Change Your Image
tibercromwell
Ratings
Most Recently Rated
Lists
An error has ocurred. Please try againReviews
Battlefield Earth (2000)
Bad direction, bad dialogue, an unimaginative and over-done look, laughable plot twists and a collection of average actors struggling to stay afloat amide all the nonsense
It is the year 3000. Many years have passed since the world was conquered by an evil race called the Psychlos in order that they would strip it of its resources just as they had countless other planets. Man has been forced back to the Stone Age, slowly dying out in small, ineffective pockets of resistance around the world. Sent out from his community, Jonnie Goodboy Tyler stumbles across two other survivors who tell him of a place of the gods – a place that turns out to be a former city. While resting overnight the group is come across by the Psychlos and both Jonnie and Carlo are captured. A plot by one of the Psychlos to outsmart his bosses (who have deserted him on earth by turning down his bid for a transfer) opens the door for Jonnie to learn a great deal about his new masters and gradually he becomes the last real hope for mankind.
The film does have some very basic ideas that offer potential but these are squandered with a script that bulks out with bad dialogue, poor story development and an overall poor delivery that makes it a film that is certainly a mess, if not 'the worst film of all time'. The story quickly goes wrong by making massive plot jumps with its two threads (Jonnie and Terl) that it quickly becomes tiresome. It is not just that major parts of it make little sense (even if you are trying to get into it) it is also that the film makes it harder for itself by taking itself so seriously. If the film had been exciting and entertaining then I could have forgiven these jumps but the way it holds itself in such high regard means we have to meet it on its own terms – something that I found nigh on impossible to do with this. Whenever we are asked to accept that planes would have survived intact over 1000 years, or that anyone could learn to fly them in a matter of days then it is really asking too much if it also expects me to take it 100% seriously at the same time.
The film has clearly had money spent on it, and it isn't that the effects look bad, it is more that they feel over-designed. The Psychlos (cr*p name) look like nobody knew when to stop adding bits and they do look a bit absurd – like a Klingon but with more bits! It is hard to describe and maybe I'm doing it badly but to me the film looked like the alien future's of a thousand sci-fi movies, not an alien future that exists outside of late night TV and, as such, it was even less engaging. Of course it didn't help that the direction was so ham fist-ed that Christian should be asked to return his Oscar out of good will. The opening action scene is delivered in a terrible slow motion that sucked all the potential out of it – a technique that is sadly used for most of the action scenes. The stuff with the harriers near the end is so silly that even a good director couldn't have saved it; but Christian is not a good director here and he makes it worse and robs it of any excitement or pace it may have had.
With such a poor product to sell to us, even an all star cast would have struggled – so imagine the trouble that one fading star and a collection of minor support actors have with it. Travolta tries hard but he can find nothing of value. He looks terrible and his performance is just so
obvious and easy – there is nothing to watch here, partly due to him but also to the wider failings of the film. Pepper was a very strange choice for such a big role and, try as he might, he cannot get past the absurdity of the whole thing and he comes across as part of the silliness, taking his character way too seriously for the material – but I suppose he was only matching the mood of the film. Whitaker has nothing to do and even an appearance from the likable, low-rent baddie Kim Coates brought nothing to the film. I don't even know the rest of the cast by name but suffice to say that none of them can do anything worth seeing.
Overall this is a very poor film and, although I don't wish to join the mob by just kicking it, I didn't find any reason not to. The direction is awful but is at its worst in the action scenes. The effects are not awful, they just feel like generic, overdone sci-fi fare with little or no imagination – a big surprise when you consider that the director was nominated for an Oscar for Alien and won one for Star Wars for the very discipline of art direction! The script is clunky and the story full of moments that are, at best, illogical and, at worst, silly, stupid and laughable. The end result is a product that is a real mess with almost nothing of value in it. It is relentlessly shoddy and I almost wish the 'worst film ever' hype would drop off just so that this film could slowly fade from our memory and be lost in time.
