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The Box (I) (2009)
6/10
A Rorschach film
9 November 2021
Warning: Spoilers
I've seen this movie three times and have had three totally different reactions to it.

The first time, I hated it. It seemed too random to make the weird stuff cool.

The second time I thought, that actually was pretty cool. The theme of advanced technology appearing magical to less technologically advanced lifeforms was done decently.

The third time I just kept thinking, I can't wait for Cameron Diaz to die. I don't know what it is about her shallow acting that always makes me want her dead, but that on top of the obviously fake southern accent she wears in this film just made me rage.
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Nancy (2018)
4/10
It's not a slow burn if fire never starts
6 November 2021
The acting is spot-on, but this quiet film leaves much to be desired. The word anticlimax comes to mind.

Other reviewers describe this as a sad film, some going as far as to label it "misery porn." I could have accepted some misery porn. But once you've seen The Swerve starring the Incomparable Azura Skye, the bar for something to be called misery porn becomes so much higher than Nancy reaches. Nancy is far from a feel-good film, but it's also a long way from the opposite thereof. It is sad, and quiet, and I expect to be forgetting it within days.
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Lo (2009)
7/10
Highly imperfect but I don't care
5 November 2021
Sometimes a film hides its low budget very well. Lo doesn't do that-it almost screams LOW BUDGET. But if you can look past that, and a few instances of some fairly cringeworthy acting, you might find something enjoyable and totally worth it.

I'd recommend watching this without reading too much about it. The plot is fairly simple, though there are a few good twists and Lo's contempt for the truth helps keep a viewer guessing.

Is it fantastic film? Hell no. But there are at least a thousand worse ways to spend 80 minutes.
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Black Butterfly (II) (2017)
6/10
Contrived but sufficiently enjoyable for at least one viewing
21 October 2021
This is one of those twist movies that feels forced even throughout the first viewing and I expect that a second would make it feel all the more so. The twist itself is plausible and satisfying but the house of cards required to build up to it ... is kind of a monstrosity. Still, I'd say worth seeing at least once. You've definitely seen worse.
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41 (I) (2012)
4/10
Why indeed
19 October 2021
I wanted very much to like this movie - time travel and causal loops are one of my favorite themes in fiction. Unfortunately it did little more than irritate me for 80 minutes. Another reviewer compared this to Primer, but to my mind the similarities only make 41 seem worse in comparison. In contrast to Timecrimes, a very tight and clear causal loop, Primer and 41 explore the endless branches of causality. Where the wildly unconventional and murky structure of Primer fit the exploration of those branches beautifully, sentimental 41 follows its lead character down primarily a few branches which makes the brief glimpses at others feel like a throwaway. The under- and over-acting of most of the supporting cast and the weepy sentimentality of the score distract from any interesting aspects of A's journey. Why, why, why.
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Parallel (II) (2018)
6/10
Ezban's most pedestrian work
29 April 2021
After seeing "The Similars" and then "The Incident," I would've volunteered to wipe Isaac Ezban's butt when he got old and decrepit. Then when I found out he was directing a movie about parallel universes, I almost crapped myself. Unfortunately, "Parallel" is all glitter and no gold. It might be the most simplistic parallel universes movie I've ever seen. 6/10 might be more than it deserves, but it is eminently watchable and has a couple of strong actors, and some pretty rad cinematography. Unfortunately the intricate and intelligent plot that *makes* parallel universe movies and the wildly creative originality that makes Ezban movies are both conspicuously absent.
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Blood River (2009)
3/10
Jesus Jesus Jesus sin sin sin
26 April 2021
I'm a little baffled that this is labeled a psychological thriller. It's not. It's a Christian thriller. If you don't enjoy being preached at, you'll want to avoid this one. The constant moralizing and sermonizing completely distracts from the film's many good qualities.
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The Barrens (2012)
3/10
The real curse of the Jersey Devil is that no good film about the Devil will ever be made
22 April 2021
The simple story didn't provide enough material for a feature length film, so it's heavily padded with the kind of cliché detritus. The supposedly lucid characters make the kind of decisions that are too dumb for fear to explain while the supposedly unstable character has the same visions over and over. It sucks all the tension and excitement out of what could have been an okay movie.

Huge plot hole: if you believe you saw the Jersey Devil in these woods when you were a child, why would you take your whole family to such a dangerous place just to scatter your father's ashes?
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A Ghost Story (2017)
5/10
This one really hit the goalpost
20 April 2021
There are about 10 minutes of really beautifully-shot film and a lot of clever, impressively creative ideas. But ultimately this is an AGGRESSIVELY slow and empty film. I understand that scenes like the solid 5 minutes we watch M sitting on the floor eating pie (plus the minute before that while she's eating before she sits down) are supposed to evoke the feelings of emptiness that come between the periods of anguish we feel after experiencing a profound loss. Unfortunately those scenes are actually just plain boring. Had this film been about 30 to 45 minutes long, it would have been BRILLIANT. Instead it feels like a hostage situation.

