's crew went on to make Alien, and his costume design and color scheme (i.e. use all the colors there are) can be seen in Flash Gordon.
Jodorowsky says that when he saw David Lynch's 1984 version of Dune, he was glad because the movie was so much more terrible than what he would have produced, even though he felt sorry for Lynch. Yet I believe that there is no way on earth that Lynch's movie could ever be worse than Jodorowsky's vision. Jodorowsky's film would have been a bastardization of Herbert's work for the sake of an attempt to, for lack of better words, "enlighten the world" according to Jodorowsky's own understanding.
However, his casting choices were, admittedly, inspired: Mick Jagger as Feyd Rautha? Udo Kier as Piter De Vries? Hell yeah. His own son as Paul? Well, I don't know him, but Jodorowsky made him undergo rigorous physical training for 2 years before the movie was to go into production, and then it never did!
The best scene in "Jodorowsky's Dune" is when the Chilean-French director rants about Hollywood film making and how money controls everything. Amazingly honest and true.
The Mangler (1995)
Not as bad as you've heard
How do you make a horror movie about an industrial laundry machine? Well, they kinda did it alright. Now this movie is not a masterpiece by any means, but it's watchable, even entertaining. The effects are good, except maybe the CGI for the Mangler at the end. The acting is solid at times, but admittedly sub-par at others. I enjoyed the surreal ending with the Mangler (but not the one were it's revealed what happens after the horror in the town stops).
The worst part of the movie is Hunton's friend the occultist, especially when he keeps talking about "virgin's blood". Robert Englund is also not appealing as Gartley, aka pirate Mr Burns, but that's mostly because the character he has to work with is ludicrous. I also had a hard time keeping Sherry and Sue apart with their curly hair. The machine itself, the Mangler, is pretty horrifying looking with all its gears and steam. The exorcism at the end is weird - them hysterically throwing sacred objects and Bible verses at the machine. And one last thing: are the police in this movie wearing old Nazi uniforms?
The Whisperer in Darkness (2011)
A movie true to the spirit of Lovecraft
It is so hard to find a good Lovecraft movie. But this one is excellent. It does not rely on cheap jump scares or the like. It builds up a creepy atmosphere that scares you by suggesting the unimaginable otherworldly. Just like Lovecraft, it presents a vision of superior forces beyond the control of humanity. The acting is great and the screenplay is very fluid. The set design is amazing as well. Sadly, the digital effects are rather noticeable and cheap. Especially on the creatures. I would have really liked to see some good old stop motion, especially on a film that looks so eerily like an old 30s or 40s horror movie.
The Vindicator (1986)
Vindicator the indestructible Spaceman!
Well I just got done watching this movie and it's a great flick.
The acting's top notch for a production like this. The highlights for me were Richard Cox as Whyte and David McIlwraith as the Vindicator/Frankenstein. The story overall has its twists and turns and keeps you entertained.
Some movies move very slow. The only thing that can be said about this movie maybe is that it moves a little too fast sometimes.
I don't understand why James Rolfe from cinemassacre.com didn't like it. It's got a lot of drama, intrigue and action. Very recommendable.
I don't regret paying those few bucks for the DVD at all.
PS: One bad part - the exploding truck. Too much for my taste.
Jesus (1999)
A very good Bible movie
Where I did not like this movie's depiction of Jesus so much, I prefer its Roman scenes over "Jesus of Nazareth (1977)", which has the better Jesus but the weaker Pilate. Especially the theater scene was very original. And then there are the flash-forwards to the Crusades, inquisition and world-wide war.
The costumes, style and scenery are nearly perfect.
Actors: Jeremy Sisto does an okay job as Jesus, looks the way you'd expect him to. Thomas Lockyer plays a convincingly guilt-stricken Judas. Jeroen Krabbé as Satan fulfilled his duty as well. The one who steals the show and the movie's big selling point, of course, is Gary Oldman as Pontius Pilate. A most intriguing villain.
The idea of Pilate plotting Jesus' death after the Jews' backs also worked for the movie, but it is not very Biblical. In fact, the gospels state that Pilate tried to have him freed (John 19:12). There are other nit-picks I could offer, but I'll refrain from it.
