It's been a long, long time since I've seen a movie so bad, so mind-numbingly terrible, that I no longer have the mental capacity to form words to describe how awful it is. Ultraviolet just may be the worst movie I've ever seen. I will try to put my feelings for this movie into good use before I collapse into a gibbering mess. Here goes...
Ultraviolet rips off about every standard convention created by Hollywood science fiction movies (not to mention sci-fi novels) over the last fifteen years. There is not ONE original idea in this movie. Not a single, solitary unique idea. As I watched this turd, I was constantly reminded of other films like The 5th Element, The Matrix trilogy, Blade, Johnny Mnemonic, and (no surprise) Equilibrium, not to mention about a dozen other sci-fi/action movies.
It starts out with a voice-over by the normally charming Milla Jovovich, where she tries to explain the entire backstory of the movie in about five minutes. Unless you've read the comic book you're not going to find any clarification of the backstory, the universe, or the characters. Somehow the director (or the editor) thought the vague voice-over would make the rest of the movie make sense. It's too bad, because a coherent intro would have made this movie much more tolerable. As it is, all the beginning narrative does is cause a lot of ambivalence towards Milla's character in the long run. Toward the end, I really didn't care if she (or ANY of the characters, for that matter) lived or died.
Ultraviolet had a relatively small budget for a movie of this kind, so the director apparently decided to spend all the money on schlocky special effects instead of a decent plot or script. Do you remember that god-awful Britney Spears video where she rides a motorcycle around a futuristic city? You know, the one where she jumps off rooftops and dodges police cars? Well, save yourself some money and Google that video, because that's exactly what Ultraviolet looks like. My theory is that Kurt Wimmer bought stock footage of the Britney Spears video and then digitally inserted Milla's face.
There is no excuse in this day and age of enhanced CGI for any movie to look this bad, regardless of budget. And the fact that Wimmer decided to stick with primary colors only gives Ultraviolet a very cartoonish look. I think my brain may have been forced into some kind of permanent synesthesia after it was all over. All I can see now are bright, annoying colors everywhere I look. A lawsuit may be in order.
I like Milla Jovovich, and I think she is a very capable actress. That said, she lost a ton of respect from me for taking this role. Not only does it add to the growing list of "strong yet sensitive heroines" she has been steamrolled into playing, but her acting is so wooden throughout I thought I was watching a sentient, shapely tongue depressor try to act its way through a fourth-grade school play. At least the cinematographer had the common sense to show a lot of Milla's bare midriff. That's the only reason Ultraviolet is getting a rating of one star from me. Well, that and the fact that IMDb doesn't let you give zero stars...
Yet another sore point for me was the on-screen technology used throughout the movie. Not only is it incomprehensible (even for a sci-fi flick), there's no explanation as to where, how, or why any of this technology came to be. These are the kinds of ideas that twelve-year old Star Wars fanboys come up with when they are trying to write their first short story. There is no regard to physics or standard scientific principle. I understand that is a Science Fiction movie, but I will not allow myself any suspension of disbelief when a movie doesn't even take the time to justify why Milla can fly through an air-duct, UPSIDE DOWN, only to smash through the roof and land on her feet like some kind of trippy robo-cat.
Oh yeah, apparently the bad guys wear armor made out of fragile black-colored glass. That's real nifty, Mr. Wimmer. No wonder Milla can kick their butts.
Maybe the fight scenes could have made Ultraviolet better, but Wimmer decided to recycle the fighting style used in Equilibrium. I really hope that he's not going to make another movie using "Gun-kata" again; the first time was cool, the second time was stupid, and a third time will just be inexcusable. Worse yet, the fight scenes are nowhere near as classy as they were in Equilibrium. This may be due in part to the fact that obnoxious scenery and background colors make it hard to watch a blur of fists and feet going at it.
Throw in a nonsensical storyline and you've got yourself the worst sci-fi stinker to come around in a long time. At least AvP: Requiem had Aliens and Predators. Ultraviolet only has Milla Jovovich's belly button going for it.
