Reviews

There have been some pretty lame Bond films in the past (Moonraker, Golden Gun etc etc), but Die Another Day surpasses them in every way possible, and is, in my opinion, the worst Bond film ever. Yes, even worse than Never Say Never Again. How could the production team get it so wrong?

For starters the plot is just downright absurd. Giant lasers in outer space, DNA replacement therapy, invisible cars, robotic suits... Fleming would be spinning in his grave.

Die Another Day just tries hard to be too many things it once. It has joke-laden set pieces (such as the end scene with Moneypenny) and yet also tries to be 'serious' by jamming in themes such as betrayal and father-son relationships; and including excruciating torture sequences. The central problem is a bad script. And it is bad. Just one cheesy line after another: "Yeah, I think I got the thrust of it", "I see you handle your weapon well", "It's a minefield out there", "How's that for a punchline?", "I don't like cock fights", "Yo mama!". The introduction scene with Jinx and Bond is cringe-worthy, I almost expected Brosnan to look at the camera and say "Yeah baby!"

Gustav Graves is a weak and unmemorable villain. This is not entirely his fault, but the fault of the producers for overloading him with gadgets and stupid gimmicks (the robotic suit for one). Jinx is very high on my list of worst Bond girls (next to Christmas Jones and Mary Goodnight) for just being plain annoying. And Rosamund Pyke couldn't act her way out of a paper bag.

It is not all bad, however. The first 20 minutes or so are actually pretty good (Madonna's horrendous theme song aside). The hovercraft chase is very well executed and the idea of Bond being captured and imprisoned is intriguing. As for the action sequences they are mostly impressive, especially the car chase on the ice which is very well shot, and the sword fight with Bond and Graves. Though Die Another Day has been heavily criticised about it's over-reliance on CGI, and not exactly top-notch CGI either. Some of the scenes (particularly the tidal wave/parachute thing and Jinx's dive off the cliff) look incredibly fake, especially for Bond. Bond films are usually noted for their daring stunts, but it seems Tamahori was a little lazy in that department.

Die Another Day is essentially a 'best of Bond' package, and contains elements from all 19 previous films. But watching it just makes you yearn for the days when being a Bond fan was something to be proud of. Watching Die Another Day makes me feel ashamed that a series I love has sunk so low. Thankfully, the series redeemed itself with the superb Casino Royale, but it doesn't disguise the fact that Die Another Day is a pathetic excuse for a Bond film. Utterly dire.

Moonraker is widely considered to be among the worst of the Bond films. So, where do I start with this? The pre-credits sequence seems appropriate. Some kind of disaster happens, M is informed and instructs Moneypenny to retrieve 007, Bond is seen canoodling a beautiful girl who turns out to betray him, Bond escapes death by doing some death-defying stuns. (yawn) It feels like we've seen it all before, and that's exactly because we have, in the form of 'The Spy Who Loved Me'. Everything about Moonraker is basically the same as the previous film.

Firstly, the plot is a straight copy. An incredibly wealthy businessman plans to wipe out the human race and create a new civilisation (this time in space, as opposed to under the sea). Bond is paired up with a fellow secret agent (this time from the CIA) and investigates the villains plan and eventually foils it at the last possible moment. I suppose the fact the screenplay is by Christopher Wood (an experienced comedy writer) who also wrote 'Spy' doesn't help. There is little originality in the script and it often resorts to cheap jokes to complete the otherwise dull scenes.

Roger Moore's Bond is at his most flippant here and is occasionally downright rude (quite similar to Connery in Goldfinger or Thunderball). He makes constant patronising remarks against Dr Holly Goodhead (and women in general) and even when Bond tries to be funny he falls flat on his face. Holly Goodhead is perhaps the most uninteresting Bond girl in the series. Though she doesn't exactly make a convincing CIA agent, the audience admires Holly for being able to put up with Bond's remarks without slapping him, and she often shoots him down with her sardonic replies. Hugo Drax has the potential to be one of the best villains, though sadly it is wasted. Michael Lonsdale is a great actor and he does have some of the best lines in the whole film, but he is given little else to do than think up schemes to kill 007. (Though admittedly, he does come closer to succeeding than any previous Bond villain) One of the main atrocities of Moonraker is the return of Jaws. This time he becomes a walking barrel of 'laughs', and is even given a girlfriend, who happens to be half his height (oh Mr Wood, you're killing us with these jokes!)

