- Doorman: Is this the place, monsieur?
- Jimmy Dobson: Oui, oui.
- Doorman: Will monsieur stay long in zis establishment?
- Jimmy Dobson: Capistrano.
- Jimmy Dobson: You going somewhere special?
- Princess Veronica: No. Just for a walk.
- Jimmy Dobson: Well, I'll go with you.
- Princess Veronica: Why?
- Jimmy Dobson: Well, you're a stranger here. A babe like you with a face like that, has got to be awfully careful in a world like this.
- Princess Veronica: Careful of what?
- Jimmy Dobson: Oh, things.
- Princess Veronica: Things?
- Jimmy Dobson: Well, men. I'm sorry to say, that we can't be trusted.
- Princess Veronica, Jimmy Dobson: [singing] While strolling through the park one day, in the merry, merry month of May. I was taken by surprise, by a pair of roguish eyes,
- Jimmy Dobson: [singing] While strolling through the park one day.
- Princess Veronica: How was I?
- Jimmy Dobson: Well, baby, you're terrific.
- Baron Zoltan Faludi: Why do you think I followed you here?
- Princess Veronica: To make love to me.
- Baron Zoltan Faludi: [leans in] Just for a practice.
- Princess Veronica: You don't need any.
- Princess Veronica: Now, when you kiss a lady's hand, don't be so athletic about it - or, so noisy! Don't snatch it up as if it were cake and you were going to bite it. The lips are brought to the hand - and not the hand to the lips. Remember that, next time.
- Jimmy Dobson: Yes, your Highness. Could next time, be now?
- Princess Veronica: Very well. But, remember, don't snatch - and don't smack! Now, crisply. And slowly.
- [Jimmy's lips remain on her hand]
- Princess Veronica: But, not too slowly.
- Albert Weever: Hello, Leslie. I brought you some flowers. They're for-not-me-gets.
- Leslie Odell: Thank you, Albert. I love for-not-me-gets.
- Princess Veronica: Hi, babe!
- Albert Weever: Look, lady, I didn't know you was a Princess. I thought you was a woman!
- Princess Veronica: I'm both, Albert.
- Princess Veronica: There's nothing wrong with me, really.
- Jimmy Dobson: Are you sure?
- Princess Veronica: You see, well, the Budapest was Hungary and the Cairo got Madrid and wouldn't Lisbon. So, the Balkans couldn't Bucharest and that's what made Naples truer than Cologne.
- Jimmy Dobson: Oh. Oh, I see.
- Princess Veronica: You do?
- Jimmy Dobson: Oh, of Corsica.
- Jimmy Dobson: It's going to be a beautiful night, too. At least, that's my frank opinion.
- Princess Veronica: Mine too.
- Jimmy Dobson: Well, for stepping out, I mean.
- Princess Veronica: For what?
- Jimmy Dobson: For going somewhere and doing something.
- Princess Veronica: Oh, you want to step out tonight? Is that it?
- Jimmy Dobson: Yeah! That's it. That certainly is it.
- Princess Veronica: Well, then, step.
- Albert Weever: Hey, Jimmy, you know I just thought of something? It's a lucky thing for me, my name is Albert.
- Jimmy Dobson: Yeah, why?
- Albert Weever: That's what everybody calls me: Albert.
- Albert Weever: Ah, Jimmy, don't be mad at me. It was only petty larceny! It wasn't no felony. Was only a miss-a-de-meanor.
- Baron Zoltan Faludi: I mean every word, Veronica, every word I say to you, I mean from the bottom of my heart.
- Princess Veronica: But, you're not here? You're in Budapest?
- Baron Zoltan Faludi: I can fly, even if I'm not an angel.
- Countess Zoe: I'm so glad that you're here. I only hope you're in time to stop her from doing something very foolish.
- Baron Zoltan Faludi: What?
- Countess Zoe: I think she wants to go native.
- Albert Weever: How's about a kiss?