Some other lasting images include the Last Supper scene and the movie's unconventional devil. Satan's presence in the movie is stretched out very inventively, but failed to convince me fully.
But, then again, will we ever have THE perfect Bible movie? Still, I definitely recommend this one.
The Curse of El Charro (2005)
The Curse of El Bore-o
This film is boring garbage. But instead of doing a well-worded review, I'll just...
What I learned from this movie:
- Policemen get very lonely in the desert. - Rednecks love pretend-crippled rock stars. - If you wanna get away and the car won't star, it's scary. And totally not cliché. - There's a silent film studio that specializes in personal exposition infomercials. - If your sister kills herself, it's because your grand-grandma wouldn't marry that guy in the desert. - A guy standing at the very rim of the road counts as a road blockade. - Lyndsay Martin: newest inductee in the All-Time Acting Hall of Shame. - "He is coming for you!" WAAAAAGH! Works also in Spanish.
El Charro's makeup isn't too bad, too. Seen worse. 3/10. The End.
Atlantis: The Lost Empire (2001)
Impressive
Atlantis: The Lost Empire has some of the best, smoothest animation and cleverly written dialogue of any Disney movie I've seen. And I was convinced of that in the first 15 minutes. I especially love Don Novello's voice work on Vincenzo Santorini and Phil Morris as Joshua Strongbear Sweet. Too bad the whole film seems to move at about double the pace that would be appropriate - at least in the first act. One important aspect of any Disney movie is a satisfying antagonist - which Atlantis doesn't provide. He's average at best. Halfway through the movie there's a mediocre twist. That's all. It's a great movie nevertheless. Everyone should check it out.
First Blood (1982)
A masterpiece
Heavy spoilers ahead.
You might know John J. Rambo as the muscular dude with the bandana who suffers from chronic Arthritis in his index finger, thus creating a never-ending trail of mutilated bodies, widows and orphans, which gave rise to the use of the word "rambo" for a violent person and the treatment of the character as a modern monster (I have a book about movie monsters that has an entry on him). Now I don't know about the 3 sequels, I only recently watched the first movie, but this reputation must sure come from the follow-ups. In the first movie, Rambo doesn't even kill any PERSON. He only throws a stone at a helicopter causing a jerk-face police-officer to fall out to his death who tried to shoot him unnecessarily because Johnny had roughed up his sorry butt a bit before. Then again, Rambo has to kill 3 unfortunate search dogs who are sent to assault him. The only trail he leaves behind is that of wounded police butt-faces and destroyed buildings (seriously, he blows up a gas station, a weapon supply store, destroys a convenience store and a police station; all, except maybe the police station, for, I'd say, reasons I do not understand). The best scenes are the one where the police officers try to find Rambo in the woods and he takes 'em out one by one (look out for David Caruso as a whiny cop who gets stabbed in the leg - awesome). The ending, which displeased Roger Ebert, as I read, is awesome, too.
All in all, this movie is a psychological masterpiece: a rejected Vietnam-vet on a hike through the States goes nuts when he is abused by policemen in a small, snobby mountain town and keeps seeing flashbacks of Nam when he was a prisoner of war. He makes a stand against the police force and the National guard, only aided by his former superior Colonel Trautman.
One of the greatest movies ever.
PS: You couldn't ever discover Rambo in the woods even if he were doing the twist in front of your sorry nose...
The Ten Commandments (2005)
Grand
I truly liked this movie.
When I rented it I was like "What? A remake of The Ten Commandments? Bulldeuce". Then I started the DVD and the menu looked cheesy as Sheol. It comes in two parts you have to watch separately, which is weird. The beginning of the movie was slow, too. But other than that, it's quite good. It has it's share of excellent scenes like Pharaoh carrying his dead son through his palace (which is unfortunately accompanied by Menerith doing the same with awfully goofy looking long hair) and Moses praying in the wilderness. The movie doesn't hide anything from you which most modern secular commentators would say has to be hidden. There's people being stoned, Hebrews killing Hebrews over their disagreement whether to follow Yahveh or not, nothing too graphic, but at least it doesn't act as if the Bible didn't say this happened.