The set pieces are just plain ridiculous, the Bondola scene is the most pathetic idea ever for a James Bond film, I'm astonished this made the final cut (Ian Fleming would be spinning in his grave). The parachute jump is hardly exciting either as it is ruined by the 'circus music', and the final space battle looks incredibly cheap (even for 1979 it looks dated, Star Wars did a much better job just two years earlier). One particularly nasty sequence worth mentioning involves one of Drax's assistants, Corinne Du For, being hunted down and killed by his two Doberman dogs.

Just in case the first 2 thirds of the film aren't dull enough for the audience, Moonraker gets even worse when Bond leaves the planet in a stolen space rocket. The whole idea of James Bond going into space in the first place is just absurd anyway. Bond used to be about espionage and secrecy, not laser battles in outer space. Also, how did Bond suddenly become world famous? He is supposed to be a SECRET AGENT for god's sake and yet he is recognised wherever he goes.

Moonraker is just plagued with problems from the start. The hero is a sexist pig as opposed to a charming gentleman spy, the plot just about hangs together thanks to ludicrous coincidences and the whole film in general just lacks the 'spark' that James Bond films are supposed to have. You can't help wondering why this film was even made in the first place. So, the Hollywood trend at the time was sci-fi movies, but James Bond doesn't follow trends, he sets them!

I am a huge Bond fan and Sean Connery is also my favourite Bond. Now when I first saw this film I was much younger and probably didn't notice most of it's faults (because it had Sean Connery, it must be good) But now I've watched it a 3rd time, I now realise Never Say Never Again is probably one of the worst films I've ever seen. I couldn't possibly watch it in one sitting as I'd be on the brink of suicide by the final scene.

Yes, there are some highlights, the opening sequence is exciting but it is ruined by the horrendous theme tune that's played over the top of it. There is also an abundance of good dialogue (Fatima: Oh, I got you all wet; Bond: Yes, but my martini's still dry) and some interesting locations but they are sadly, wasted. Bond visits two of the most beautiful locations in the world, The Bahamas and the French Riviera and yet we see about 60 seconds of them on-screen before he's shipped off to somewhere else.

For most of the film there is hardly any reference to the actual plot (the stolen nuclear devices) at all, it seems as if Bond treats his 'mission' as a holiday where he can bed as many women as possible (4 on this occasion). The action sequences are incredibly boring and predicable, and the underwater shots lack any imagination or flair. Its hard to believe that this was directed by Irvin Kershner, who was responsible for the superb 'Empire Strikes Back'.

As for the characters, if you can call them that, they are probably the most boring and 1-dimensional of any bond film. The villain is almost non-existent, Kim Basinger is the most useless Bond girl to date (including Mary goodnight) and serves no purpose in the story at all. The (attempt at a) femme fatale, Fatima Blush is also truly dire. An awful character played by an equally awful actress, the adolescent producers obviously think they can make her 'sexy' by having her keep snakes in her car, heroin needles in her garter, and have her prance about in leather trousers and nurse's outfits whilst cackling like an old hag.

NSNA looks terribly dated, and it is only 23 years old. The set pieces are poorly-thought out and look cheap (probably because most of the films budget was spent on getting Connery back) The majority of the script is dull and clichéd and the entire film looks like it was edited in about 5 minutes. And when the film finally reaches a climax, it refuses to end. There is still about another 20 minutes of tedium before it slowly comes to a halt. An incredibly boring and pointless film, even the worst movies in the official series (golden gun and die another day) are more entertaining than this. It's no surprise Sean Connery refuses to watch the Bond films, this wasn't exactly a high-point in his career.