- Princess Veronica: No, thank you.
- Albert Weever: The pleasure would be mutual.
- Jimmy Dobson: Don't mind Albert, he's harmless. He's just a bit babe-whacky, that's all.
- Princess Veronica: He's what?
- Jimmy Dobson: Dame dizzy! You know, he's got nights on his mind.
- Princess Veronica: Knights? On his mind?
- Jimmy Dobson: Well, he likes tomatoes.
- Princess Veronica: They're good for him.
- Jimmy Dobson: Not the kind Albert likes. Say, you're a foreigner, aren't you.
- Princess Veronica: Yes.
- Jimmy Dobson: Well, now, look Toots, I'll explain it to you. Over here, we have two kinds of tomatoes. One is the vegetable. The other is you.
- Princess Veronica: Me? I am a tomato?
- Jimmy Dobson: Oh, Grade A and extra fancy.
- Princess Veronica: They are delicious, your hot dogs.
- Jimmy Dobson: You've never had one before?
- Princess Veronica: Never.
- Jimmy Dobson: Gee, babe, you just haven't been anywhere, have you?
- Mr. Puft: Excuse myself, please. I am Puft.
- Mr. Fabler: I am so sorry.
- Mr. Puft: Puft is not what I am. It's who I am.
- Jimmy Dobson: Listen, do you keep the Kalamazoo out in the Oklahoma until the Mississippi is ready? I'll let you know when Niagara Falls.
- Jimmy Dobson: Are you going to come to the party?
- Dr. Elfson: What? Oh, no. I don't think so. I don't like parties.
- Jimmy Dobson: It will be a very well shindig. She's asked all sorts of Princes and Dukes and things.
- Jimmy Dobson: I'm terribly sorry I'm so late; but, we got to chewin' the rag.
- Princess Veronica: You did what?
- Jimmy Dobson: We got talkin'.
- Dr. Elfson: Now, you go in there and make her laugh.
- Albert Weever: Who me?
- Dr. Elfson: Yes.
- Albert Weever: I ain't comical.
- Princess Veronica: Don't you know? A woman only gets really mad at a man if he doesn't want to kiss her.
- Princess Veronica: He has intelligence, charm, a sense of humor.
- Countess Zoe: Well, what if he has? They are not what we require of our King.
- Waiter at Jake's Joint: What's it gonna be folks? Pig's feet are very good tonight.
- Jimmy Dobson: Have you got any champagne?
- Waiter at Jake's Joint: Champagne? Sure. Barrels of it. Barrels of it.
- Jimmy Dobson: Is it good?
- Waiter at Jake's Joint: The best. We make it ourselves.
- Jimmy Dobson: Would you care for some?
- Princess Veronica: Yes.
- Waiter at Jake's Joint: And some pig's feet too?
- Princess Veronica: No, thank you.
- Waiter at Jake's Joint: Now, what about the pig's feet? They're nice and tasty.
- Jimmy Dobson: No!
- Waiter at Jake's Joint: Maybe a little later on, huh?
- Countess Zoe: Think of what history would say: Her Majesty Veronica the First, received the news that she had become Queen, while she was carousing in a Chop Suey joint with a bellboy.
- Female Patron at Jake's Joint: Hey, you lug! Hey, get outta my pig's feet!
- Jail Girl #1: Gee, are these real rocks?
- Princess Veronica: No. They're diamonds.
- Jail Girl #2: Somebody's got a Daddy.
- Diplomat #1: Why is she in the jail?
- Albert Weever: She was pinched.
- Diplomat #1: Pinched?
- Countess Zoe: Where?
- Diplomat #2: He means arrested.
- Diplomat #1: What for? What did she do?
- Albert Weever: Well, a bull pushed her around, so, naturally, she took a sock at the bull.
- Countess Zoe: Cow?
- Albert Weever: Bull.
- Diplomat #2: She resisted arrest.
- Albert Weever: And how! Boy, did she battle.