The Little Mermaid: Ariel's Beginning (2008)
Simply Amazing.
The Little Mermaid is one of Disney's most lovable classics, it's one of my personal favorites, so I did want to see the sequel, which was pretty average. Normally most Disney sequels are lame or a waste of time, but it seems as if Disney is finally getting something right because The Little Mermaid: Ariel's Beginning is a very sweet movie and was a nice prequel for Ariel to see what her life was like before she met Prince Eric and we learn a little bit about her family and how she came to meet Flounder. This is definitely a must see for the kids, it has fun music, cute characters, and a charming story that anyone could fall in love with. I liked that they chose a different story rather than continuing her life with Eric, I just like the "they lived happily ever after" and that's it, so this was a nice idea to get to know Ariel's sisters and mother.
In this Disney prequel, we explore Ariel's life before she became human, met Eric, met Ursela. Her father is heart broken after her mother is killed by a ship, he forbids music since it reminds him of her and her beautiful voice. Ariel and her sisters grow up in a very boring world with no music or life at all, but Ariel is thirsty for fun, to spice up her life. She comes along with friends who are also trying to make life a little more fun. But a mermaid named Marina is trying to take over the girls and their lives so she can eventually control the kingdom.
The Little Mermaid: Ariel's Beginning is a fun Disney sequel and was a pleasure to watch. The songs are a lot of fun and the story just charms it's way into your heart. This isn't my favorite Disney sequel, but it was a huge improvement over the second Little Mermaid. I would recommend this for the family or kids, it's a charming film and of course who could resist Sebastian and his fun crazy life under the sea? He, Ariel, and Flounder bring life to this story and I'm sure you'll enjoy it as well.
9/10
Happily N'Ever After (2006)
An animated fairy tale going very mixed-up.
The story begins with the idea that the Wizard (George Carlin) controls all of the fairy tales and maintains the balance of good and evil in Fairy Tale Land. With the help of his assistants the uptight Munk (Wallace Shawn) and the decidedly goofy Mambo (Andy Dick), the Wizard is checking to make sure that all the fairy tales under his care are "on track" to have their traditional happy endings. As we meet him however, the Wizard is leaving for Scotland for a long-overdue vacation. He leaves the kingdom in the hands of Munk and Mambo. Ella is a girl who is better known as Cinderella (Sarah Michelle Gellar). She lives as a servant to her step family, dreams of the Prince (Patrick Warburton) who will sweep her off her feet. Her best friend at the palace is Rick (Freddie Prinze, Jr.), the palace dishwasher. Rick takes it upon himself to deliver the invitations to the royal ball to Ella. Ella sees Rick only as a friend, but Rick secretly loves Ella, although he is too cool and proud to admit it. Rick can't really understand what Ella likes about the Prince. Rick's Three Amigos, the comic chefs (all voiced by Phil Proctor, Rob Paulsen and Tom Kenny) in the palace kitchen, believe that Rick has a bad case of "Prince envy". The Prince does everything by the book, and plans to meet his maiden at the ball. However, things don't go as planned at the ball. Thanks to the assistants, Ella's evil stepmother, Frieda (Sigourney Weaver) gains access to the Wizard's lair during the Prince's ball. She manages to chase off Munk and Mambo and tip the scales of good and evil, causing a series of fairy tales to go wrong and have unhappy endings, including Jack getting stepped on by the Giant (John DiMaggio) yet surviving, Rumpelstiltskin (Michael McShane) winning his bet with the miller's daughter (Jill Talley) and taking her baby, and the unseen demise of Little Red Riding Hood. She summons an army of Trolls, witches (Tress MacNeille and Jill Talley), three Big Bad Wolves (Jon Polito and Tom Kenny), the Giant (John DiMaggio), and Rumpelstiltskin to her castle. Ella finds out and escapes to the woods where she meets Munk and Mambo. The trio set out to find the prince who has goes looking for his maiden (not knowing it was actually Ella) in hopes that he will