Change Your Image
ratiocinator
Ratings
Most Recently Rated
Reviews
Bob Marley: One Love (2024)
No redemption
This is an entirely horrible movie. The storytelling is beyond garbage. The script is not even worthy to be used as toilet paper. The writing was as awful as writing could be for a movie. The photography was good, well, it was competently done, but that's the only positive thing I have to say for this thief-of-time sorry excuse for a movie. The director should be ashamed, and the producers need to pray to their gods for forgiveness. This movie is an insult to Bob Marley. It lacks energy; it lacks talent; the over-cooked Jamaican accent faked by the actors was difficult to understand more than half the time; and there simply wasn't anything worth watching in this movie - other than the reasonably done photography. It's an example as to how not to make a movie.
It's just more flatus pumped-put by a decrepit Hollywood machine that no longer cares about quality or good standards. The world has passed the era of quality movies, and now any old bucket of vomit will do. I hope that one day someone will make a movie about Bob Marley worth watching. This movie isn't it.
The Laundromat (2019)
Shamefully bad
This movie is just so slow and boring. It's unfathomable that the director has a good reputation. What happened to that while he was making this snooze-fest? The storytelling is awful. It's like it's his first ever movie, and he really doesn't know how to go about the process. The outcome is drivel.
It's just so utterly bland and unentertaining. There's no skill in this movie. None. It's made by Has-Beens Productions. It's insufferably bad. The people that would appreciate this rubbish are people I do not want to spend any time with.
Usually, humans get better at doing things the more they do them, and the more time that passes. This movie is very much an exception to the rule. In fact, most modern movies are. It's a very, very lamentable age for the movies. I hope I never run-out of old movies to watch, because Hollywood certainly isn't making any movies worth watching in these artless times.
The Iron Claw (2023)
Lifeless, unentertaining, and dreary
Horrible storytelling. Too slow, pretentious, and the director was trying to be artistic - he failed. This movie is utterly bland, and far too long. The storytelling was simply unengaging. It was diabolically bad. This movie has no energy. None. It's dreary and monotone. This is truly a very horrible time in history for the movies, and this deplorable garbage is yet another example.
This movie is frustratingly bad. It's just boring. What's the point in even watching it? If you want to watch people pretending to be people pretending to wrestle, then fill your boots. However, I want a story, and I want it to be told in an engaging way. This movie is simply unentertaining. It's shamefully bad. Hollywood is dead. This movie is another cadaver from the production line that only produces stillborn movies. There's more life in a morgue than in this movie.
Napoleon (2023)
A-list Z-movie
Ridley Scott is clearly another director past his peak. Napoleon is an insult to the art of moviemaking. The script is rubbish, and the acting worse yet, and that applies to the Oscar-winning lead player, whose appearance in Space Camp was far more noteworthy.
Napoleon was the last of the newly made movies on which my time will be wasted. No more. This is an artless age for the movie, and this irritating shambles of a production has sealed the deal. It's only old movies for me from now on. Napoleon is just an utter disappointment, and I don't watch movies to be disappointed, and to witness people that once had talent display their decrepitude and effeteness to the world. It's embarrassing and pitiful.
I don't know what the producers did with the budget for this movie, because it is in the class of the straight-to-video low-budget bargain bin variety. To put it colloquially: it totally sucks. It is boring, dull, poorly made, poorly written, and poorly executed. It is of its age - this dark age of soullessness in which quality is a thing gone by.
This is a shamefully awful movie.
Eileen (2023)
Absolute boring drivel
This is yet another in the increasingly infinite line of garbage movies that Hollywood is puking-out today. Movies now are utter rubbish, and this is yet another in the shameful catalogue of bilge.
It's pretentiously slow and uneventful. There's nothing captivating within it. It's made for the Bieber generation - people conditioned to accept talentless, worthless, soulless garbage as having some sort of value. This movie has no value. This is an artless age for the moviemakers. They all suck. Well, to be fair, 99.99 % of new movies suck. One might as well purchase a lottery ticket.
The director thinks it's somehow artistic and meaningful to include slow, almost silent, uneventful scenes. Well, they just contribute to making the movie a grand waste of my time, and a waste of time of anyone of any intelligence. I've nothing good whatsoever to say about this movie.
