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Reviews
The House of the Devil (2009)
Just like all forms of art, to find the truly great, you have to look outside the mainstream...
I'll start by saying, since the 90's, about 85-90% of mainstream horror (i.e. The movies that you'll see being heavily promoted) is trash. To try and appeal to the widest audience, they'll keep things bland, shallow, and generic, so as not to alienate anyone. But it does... It alienates the TRUE horror lovers. Mainstream horror is made for John and Jane Q. Public that feel like seeing a scary movie this weekend.
That's where you get the Annabelle's, the Saw's, the Grudge's... Little to no character development, pointless and interchangeable jump scares, and thin plots with weak stories. That couple that's in the mood for a scary movie in lieu of their usual romantic comedy doesn't want to be bored with things like STORY and characters you care about... They want "fun" jump scares and to see the new levels of brutality the movie will push.
The great Joe Bob Briggs thought House of the Devil wasn't the "80's throwback" it claimed to be, but just a movie taking place in the 80's... For the first time, I disagree with him. What people call "slow burns" these days are really just horror films that carry A STORY. THAT'S why this is a throwback... It takes time to build atmosphere, a storyline, and characters you'll actually care about. The mainstream horror fans don't want to be forced to care about the people dying, they want it to be "fun".
House of the Devil is way more in line with the original When a Stranger Calls, Black Christmas, and Halloween. When it takes longer to build, you find yourself slowly seeping into the story, so you truly feel like you're experiencing it. That's why it makes little things in here like hearing bumps and scrapes are so effective... Do you notice any of that watching Hostel or The Grudge?
I'm 36 and I grew up on 70's and 80's horror when all my friends were watching Final Destination and I Know What You Did Last Summer... Sure, the latter was bringing back the premise of an 80's slasher, but in name alone. It was definitely a shallow 90's teen flick on the inside.
Story, atmosphere, and character development are what set House of the Devil apart and make it a "throwback" in today's terms, but what it really is is a REAL HORROR FILM. We're so desensitized to mainstream filmmaking, when a TRUE horror film comes out and draws attention, people call it a "throwback" because it's so rare that we see a horror film that's an actual FILM, complete with story and all.
If you want proof, just sit down with someone that claims to love movies like The Conjuring or The Purge, and put on the original Night of the Living Dead... Then see how long they make it before they've pulled out their phone and started checking their Facebook accounts.
The Endless (2017)
Essential viewing, but MAKE SURE YOU WATCH "THE RESOLUTION" FIRST!
Tubi is such an anomaly of an app... If you went in there and did a completely blind pick of a movie, chances are, it's gonna be crap. But buried within the loads of cheaply made (and acted) horror movies are some real gems (thankfully, you can usually tell which ones are total schlock by the covers). That's where I found The Resolution, and it just felt so odd because it's such a great film.
I've read that The Endless is a "somewhat sequel" to that... But in my opinion, you MUST watch that first to fully understand the movie, not just the "shared scenes with characters from The Resolution". There's a weird symbiosis between the two because you can't fully understand the events of one without seeing the other, so I recommend watching them back to back.
The Endless feels much larger in scope than the first film. The Resolution is to Alien, what The Endless is to Aliens... The first film does an amazing job of feeling very claustrophobic, with most of the off-putting and disturbing events happening in a cabin or RV, and even using tight angle shots when outside. The Endless seems more expansive in scope, and you really feel the vast emptiness of the desert setting.
Benson and Moorehead are brilliant directors in a way I've never seen before because you really feel the exact breadth of the occurrences that they want in each film... The Resolution operates like most horror movies, affecting only the characters on screen. But The Endless operates more akin to some sci-fi movies where the impact of the consequences reach a wider scope.
I do believe the directors must have used the first two Alien films as templates for their two related films, because the parallels are so strikingly similar. And much like the Alien franchise, I have to admit that the first film, The Resolution, may be my favorite because I have an affinity for movies where people are stuck in one place the film, and usually have a very tight, close feeling of claustrophobia to them. But since The Endless was created 5 years later, the reality now is that one cannot exist without the other.
That's the exact reason why this was more a review for both films together... You cannot have one without the other. To comprehend the entire picture, you have to see both films. The pieces of one movie will seem abstract and confusing, like they were purposely left unanswered, until you see the other. But even then, there are some little tidbits here and there that ARE left intentionally open to interpretation, like so many avant-garde filmmakers tend to do.