defeat Frieda and save the day. Together, they flee to the Seven Dwarfs (all played by Tom Kenny and John DiMaggio) home. Witches and trolls led by The Ice Queen attack them. The Seven Dwarfs hold off the trolls, while they flee with the help of Rick who had stolen a flying broom. Frieda decides to go after Ella herself. She succeeds in capturing her and returns to the palace, with Rick, Munk and Mambo in pursuit. Frieda tortures Ella because if the story had run its course she would have married the prince while Frieda would never get anywhere in life. Rick, Munk, and Mambo slip into the castle and attack Frieda. During the fight, Frieda generates a pit in the floor. Mambo knocks her in, but she uses her staff to fly back up again. After a short battle, in which Rick takes a blast meant for Ella and falls into a deep sleep, Frieda creates a portal by accident. Ella knocks Frieda back and punches her into the portal. Rick awakes from the spell and he and Ella kiss, finally admitting their feelings for each other. Ella and her true love Rick decide to choose their destinies in a world of happy endings and get married. Rumpelstiltskin has shown throughout the movie that he has come to care for the baby and the miller's daughter lets him stay in the castle as the baby's nanny. The Wizard returns from vacation where he wasn't told about what happened while he was away. In the final scene, Frieda is shown trapped in the Arctic surrounded by elephant seals.
Lilo & Stitch (2002)
An Absolutely Legendary film of Ohana. Zippity-Doo-Dah.
Lilo and Stitch is one of my favorite Disney movies as it covers so many topics and covers them well. Firstly, concerning Lilo's feeding the fish, well, all kids have little quirks and this is obviously meant to be her's. As for Nani being a care giver, well, she's supposed to be in her teens, dealing with her parents's loss as well as dealing with her sister's and taking care of the little girl under the pressure of keeping her family together, finding work etc. and it was nice as my 14 year old daughter pointed out, that Nani was like a real woman, with her little pot belly and not very stick thin build, for me she is a great character for little girls who have to put up with cartoon females such as the impossibly(pardon the pun)thin Kim Possible, which is sadly also a Disney cartoon girl. Actually, I tend not to look too deeply into movies unless they are there to make us do so, e.g Schindler's List, but, this movie covered some subjects that I am familiar with, a young child losing it's parents and it dealt with them well. The scene where Stitch takes the bicycle, well, how could anyone feel sorry for the little girl considering she is the monstrous brat in the movie. Anyway, I love the movie and I've watched it many times and am a hand on heart Stitch fan. Chris Sanders came up with an awesome character and he and Dean DuBlois did an excellent job in bringing him to life. they managed to make a movie that touched your heart with out being known as a loser to the incredible SpongeBob. 10 out of 10
Frozen (2013)
Embarrassing, Terrible in Every Way...Darn this is the Worst!!!!!!!
If you saw the previews and thought that Frozen would be an inferior ripoff of Beauty and The Beast, The Princess and The Frog and Ice Age, Well, you might be right. That is because Frozen is absolutely the worst movie I've ever seen in my life. This movie is like atrocious, abysmal, horrible and terrible!!!! And Jessi Corti is in this movie? The $&%^#(* $^*@? This movie should get negative reviews from critics. This is also known as a horrifying knock-off of The Ice Age series. The music is satanic. Elsa and Anna are the worst Disney Princesses ever. The animation is far from awesome!!! There are no memorable scenes, songs or lines because it is my worst film ever. And it even makes the Disney Princesses look like they never existed. IT MUST BE BANNED FOREVER. Now to grade the movie. Animation: F- Characters: F Story: F+ For Kids: No Music: F Voice Acting: F Overall: F-! Yeah, and I would also like to say that I am glad that I own Ice Age 3 on DVD. Do not see Frozen. I mean it. You had better be off seeing Rise of The Guardians, Arthur Christmas, The Santa Clause or the first Ice Age movie instead of that crap. Peace out.
The Lion King (1994)
Absolutely Amazing!!!
