CrimeFighterFrog's Reviews

House (1977)

9/10

Utterly bizarre, totally insane, and absolutely gonzo!

29 May 2024

Hausu might just be the single craziest movie you'll ever watch in your life. It defies a formal review. It is so out there and keeps going over the top more and more, to the point where the dated and special effects and bad acting and the fact that it's shot like a Japanese commercial all work in its favor.

The dizzying ADHD editing, the bizarre tonal shifts that happen a moment's notice, the fact that the girls haven names like Fantasy, Melody, and Kung-Fu, or that the movie basically abandons its plot halfway through and turns into a fever dream -- it all reminds me of early Youtube Poop's.

In a lesser movie this would be a negative but the fact that it is almost 50 years old now makes it utterly fascinating. It was far ahead of its time and they didn't even know it. Hausu is an absolute must watch for any lover of cinema. It is truly one of a kind and deserves its place in history. Even if you end up finding it obnoxious and irritating, you will remember this movie for the rest of your life.

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1984 (1984)

5/10

So close, yet so far

20 May 2024

Warning: Spoilers

George Orwell's 1984 is one of the greatest pieces of literature ever written and a genuine masterpiece in every sense of the word. A highly important cautionary tale that anyone should read at least once in their lifetime. It is not unadaptable -- I believe you could make a great movie out of this book and the seeds for that lie somewhere within this film, but the one we got was ultimately a let down. It doesn't even capture half of what it could have captured within a two hour runtime.

Not to say that there are no redeeming qualities. The production design is great, and so is the score; it manages to capture the bleakness of this world perfectly, even if merely on a purely aesthetic level. John Hurt is an excellent cast for Winston and delivers a great performance, and it mostly sticks to what was in the novel.

However, that is where my praise sadly ends. The biggest issue with the film is the script. It rushes over the most important beats and even leaves out or glosses over major characters or motivations.

One change that baffles me is that they don't establish O'Brien or Goldstein or the Brotherhood, who are all vital parts of Winston's motivation, at all until Winston meets O'Brien in the second act, which in turn makes our main characters seem like absolute idiots for even getting caught at all. It also takes away from the third act; it doesn't hit nearly as hard as it should because Winston's reverence and devotion to O'Brien was never even mentioned.

The great thing about the novel is that it gives you a real sense of hope in its second act -- that maybe, just maybe, there is a faint light at the end of the tunnel -- and then has you feeling like an absolute fool for believing that there could be any hope in this world. I don't think anything in this movie comes close to that. It rushes along from beat to beat almost without any cohesion.

Now I'm making this sound like it's a total dumpster fire, which it is not. But I genuinely think what little I got out of this movie was due to my familiarity with the source material, and that anyone going into this blind will either be lost or extremely underwhelmed.

If this were the only way you could experience 1984 and you couldn't read a 300 page novel even if a gun were held to you head, this movie is still worth it -- it offers a decent enough insight into the world and story of 1984 -- but even if there is a mere shred of possibility of you picking up the novel, I highly, highly recommend you do that instead and then watch the movie.

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Salò, or the 120 Days of Sodom (1975)

7/10

"All's good if it's excessive"

13 May 2024

Salo is a unique, daring, and unforgettable picture about the inhumane degeneracy of the fascist bourgeoisie, who have it all and still aren't satisfied -- and will go to any length to satisfy their desires.

The film deals with many sensitive subjects -- slavery, rape, pedophilia -- and is undoubtedly extreme, but it's not as bad as it seems. Many scenes are much worse on paper than they are in the movie. Mood around the set was famously quite joyful and you can tell, especially in the first half which has an almost absurd, comical quality to it. It is not until the third title card, which kicks off the second half, that the movie starts getting really disturbing.

Salo is not just some gruesome shock film; it's way more subtle than that. The real horror lies not in What is being done to them, but in the How and Why. The children's suffering is almost secondary to the efforts of the four Fascists -- who are the real protagonists -- to find any sort of pleasure or satisfaction.

In the end, it's a story about how fascism corrupts the soul and leaves behind an inhumane husk that will do anything for power and to enact it.

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Robot Dreams (2023)

7/10

Of loneliness and friendship

12 May 2024

Robot Dreams is a beautiful and heartwarming story that doesn't shy away from tugging at the heart strings. The animation, while simple, is great and features some very memorable shots and scenes. There is no dialogue in the film so most of the emotions, especially from the robot, is communicated entirely through mouth shapes. It is really hard to put into words how much heart is communicated in those scenes, and it doesn't really shine through in the trailer.

There is an underlying tragedy and sadness to the story though. For every heartwarming feel-good moment, you get an equally sad one, with one in particular having been downright soul-crushing to me. It's not a depressing movie by any means, but I did tear up multiple times.

In the end, it left me with a bittersweet, hopeful feeling and the thought that even if you, your life, or the people in it can never go back to being the way they were, there is still happiness and good times ahead, and it's best to face it with a smile.