All in all, these are two of my favorite films. But as I'm writing this and thinking about the shared reality of the two films, it occurred to me that it wasn't until I saw both of them (it was about 3-4 months before I finally sat down to watch The Endless, having read that it served as a quasi-sequel to The Resolution immediately after seeing it) that I realized just how much I love them both, especially The Resolution. The relationship of the two continues to confound me, because I really believe, had I seen The Endless first, I similarly would have had to then watch The Endless to fully appreciate how much I love them both. This is all getting a bit trippy to think about, and considering the common theme of Time as an abstract in both, it's really making me consider just how far the reach of Justin Benson and Aaron Moorehead's genius goes...
Better Watch Out (2016)
Oh My God, Saying I Hate This Movie Isn't Strong Enough
When you watch a movie that has an antagonist that you hate, and I mean with EVERY fiber of your being.. there aren't too many like this.. You don't necessarily watch it for a happy ending, but you at least want to see the protagonist kill the them in the most gruesome, excruciating way... I mean, I was honestly considering skipping to the end to see it just because at 55 minutes, I couldn't take watching him anymore. But I stuck it out, knowing that the ending would provide some satisfaction. Nowhere near what I'd want, which would be an additional 60 mins of the antagonist being tortured in the most vile and horrifying ways that have never been portrayed in film, including Hostel and Human Centipede.
I won't even let loose my string of derogatory adjectives and horrible names I'd like to call him... First, because my "review" would never get approved if I said what I really wanted to. And second, because I hate them with SUCH a burning passion, from the pit of my soul, I really don't think words could ever express it.
I guess you could... ugh, praise them for their acting abilities. My utter disdain precludes me from doing so. The closest thing to a compliment I can say is that no one, and I truly mean NO ONE, has ever gotten me to hate, to loathe, to despise with the utmost contempt them in a simple movie before. It's honestly to the point that I'd even love to hear that the actor themself developed a terminal illness and suffered for 15 years before succumbing to it. Crazy and sick, I know... THAT'S how much of an effect their portrayal in this movie had on me.
But they ROBBED me of what I rightfully earned after sitting thru 90 minutes of my own torture. My apathy now extends to the filmmakers themselves... My lord, having a despicable bad guy get away with it in the end is one thing, but creating the living embodiment of EVERYTHING I could ever hate to the fullest extent, when just the way they SPEAK makes your jaw clenched as tight as possible and your teeth grind, and having them not get what's coming in the end... Seriously, %@$! YOU to the filmmakers! I WILL NEVER WATCH ONE OF YOUR MOVIES AGAIN.
I know some may read this and think, "wow, if it's that good/effective of an acting job, I gotta check it out", it's not good in that way. It for real RUINED my night, I'm so frustrated. Imagine the most intense make out session lasting 2 hours, as heavy as it gets, then just as you're rounding third... all of a sudden they say "ok I'm done, gotta run"... And that's still at a distant second to how I feel. AAAARRRGGGGGHHHHHHH I HATE THIS MOVIE!
Rubberneck (2012)
Pretty good.
This was better than I expected. Kinda surprised me. One thing tho, I don't really buy the two of them hooking up... She just seems out of his league, while he just looks like a dorky dude from the IT department. I mean, it's nowhere near as bad as the mismatch in the remake of Night of the Demons (that one totally requires a suspension of disbelief), but still...
They could have at least had him act more confident or smooth, something to kind of curtail the obvious "physical" distance between them. But he just comes off as desperate, like Bud Bundy going thru his book of numbers trying to land a date, in character as Grand Master B.
For anyone that starts thinking how horrible I must be to infer looks are that important, be honest with yourself, when's the last time you saw a girl looking like Katy Perry or holding hands with a dude that looks like Vince Neil NOW? Or a Chris Hemsworth with his arm around a Toni Collette? Trust me, I WISH it were different (if not just for my sake), but that's the harsh reality of it. Maybe once every 7 years, you see a couple totally all about each other where it's kind of hard to buy that they're actually a couple, but that's it.
All these people out there protesting for equal rights and treatment, saying we should all be on the same level as people, saying end prejudice, we're all individuals but the same on the inside, etc... But really, how many of them have a significant other that is SIGNIFICANTLY less attractive than them?
Just think about it.. sorry for using this comment as a forum for my opinion, but the topic just got me off on a tangent. It really just bugs me...
Life After Beth (2014)
Perfect.
Let me start by saying that I'm am so fed up with zombie comedies... Ever since Shaun of the Dead, it honestly seems like there have been more of those than actual zombie horror movies, like it's supposed to be. By the early 2000s, especially in the 80s, zombie horror had been played out, and Shaun breathed new life into the sub genre. Only problem is, as they do with everything else that sees the slightest bit of popularity these days, the studios CRUSHED it once again by overkill.
