Nothing original at all. Visually appealing- storywise appalling, especially the dialogue.. that stiff.propaganda.stereotypical.non-relatable.dialogue...
Seriously- this would've been too much even in the 80s.
American movies that glorify war, soldiers (they're all heroes right), stereotype women and black people.. that asian gay dude... that Clint Eastwood character who is truly appalling and selfish but comes through for you at the end of the day and sacrifices his life for you (cause actually he's a good man.. he's just had a rough life) ... the muscular guy who gets the pretty girl (god forbid the prize- aka the girl is won by some loser who doesn't look like a Hollywood-stamped "proper man"... that funny, fat black bloke (can't be a woman, girls are not funny) who's actually not that funny and thus earns a spot on the "we-who-die-first" list...
Shall I go on..? Nah, if you watched this movie you already wasted a couple of hours that you'll never get back. I am sorry for your loss.
Reviews
11 Reviews
Bird Box
(2018)
If you wasted 2h watching this I'm sorry for your loss
9 November 2019
Warning: Spoilers
Achoura
(2018)
6 for amateur effort
18 October 2019
First horror movie by this guy, perhaps first Maroccan horror movie ever to make it internationally. This alone and the base for the film scores all the way up to 6. (A for the spine to see this project though! )
This film, however, has a really great idea and lots of faults that have not been thought through- both in the story as well as in the timeline and the quality and feel. It feels like the director somehow didn't really trust his idea and so had to drag in random momentums from previous horror films. The movie could be mistaken for a poor filmatisation of a Stephen King novel. The base of the story is SO good it can stand on its own feet- it does NOT need copied scenes from Hollywood movies.
The music is an ambitious high-end orchestral sound track that sadly is composed by someone who doesn't really know anything about classical music and instead copies straight from American classics. My guess is the team that composed the music has no one who's gone through music school and are "self-taught" so to speak... I could be wrong, of course, but the music is not advanced (actually a bit flat and childish) and not original- however, the string section HAS to be original studio recordings- which is great! And played by professional orchestral musicians- THAT is something you can't miss. The fact that the foley is a bit obvious and out of place along with the music being too intense and overpowering leaves very little to the imagination, and sadly steals a lot of the intended creepiness of the movie. (Rule number ONE in horror- the sound is (usually) 80% of the movie!!!)
The child actors are not that great- but better than 90% of Hollywood (which is not much of an achievement). The trowel between the bricks is non existing and so the story, which has many great bricks (points, finesses)- falls apart. The finesses in the story leads to nowhere or are not properly focused on. It's like trying to juggle with 10 balls and catching only 5. Some stereotypical characteristics in characters occur, but that can of course be expected.
I would love this movie to be "re-cut" and with a new soundtrack (I mean, keep the original, just don't shove it in every intense scene) and make more sense in the story (have someone else read it and screen it for people first to get feedback)- and then have someone properly grade it (no "auto-detect" gradient, which at the moment feels like the case). Then the movie would be so much more!
Oh- and Achoura is NOT only a Maroccan celebration. It's an Islamic celebration (which stretches beyond Marocco, for the ones that didn't know). If you write: Ashura in Google- you will find it.
Enjoy the movie! It's worth a watch as, like I wrote, it still is the first horror movie by this guy. (Imagine all the potential)
The music is an ambitious high-end orchestral sound track that sadly is composed by someone who doesn't really know anything about classical music and instead copies straight from American classics. My guess is the team that composed the music has no one who's gone through music school and are "self-taught" so to speak... I could be wrong, of course, but the music is not advanced (actually a bit flat and childish) and not original- however, the string section HAS to be original studio recordings- which is great! And played by professional orchestral musicians- THAT is something you can't miss. The fact that the foley is a bit obvious and out of place along with the music being too intense and overpowering leaves very little to the imagination, and sadly steals a lot of the intended creepiness of the movie. (Rule number ONE in horror- the sound is (usually) 80% of the movie!!!)
The child actors are not that great- but better than 90% of Hollywood (which is not much of an achievement). The trowel between the bricks is non existing and so the story, which has many great bricks (points, finesses)- falls apart. The finesses in the story leads to nowhere or are not properly focused on. It's like trying to juggle with 10 balls and catching only 5. Some stereotypical characteristics in characters occur, but that can of course be expected.
I would love this movie to be "re-cut" and with a new soundtrack (I mean, keep the original, just don't shove it in every intense scene) and make more sense in the story (have someone else read it and screen it for people first to get feedback)- and then have someone properly grade it (no "auto-detect" gradient, which at the moment feels like the case). Then the movie would be so much more!