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Zack Snyder's Justice League (2021)

5/10

Fascinating but hard to review

18 April 2024

The Snyder Cut is undoubtedly a massive, massive improvement over the botched con-job that was the 2017 Justice League. It perfectly embodies the dark, gritty tone Zack was going for with Man of Steel and Batman v Superman and is a glimpse into what the DCEU could have been if it had had any kind of consistency or long-term plan.

The characters are much less annoying and more consistent, especially the Flash and Cyborg. Even the villain, Steppenwolf - despite his genuinely repulsive and over-designed armor - is much more menacing in this version. The movie even ties back into BvS' dream sequence and sows the seeds for Flash's time travel powers, which is the kind of interconnectivity a shared universe like this should have.

However, most, if not all, of this movie's shining moments only shine so bright because they stand in direct comparison with the theatrical cut. I doubt there are many people out there who went into this movie with no prior knowledge of its history. I made the mistake of watching through the entire DCEU in release order and robbed myself of that experience.

Taking a step back and looking at the movie entirely on its own, it's fine at best. It's four hours long and doesn't justify its runtime at all. The first two hours are spent establishing the various members of the Justice League, which should have happened in their respective standalone movies that never got made. The team doesn't properly come together until two-and-a-half hours into the film - past the run-time of Infinity War, a movie way more epic, with a grander scale, higher stakes and five times the characters to juggle. It is impossible not to compare these movies with the MCU when with each new entry, it becomes more and more clear that they are desperately trying to catch up to Marvel, but without taking the time to establish anything.

I also find it incredibly pretentious of Zack Snyder to release this in a 4:3 aspect ratio with a separate black-and-white cut as if it were some arthouse project - you're not making The Lighthouse; this is a superhero movie with Batman and Superman fighting aliens. It's what widescreen was made for.

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Fallout (2024– )

6/10

It's fine

12 April 2024

The real star of the show is the production design, which is spot on perfect and looks just like the game - it is what's holding the whole thing together. Walton Goggins is another stand out as the Ghoul; he is the real protagonist if you ask me. The other 2 main characters aren't really that engaging and feel more tacked on to get the plot moving, especially Maximus, who only seems to be there to justify having the Brotherhood in there at all.

They try to cram so many things into these 8 episodes that it's hard to get attached to anything other than the guy who is present in nearly all of it. The writing is okay at best and veers into Marvel-esque dialogue at worst. The direction is mostly quite flat and boring, but the story picks up towards the end with a few reveals that will have an interesting effect on the next game should they remember it 15 years down the road.

All in all, it's not bad but there's a lot of wasted potential. I'm still interested to see where they take it with the second season, which is bound to be greenlit.

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Skinamarink (2022)

7/10

Really gets under the skin

27 March 2024

This movie definitely isn't for everyone. It's very avant-garde in its minimalist approach to its presentation. When it comes down to it, there's nothing really happening; it's all implied, which makes it hard to approach.

The first 15 minutes or so, I found it kinda boring but as soon as things started happening, I was crapping my pants and chewing my nails. This is one of the most horrifying films I have ever seen. It's very out there and has a kind of lynchian feel to it--it reminded me a lot of the scariest moments in Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me and Inland Empire.

What drags it down, though, is the pacing. Some shots linger for a bit too long, a few scenes towards the end could be cut out entirely--shave 10, maybe 20 minutes off the runtime and this would be absolutely amazing.

Ultimately, the film achieves what it sets out to do incredibly well and delivers a one-of-a-kind experience, but the few missteps it takes hold it back from greatness.

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Dune (1984)

4/10

An entertaining failure

25 March 2024

I love David Lynch; he's my favorite director, so, naturally, I put off watching Dune for a while, but, in the wake of Denis Villenueve's Part 2, curiosity got the better of me.

Lynch famously disowned this movie because he didn't have final cut, or as he put it: "he sold out." As much as I want to believe it's all the studio's fault, it probably would have turned out quite poor either way.

It's not total crap; there is a lot to appreciate about it--the music is great, the design of the sets and creatures is pretty impressive for the most part, and the shields are, well, the most hilarious thing ever.

Grand sci-fi epics like Dune are just not what Lynch is good at, and it really shows in the later half of this movie. The action scenes are clunky and poorly choreographed. Just the way they handle their weapons and shoot at each other is hilariously bad.

But still, I'd recommend this movie to any Lynch or Dune fan. It is very entertaining and charming.

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On the Silver Globe (1988)

8/10

Utterly fascinating

25 March 2024

I have not felt this way about a movie since watching Tarkovsky's Stalker for the first time. In a way, this movie is a lot like Stalker with its minimalist approach to this grand sci-fi setting and troubled production.

When I first read that 20% of the movie is lost and replaced with narration, I assumed it to be a big chunk somewhere in the middle or maybe the end, but it's much more sporadic. This makes for a quite jarring and almost incoherent experience at first but don't let that turn you off.

