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Day of the Dead (2021)
A dated combination of woke and vancouver
When it isn't pushing netflix style wokeness it stumbles along like a badly directed Outer Limits episode, interspersed with the usual garbage dialogue that is actually uncomfortable to listen to.
Way too much time is wasted on characters who are not only moronic but unsympathetic, unlikable and in many cases vile.
Cannibal Troll (2021)
a typo in the opening blurb on screen is the least of its problems
Netflixian cast who can't act, a Cannibal Troll that isn't, and spelling fairy tale as "fairytail".
There are many ways to enjoy this film: cautionary tale about casting, trying to make sense of its incoherent gibberish, continually wondering where the money came to make it- tax writeoff? Some kind of arts grant for diversity?
This is cack. Scrape it off your shoe and do not watch it.
Archer: The Orpheus Gambit (2020)
Dull.
The show stopped being funny a long time ago and stopped being interesting when the dream worlds began- not so much due to the dream world premise but due to the lacklustre storytelling.
This return is the sort of slow and entertainment-free plodding that only a terminally lazy show circling the drain thinks it can get away with.
It's already been renewed for season 12 but with this trajectory don't count on a full season 12 - or a season 13.
The Dead Don't Die (2019)
tax writeoff of some sort? vanity project?
This awful film is overloaded with insiders and expensive, obnoxious actors. It's leaden pace and poorly scripted scenes that just go on and on, leads nowhere, has no pay off and is basically a waste of energy to watch.
The only real question is why it was made. Contractual obligation? Tax writeoff of some sort? Vanity project that seemed like a good idea when they were all drunk or high?
What a waste of time and effort by all involved.
Psychophonia (2016)
Quiet, effective and while predictable - entertaining
Given the subject matter it is refreshing NOT to have graphic nudity intrude on what is more of a character study and by-the-numbers murder mystery, with its possible supernatural element left unresolved.
Captain Marvel (2019)
Dull, demeaning and positively racist
The demeaning treatment of Samuel L. Jackson in this movie, reducing his character to a glorified Step'N Fetchitt is outrageously racist.
The wooden acting of the "star" makes this a chore to sit through and Marvel's first genuine mistake.
Dull stuff.
As for the propaganda about its giant success- the rubbery figures and deliberate confusion of international and domestic box office, not to mention the suppression and censorship of genuine user reviews online tells a very different story.
The Last Heist (2016)
Modern day video nasty
Old school, low budget, nice straightforward plot and even the twists are straightforward. From the same school as Wrong Turn 3.
The Umbrella Academy (2019)
XMen meets Watchmen
Absolutely predictable in every way, down to its individual beats and resolutions. Having said that, so supremely well done that the predictability is irrelevant. It is as transformative, transgressive and superlative as the first Guardians of the Galaxy film.
This is what DC Vertigo of current year WISHES it could be and do.
Not "another" cape show, this is something unique and entertaining with some genuinely emotionally moving parts. Getting rid of Disneymarvel and replacing it with this and similar guarantees Netflix a dangerously large new audience which will also slice right into the Riverdale Glee-lite crowd and the bottomless chumbucket of the CW.
Don't bother watching other cape shows or sitting through painful wokefests like Captain Marvel, just watch Umbrella Academy a few times and catch up not on stupid injokes but on the subtleties of the performances. The great work by the cast in general more than drowns out Ellen Page, which in turn makes her not-really-acting performance perfect for her role.
This has the alchemical "something" where it all went right. As with Stranger Things I expect a rubbish second season and intolerable third, but for now let's just share and adore this perfect moment in time. :)