Shame on modern moviemakers. All they produce is rubbish. They should study the movies of a few decades ago. I'm going back to watching only the old black & white movies. There's only endless disappointment to be found in movies made in this horrible vacuous age.
Rebel Moon - Part One: A Child of Fire (2023)
Absolutely awful
This is yet another in a long line of new movies puked-out by Hollywood for mass consumption that is artistically devoid and entirely soulless. To describe it as long and boring is an understatement. It's like reading every word of a 2000-page novel about something very dull, and which is written in a foreign language one doesn't speak.
The director is perhaps the most overhyped director in the history of directing. This movie is just amateurish. I found myself fast-forwarding through the long boring bits before realising that the entire thing is just one long boring bit. Hollywood has been taken over by people that don't know how to make movies worth watching. They only get away with it because the NPC audiences are sufficiently large. Those of us with more than one brain cell to rub together might as well just forget about the concept of the photoplay. There's just nothing worth watching anymore, especially if this soporific bilge is anything to go by. It's depressingly bad. Compare this garbage to the Star Trek movies, or Star Wars. Just behold the difference in the writing, directing, and editing quality. This is a joke in comparison. It's nothing but empty acting, empty script, and empty story. What the hell has happened to Hollywood?
The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes (2023)
Lacklustre
There's more substance in a vacuum than in this movie. The writers are clearly unmotivated and decrepit. Their work stinks, and the director put the final nail in the coffin.
This is the sort of movie one would expect from one's teenage son after gifting him his first camcorder and clapperboard combo. Little Jimmy went off to play with his friends and came back with this rubbish.
The actors should seek alternative employment, and the producers should just move to Florida and forget all about life. As for the audio people, they seem a lost cause entirely. The audio quality of this movie was terrible. Don't studios that invest millions of dollars in movies check for basics such as the sound quality?
This is another movie that puts me off new movies. I'm just going to watch old black and white flicks for a while, and I'll check back on the new stuff after the bad memory of this rot has faded a bit, and in the hope that Hollywood has past its dead years and has started making movies worth watching again. What a horrible experience.
Priscilla (2023)
Bland
This is the worst movie ever made about Elvis. It's a low-grade chick-flick. It was made by a talentless director only in her position due to family connections, and whom obviously has led a very sheltered, and spoilt existence. The truth about Pricilla is far more interesting in reality than how her life - or a speck of it - was portrayed in this beyond beige movie.
If you value your time, skip this garbage. However, if you watch it in fast-forward you'll see very quickly that nothing unique, creative, or interesting occurred during this movie.
Grey, bland, boring, uninteresting, vacuous, and unentertaining is how I would begin to describe this time-thief of a production.
The director took a minimalist approach to this sub-standard boy-meets-girl movie. The story was minimalist (in that nothing of any interest or revelation happened), the wide shots were minimal, the sets were minimal, the number of extras was minimal, the entertainment value was minimal (non-existent, really), and the writing was minimal (boy meets girl; they laugh, they cry, they get angry sometimes, et cetera, and they live a bland life, which I am certain doesn't reflect reality). Pricilla's closet full of skeletons was certainly kept locked tight as far as this pathetic attempt to show her life with Elvis is concerned.
The Family Plan (2023)
Lame
This movie is some weak, lame, pathetic, unfunny garbage straight from Stepford. Who is its audience? Clearly, weak, lame, boring, unintelligent sheltered suburban dwellers that lead boring lives, drive boring cars, wear boring clothes, have boring hairstyles, and whom make Stepford residents seem adventurous.
If you liked this movie then you need to start meditating and get into some heavy introspection immediately. Otherwise, Non-Player Characters from a typical video game have more life in them than you.
The jokes are not funny, the acting is pathetic, and the entertainment value is zero. The interactions between the family members were beyond vomit-inducing. This beyond-cringe movie makes church services seem edgy - it was that lame.
Killers of the Flower Moon (2023)
Boring, uneventful, and a waste of acting talent
The director should have hung-up his viewfinder a decade ago. This movie is utterly slow, beyond boring, far too long, unengaging, and a very bad experience. The actors are simply wasted in it. Their acting abilities are good, but what good is good acting in a horrible movie?
Furthermore, oftentimes, dialogue was inaudible or unintelligible. I don't watch movies for the cinematography alone. I watch for a story, and I'm not getting that story if it's dependent upon hearing dialogue that cannot be heard. Also, the actors were in scenes in which they were eating while talking, which is utterly repellent. I had to skip through them, so I have no idea if what I missed formed a crucial part of the story (if there is a story, which I'm assuming there probably is).