Now please excuse me while I go puke Technicolor into the toilet.
Ultraviolet rips off about every standard convention created by Hollywood science fiction movies (not to mention sci-fi novels) over the last fifteen years. There is not ONE original idea in this movie. Not a single, solitary unique idea. As I watched this turd, I was constantly reminded of other films like The 5th Element, The Matrix trilogy, Blade, Johnny Mnemonic, and (no surprise) Equilibrium, not to mention about a dozen other sci-fi/action movies.
It starts out with a voice-over by the normally charming Milla Jovovich, where she tries to explain the entire backstory of the movie in about five minutes. Unless you've read the comic book you're not going to find any clarification of the backstory, the universe, or the characters. Somehow the director (or the editor) thought the vague voice-over would make the rest of the movie make sense. It's too bad, because a coherent intro would have made this movie much more tolerable. As it is, all the beginning narrative does is cause a lot of ambivalence towards Milla's character in the long run. Toward the end, I really didn't care if she (or ANY of the characters, for that matter) lived or died.
Ultraviolet had a relatively small budget for a movie of this kind, so the director apparently decided to spend all the money on schlocky special effects instead of a decent plot or script. Do you remember that god-awful Britney Spears video where she rides a motorcycle around a futuristic city? You know, the one where she jumps off rooftops and dodges police cars? Well, save yourself some money and Google that video, because that's exactly what Ultraviolet looks like. My theory is that Kurt Wimmer bought stock footage of the Britney Spears video and then digitally inserted Milla's face.
There is no excuse in this day and age of enhanced CGI for any movie to look this bad, regardless of budget. And the fact that Wimmer decided to stick with primary colors only gives Ultraviolet a very cartoonish look. I think my brain may have been forced into some kind of permanent synesthesia after it was all over. All I can see now are bright, annoying colors everywhere I look. A lawsuit may be in order.
I like Milla Jovovich, and I think she is a very capable actress. That said, she lost a ton of respect from me for taking this role. Not only does it add to the growing list of "strong yet sensitive heroines" she has been steamrolled into playing, but her acting is so wooden throughout I thought I was watching a sentient, shapely tongue depressor try to act its way through a fourth-grade school play. At least the cinematographer had the common sense to show a lot of Milla's bare midriff. That's the only reason Ultraviolet is getting a rating of one star from me. Well, that and the fact that IMDb doesn't let you give zero stars...
Yet another sore point for me was the on-screen technology used throughout the movie. Not only is it incomprehensible (even for a sci-fi flick), there's no explanation as to where, how, or why any of this technology came to be. These are the kinds of ideas that twelve-year old Star Wars fanboys come up with when they are trying to write their first short story. There is no regard to physics or standard scientific principle. I understand that is a Science Fiction movie, but I will not allow myself any suspension of disbelief when a movie doesn't even take the time to justify why Milla can fly through an air-duct, UPSIDE DOWN, only to smash through the roof and land on her feet like some kind of trippy robo-cat.
Oh yeah, apparently the bad guys wear armor made out of fragile black-colored glass. That's real nifty, Mr. Wimmer. No wonder Milla can kick their butts.
Maybe the fight scenes could have made Ultraviolet better, but Wimmer decided to recycle the fighting style used in Equilibrium. I really hope that he's not going to make another movie using "Gun-kata" again; the first time was cool, the second time was stupid, and a third time will just be inexcusable. Worse yet, the fight scenes are nowhere near as classy as they were in Equilibrium. This may be due in part to the fact that obnoxious scenery and background colors make it hard to watch a blur of fists and feet going at it.
Throw in a nonsensical storyline and you've got yourself the worst sci-fi stinker to come around in a long time. At least AvP: Requiem had Aliens and Predators. Ultraviolet only has Milla Jovovich's belly button going for it.
Now please excuse me while I go puke Technicolor into the toilet.
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