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The Return of the King (1980 TV Movie)
9/10
Not meant to be consumed by the general public, but a delicacy nonetheless
9 July 2012
In the wake of Peter Jackson's incredibly successful Tolkien series, this movie tends to get a lot of flak. Yet in some regards, I actually prefer this version, and I'll explain why:

The difference of opinion is basically generational and dependent on what the viewer is looking for. If you are hooked on stunning visuals and "epic" proportions in every estimable regard, there is no denying that Peter Jackson's films are better.

While this film deviates from the plot in several instances--no doubt a consequence of condensing so much material into an hour-and-a-half--it does maintain some of the better quotes from the books; keep in mind that these lines are delivered in the style in which they were written, not watered down the way some of the most powerful quotes are in more modern versions.

Combine this with a cast of amazing voice actors (Brother Theodore is the best, creepiest Gollum, hands down; Paul Frees orc voices are chilling; Roddy McDowall and Orson Bean do incredible things; and, of course, John Huston; I am not familiar with the actor that plays Denethor, but I love that performance as well) and you've got what is basically an Elizabethan drama with watercolor backgrounds and animation.

The other major reason why people dislike this film, and again it was a creative choice, is the inclusion of songs. Peter Jackson made films for adults; these animated films are intended for children. I admit that the ratio of song to plot can get tedious in this film, but the reasoning is noble. If you've ever read The Hobbit or The Lord of the Rings, you know it is absolutely packed with poetry. I am sure it was this film's intent to preserve this feeling while at the same time emulating the musical style which has been popular with children's programming for years.

In conclusion, people often criticize this film on matters of taste rather than actual merit. If you enjoy animation and well-written dialogue, this is definitely worth a look.
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Filthy McNasty (2001 Video)
7/10
Monocles all around
5 February 2006
Warning: Spoilers
(it is to be noted that the following submission contains not a drop of sarcasm)

I consider myself a bit of an aficionado in B-grade cinema, and I must say that I found Filthy McNasty (apart from it's counterpart Mulva Zombie Ass-Kicker) classic and wholesome entertainment. The degree of general style and sophistication that went into this work of genius is virtually unparalleled. The joke about Mario Van Peebles cereal? Just top notch stuff. My, my, and when that young Negro spread his own feces over his own Johnson. Uncanny.

There's only one thing left to say at this juncture: LBP, keep doing's things you do!
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Aliens (1986)
10/10
Best thing since canned bread
1 February 2006
Warning: Spoilers
There are the classics: Gone with the Wind, Dances with Wolves, The Ten Commandments

But then, there is Aliens.

Aliens is, hands down, the greatest movie ever made. Nothing I could possibly say about it would come close to doing it justice. In particular the scene where the queen alien lances Bishop with her tail and tears him in two is the most spectacular movie moment of all time, every time I see it i become sexual aroused. Aliens is better than boobs, better than money, better than seltzer. And i once fought God just to defend it.
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