Probably to my shame I have to say that I never watched all of the original Ten Commandments with Charlton Heston, it kinda bored me, but this one kept me until the very end.
If you liked the new Bible movies that have been sweeping the market lately, like The Nativity Story, The Last Inquiry and so forth, you will find yourself enjoying this movie.
Ninja Turtles: The Next Mutation (1997)
Down the sewers
This is the worst thing the TMNT franchise has ever spawned. I was a kid when this came out and I still thought it was deuce, even though I liked the original cartoon.
There's this one scene I remember when the mafia ape guy explains to his minions what rhetorical questions are. It's atrocious. Many fans hate on the series for including a female turtle, but that didn't bother me. So much so that I didn't even remember her until I read about the show recently. All in all, it's miserably forgettable.
The only okay thing was the theme song. Guilty pleasure, they call it... Nananana ninja...
Flesh for Frankenstein (1973)
Shame for Frankenstein
This is one of the worst Frankenstein movies out there. It's boring, poorly acted and pointless.
Doctor F. is trying to create a master-race of Serbian people because he is disappointed with the son and daughter he had with his sister (Yes, in the movie they are actually husband and wife. When in history was that ever allowed except for royalty? And Franky is again only a Baron). The kids are actually pretty smart and also the best actors in this movie because THEY HAVE ALMOST NO LINES. This is one big problem with the flick: you can hardly understand anyone half the time. The only natural English speaker is the farmer / lover of Franko's sister. Speaking of his sister, the actress playing her makes a good effort at speaking naturally, that's fine, but she looks like a wrack. She must have been a victim of 70s plastic surgery, and why in the H does she not have eyebrows? Was that an ideal of beauty back then? Having no eyebrows? Dr. Frankfrank is played by Udo Kier, who certainly looks the part, but doesn't seem to give a deuce about delivering his lines properly. I know "ze" German accent is funny and matches Frankendink since he's German (actually no, he's Swiss) but Udo's accent is heinous. Udo, my friend, by now you probably know, but if not, let me tell you: even if an English speaker knows that "nasum" is pronounced "nah-soom", they'd never say it that way, they'd say "nay-sum". Same with "manus". Okay, they might have told him to not pronounce it correctly for a reason... In a nutshell, the acting fails to convince.
The gore is alright, but that's not what I personally watch a Frankenstein movie for.
If you are a fan of the concept of Mary Shelley's classic, you still don't need to watch this film, neither will you regret having missed Frankenstein Unbound. Ugh...
...
"Franken-Denken-Ding-Dang-Dung-Who's-got-a-gun?-Me!"...
Scarecrow Slayer (2003)
Oh boy...
... was I let down when I saw The Asylum made this. Well, it's a sequel to their 2002 movie Scarecrow, which I haven't seen. But here's what I think of this movie:
It's not good. Period.
It's a typical Asylum movie, which means that the effects are Atrocious, with a capital "A". Every death scene is green-screen. And you SEE it.
The acting's alright, I guess, you could do worse. Final girl's okay, the Sheila character is a delightfully over-the-top blonde BJ sk*nk. But then we've got Elizabeth Perry, who couldn't deliver a line naturally if her firstborn son's life depended on it. And then there's Tony Todd. His performance in this movie is Oscar-worthy. I mean it. He gets the pain across that his character feels. SO WELL. I'd even say check it out just because of Tony, then turn it off when the Scarecrow kills him in the hospital. Ah yeah, the Scarecrow: Costume's alright, but did he have to pull off all those Ninja moves? That was totally lame. Yes, David had a black belt, but why does the Scarecrow have to flip through the air like Jackie Chan. Makes no sense.
Again: Check it out for Tony Todd, then dump it.
PS: Another capturing scene has Robin Daléa (credited as Robin Meyers) in a car backing up away from the scarecrow. Watch her reaction. It's priceless.