Return of the Living Dead was BRILLIANT... My favorite zombie film of any kind other than the original Night. Shaun was the only zombie comedy of the 21st century I liked up til Jim Jarmusch's The Dead Don't Die came out about a year ago. Then I discovered this gem on the Pluto app...
THIS is how comedy should fit into a zombie film... Not stupid slapstick, stupid joke every 2 minutes humor, although that's what the mainstream fans seem to eat up. This is smart, cerebral, subtle yet quick humor, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia style. The comedy is spread out because there's an actual story in it, so you appreciate it more. Indie horror is the only way to go these days, unless you're the kind of "fan" that'll be going to see the next Annabelle or Saw Part 47... total trash.
The ONLY reason I gave this 9/10 instead of a perfect 10 is because of Dane DeHaan, who plays Aubrey Plaza's whiny, sniveling, scrawny little you-know-what of a boyfriend... Real life, there's no way a girl as perfect as Aubrey would go for this kid. He's sad and mopey at the beginning, gets excited and kind of goes back to normal for a bit, but then after the beach/guitar scene, he goes full on whiner, complaining about everything, like she's "making his life so difficult", boo hoo... Til the end of the effing movie! Every time I watch this again, I just wanna knock his teeth down his throat. I know that's the way the writers wrote the character, but he added this next level of b****iness that you can't put on paper.
All and all tho, I do love this film. It's the only one since I first saw Rules of Attraction in like 2008 that I actually finished the movie then restarted it and watched it again, back to back. To me, it's about as close to perfect, especially with that AMAZING style of humor that you only find in indie films, and pretty much NEVER in mainstream movies... what's that tell you about the mainstream majority of people out there...?
Like I said, it's free on the Pluto app, so GO WATCH IT. You won't be disappointed unless, well... I guess, unless you like mainstream garbage. In that case, sorry for wasting your time, I think there might be a new Amy Schumer or Kevin Hart movie playing on there... You know, the one where she plays an independent yet slightly abrasive girl with no filter? Oh, and the one where Kevin Hart plays the loud, over the top guy that falls down and gets himself into silly predicaments one... Yeah those two...
Busanhaeng (2016)
A Truly Original, Creative, Awesome Zombie Film
This really is an awesome zombie flick. And what's even better, it seems to be on all the best free movie app's (Tubi, Pluto, Peacock, At the very least), and has been for months. Considering it's similarities, I'd call this a far superior version of World War Z, which was pretty much a disappointment.
The acting was all top-notch, THANKfully, because that seems to be where so many horror movies fail the last 20 years or so.. There's just such a plethora of horror movies that have come out since 2000 that aren't just b-movie quality and low budget, but the acting is just AWFUL. And that's what I don't understand... Night of the Living Dead and Evil Dead were made on shoestring budgets with all local Pitt actors and friends of the director, respectively, yet the acting was on par with most any other horror film of the time... So why, these days, are the low-budgets so terrible? Does the directing have THAT much of an effect on the actors' abilities? Or have the b-list actors really become THAT terrible?
But I digress... There was literally only TWO things that KIND OF irritated me about the movie... no spoilers... First, there was too much STARING. You'll find yourself either screaming in your mind or actually screaming at the screen for whichever character TO DO SOMETHING! So instead of taking action and doing something in the best interest of survival, they'll just be standing there, staring at whatever threat for WAAAAY too long. Second, just like in a lot of horror or action movies, there's that one scumbag that really deserves to get it, and you look so forward to seeing it happen... and normally, the more scumbaggery they commit, the so much better you know it's going to be... Well, that's half right in this case... All I'll say is this turd really just keeps adding to your apathy towards him by constantly making choices that make you wanna smash his face in. And when the time comes, he... well, suffice it to say, I was extremely let down... like watching the entire 6 hours of the movie Gettysburg and the DVD showing the error screen right before the ending.
Regardless, this movie is EXCELLENT. This and Night Eats the World are the two best SERIOUS zombie films in a very long time. Makes great use of tension throughout, and has plenty of moments that make you jump, not really from scares but more from little shocks. Very well done character building, bc you're either shocked or very bummed out when certain characters bite it. Check it out, you won't regret it.
Side note: If anyone is looking for GREAT new horror movies, I STRONGLY suggest...
Host, Terrified (Spanish), Veronica (Spanish), Life After Beth, Braid (one of THE GREATEST, MOST ARTISTICALLY BEAUTIFUL endings of all time), Horsegirl, Kuso (AMAZINGLY warped), Let's Scare Julie, and Skins (Spanish, another wickedly bizarre and brilliant film)... Host is only 60 minutes but it's probably the only film that ever actually scared me for over 3/4 of it. I promise, you will really dig these if you love true horror, not mainstream trash.