9/10 for the hilarious negative reviews 1/10 for the pseudointellectuals trying to crap own us normals who didn't cry at this movie (not counting tears of boredom)
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Reno 911!: Meet Jeffy (2020)
Season 7, Episode 1
5/10
Ugh
15 April 2021
Reno 911 has been one of my favorite shows for half my life. The first six seasons I can binge watch repeatedly. The moronic "Jews only care about other Jews" joke might have been less offensive coming from someone with a real beard, peyos and tzitzit, but the obvious caricature was really just trash that ruined the episode. The pronouns sketch at the end missed the mark also, so basically the episode started great then just got progressively worse. We waited 10 years for that?
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La Mante (2017)
6/10
Convoluted and sometimes frustrating but CAROLE BOUQUET
14 April 2021
The plot has a lot going on, to the point that it really defies credibility. The cops make a lot of infuriatingly stupid mistakes. And I know a lot of people loved her but I couldn't stand Lucie. Despite the series's many flaws, I would suggest it's worth watching even if only for the incomparable performance of Carole Bouquet. The range she brings to the character of Jeanne is stunning. I'm in awe of an actress who can chill my bones, scare the piss out of me, then make me almost cry. (I probably would have had my nerves not been shot from watching the whole series in a day.) She's utterly mesmerizing.
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6/10
A decent movie that's really hard to enjoy
11 April 2021
Almost everyone's heard of characters you love to hate.

Problem is, not all of us love it.

The character of Matt, the older brother, made it REALLY difficult for me to enjoy most of this movie. He's such an unmitigated pile of rancid human garbage.... Every time I saw his face or heard his voice, I just thought, "Would you please just eff off and die already?" (That said, it would be a terrible sin against Fionn Whitehead to omit mention of what an excellent job he does playing this character. He's 97% as believable as he is despicable. I think the other 3% can be explained if we assume Fionn is just a generally nice guy who deep down doesn't understand people like Matt. Unfortunately they do exist. Anyway, here's hoping Fionn does more work like his brilliant performance in the Black Mirror special Bandersnatch.)

Thankfully the younger brother Joey is really the main character, so we spend more time with him than with the trashstorm that is his brother. Joey really is a good kid without any adequate role models, struggling to figure out how one goes about being a good person in a world that's mean as hell. If there's any compelling reason to watch this movie, it's the character of Joey.

The plot is relatively thin (which should be obvious; it's a movie about a boy talking to a guy down a hole) but what is there mostly works. It's only toward the end that it starts to push the limits of credibility.

Bottom line, a fair character study of a good boy in a bad world, and an effective psychodrama. Just don't expect satisfaction, and don't be surprised if Matt brings your blood to a rolling boil.
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9/10
I absolutely do not understand the lowness of the rating
8 April 2021
Another reviewer said that this is not a comedy. Okay, fine. But neither is it a romance, or a thriller. (A drama can be pretty much anything, so the term doesn't really lend itself to meaningful categorization.) The only fair thing to say is that it's all of them wrapped in one. This movie is loaded with comedy and humor, but also conflict and tension, and, for whatever the term is worth, drama, of a thoroughly gripping variety.

Perhaps some of the hate for this film is based in the fact that it's such a roller coaster. People like their thrillers to be dark and gritty, and they like their comedies to be a light and airy. This film is all of the above. It covers such a gamut that I'm honestly stunned not only that they fit all of it into the hour and three quarters that they did, but especially that it genuinely felt like one movie and not a bunch of stuff mooshed into a deformed camel. It might be very particular and peculiar, but this is a very well made film. If you like stuff that straddles the edge of the box gyrating its thick posterior while blowing raspberries at genre lines, check this one out.
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6/10
A simple looking film asking not so simple questions
6 April 2021
The plot of the film could probably be written on less than one page. It's very slow. Despite, or perhaps because of that, what does unfold on the screen is strangely upsetting. The film is definitely thematic and is seeking answers to what end up being very complex questions, and it wasn't until I saw this movie that I fully realized that the more plot there is unfolding on the screen, the harder it is to engage the audience in the asking of these questions. Examinations of the way human souls interact with each other are difficult enough when there's just a single question without more action raising more questions. The things that this film makes you think about, you can think about them for hours, probably days, and although many will be put off by the lack of action and plot, and others will be put off by how uncomfortable the answers to these questions make us, it is still a very interesting watch for the thinking sci-fi fan.

