The Losers (I) (2010)
Chris Evans: Jensen
Photos
Quotes
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Jensen : I'm warning you, I am a lethal killing machine. It was a secret government experiment. They did stuff to me. Spooky stuff... Anal stuff. It turned me into a dangerous telekinetic. As the ancient Tibetan Philosophy states "Don't start none, won't be none!"
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Jensen : [Aisha has the Losers in a Mexican standoff] Ohhhh... shit. She's got a gun and... it's pointed at my dick. Clay, it's pointed at my dick!
Pooch : Would you rather it was pointed at your face?
Jensen : I know it makes no sense, but yes!
[Aisha points her gun at Jensen's face]
Pooch : Better?
Jensen : Not really...
Clay : Where's your gun, Jensen?
Jensen : It's in the van.
Clay : What's it doing there?
Jensen : Not... much.
[Aisha rolls her eyes]
Roque : Will you two shut up?
Jensen : Well, what if it was pointed at YOUR dick?
[Aisha shoots Jensen in the arm]
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Jensen : [women are looking at Jensen, who is undressed in an elevator] So... you, uh, ladies liking the angle of the dangle?
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Jensen : That's right bitches, I got a crossbow!
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Roque : Think you're thinking clear on this? Huh? 'Cuz every time we mess up, it's because of a woman.
Clay : Name one time that I...
Roque : Amber.
Clay : Amber wasn't the problem, Amber's husband was the problem.
Pooch : Amber's husband wasn't the one who shot you.
Clay : It was only in the leg.
Jensen : What about Emma?
Clay : Emma doesn't count. I didn't sleep with Emma.
Roque : No, because she put a bomb in your car!
Clay : All right, I admit - that did take a little of the romance out of it.
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Jensen : [trying to hit on Aisha] Hi.
[Aisha, cleaning her gun, ignores him]
Jensen : Where are you from? Originally?
Aisha : The wilds of Northern Africa.
Jensen : Wow. So that must have been... sandy...
[awkward pause]
Jensen : Do you have any hobbies?
Aisha : When I was little, I collected human ears.
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Jensen : [describing a CIA heroin smuggling operation] So they're selling shit to the American people to raise money to protect the American people from the guys they produce the shit they're selling them in the first place. This is fucked up on so many levels, man...
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Jensen : So, she wanted to meet in a cemetery? That's not, like, foreboding at all...
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Jensen : Clay, we've got a situation here. I'm looking at a giant vibrating Easter egg from Hell, and no Max.