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Pudelmützen Rambos (2004)
May function as initiation rite or as betting debt, but not as trash
Germans will know just by looking at the cast that this film can be up to no good. However, it was especially this combination of C-prominence trying for years (for Frank Zander and others, even decades) to be admitted to the B-prominence society that intrigued me.
Watching it for the first time, alas, I failed after the first quarter of an hour. The spirit was strong, but human reasoning obliged me to stop - after all, I am a trash fan, not a masochist.
Maybe I wouldn't have touched it a second time, but fate had it that one of my friends needed distraction since her parents split up. And yes, mind blowing distraction it was.
A vampire (Frank Zander) controls some military guys and collects young girls to feed on them. He is not directly interacting with the rest of the "actors" since his appearance is based on archive material, but that really doesn't make much of a difference. Charly is taking up the fight, armed only with his red bobble cap and his enormous glasses. Neither his uncle Jürgen (Jürgen Drews) nor the preacher (Harry Wijnvoord) (!) are of any help improving the average acting quality. Oh, and nor do they help in the struggle to free the girls. Finally, with Dolly Buster(!!) and Ramona Drews, maybe Charly can make it. I won't say since I don't want to spoil your 126min cinematographic experience, but trust me, it does not matter anyway.
Pudelmützenrambos fails on two levels: Being a good movie (we saw that one coming) but also being a good trash movie. Or, putting it another way: It tries to be funny by failing to be good and fails to do so.
Ed Wood might have been a bad director, but he had ambitions and a concept. This movie is just concatenated high school bull****. Plus, an excuse for Zander and Drews to sing their... well, I might call it music although this might as well be left open to discussion.
Mind-boggling to me was the fact that the entire crew seems to be well aware that their film is a blasphemy for anybody happy enough to have brain cells. And they seem to think they are cool by acting stupid. Wrong. They just remain stupid.
Take this movie not as evening enjoyment, but as a test for your soul. Fear not, my mind somehow remained unscathed. I will return to my tribe and tell them I have become a man and passed the initiation rite. God bless the king of Mallorca!
Dead as a Doorman (1985)
Seen worse, seen better
Since IMDb has no plot summary, here's a short overview without giving away spoilers:
The story is about a mysterious killer rampaging on the necks of some doormen. 30-something Terry Reilly starts a private investigation, fearing he could be the next prey. He finds help in the person of the 30-something Linda Regan, a niece of one of the victims.
I received the film as a trash present, so I suppose it was meant to be bad-taste. It certainly has its moments when you just laugh out loud, especially the killing scenes.
Story is mediocre with minor illogical moments, but not plain bad. Music gets cheesy from times to times, but it also is bearable and can partly be blamed on the general 80's misconception of what is to be done with a synthesizer.
To summarize, there are action movies having popcorn quality - and then there are trash films that have popcorn quality. Doorman belongs to the second group.