...E tu vivrai nel terrore! L'aldilà (1981)
DO NOT ENTRY, if you don't have to
Like all of Lucio Fulci's movies, I just cannot seem to like this one. It's slow, stupid, the music does not match the mood of the scenes, the story is just ridiculous: Obviously one of the seven gates of hell has been opened (I guess it's the basement of the Hotel the lead chick inherits, but you don't actually ever see a "gate" nor anyone who opens one) and now "the dead walk the earth" (yes, even this stereotypical saying makes an appearance).
The shock moments when the hand comes out of the hole in the wall in the basement and when Zombie Arthur jumps out of the water to grab her legs do not convince (at least not me), only the one where the zombies smash the window behind her and try to drag her out is cool. The gore is decent, but boring: Only the spider and dog gore scenes are really good. But isn't it a zombie movie? And in conclusion, I always find it interesting to see how people in a zombie movie have apparently never seen a zombie movie before.
Return of the Living Dead III (1993)
The best in the series for me
Call me whatever you want, but this film touched me as much as The Fly ('86) did. It has this emotional component that I can't call by its name, but that makes it more than a mere splatter movie to me.
I am not saying that this movie is a revelation or has to be considered a classic by everybody, but still reading all these negative critiques out there makes me feel like the movie gets treated worse than it deserves.
Let me point out Melinda Clarke's and J. Trevor Edmond's credible acting as a couple and the successful rearrangement of the series' roots without the unnecessary comedy, for example.
The Dead Hate the Living! (2000)
A picture show of ups and downs
So, The Dead Hate the Living, eh? Like I said, the movie is a collection of very nice and very terrible scenes.
SPOILERS START
For example, the best actor was, in my opinion, Matt Stephens, who played Eibon. Therefore his scenes were the greatest in the movie: e.g. The scene where he discovers his wife has died of cancer and begins to study the dead.
Tremendously terrible movie situations are watching a big, scuffling zombie walking down a corridor, mumbling: "I kill you." or Eric Clawson, whom I consider to be the worst actor of this piece, saying completely enthusiastically about the death of his friend and co-worker: "Leave him, he's dead." As if someone had spilt some yoghurt on the floor.
SPOILERS END
6/10, not more, not less.
Hellraiser: Bloodline (1996)
SPOILER! I like the film ^^
No, seriously, I think I explain the whole story pretty much, so SPOILER-WARNING again!
I like this part of the Hellraiser Series (for me the first films, 1,2,3,4 stand beside the second ones 5,6,7,8 because their style differs so much).
For me it's like this: 1. Film: Creating a universe of demons that produces suspense, nightmarish. 2. Film: Making Hellraiser focus on HELL, hellish 3. Film: Making the film focus on Pinhead, who is a clown in this one and not the king of suffering 4. Film: Making all the best out of weak part 3 and completing the series.
I find the story of BLOODLINE perfectly reasonable (3 generations of toymakers, destruction of the box and Pinhead): 1. Philip Lemarchand creates the box for a crazy man. P.'s the first to create a plan to destroy the box, too. 2. John Merchant is a famous architect and builds the skyscraper seen at the end of HR 3 (which I think is a ridiculously weak means of giving part 3 a climax). 3. Paul Merchant has to finish the work of his ancestor Philip by building a space station that turns into the "Elysium Configuration",... 4. ...which destroys Pinhead and the devilish puzzle box.
Worth watching, understanding, and for me the Final for Pinhead.
A nice quote from the Film: "He got pins on his head!"
Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995)
I, in contrast to most fans, like it
I do like this part of the Halloween series because of its good camera technique, its good actors and its (for me still true) story about the origins of Michael A. Myers. Although H:20 and Resurrection are somehow better I declare myself a fan of this movie. Furthermore, I think it is better than Halloween 1, although Doctor Sam Loomis is a bit too crazy in this one. After the old-camera-and-style-Halloween 5 this movie makes a fresh start. To bad it has been retconned like part 3, 4 and 5, which deserved that (except for number 4). I would like Halloween 9 to continue the storyline of the cult supporting and praying to Michael Myers, but it probably won't.