Oh- and Achoura is NOT only a Maroccan celebration. It's an Islamic celebration (which stretches beyond Marocco, for the ones that didn't know). If you write: Ashura in Google- you will find it.
Enjoy the movie! It's worth a watch as, like I wrote, it still is the first horror movie by this guy. (Imagine all the potential)
Bird Box
(2018)
Worst dialogue and storyline for one of the best story ideas of 2018
17 January 2019
Warning: Spoilers
The whole movie is a spoiler in itself. You know who will die and how they will die, if you've ever watched any b-rated movies in the 90's. All characters are empty stereotypes and there are too many holes in the story to not be noticed. I am surprised how none of the people had ever heard of blind people before in their lives. One of the characters gasps "we're not going to survive if we can't see!" and all of them have trouble navigating without sight but yet REFUSE to use a blind stick for navigating... apparently they don't exist in this world.
What does exist are invisible gyms and protein bars seeing as the handsome black fella (the pretty boy in the club who naturally gets to "boink" the pretty girl in the club and is- you know, the one who is not funny because he's pretty and therefore must be heroic) seeing as his muscle tone is equally pumped up after 5 years of no training in a world where food is scears.. (or maybe he steals all the food from the kids, who knows...).
If Macauley Culkin is not getting any royalties for the copied dialogue he ought to. It was as funny then as it is today.
Tunnelbanan
(2012–2019)
Endorsing guard brutality and criminality
17 November 2018
The program encourages guards to act extra hostile as if every situation was war- to make TV. This has lead to many private persons having to file police reports because of abuse from these guards. The guards are underpaid because most of them have little or no education. Unfortunately a lot of them have aggressions that they don't care to control and this renders them dangerous.
The show has witnessed many criminal assaults by guards but have decided to cover their cameras and/or conveniently "lose" the footage. Luckily other people have witnessed against this program and filmed themselves. Sometimes these people have also been threatened (for witnessing the crimes committed by the guards and the show).
Dark Tourist
(2018)
Arrogant, ignorant and unprofessional host
6 September 2018
Warning: Spoilers
Typical colonial arrogance. The host completely wastes the show by ignorance. I'd like to see his so called credentials as a journalist. I'm sure they wouldn't be good enough to pass in the EU. He knows absolutely nothing of the places he visits and overwhelms the show with his ignorance... It's amazing how a production company can be so incredibly dumb as to think that some B-celebrity hosting a show would be more valuable than a proper host and real journalist...
They wanted to do an "Arman Alizad" show and totally failed. Anyone who believes it's hard to get into Turkmenistan or that Ketamine is a "horse tranquilizer and a party drug" (..?????!!!) should get some education. Maybe start with wikipedia, you know.. just for funsiez.
The Chalet
(2017–2018)
Seems to be a pretentious copy of Harper's island
18 April 2018
No characters, only stereotypes with lines rather than dialogues. There's no intellectual challenge, but I'm sure it's entertaining for people who don't read books. I lost interest after the first episode as there was very little originality and much copied from previous series such as Harper's island (which wasn't very good either) and very little suspense as one could easily predict everything that will happen. I watched a few episodes just to give the series a chance, but seems this French production is just as empty and suspenseless and predictable as so many Hollywoon productions. It's a pretentious copy.
Money Heist
(2017–2021)
A telenovéla that starts off with potential
1 April 2018
The series starts off well. The idea and the details in the beginning are well worth watching. Sadly, the creators only care for the HiFi and don't give a crap about the LoFi. Quickly the the characters become stereotypes from a Venezuelan telenovéla and the story evolves into something that more and more resembles a soap opera much like "mi gorda bella". At the end, I have to say I'd be scared as sh** if I lived in a country where during the biggest heist in modern history, the police was so reluctant to do their job that they felt the urge to go on a romantic date with a stranger and waste time and energy on lover's quarrels and jealous outbreaks. The fact that the robbers would be equally as disorganised and incompetent wouldn't worry me less. All of the people involved seem to be utterly incapable of prioritising, which is strange, seeing as they've spent weeks preparing for the heist...
Bottom line to the moral seems to be: Real men are violent and know how to throw a punch. Women are emotional and irrational. Abortion is wrong.
..or maybe this is just the case in Spain...
