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stephenlgash
Reviews
Road House (2024)
2 Hours of Amazing Action with a fair bit of Humour thrown in!
I think the main cause of hate towards this film is the name "Road House" , a beloved.80' camp film starring Patrick Swayze.
Why it wasn't released under a different name, rather than the dreaded re-make. The only two things the films have in common is the main character name and the name of the establishment!
Call it something like "Bouncer" and the comparisons wouldn't be made!
As for the film, I loved it! The fight scenes are amazing and I wasn't expecting the humour. Jake Gyllenhaal is both sarcastic and relentless in his role, most of the evil Guys are camp beyond belief. Then Connor comes along and lights the entire film up!
The Langoliers (1995)
How long does it take to light a match?
I loved the book and this is a very true version in most aspects other than the idiocy of the characters..
They realise something is wrong and this blithering, mystery writer decides to spend four hours explaining his theory.
At this point they realise something IS SERIOUSLY wrong and the young kid insists on spending another hour proving his theory....
They escape by seconds in the end, when it should be hours it's just embarrassing to watch..
If the old Man just told everyone his theory in four sentences , they would all live...
Coming 2 America (2021)
I'm sorry, but this is awful.
I loved Coming to America, it had heart , humour and soul. I don't know where to start with this terrible sequel. From a Man attending his own funeral to his Son having intercourse without even realising it after being drugged ..It is that bad..
I THINK it's supposed to be a comedy, but it doesn't have one single funny moment.. A comedy without humour is just bleh, this film is bleh...
Before I wrote this the film was getting on average 1-3 ratings, I've gone for one, for ruining the original movie with this trash..
Easily the worse film I have seen this year.....
The Kissing Booth 2 (2020)
Awful main character!
Not since Twilight has the main antagonist of a film been so selfish and clueless.
She spends the first third ruining her best friends relationship, seriously is she so stupid to not realise they need time alone.
Second third, using a poor lad to get what she needs before ditching him without a blink of an eye for the great Noah.
Third, acussing her so called love of her life of cheating, stalking his friends on social media.
Yes Elle comes close to Bella from Twilight as the worse heroine of all time.
The Dead Don't Die (2019)
Easily the Worst Film I have Endured in a good 10 Years
I sat through this today, the longer it went on the more painful it got.
Considering the stellar cast and my love of Zombie films, both comedy and serious, I don't see how Jim Jarmusch could get this so terribly wrong.
Lets summarise the film, barely anything happens in the first half. Characters repeating the same things over again in an attempt to produce humour - epic fail.
Finally a Zombie appears and you think, here we go at last, this is when the film manages to somehow transcend from being plain boring, to boring, ridiculous and stupid all at the same time. I don't mean stupid in a funny way.
I didn't laugh at one single point. The best bit of the film was when the end credits finally came up. How anyone is giving this a rating over 4 is unbelievable to me.
I had no idea who Jim Jarmusch was until today, now I know that he is a terrible Director and luckily I will never watch any film by him ever again.
Bait (2014)
Painful to Watch but Worth it
This is one of those films where you keep screaming at the TV, call the police. As things slowly get from bad to worse for our heroines. The evil guy in this is pure psycho and the only reason I kept watching, in the hope he'd get a painful death, you'll have to watch to see if I got my wish.
I would recommend this for those with a strong stomach, the violence towards Women is intolerable. As are other violent scenes to an elderly Man and an OAP.
Just watch it so to see the end....
Grandpa's Great Escape (2018)
This film is an insult to Dementia sufferers and Carers
I have never liked David Walliams, Now i genuinely HATE HIM. A film about an elderly Man with a form of Dementia dealt with in the complete wrong way.
David Walliams uses dementia as a fun thing. I really hope he gets to experience it first hand soon.
An awful film, with an awful ending. Apparently the old man kept flying around the moon for 30 years when in truth he drowned after crashing his spitfire in the sea.
Into the Forest (2015)
Weirdest Film of All Time
I've watched this film twice and still struggle to understand it.
We also have two good actresses in their late twenties, playing teenagers??
The whole premise is that if we had no electricity, society would crumble. It's never explained why electricity suddenly ceased to exist.
The Daughters come across as idiots in the beginning, one obsessed with her dance career, while the other just wants to get drunk with her boyfriend.
The youngest idiot Daughter, in the middle of a power crisis , leaves the car boot open, draining the battery, indirectly leading to her Dads death.
Things progress and the older Daughter gets raped and becomes pregnant, instantly reiterating its not the babies fault and insisting on keeping it.
Meanwhile the house is falling to pieces for some strange reason after a year without electricity.
Finally the most baffling scene of all time, the older Daughter gives birth and instantly screams, we can't stay here because of the blue mould, before burning the house down. To live in the forest! Where they have no shelter and the baby will be dead in a week!!
Weirdest film of all time in my honest opinion.
Road House (1989)
Only in the 1980-90s are bad guys 70 years old and delusional.
I love this film, but as my title suggests the bad guy could only exist in an old era.
His tweed trousers, riding up above his waist line, the fact fully armed paid mercenary's are scared of him. The scene when the 70 year old man bashes a mercenary screaming that he is a bleeder.
The fact that he still seems to think he can kill the main character single handedly.
This is fantastic old school viewing. The Man who tried to kill the main characters on many occasions being let of because he is a fat laughing stock.
The film itself is still good, despite the cheesy senior citizen baddy. If you want to watch an extended version of the A-Team with Patrick Swayze playing all four characters in one. Watch this..
If you want 1000% Cheese and action. This is worth a watch...
Twilight (2008)
Shound be Titled - Bella It's All about Me!
I've just sat through the entire film collection in the past week and Wow. As far as central characters go, Bella is the most unlikeable Human Being any writer has ever produced. Kudos to Stephanie Meyer for the awful portrayal of Bella.
She screams, kick and sulks at no cost, has no apparent feelings for her parents, when one friend helps her, he is dropped like a bullet when Mr Dreamboat Vampire re-appears.
This is without a doubt, the worse teenage trash I have ever witnessed in my life, with the ugliest, most narcissist main character,
Do not waste 12 hours of your life on this. My review could save you 11 hours and 59 minutes and as we all know every minute is precious...