This movie simply isn't good quality. The money thrown at it shows in the sets, et cetera, but there's nothing in it other than a bad experience. There's nothing happening, or if there is it's too slow to discern. I lasted about 30-minutes, and skipped through more, and I honestly cannot claim to have viewed anything worthy of my time. Scorsese, your name is dirt, as far as I'm concerned.
The Creator (2023)
It makes B movies seem like A movies
This is a very low-quality movie. Horrible script, horrible acting, and an overall empty feeling about it. It's not engaging. It's overrated, and not what one would expect from the celebrated studio that released it.
It's bland and weak, and lacking the stuff that is supposed to make movies magic - the magic that that Hollywood is known for. There's no magic in this movie. It's just another product of Hollywood's dark age. This is Hollywood's dark age. This movie epitomises it. It is an artless, soulless age, and this is an artless, soulless movie not worthy of my time.
This movie is yet more disappointment. Hollywood produces little more than disappointment in this its nadir. This is a nadir movie. This movie is a Hollywood death throe.
Dumb Money (2023)
Watch the documentary instead
Seriously, the documentary was far more engaging, far more entertaining, and far more exciting than this rubbish movie. The movie is for the popcorn-stuffing NPCs - Hollywood's favourite kind of audience.
This movie is just slow, and dull. What's more, in nearly every single scene actors were consuming food of some description. Is this what you pay for, to watch and listen to people eating and drinking? What's all the eating and drinking by actors in nearly every scene got to do with the story? I wish I owned the studio that made this movie. I would rejoice in personally firing all the producers, the editors, and the director, and then I'd blacklist all the actors that drank and ate on-camera. You know, I really can't remember anyone eating or drinking anything in the documentary. Just watch the documentary, and forget about this paint-drying experience.
Don't bother with this garbage. Dumb Money is only entertaining for dumb people.
Pain Hustlers (2023)
Modern moviemaking bilge
I lasted barely two minutes into this shameful detritus before switching it off and deleting it. The acting was horrendously bad, and the script written by someone on the sort of medication highlighted in the movie. Was I supposed to just remember all the names spouted out in the opening scenes (by an actor whom would be better placed as a waiter in a cheap café), and their respective roles, through mere mention of them?
Worse yet, there was a cut to an actress whom, without any prior warning, was talking while eating, which is absolutely repellent. Why did the director include this? Was it purposefully to disgust his audience, and to teach his audience bad manners? The movie I watched before Pain Hustlers was the original 1937 Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. In that movie, Snow White took a bite from an apple, but did the audience even see her take the bite and did the audience hear her crunch the apple? No, because back in 1937 moviemakers had better manners than to inflict such things upon their audiences; they had respect, and they were civilised, quite unlike the director and producers of Pain Hustlers, whom clearly have no shame.
This movie is a modern disgrace fit only for waste management.
The Sixth Commandment (2023)
Too slow. Too boring.
I suffered through most of Part 1. My experience was a painful one. Those that read the Wikipedia page on this case, as I had, will not appreciate the long drawn-out storytelling. It's just too slow and uneventful. However, I rarely even attempt to watch anything made for television (for this very reason - it's all bland), so the typical, television viewer will likely disagree, as he is used to long, drawn-out, boring, uneventful, unengaging drivel - which this certainly is.
Of course, I will not be gambling with my sanity by watching the remaining parts. Will anything happen in any of them? It's just not worth the risk. The first part was just too unpleasant to risk a repeat of the mind-numbing experience. This should be a single movie, not a mini-series, and it should have been made by people that are more capable, and more equipped to entertain rather than deter viewers.
Midsommar (2019)
The ersatz ersatz Wicker Man
This movie is too long, too slow, and too pretentious, and it lacks the substance to justify it.
Generally, it lacks quality; it's a dumbed-down version of the 1970s Woodward Wicker Man movie. The Wicker Man had substance, soul, and was masterfully made. This is just modern tripe typical of this shallow, artless age.
It simply was not believable. I was just watching actors read poorly written lines from a poorly written script, and all the time knowing they are actors, and knowing that the sets were sets, and the props were props, and the clothing mere costumery - the movie was not absorbing in any way. The attempt to shock was pathetic, and just unbelievable - it was amateurish and not up to standard.
