- Dr. Rick Marshall: This is for you. I signed it.
- [hands his book to Matt Lauer]
- Dr. Rick Marshall: You're supposed to say the title and the publisher.
- Matt Lauer: That's not gonna happen.
- Dr. Rick Marshall: Just say it.
- Matt Lauer: No.
- Dr. Rick Marshall: Just say the damn title.
- Matt Lauer: Fine.
- [shows book to TV audience]
- Matt Lauer: 'Matt Lauer Can Suck It' by Dr. Rick Marshall.
- Dr. Rick Marshall: I was so surprised that your attorney signed off on that. I was like, "Are you sure? Is this gonna be okay?" He said, "Yeah, go for it."
- Matt Lauer: Son of a bitch.
- Dr. Rick Marshall: If you don't make it, it's your own damn "vault." That's a bitch slap of truth right there.
- [Inside Dr. Marshall's office, there is knocking at the door]
- Dr. Rick Marshall: [groans]
- Holly Cantrell: Dr. Marshall?
- [Opens the door and sees Marshall lying on the floor surrounded by wrappers of junk food]
- Holly Cantrell: Oh God! Are you alright?
- [Helps him up from the ground and lays him against a cabinet]
- Holly Cantrell: Hey, up you get. Here, just lean against...
- [Struggling the keep him up, he spits out a piece of food from his mouth]
- Holly Cantrell: Oh dear.
- Dr. Rick Marshall: I'm fine. I'm okay, I just... worked late. Then, I got hungry and I... had several meals and lapsed into a food coma. I've had issues with food in the past. I don't know, you know, just with the stress with everything I just over did it... but I'm in control. Now, I don't have to go back to Phoenix.
- Holly Cantrell: I just wanted, I wanted to um, come apologize for yesterday Michael. My behavior was just...
- [she stares in shock as finds Marshall's completely built Tachyon Amplifier]
- Dr. Rick Marshall: No, no, no.
- Holly Cantrell: You've finished the Tachyon Amplifier!
- Dr. Rick Marshall: No, no, I mean yes. I, I don't know, I finished building it, yes, but... I didn't have the nerve to test it out. So, I thought a trip to Arby's might give me some courage, but no dice.
- [Sticks an old fry in his mouth]
- Dr. Rick Marshall: Then, I hit Popeye's, Del Taco. 14,000 calories later, I found myself down at Subway... powering through a 12 inch veggie on whole wheat babbling to a cut-out of Jared. Still didn't give me the strength to turn that thing on. I'm a coward.
- Holly Cantrell: You are not a coward, you're a visionary. This is probably the greatest work of genius in the last hundred years.
- [Turns on the amplifier to the music of A Chorus Line singing I Hope I Get It; Turns it off]
- Holly Cantrell: Is that A Chorus Line?
- Dr. Rick Marshall: It, it's left over data from the drive. What a piece of crap!
- [Slams foot against desk shaking the amplifier on for a second]
- Dr. Rick Marshall: The machine, I mean, not A Chorus Line. I love showtunes, they really tell the story of the human condition.
- Holly Cantrell: It's a bit gay.
- Dr. Rick Marshall: It IS great.
- Will Stanton: [on the rocks, to Rick] You ever get tired of being wrong?
- Dr. Rick Marshall: [being chased by the T-Rex] I do! I really do!
- [after Marshall storms off the stage of "Today"]
- Matt Lauer: That was my guest, Dr. Rick Marshall
- Dr. Rick Marshall: [offscreen] You're God damn right it was!
- Matt Lauer: His new book arrives tomorrow. You might want to look for it in the "I'm out of my freaking mind" department.
- Holly Cantrell: What are you eating?
- Dr. Rick Marshall: It's a donut stuffed with M&Ms. That way, when you've finished the donut, you don't have to eat any M&Ms.
- Dr. Rick Marshall: Field rations are running dangerously low. Thusly, I've made the determination that, if need be, if faced with starvation, we will cook and eat Chaka. I've been thinking about this a lot, actually. If Chaka meat were the secret ingredient on Iron Chef, I'm sure Bobby Flay would probably serve it with roasted red peppers and a dash of cumin and a braised polenta. It wouldn't be an easy thing to do, but if you slow roast the little guy, I'm sure that Chaka meat would just fall right off the bone.
- [Will and Holly can smell dinosaur dung on Rick]
- Dr. Rick Marshall: Would you grow up?
- Holly Cantrell: Oh, my God!
- Dr. Rick Marshall: Yes, he pooped me out!
- Will Stanton: And now you guys are friends?
- Dr. Rick Marshall: While I was snaking my way through his bowels, I don't know, I... I must have dislodged some sort of intestinal blockage. And, yes, he's in a much better mood now. So can we move on? I would really like to go home.
- Will Stanton: You were deuced out by a dinosaur. That is incredibly cool.
- Will Stanton: [grabs cup in the shape of a woman's bust] This is a little travel mug I like to call the perfect woman. Big ole set of boobies- no head. And a handle.
- Enik: Thank Vinok you've come to my aid, Rick Marshall.
- Dr. Rick Marshall: You know me?
- Enik: Of course. Even in the farthest reaches of the universe, we have seen your Matt Lauer video.
- Will Stanton: [a pair of dinosaurs break a fight and focus on the group, Dr. Marshall having doused himself in Hadrosaur urine earlier] Well what do you know? This is one of those days when pouring piss on your head is a bad idea!
- Ernie: Hey! Where's Will?
- Dr. Rick Marshall: He went to a better place.
- Ernie: You killed him?
- Dr. Rick Marshall: No.
- Dr. Rick Marshall: [Upon seeing a pterosaur make off with the tachyon amplifier] Oh, that blows. That buh-lows.
- [Rick Marshall on the Today Show talking about his new scientific discovery]
- Dr. Rick Marshall: It boils down to two simple words.
- Matt Lauer: Renewable biofuels.
- Dr. Rick Marshall: Close. Time warps.