Although I want to say that the film seems ultimately to be about the difficulty of not only connecting with another person, but maintaining that connection, there is certainly another level, perhaps about how easy it can be to be lonely without being "alone." Why are human beings more comfortable interacting with inanimate objects than with each other? Is it just because those things can't contradict us or challenge us?

While the film wasn't what I would call entertaining, and while I can scarcely imagine who I would recommend it to, I appreciate that it has made me ask so many questions and that I'm still finding new questions to ask, not about the film and the bizarre things happening in it, necessarily, but about our species in general.
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Vivarium (2019)
9/10
Deliciously bizarre
3 April 2021
I'll open by saying, Im not sure I have ever met someone who would enjoy this film like I did. I can't say it feels totally original - I couldn't help feeling echoes of The One I Love, despite there being zero obvious plot parallels. It just has a similar feel of walking out of the normal world and into a passive aggressive nightmare. Both have a delightful dark humor despite being a special kind of terrifying.

In response to other reviews: no, this couldn't have been a short film, not without GUTTING the main characters and everything genuinely human about the film. Part of what makes the subtle horror work at all is that we feel how trapped and suffocated these normal people are in this supremely effed up cuckoo's nest. Neither is this film anything like any episode of Black Mirror. Twilight Zone for the modern age, maybe, but not at all Black Mirror. This movie isn't about technology and the way humans use it.

I think some people are disappointed that the ending didn't have the same humor as the second act, but I feel like the first act was fine preparation for what was to come.

Bottom line, you've gotta be a special kind of weird to get into this movie (I think being British might help), and extra weird to really love it. I'm not sure who I would recommend it to, but I'd love to meet them.
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Come True (2020)
6/10
Visually masterful, but slow and repetitive
1 April 2021
The visuals are brilliant throughout. Lush lighting bathes the attractive locations and modern architecture, which one might expect to clash with the retro technology and soundtrack, but they are surprisingly complementary, giving the film an eerily timeless feel. Ironically, the pace itself is fairly slow, so once the viewer starts getting answers about what's happening, the tension of the curiosity evaporates and the film starts to drag. (Extra ironic because most of the "action" is in the latter half.) The real shame is that after the reveal of the interesting premise, the film seems to wander around unsure of what to do with itself. The resolution is a real head-scratcher. It's rare that even the most bizarre narratives leave me thinking, "...Why??" But that's all I could think as the last scene closed. It seems like it was written for an entirely different movie, like the scripts got stuck together and no one noticed until post-production.

Having said all that, it's a fairly enjoyable view. Acting between good and passable, but nothing soulshaking. (Hot hot lead dude if you're into beards and glasses. Big plus for me, at least.) Solid soundtrack. And, as stated, the visuals are sheer brilliance.

Bottom line: good for fans of film as art. Would not recommend to fans of coherent narrative and conventional storytelling.
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WHY DID I DO THIS TO MYSELF
31 March 2021
THESE THREE MINUTES WERE MORE TRAUMATIC THAN ALMOST TWO HOURS OF BRANDON CRONENBERG'S POSSESSOR.

I'M GONNA GO START PLANNING MY FUNERAL NOW.
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7/10
"I usually like smart artistic movies but not this one."
31 March 2021
Welcome the Stranger does not have mass commercial appeal. It's a very loose, uncomfortable film that, depending on how you understand the resolution, can be open to a WIDE range of interpretations. Only the very last scene is presented as something beyond superficial question. Everything else is ultimately to be analyzed in relation to this last scene. Most viewers don't want to analyze, which is fine, but their not liking this movie is not equivalent to its being pretentious.
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Sun Choke (2015)
7/10
The opposite of Dogtooth
30 March 2021
Sun Choke is an unusual but solid film. It's not especially original but especially with the strong performances of the two leads it's different enough in presentation that it's not a boring watch.

So why am I writing a review? To express my bewilderment that there are multiple comparisons in other reviews to the Greek film Dogtooth. I had to stretch my brain to near breaking to realize, "Oh yes, there is one tiny aspect of similarity, but even that utterly marginal plot point falls under another few seconds of scrutiny." Anyone comparing these two films: A, hasn't seen Dogtooth; B, hasn't seen Sun Choke; C, saw both but was too busy shopping on Amazon Prime to notice what was happening during either film.

