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Beacon 23: Godspeed (2024)
From interesting to annoying
First season was really interesting. The arrival of the terrorists (for that is what they are) and Aleph just destroyed the chemistry of the series. Aleph is probably the most annoying antagonist I've ever seen, but not in a good Jeoffrey Baratheon kind of way, whom we loved to hate, just in a please-kill-this-character-once-and-for-all kind of way. I would date Dolores Umbridge from the Harry Potter series before having a conversation with this megalomaniac a$$####.
I didn't want to spoil anything but you keep taking away the best from the show. First Bart (who was the fun kind of annoying), then Aster (whom I still hope will be regenarated by the artefact), then Harmony (who was awesome).
Halan is a great character, but he can't pull this off alone. At least you killed the terrorists (that's two of the four stars. The other two are for Halan and Harmony carrying the whole episode).
Please bring back the original 4 (Aster, Halan, Bart and Harmony). I want to like these series, but you are pushing me to go look for ST:DS9 re-runs.
After Yang (2021)
All is wrong and boring.
Everything feels out of place in this movie. It's like a asian tale acted by a multicultural cast, so it is politically correct.
Why would anyone buy a robot to show their adopted kid about their ancestry? What if the kid is caucassian? Would you have to check if his parents were Irish, French, Russian or Peruvian (yes, I'm caucassian and Peruvian, so it could be) and then find a proper bot to teach their ancestry? "Look kid, your grandparents were Peruvian so now you have to learn quechua and all about the Incas" That's nonsense. You are american, teach the kid to be american.
Also, if you need a robot to raise your adopted kid, you are not qualified to be a parent, so don't adopt.
Apart from these very wrong items, nothing of importance is transmitted through a very slow movie. The speech is monotone for even the non-robots. Everyone is depressing. The only part that feels "alive" is the dance number / opening credits. After those few minutes, the film goes Yang... and becomes comatose.
Jupiter's Legacy: By Dawn's Early Light (2021)
Nice start.
For a pilot episode, it had ups and lows. Liked that they moved back and forth to the depresion for the back story. Liked the fight scenes (specially towards the end). Liked the "old" characters (specially Ben Daniels').
Didn't like the daughter's entitled attitude which could be ok for a teenager, but she is already in her twenties. Grow up girl! And.the idiotic Batman-esque no killing policy (don't kill the villain so that he/she may come back to kill multiple victims including probably members of the heroe's family). That doesn't apply when the villain is a weapon of mass destruction.
All in all, looking forward to watching episode 2. Hope it picks up the pace.
Magnum P.I. (2018)
For a second there...
... I was about to give them a chance when they unveiled the classic Ferrari 308. I said "nice move, now the series is way less bad" and then they destroyed it! WHY!?
Strangely enough, I kind of liked female Higgins (I always found the original too annoying), and new Rick and T.C. were ok. But even that is not enough to compensate for the attempt at politically correctness that was turning Magnum a latino (and a very small one at that). Don't get me wrong, I'm latin american myself, but you don't mess that much with the classics. If they needed a latino, turn Rick into Ricardo, but NOT the main actor.
I'm sick of the PC BS in Hollywood. Incredibly enough, none of them is gay (please don't get any ideas).
I'm giving it an extra star for Zeus and Apollo, they are spot on and deliver their lines perfectly.
Jesus Christ Superstar Live in Concert (2018)
Not Legend---ary at all.
I love this musical. Know it word by word and was hoping to see something better. John Legend just destroyed the role. Awful range and really exaggerated gesticulation. An angry Jesus when it should have been an understanding and kind of disappointed one. Messed up all the high notes.
The highlights were Mary, Judas, Annas (Jin Ha probably would have made a better Jesus than Legend) and a great and pleasant surprise for me who only knew him from The Exorcist, Ben Daniels nailed it as Pilate (if not for him I would have given only one star).
Deception (2018)
Stupid Networks
When I saw the pilot I thought it was kind of cheesy but as the episodes went by, the plot started getting better and better... aaand of course it got cancelled. There are a lot of stupid shows that go on and on and on, but a good and fun one gets cancelled before even getting a chance.
Young Sheldon: Pilot (2017)
Boring and Annoying
I gave the pilot a chance, given the excellent quality of it's "mothership" The Big Bang Theory, but had my suspicions that it would not live up to it. What give TBBT its appeal are the nerdy characters in awkward situations. It even has lost some of it's shine because it used to be mainly about Leonard and Penny, the awkward guy and the girl out of his league, a situation many of us could relate to. Sadly now it's all about Sheldon, a funny character whose main quality is being annoying.
Now, to make a series completely orbit around an annoying character with an annoying mother, an annoying brother and an annoying sister, without the jokes (didn't see any on the pilot) will result in an annoying series.