This movie has very good poster art, but that's about it. The movie itself does not live-up to the expectations generated by the movie poster, or the name of the movie. I wanted something deep, pagan, profound, disturbing, like The Wicker Man, but I didn't get it; I got tripe typical of this stupid age we live in.
Inside (2023)
Absolute boring pretentious drivel
Slow, boring, pretentious, and uneventful, is how I would begin to describe this utter waste of time. I actually watched most of it at around the equivalent of 15-times normal running speed by skipping ten seconds at a time. In doing so, I saw how bland this picture is without having to suffer as much as I would if watching it at normal speed. I feel sorry for those that did sit through this yawn-fest at normal speed. They will never get that time back.
If you want to watch some artless bilge made by artless people pretending to be arty; if you want to watch the main character sweating a lot - in lingering close-up, and frequently eating, and also sitting around doing nothing, then fill your boots. This movie is an insult to art, an insult to moviemaking, and an insult to the intelligence of the audience.
Also, and in-fitting with the bland nothingness theme of this detritus of a movie, the ending was not worth the wait.
Empire of Light (2022)
Dull as dishwater
Dull, slow, boring, and garbage. I honestly have no idea where the audience for such utterly insipid movies comes from. Perhaps the cast and crew have very large families. This movie is so bad it's insulting. It could only have occurred in this dumbed-down age of very low standards, and in which poor talent is celebrated, and insipid, dishwater movies are all the rage. Watching paint dry is far more engaging than this rubbish.
Oh, and another thing, this movie is not only an infuriating yawn fest - and one in which the audience has to endure the sights and sounds of the main actor eating food over and over again for whatever insidious reason - it features yet another interracial relationship. What is with all the interracial relationships featuring so heavily in so many Hollywood movies of late, and involving main characters? The occurrence is entirely disproportionate to the frequency of interracial relationships in the real world, so it's clearly deliberate. It's like there's some sort of agenda.
A Man Called Otto (2022)
Horrible acting. Horrible script.
The acting is horrible, which well matches the horrible writing of the script. The jokes are not funny, and the incompetence of the screenwriters palpable.
I lost count of the number of producers behind this lame failure of a movie. Too many cooks spoil the broth. This odious waste of time certainly had far too many cooks.
Save your time, avoid this failure of a movie. Tom Hanks has gone the way Bruce Willis, De Nero, and Arnold, in that he is only given bad scripts these days. The current rating of this movie has to have been faked. It deserves a 1 rating at best. It's such a shame that good actors of days of yore are frequently put out to pasture in endless streams of talentless movies with appeal to the lowest common denominator, but it's clearly the reality.
Fall (2022)
Worst ending of any movie
This movie was actually OK for the most part. However, it was entirely destroyed by the beyond-lacklustre ending. Without spoiling it (how can something born ruined be spoiled?), it was like the movie, towards the end, went from A straight to Z missing out everything in-between. The cutting room floor must be buried under a ten foot blanket of material cut from this movie, unless the director never even bothered to shoot the missing sequences in the first place.
There was nothing to show how the conclusion of this movie was ultimately reached. An entirely separate movie could have been made based on what the makers of this movie decided to leave out. It's terrible moviemaking regardless as to whatever was behind the decision to put a wrecking ball to the final part of this movie.
Another point: the writing was not clever at all; it was not innovative. It was bog-standard, run of the mill, and unimaginative. The situation the characters in this movie found themselves in was dealt with in basic ways that anyone would have thought of. There was nothing surprising at all. In fact, I was coming up with my own thoughts but was disappointed that none featured, and that nothing I hadn't thought of had been included. (I would give examples but am keeping this spoiler-free.)
Furthermore, there was a lingering part in this movie consisting of an extreme close-up showing an actor drinking, which was entirely unnecessary, and utterly disgusting to any audience member with an aversion to seeing and hearing such things (such as those of us with misophonia - a condition moviemakers care nothing about while constantly pandering to to certain other minorities.)
To be positive, at least the CGI was adequate, and there was a feeling of being high off the ground in such a tower. I'll give them that, but they ruined it all with that which I discussed above. It was like they got so far into making this and then just gave-up, running out of all energy at the end, and thus undoing all their work. Such a shame, but I've noticed this a lot from Hollywood.