For what it's worth, I'm one of the sad minority who thought Dogtooth was not a masterpiece. Interesting premises, boring results. Maybe I'm just not intellectual enough. Of the two films, Sun Choke is the more fleshed-out and for most viewers will likely be the more enjoyable. Watch Dogtooth if you want a bunch of random ideas that are never really built into any kind of thesis, which I'm sure is more enjoyable if you're not interested in the writer's or director's opinions on their own themes. It's an utter Rorschach test of a film. While far from typical, Sun Choke is much more traditional in terms of plot (of which Dogtooth has almost none) and character development (of which Dogtooth is completely devoid)
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4/10
Fun action, dangerously foolish philosophy
23 March 2021
Warning: Spoilers
I wouldn't be writing this review if not for the ideas that form the core of what the story is built on. However, to avoid any potential spoilers above the fold, I'll try it to at least write a few lines about the movie itself before critiquing the idea so that that spoil will be below the bar. The Sci-Fi and mystery aspects of the movie are enjoyable enough. Not especially original, but executed in a way that there is still some level of suspense. Honestly there is probably nothing in this movie that is strictly original. While not directly derivative of any one source, every idea here has been done in a more enjoyable fashion somewhere else. I think that should be enough to get this point below the fold, so now I'll proceed to criticize the premise that the plot is built on.

The story follows a man tracking the actions of a woman who has traveled back to the past, indeed many points in the past, in order to prevent dangerous and hateful ideologies from taking hold in people who will ultimately commit horrible acts of terror and violence in the name of their own supposed superiority. How? By killing them and their ancestors. The idea is that their ideas can be erased and their hate will go along with it and that everything will end up, if not fine, then at least less bad than it would have been.

It shouldn't take a genius to recognize immediately that this is not only moronic but dangerous. If you think that killing people who disagree with you is not only going to make them more hateful and fearful of you and those like you, your power of thought are dangerously lacking. A black assassin killing white supremacists is only going to make them spew more hate and bile. In their eyes, you are proving their point. You are proving in their eyes that you are dangerous and must be stopped. You are an exact mirror of them.

The only way to fight bad ideas, including hateful ones, is to crush them with better ideas. If you can't convince people that you are right and the people who are wrong are in fact wrong, and can only achieve your goal by taking life, the only thing you are going to convince them is that you will kill to have your way. Even if your view is the right one, this can only end in tragedy and disaster. That is a simple fact, perhaps an unfortunate one based in the inherent imperfection of the human being, but like it or not, the only thing that destroys bad ideas is good ideas, and murdering the people that have bad ideas is not going to stop these bad ideas from spreading. Period.
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3/10
Another disappointment
20 December 2018
It's sad to see the Alien series go from classic scifi horror thriller to cheap scifi action. Not cheap in the monetary sense; the visuals in this film are pretty impressive. Everything else is basically a let down. Essentially a film about a reckless, irresponsible and unprofessional crew and the crap that happens to them as a result of their reckless, irresponsible and unprofessional behaviors. Also they say "f**ck" and its derivations a lot.

I wonder if it would have been less disappointing if not associated with the Alien franchise. The premise had potential, but a fairly weak script. The film does have some good moments, but it's so hard to enjoy it through the "ugh, why" feeling.

The awful, predictable ending loses a whole star from me.
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6/10
An OK movie that might have been good
27 November 2018
Incorrectly labeled a "thriller" everywhere. The tension doesn't build up, it's just there, expressed through dialogue.

Dialogue-based movies often feel very slow. In this one the pacing is actually not bad, but it still feels slow. I think that's because the main character, Shir, is very difficult to like. It's kind of like, "Ugh, we're still dealing with her? Let's get on with it already." It's funny; a lot of the other characters are actually pretty likable. Not Shir.

Not a bad movie, if you've got patience for a very simple plot and highly unsympathetic lead.
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1/10
Just gets worse and worse and worse
16 November 2018
This movie starts off looking like a pretty standard horror movie but just gets worse and worse as it progresses, to the point that it's actually downright annoying. An utterly disappointing, nonsense experience.
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3/10
A thoroughly terrible movie
1 November 2018
I want to like Liberty Lane Productions. I respect the effort to make films with a low budget. But holy crap, guys. The amateur actors especially made this feel like a student production. It's a shame, because the story was actually somewhat interesting. Not exactly unique, but with better execution, it could have made a decent film.

The last minute is worth one out of the three stars I gave this movie.
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Hold the Dark (2018)
8/10
A bleak, unsatisfying, beautiful bloodbath.
31 October 2018
I once saw Jeremy Saulnier's Green Room described as something you should watch knowing as little about it as possible. I would say the same is true of Hold the Dark. (I didn't realize until I was well into writing this review that Hold the Dark is also a Jeremy Saulnier film. This is so hilariously and devastatingly appropriate I actually wasn't surprised at all.) The plot description describing a mother looking for revenge after her son is taken by wolves tells very little of the story, but the rest of the story should unfold before you naturally in all its chilling, terrible glory.

Another reviewer said this film has no plot. At the risk of sounding unkind, that person is a moron. Having a simple plot and having no plot are not the same thing. The simplicity of this film's plot is a perfect reflection of the simplicity of the human darkness that is at its core.

I would not recommend this film for most viewers. It is bleak and dark and difficult.
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