Gave it a chance, moving on to Philip K. Dick's Electric Dreams, Inhumans, The Orville (excellent by the way), ST Discovery, or Dirk Gently's Hollistic Detective Agency (weird but really fun).
Yoga Hosers (2016)
Boring nonsense.
I'm giving it 2 stars.
One because of Johnny Depp having the bravery to participate in this garbage (father's love earns a star) and Stan "The Man" Lee's cameo (Stan Lee always upgrades any movie by one star).
That's it.
The movie is garbage.
You'll never recover the time lost watching it.
I know I never will.
I'm supposed to write a 10 line review, but even reviewing this movie is a waste of time and web space. I hope the girls find something good in which they can show their talent. My advise to Harley Quinn Smith: Get away from your dad's projects.
Casa de mi padre (2012)
Que basura acabo de ver!
Yes, as in the movie, I will review this in Spanish just because I can't express it correctly in English, then I'll try to put subtitles.
-edit: I couldn't. IMDb wouldn't allow me to write in Spanish cause it takes it as spelling mistakes. so here is the translated review.-
It's horrible! I understand that they tried to do a parody of Mexican b movies, but they didn't even could do it right. The jokes are not funny and Will Ferrell overacts it, even for a spoof movie. I'm sorry for the rest of the cast, who did the best they could with very decent acting, but not even their best effort could save this "mamarracho" (Sorry I can't find the proper translation for that last one word). I blame the script. Not even Sir Lawrence Olivier could have done something with that garbage.
One thing I loved: Jose Luis Rodriguez "El Puma", Genesis' real life father, cameo.
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008)
George Lucas, listen to Indy and go back to school (or just retire).
First thing, the good stuff about the movie. Harrison Ford rocks. He can portrait Indiana Jones even if he is a hundred years. Cate Blanchett is fantastic. She can do anything right, even if the plot is ridiculous. Shia LaBeouf hits the mark with his character. I was afraid that a teenager sidekick would be a disaster, but Shia does a great job and wins our respect. I give one star for each one of them. Karen Allen, Ray Winstone and John Hurt were good, but couldn't do better with that awful script.
Now let's go to the bad stuff. Except for a couple of good chases at the beginning and the middle of the movie (warehouse and jungle chases), the plot is ridiculous (please George, leave the aliens for alien movies!), the rest of the characters are superficial and some situations just got a "Come on!" from most of the audience, like escaping an Atomic Bomb test in a fridge (Indy would have melted inside it and merged with the lead, ending in a Carbonite-like encasing, which would have been a very funny ending for our hero) or surviving a fall into the Devil's Throat in Iguazu falls, which brings me to the final criticism.
George, Steven, you offend South Americans' intelligence with your movie, specially Peruvians'. As a Peruvian myself, I honestly tried to forgive your ignorance and enjoy the movie, but too much is too much. When Indy goes to Nazca, they arrive in Cusco and the lines are just there. Both names may sound alike, but they are not adjacent. They are hundreds of miles away. When Indy points Nazca in the map, he does it right, so why did you have to fly him to Cusco? A line to Lima and then to the correct location of Nazca would have been better.
Next thing (probably the worst in the whole movie). When they walk through the streets of this Cusco/Nazca hybrid, Ranchera music is played. COME ON!!! How many times will you show your lack of respect for our cultures? Latin America IS NOT Mexico. Every country has it's own music and folklore; Aztecs, Mayans and Incas are not the same! A Huayno or a Condor Pasa would have made the trick (and please, not the Simon & Garfunkel version). How would you feel if someone made a movie located in Tel Aviv and the music was Egyptian or Arabic? Indy also states that he learned Quechua with Pancho Villa. WHAT? Again, the Incan Empire was NOT on Mexico!!! Again, let's go learn Hebrew in Pakistan, aren't they both in Asia anyway?
The forgivable ones: The lines are all put together and there are stone ruins just on a nearby hill. The real lines are not that close to each other and coastal pre-Incan ruins are made of adobe (mud bricks), not stone. The burial method depicted for Orellana and friends are almost right, but the position is wrong and the ones that elongated their skulls were not the Nazcas, but the Paracas, a culture located in the same area but earlier in history. But these are really hard to know details that can be left to "creative license" (although not for an archaeologist, teacher and moreover, someone who is constantly telling Mutt to finish his studies).
Finally, they travel through the Amazon (North of Brasil) and fall in the Iguazu falls (South of Brazil) more specifically the Devil's Throat, easy to recognize for ANY South American. It's like navigating the Mississippi in Lousiana and falling from the Niagara Falls! COME ON!
You could have gotten away with it in the 80's, but not in the Internet era. A couple of hours in Wikipedia would have sufficed to correct these huge mistakes.
George, it may be time to discreetly stepping aside into retirement before you do more damage to your own name. Steven, you must be really a good friend to direct this, so you are forgiven. Again, I give three stars, one for Harrison, one for Shia, and one very special for Cate.