The costumes and sets are gorgeous, the heavy use of the blue filter in the barren wasteland makes for a convincing alien landscape, and the long takes with handheld cameras and wide-angle lenses combined with diegetic cinematography make for a unique experience I have yet to see in any other film of the time.

I can't help but wonder how different cinema might have looked if On the Silver Globe was completed in 1978, give or take a year. Maybe a lot? Maybe not so much. Who knows. We can only thank Andrzej Zulawski and the people on the production team who saved what had been shot from the Polish censors.

It might be incomplete and lack a proper conclusion to the story, but when the credits rolled it left me with a poignant and powerful feeling that I have not felt since watching The Holy Mountain for the first time.

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Wonder Woman (2017)

2/10

Derivative and inept

25 March 2024

I can understand this movie having a lot of cultural importance with it being the first female-fronted big-budget superhero blockbuster since they took off; I'm glad that exists and that people really connected with that-I just wish it had been a good movie.

This is just Man of Steel all over again, but somehow with a lead that is even worse, and so much later that the clichés are even more insufferable. It really shows how late to the party DC was with this whole thing.

Wonder Woman is just a worse version of Captain America combined with the worst parts of Thor. The first Captain America movie really isn't all that good but every minute of this movie reminded me how much better it was done over half a decade earlier.

Diana has no arc in the movie-she is a bumbling buffoon who has no idea how the world works and doesn't listen to anyone but she is also an invincible god so everything works out fine for her, like in the infamous runway modelling scene, which is beyond laughable.

Add on top bad acting and editing, narration that is only present at the beginning and end of the movie, an over reliance on slow-mo, and WW1 sets that looked better and more believable in 1957 on a fraction of the budget.

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Eternals (2021)

1/10

By far the worst one in the entire MCU

23 March 2024

And here I thought it couldn't get worse than Thor: The Dark World.

This movie reminds me most of Man of Steel, and for all the wrong reasons-the color palette is muted and ugly, most of the movie is about these godlike, immortal beings fighting other godlike, immortal beings or CGI creatures.

It tries to establish so many characters at once but none of them are really unique-one is a child, one shoots lasers out of his eyes, one is a black gay man-they are all horribly generic. I watched this movie 2 weeks ago and I couldn't tell you every one of them if you held a gun to my head.

It tries to be grand and epic, almost like Dragon Ball, but it stretches itself so thin. The plot flashes back thousands and thousands of years, from the dawn of Man to the ancient Aztecs, to the point where it feels entirely detached from anything going on in the MCU, which is really the only reason you would want to watch this.

The finale is made out to be a gigantic, world-ending event but I will be shocked if anything about this movie ever comes up again.

If you want to watch a two-and-a-half hour superhero movie on an epic scale, you're better off re-watching Infinity War.

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Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016)

3/10

It really is as bad as they say

23 March 2024

I watched the 3 hour extended cut, which I'm told is the superior version, but it has left me wondering what was even added that improved anything.

The pacing is all over the place-some scenes are too short, lead nowhere, and are cobbled together without any real cohesion, like the one in the very beginning that introduces the kryptonite-and the third act honestly feels like it's over an hour long.

Ben Affleck is a good Bruce Wayne but he sucks as Batman. Zack Snyder essentially assassinated the character for reasons that have been stated countless times since this movie came out-showing him in broad daylight didn't work in The Dark Knight rises and doubling down on it here just makes it laughable.

They waste a good 10 minutes of screen time on scenes that are only there to establish and set up the Justice League, which could have been condensed into a small post-credit stinger.

Wonder Woman doesn't need to be in the movie at all and her appearance is made out to be a huge reveal but she was shown in the trailer, along with Doomsday, who also doesn't need to be there.

The biggest sin of all, however, is the titular Batman v Superman fight, which is also horribly paced, clunky, and lasts maybe 7 minutes before it devolves into the heroes-fighting-a-big-CGI-monster cliché that was already played out years ago when this came out.

The same year, Captain America: Civil War did what this movie tried to do but much better and on a much larger scale and in less screen time.

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Man of Steel (2013)

2/10

A horrible start to a horrible cinematic universe

23 March 2024

I really wanted to give this one a chance, but this is one of the ugliest, most boring superhero movies ever. Everything from the art design, to the color palette is just disgusting to look at.

The first 20 minutes or so, on Krypton, somehow mange to be even more boring and uninspired than the Asgard scenes in the first two Thor movies, and Zack Snyder's de-saturated color palette makes it even worse.

Henry Cavill obviously cared, and he's fine, but he can hardly carry two-and-a-half hours of this movie with this stoic, one-dimensional character. What potential for drama there could have been is squandered with weirdly-placed flashbacks that ruin the pace of the movie.

It gets downright laughable at the end-just two invincible godlike beings punching each other through rows and rows of buildings without even a scratch; you feel nothing. If anything, it makes Superman look like an idiot for even allowing so much destruction in the first place.

Apparently this had a $225,000,000 budget? It looks like total crap. This came out one year after the Avengers and one year before Guardians of the Galaxy.

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