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mdaign
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Legend of the Roller Blade Seven (1992)
Why, God?
I saw the worst movie I have ever seen in my entire life over the weekend.
I know people use "worst ever" all the time and don't literally mean it, but I just want to say I'm being completely serious.
Legend of the Rollerblade Seven.
NOTHING about this movie makes sense. The narrator is, apparently, a fat guy playing bongos while two bondage geared strippers writhe around in front of him, in the middle of some desert. Everyone else spends their time rolling around aimlessly in drainage ditches. Occasionally it will cut to some insane guy in a wheel chair (strangely, the best actor in the movie) who goes on unintelligible rants where he says things like "I want to get on a skateboard ... and fly away" and basically just repeats himself over and over for 5 minutes at a time. People also have a fondness for randomly teleporting around, dying and coming back to life without explanation, and having entire scenes where no one is actually speaking but the voices are dubbed over (I guess they're supposed to be communicating telepathically, but why? WHY?), etc.
There are a few cherished moments that made me cry with laughter. I would say that the song at the end is worth the purchase or rental of this movie alone; I pretty much couldn't breathe and was kicking feebly in the air as I rolled around with tears streaming down my face. The rest of the film, however, is just excruciating.
If you have the means to acquire this movie, I would suggest you do it, because if you can make it through this, you will be be fully mentally and physically prepared for any traumatic events to occur for the rest of your life.