Black Christmas (1974)
Margot Kidder: Barb
Photos
Quotes
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Barb : Oh, why don't you go find a wall socket and stick your tongue in it? That'll give you a charge.
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Sergeant Nash : Excuse me? Could you give me the number at the sorority house? Please?
Barb : Yeah, sure. It's, ah... Fellatio 20880. Fellatio. It's a new exchange, FE.
Sergeant Nash : That's a new one on me. How do you spell it?
Barb : Capital F, E, little L, L-A, T-I-O.
Sergeant Nash : Thanks.
Barb : Don't mention it.
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Barb : Did you know, this is a very little known fact, but... did you know that there's a certain species of turtle that... there's a certain species of turtle that can screw for three days without stopping. You don't believe me, do you? Well, I-I mean, how could I make something like that up?
Mrs. Mac : Ah, Barb, dear, ah, I-I-I-ah...
Barb : No, really! They just... three days, 24 hours a day, wha-voom! Wha-voom! Wha-voom! Can you believe that, three days? I'm lucky if I get three minutes! Do you know how I know this? Because I went down to the zoo and I watched them. It was very boring. Well actually, um, I, uh, didn't stay for the whole three days, I went over and I watched the zebras, because they only take thirty seconds! Premature ejaculation!
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[upon seeing that Mrs. Mac is coming inside the house]
Barb : Speaking of professional virgins, here we have the Queen of Vaudeville circa 1891.
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Barb : [on phone] You're a real gold-plated whore, mother, you know that?
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Barb : I think the little bugger's schnockered, son of a bitch.
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Barb : [to Sergeant Nash] You know, for a public servant I think your attitude really sucks!
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[after the mysterious caller hangs up]
Clare : I really don't think you should provoke somebody like that, Barb.
Barb : Oh listen, this guy is minor league. In the city, I get two of those a day.
Clare : Well, maybe. But you know that town girl was raped a couple of weeks ago.
Barb : Darling, you can't rape a townie.
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Barb : [seeing the open front door] Hey, who left the goddamn front door open?
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Barb : Fastest tongue in the West!
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Barb : Come on, I know a professional virgin when I see one.
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Barb : Come on, this is a sorority house, not a convent!
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Barb : [to staid Mr. Harrison, drunk and slurring her words:] Do you know...? This is a very little-known fact, but... Did you know that there's a certain species of turtle... a... there's a certain species of turtle... that can *screw* for three days without stopping?
[wide-eyed response]
Barb : You don't believe me, do you? But, I - I mean, how can I make something like that up?
Mrs. Mac : Uh... Barb, dear, uh, I - I - I...
Barb : No, really! They just... three days, twenty-four hours a day, va-voom... va-voom... va-voom...
[her hands imitate fornicating tortoises]
Barb : Can you believe that, three days? The most I get is three minutes.
[drunken smile]
Barb : Do you know how I know this? It was... I went down to the *zoo* and I watched them.
[all the time, the frowning face of Mr. Harrison, and Mrs. Mac stands there with a plastered-on smile]
Barb : It was ve-ry boring. Well, actually, uh, I, uh, didn't stay for the whole three days. I went over and I watched the *zebras,* because...
[through giggles:]
Barb : they only take thirty seconds. Premature ejaculation...
[collapses in a heap of laughter]