This has grossed $987.5 million worldwide. Considering it a better movie than the Wild. Anyways, let's talk about the movie. In the Pride Lands of Africa, a lion rules over the animals as king. The birth of King Mufasa and Queen Sarabi's son Simba creates envy and resentment in Mufasa's younger brother, Scar, who knows his nephew now replaces him as heir to the throne. After Simba has grown into a young cub, Mufasa gives him a tour of the Pride Lands, teaching him the responsibilities of being a king and the Circle of Life. Later that day, Scar tricks Simba and his best friend Nala into exploring a forbidden elephant graveyard, despite the protests of Mufasa's hornbill majordomo Zazu. At the graveyard, three spotted hyenas named Shenzi, Banzai and Ed attack the cubs before Mufasa, alerted by Zazu, rescues them and forgives Simba for his actions. That night, the hyenas, who are allied with Scar, plot with him to kill Mufasa and Simba. The next day Scar lures Simba to a gorge and tells him to wait there while he gets Mufasa. On Scar's orders, the hyenas stampede a large herd of wildebeest into the gorge. Mufasa rescues Simba, but as Mufasa tries to climb up the gorge's walls, Scar throws him back into the stampede, where he is trampled to death. After Simba finds Mufasa's body, Scar convinces him he was responsible for his father's death and advises Simba to flee the kingdom. As Simba leaves, Scar orders Shenzi, Banzai and Ed to kill the cub, but Simba escapes. That night, Scar announces to the pride that both Mufasa and Simba were killed in the stampede and steps forward as the new king, allowing a pack of hyenas to live in the Pride Lands. After running far away, Simba collapses from exhaustion in a desert. Timon and Pumbaa, a meerkat and a warthog, find him and nurse him back to health. Simba subsequently grows up with them in the jungle, living a carefree life with his friends under the motto "hakuna matata" ("no worries" in Swahili). When he is a young adult, Simba rescues Timon and Pumbaa from a hungry lioness, who turns out to be Nala. She and Simba reconcile and fall in love. Nala urges Simba to return home, telling him the Pride Lands have become a wasteland with not enough food and water. Feeling guilty over his father's death, Simba refuses and storms off, leaving Nala disappointed and angry. As Simba exits the jungle, he encounters Mufasa's mandrill friend and adviser, Rafiki. Rafiki tells Simba that Mufasa is "alive" and takes him to a pond. There Simba is visited by the ghost of Mufasa in the sky, who tells him he must take his rightful place as the king of the Pride Lands. Simba realizes he can no longer run from his past and goes home. Nala, Timon, and Pumbaa join him, and agree to help him fight. At the Pride Lands, Simba sees Scar hit Sarabi and confronts him, but Scar taunts Simba over his "part" in Mufasa's death. However, when Scar pushes Simba to the edge of Pride Rock, he reveals that he killed Mufasa. Enraged, Simba roars back up and forces Scar to reveal the truth to the pride. Timon, Pumbaa, Rafiki, Zazu, and the lionesses fend off the hyenas while Scar, attempting to escape, is cornered by Simba at the top of Pride Rock. Scar begs Simba for mercy, insisting that he is family and placing the blame on the hyenas. Simba no longer believes Scar, but spares his life on the grounds of forever leaving the Pride Lands. Scar appears to comply, but then attacks his nephew. After a fierce fight, Simba throws his uncle off Pride Rock. Scar survives the fall, but is attacked and eaten alive by the hyenas, who overheard his attempt to betray them. With Scar and the hyenas gone, Simba ascends to the top of Pride Rock and takes over the kingdom as the rain falls again. Sometime later, with Pride Rock restored to its former glory, Simba looks down happily at his kingdom with Nala, Timon, and Pumbaa by his side; Rafiki presents Simba and Nala's newborn cub to the inhabitants of the Pride Lands, and the Circle of Life continues.
Bartok the Magnificent (1999)
Garbage!!!
