- Mr. Kavon: What do you think of the human condition, Mr. Kuryakin.
- Illya Kuryakin: I'm in favor of it.
- Napoleon Solo: I'm Napoleon Solo, with the U.N.C.L.E.
- Tracey Alexander: Oh, my favorite charity. Listen, dear, I'm sorry, but, I'm afraid I'm already overcommitted.
- Arnold Claxon: Mr. Solo is with a secret international organization.
- Tracey Alexander: Really?
- Tracey Alexander: You're not Count Kuryakin, by any chance?
- Illya Kuryakin: Of course.
- Tracey Alexander: Well, then, you must let me get you a drink.
- Illya Kuryakin: No. No, thank you.
- Tracey Alexander: But, you must be thirsty after that long flight in from - eh - the Balkans, wasn't it?
- Illya Kuryakin: From America. I own a chain of radio stations in - eh - Oklahoma.
- Tracey Alexander: Oh.
- Illya Kuryakin: Have you been there?
- Tracey Alexander: Why no. I've never been there myself. But, my friends who have, tell me you get wonder radio reception.
- Tracey Alexander: You're not another spy? Well, it may be very good espionage; but, it is very poor manners.
- Tracey Alexander: Stop thinking of your own selfish interests and start thinking of my selfish interests!
- Napoleon Solo: I think you have an address for me?
- [Maude hands Solo a piece of paper]
- Napoleon Solo: Gee, I don't want to quibble, but this is an apartment number and address. I'm supposed to get the address of Alexander's hotel?
- Maude Waverly: That's, eh, my address. And once you've committed it to memory, tear it up into small pieces and swallow it.
- Maude Waverly: You haven't forgotten our date tonight, have you?
- Napoleon Solo: Our - no. No-no. Of course, I, no.
- Maude Waverly: Here's the hotel address.
- Alexander: It's not so simple to conquer the world today, as it was for Alexander the Great. Life is a great deal more complicated. But, this gas should make things easier for me.
- Col. Hawks: Biological and chemical warfare's been getting a bloody nose in the world press. Well, I think we're going to change all that.
- Alexander: There's one condition. Perhaps, I should call it a favor.
- Tracey Alexander: Let's just call it a condition.
- Alexander: The Princess is an admirer of mine. The Prince, however, is an obsessively jealous man who misinterprets the Princess' appreciation of me.
- Tracey Alexander: Well, just how much does she admire you?
- Alexander: She worships me.
- Tracey Alexander: Really?
- Alexander: I allow it because I think its healthy for a young girl to have an idol.
- Maude Waverly: I'll forgive you for breaking our date if you promise to be back before tomorrow night. We can still have that weekend at the beach. I'm working on my tan, right now.
- Napoleon Solo: A weekend at the beach?
- Maude Waverly: You haven't forgotten, have you?
- Napoleon Solo: Oh, no! Of course not. You know what they say about elephants and spies.
- Tracey Alexander: I'd like to join forces with you. Now, I have an idea how I can help us all catch up with Alexander.
- Alexander Waverly: Oh, yes?
- Tracey Alexander: I could expose myself.
- Alexander: They're reliable. But, they're second rate intellects. I shouldn't have any trouble using their country as my personal power base. From there I can subvert all of Asia. Where the devil did I put the keys to my sports car?
- Parviz: What are you doing to her? I did not say give her a beauty treatment!
- Tracey Alexander: Why, I thought you were trying to torture me.
- Parviz: Are you working for the U.N.C.L.E.?
- Maude Waverly: The U.N.C.L.-? Oh, UNCLE! No! There's no profit in that.
- Alexander: I have arranged for your Washington embassy to hold a special party for your nation's President. I will be there to make a good will speech. I will kill him immediately after my remarks.
- Tracey Alexander: Would you turn around please.
- [Parviz doesn't turn around]
- Tracey Alexander: You're so nasty.
- Princess Nicole: [sitting in a hot tub] You're not going to leave me all alone and unprotected are you?
- Napoleon Solo: Well, I'd like to help, but, I'm a little behind schedule. Besides, I have the distinct feeling it might be bad for my back.
- Alexander: What is she doing here? She's supposed to be dead.
- Tracey Alexander: A wife's place is by her husband.
- Parviz: How do I know I can trust you?
- Tracey Alexander: Well, that's just one of the chances you have to take in the espionage business.
- Princess Nicole: [sitting in a hot tub] Ever since we met at Alexander's, I knew there would be something for us to share together.
- Napoleon Solo: You maybe right.
- Princess Nicole: It will be very stimulating.