It
(I) (2017)
Fearless Disney-dialogue kids in an uneven bloody Disney- adventure
19 September 2017
Worst dialogue ever. Extremely well-made scenes and good actors are dragged through too much make-up and putty, leaving the movie nothing but a soulless, failed copy of a good original with heart. The dialogue is copied from Disney's teen programs and "spiced up" with a lot of cussing, in the hopes that that somehow will catch the interest of the audience and make it seem more "authentic". Sadly, the movie makers didn't have trust in the creepiness of the original story, so they had to overdo everything- even the main character- the clown, which now is not even a clown anymore, but an obvious monster with not sharp teeth, but 10000000000000000 sharp teeth to make it extra scary. It's very difficult to feel for the characters as they don't seem real, since the dialogue so planned and predictable- just like the Saturday morning Hannah Montanas... I would, lastly, like to give credit to the well-made scenes, backgrounds and special effects. For once, they were well made. Sadly, very little is left to the imagination, and the movie does not linger in one's mind after the ending credits, like the original.
Red Sands
(2009)
A great horror movie but a bit too sophisticated for average Americans
26 March 2017
I was surprised to see the movie score only a 4.. but then I realized the majority of voters are probably young Americans (or Americans in general) who are too ignorant to understand foreign culture. Sadly, a nation that does not endorse free thinking and cultural knowledge robs it's people of many wonderful things in this World. The movie is actually quite disturbing but demands an alert mind (with longer attention span than 3 minutes) and even some knowledge about middle eastern countries and an insight into Islam. There are numerous Iranian truly magnificent horror movies covering the same topic as Red sands out there. This movie is creepy and lingers on in your mind. It is well made because it focuses on the characters and the story and does not try to cover up a poor script with expensive visual FX. Knowing how it ends does not stop me from watching it again as the overall feel and weirdness in the movie what makes it great.
The Descent
(2005)
Nice claustrophobia- feel, horrible dialogue
26 March 2017
Semi- original idea with a claustrophobic anguish successfully construed. The dialogue is horribly poor- unfortunately so much so that the actors seem like amateurs. However, the dialogue is as good as can be if written for female characters by a man who has never experienced women outside of "sex and the city"- which was also written for men by men. If the movie was written by a professional (aka a person who can cover these aspects needed to be covered in the story) it would make a hell of a difference. One could then even forgive the lack of muscle power in these cliffhanger's arms as well as the fact that they seem to have orgasms while hooking the ceiling to rope. Plot a little too obvious and non-surprising for anyone with an IQ over 100.
Warrior
(2011)
Fantastic Jean-Claude Van Damme movie from the early 90's!
22 February 2017
Warning: Spoilers
I think IMDb made a mistake writing this movie was made in 2011. It clearly is made in the early 1990's- the story, moral and World view proves that it is an early remake of every Jean- Claude Van Damme movie ever made up until that time. Also- it features a scary communist man from the threatening country of the Soviet union. This movie concentrates on telling the fantastic story of two American (the only nation that counts) brothers- sportsmen who go to war every time they step out on "stage", much like when Serena Williams or Roger Federer steps out on court in the U.S. Open and the chair umpire yells "Fight!" right before they open 1st set (Mortal Kombat later borrowed the idea). In the movie one of the brothers is a kind and good man (..actually they both are.. all men are good men.. wait- well they usually are in movies, right..?) and a loving husband and father, who doesn't want to fight but is left no option since an evil bank has ripped him off. Luckily he's American because in America regular people like that can moonlight (like Walter White does in Breaking Bad- to pay his medical bills in a country that saves its people from the evil grips of socialism) as one of the 16 BEST fighters in the world- which he luckily happens to be although he's hidden it for many years. The other brother who also happens to be one of the 16 BEST fighters in the world is an ex-soldier in that country of Iraq, where he bravely saved an American soldier and was considered a war hero (this I find confusing- don't you get to be a war hero when you kill people..? otherwise any like doctor could be a hero, right..?). He is very modest and a true Christian, because he does not care about fortune and fame. In fact, he changes his name and gets out of Iraq and into America under false pretenses (when you're American you don't need a passport- all you need to do is say you're American) so no one knows who he is. They both enter the greatest MMA tournament of the World (in America). Since the soldier brother doesn't have any family that he cares about or friends it's a good thing that he doesn't win the fighting tournament that occupies the last 1h of the movie, but his loving and fatherly brother does, the one who actually needs the money for his children and wife (who is useless, but looks like a supermodel- a typical American woman). The ending I really haven't seen in any other Hollywood movie except a Jean-Clause Van Damme movie or perhaps anything remotely related to Disney... or Steven Spielberg.. or anything from Hollywood that slightly resembles any of the previously mentioned. The movie is really great for people who are vacuum cleaning while watching it or simply has the level of a general American high- school education recently graduated or likes the story line in MacGyver (again, 80's).
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