This is quite possibly the worst film I have ever had the displeasure of seeing, I don't know what made me want to see this, but everyone was saying how terrible it was so I had to see what the fuss was about. And I should have just stayed at home, this wasn't even remotely fun, or funny. The character are awful with no interest or morals. The animation is atrocious, and looks like a five year old did it, I actually a five year old could do better. I mean, my gosh talk about getting all the joy sucked out of me in the very intent the movie comes on. I'm serious avoid this at all costs, unless you want to see what the fuss is about, then go ahead, but I will warn you, this is a 20 dollar bill you will never get back. After this I will say I'm glad I own How to Train Your Dragon, because after watching this piece of horse manure I needed to get my faith back into animation. I needed something to get my mind off this terrible excuse of a movie. Lets hope this is the last time we get an animated film this bad well at least in a long time. And the last thing, should kids see this? No. Not that its bad with inappropriate innuendos or jokes, its just kids will get bored with this. The kids in my theater were running up and down the aisle and a family sitting next to me left the theater. So if the film's target audience is in disarray, then imagine how you will feel, and how I felt watching this awful, disgusting, mess of a film. Oh, and those rodent characters that try to be the minions, I have one thing to say. &$^# you!!!! Now to grade. Animation: D- Characters: F Story: D+ For Kids: No Music: C Voice Acting: D Overall: D-
Anastasia (1997)
Best Fox Animated Feature Ever.
This is absolutely the best animated feature that I have ever seen in my entire life. I saw it many times, and I really love it! I've really got to say this. This is absolutely going for global warming in my country. Let's grade this right away. And as for Bartok. @&$^ you, Bartok. Animation: A- Characters: A Story: B+ For Kids: YEAH! Music: B Voice Acting: A Overall: A-. That's why I freaking love it. Wheeee- hoodoo.
Oh. And Another aspect that adds to the feel of the movie, is that gender means very little. There are female characters like Anya and Sophie but you don't really realize that until after you watch it a few times and even then it has little effect on the way you view the film. Due to this, there's also no mention of a nuclear family which would really be pathetic in a setting like the ice age.
All in all, Anastasia is a great movie and is proof on how much effort was put into traditional animations before Lilo and Stitch, Atlantis: The Lost Empire and The Princess and the Frog came out.
The Wild (2006)
Ripoff of Ice Age, Anastasia, Madagascar and The Lion King!!!
This is quite possibly one of the worst films I have ever had the displeasure of seeing, I don't know what made me want to see this, but everyone was saying how terrible it was so I had to see what the fuss was about. And I should have just stayed at home, this wasn't even remotely fun, or funny. The character are awful with no interest or morals. The animation is atrocious, and looks like a five year old did it, I actually a five year old could do better. I mean, my gosh talk about getting all the joy sucked out of me in the very intent the movie comes on. I'm serious avoid this at all costs, unless you want to see what the fuss is about, then go ahead, but I will warn you, this is a 20 dollar bill you will never get back. After this I will say I'm glad I own How to Train Your Dragon, because after watching this piece of horse manure I needed to get my faith back into animation. I needed something to get my mind off this terrible excuse of a movie. Lets hope this is the last time we get an animated film this bad well at least in a long time. And the last thing, should kids see this? No. Not that its bad with inappropriate innuendos or jokes, its just kids will get bored with this. The kids in my theater were running up and down the aisle and a family sitting next to me left the theater. So if the film's target audience is in disarray, then imagine how you will feel, and how I felt watching this awful, disgusting, mess of a film. The animation is unimpressive, story sucks and its not original, there is no memorable scenes or lines, and makes Madagascar, Ice Age and Anastasia look like they never existed. THIS MOVIE SHOULD BE BANNED FROM THE WHOLE WORLD!!!! Oh, and those rodent characters that try to be the minions, I have one thing to say. Screw you!!!! Now to grade. Animation: F- Characters: F Story: D+ For Kids: No Music: C- Voice Acting: F Overall: F-. So yeah. It really is a ripoff of Madagascar, Ice Age, Anastasia and The Lion King!! That's why is sucks GARBAGE!!!!