Thor: Love and Thunder (2022)
Goofy, inane, vacuous
The acting is goofy. The script is inane. The jokes are vacuous, and as unfunny as a failed joke could ever be.
The soundtrack is lazy, using Guns 'n' Roses classics, and Enya (and probably more, but I switched this garbage off too soon to find out). This music is highly inappropriate for this movie, and damages the music. Enya, and GnR, or whomever owns the rights to their music, should be deeply ashamed for allowing their music to be used in this childish, drab, over-hyped rubbish - it's not as it they need the money. The music alone forced me to skip large parts of this puerile, waste of time, sorry excuse of a movie.
There is a hint of a promising storyline in this movie early on, but the stupid, fatuous, self-parodying acting - primarily of the lead player (whom should have stayed in Home & Away where he belongs) - later on just utterly destroyed it, and any hope for a decent, worthwhile movie experience. The expensive CGI cannot save this movie on account of the talentless, insipid script, and embarrassing acting quality.
Marvel needs to get out of Hollywood.
Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore (2022)
Devoid of any worth
This pathetic excuse for a movie was utterly boring; incredibly slow-moving, and extremely underwhelming. Save your time. This is yet more bilge from Hollywoke. I switched this garbage off way before the end, as it was supremely intolerable.
Black Mass (2015)
Abysmal script
The storytelling in this movie was absolutely abysmal. People were being shot, but who were most of them, and why? Who were most of the characters in this horrendous amateur-hour movie? I haven't a clue! What a complete disappointment this garbage was.
Also, the actors were frequently eating, drinking, and talking while doing so. This is completely disgusting to watch (and listen to). I had to switch this rubbish off. There's more talent to be found in a village play.
House of Gucci (2021)
Lazy, weak storytelling framed in mastication
Ridley, why do you have your actors eat so often on-screen in your movies? There is so much of it; so much frequent eating of food, and drinking of beverages, and often the actors speak and eat at the same time. It has no valid place in the stories you (try to) tell - it only detracts, so I can only conclude that you have some sort of fetish for it. Please stop it. It is disgusting, especially for audience members with misophonia - people that manner-less Hollywood couldn't care less about.
Moreover, the storytelling in House of Gucci was utterly deficient. I couldn't tell half the time in which country a scene was based, and many sub-storylines were left without any conclusion, or explanation. Is your audience supposed to guess at what happened, or just make assumptions? There are massive holes in the story; suddenly things happened, and without explanation, or they happened and it was like they never happened. It's dreadful stuff. It just shows a complete lack of competence (regardless as to whether or not you are trying to avoid being sued, if that was indeed the case). Do you even know what you are doing?
Dune (2021)
The director was trying to be clever. He failed.
This movie is for those that already know the Dune story. This is clear because the storytelling of this movie is atrocious, and non-existent. It fails entirely in this respect, and the CGI (which is too dark, overall) does not compensate for it.
This movie is pretentious garbage. The moviemakers are only concerned in appearing elitist to their peers, and in doing so they produced an utter waste of time of a picture. Furthermore, they have many characters eating while delivering dialogue, which is disgusting.
I tolerated this irritation for longer than I should have, before switching it off around half-way through. The script is useless.
So, if you have read the book and are intimate with all the characters, and all the groups, and locations named within it then you might appreciate this movie. This, however, is pure conjecture on my part because I have not read the book, and I do not know the story, and watching this movie did nothing to tell me this story (assuming there is a story).
Don't waste your precious time on this drivel. You can't get your time back. Heed my warning. This is yet more pretentious, overhyped vomit from talentless, overpaid Hollywood elitists that should not even be commissioned to produce a local school play.
P. S. I clicked the no spoilers option for this review. How can it contain any spoiler? After watching half this irritating movie, I still have no clue as to what it is about. I couldn't spoil it for you even if I wanted to. Just watch something else instead of this rubbish.
Ma Rainey's Black Bottom (2020)
Wow!
Wow, what absolute garbage. This rubbish really is of a very low standard. I was bored out of my mind seconds into this shameful failure of a movie. Yes, it failed as a movie, but it got the "woke vote," and that's all that matters these days, right? Talent counts for nothing, but lack of talent decorated in wokeness counts for everything. This trash has zero entertainment value.