The Sopranos (TV Series)
Mergers and Acquisitions (2002)
James Gandolfini: Tony Soprano
Photos
Quotes
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Tony Soprano : [referring to Ralph] you know, it could be "risky" trusting him to have a sense of humor
Valentina la Paz : [referring to the prank she played on Ralph of him stepping in horse feces] did you think it was funny?
Tony Soprano : yeah, but what I think is funny is what an eight-year-old boy thinks is funny
Valentina la Paz : having any "fun" yourself?
Tony Soprano : what, you taking a survey?
Valentina la Paz : have any interest in art?
Tony Soprano : yeah, sure, if it's the "right" thing I do
Valentina la Paz : there's an artist down in New Hope, specializes in horses: give him a photo of your horse, he paints beautiful portraits. It'll look great in your office
Tony Soprano : you better have a look in my office before you make that call
Valentina la Paz : [before giving him her business card] think about it: if you're interested, give me a call
Tony Soprano : [pronouncing her surname from the business card] "la Paz", what's that, Puerto Rican?
Valentina la Paz : Cubana, my mother was Italian, my father, Cuban
Tony Soprano : you're a dangerous combination
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Carmela Soprano : [after he pulls a prank on her by pouring a glass of cold water while she takes a warm shower] You did that on our honeymoon, and I didn't like it then and I asked you to promise you'd never do it again
Tony Soprano : It's just a little cold water
Carmela Soprano : Yeah, well, it's really unpleasant. Do you remember promising me?
Tony Soprano : So, you can do it back to me
Carmela Soprano : I don't want to do it back to you
Carmela Soprano : [raises her voice] Do you remember promising me?
Tony Soprano : Yeah, so, what?
Carmela Soprano : So, this is one promise I would like you to keep
Tony Soprano : [disappointed when she's not amused by his prank] whatever
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Dr. Jennifer Melfi : Maybe you're feeling guilty
Tony Soprano : I don't see that. Why would I?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi : Because his a friend of yours and you're cuckolding him
Tony Soprano : [Remains silent, confused]
Dr. Jennifer Melfi : Cuckolding is when a man has an affair with another's wife
Tony Soprano : She's not his wife anyway, she's his comare
Dr. Jennifer Melfi : And therefore has no status anyway
Tony Soprano : Comare's has status. I mean it's not like in the old days when a man had a wife and then sort of a second wife. It used to be they'd take their wives out Fridays and comares on Saturdays or maybe it's the other way around? Anyway when I came up, it wasn't so formal. A business associate of mine has two full families. One up here, one down in Sea Girt, and the second wife bust his balls just as much as the first.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi : Sounds like a complicated arrangement. I'm afraid our time's up
Tony Soprano : Just give me another minute
Dr. Jennifer Melfi : I have a patient waiting
Tony Soprano : Then let him wait, you make me wait out there all the time. I just want to ask if it's possible for a man to go out with a woman without really "doing anything" with them?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi : You'll have to be more specific
Tony Soprano : He likes them to hurt him, and that's it and he goes and "take care" of himself. His own needs.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi : He sounds like a textbook masochist
Tony Soprano : You mean like S&M?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi : The M part yes
Tony Soprano : I thought that stuff was just a run up to the act?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi : That's the case for many people but not for people with paraphilias for them seeing humiliated becomes in of itself the sexual release like many other things it's rooted in childhood
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Tony Soprano : [after walking up to Christopher and Silvio, Who are talking privately] what's up?
Silvio Dante : A little business
Tony Soprano : Like what?
Silvio Dante : Why? You wanna hear this?
Silvio Dante : [safter Tony nods] I was just saying how we have to give a bigger percentage to the union guys and the customs guys
Tony Soprano : You're shitting me, right? That's what you guys came up with?
Silvio Dante : Everybody seems pleased with the: arrangement
Tony Soprano : God damn it, now I'm gonna have to go down there and go see every fuckin' body from the harbor master on down which is exactly what I was trying to avoid
Silvio Dante : You wanted me to negotiate, that's what we'll do
Tony Soprano : Don't make me go down there. I'm tryin to free myself up and do a little global thinking
Christopher Moltisanti : [before Tony walks away] Right
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Carmela Soprano : [while bringing him a cup of coffee] here, I made it with a lot of milk and sugar: it's a lot more comforting that way
Carmela Soprano : [seeing him upset, rubbing his shoulder] you sure you don't want some eggs or an English muffin, or something? You're coming back?
Furio Giunta : I hope so: Immigration, they make problems
Carmela Soprano : maybe Tony can help with that?
Furio Giunta : yeah
Tony Soprano : [after coming down the stairs] the hell you still doing here? I thought you were flying out to Naples?
Furio Giunta : I just drop off the shirts from Patsy's guy
Tony Soprano : alright, but you should be on your way to see your old man
Furio Giunta : Cancer is everywhere in his body: cancer don't respect nothing. You know it started in his lungs...
Tony Soprano : [interrupts him, hands him a roll of cash] you need any money?
Furio Giunta : I'm good
Carmela Soprano : [to Furio] Please call and let us know
Furio Giunta : [to Tony] I'm sorry, your gonna have to get someone else to drive you tonight
Tony Soprano : Not a problem: go
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Tony Soprano : [asking her if she wants him to pour her wine while holding the bottle over her glass] a simple yes or no will do
Carmela Soprano : please
Carmela Soprano : [after Tony orders desert and coffee for everyone, to Brian] can I ask you a financial related question?
Tony Soprano : come on, the last thing the guy wants to talk about is talk shop.
Janelle Cammarata : go ahead, ask him anything you want: it's all he likes to talk about
Carmela Soprano : it's no big thing, I was just wondering if you had any ideas what Tony and I should do with the "proceeds" from the property we sold in Newark?
Brian Cammarata : [assuming she's referring to the real estate scam he and Tony were involved in with the Department of Housing and Urban Development] HUD?
Carmela Soprano : [confused] what?
Tony Soprano : [jokingly, pretending Brian is drunk, covering up for Brian's mistake, referring to the 1963 western] the kid loves Paul Newman movies: no more Grappa for you
Carmela Soprano : [to Tony] you know what I'm talking about, uncle Junior's lot over on Frelinghuysen Avenue
Tony Soprano : [referring to the money they made from the sale] oh yeah, that, it all went into the trust
Brian Cammarata : T-bills, I was able to lock you in before the rates dropped
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Neil Mink : [while playing golf] We lucked out with the weather huh? So, how's the life of leisure?
Tony Soprano : I'm playing golf ain't I?
Neil Mink : But seriously, it's good your pulling back business-wise like we agreed
Tony Soprano : My nephew, I told him, I'm gonna be speaking through him and only through him as time passes
Neil Mink : Good
Tony Soprano : And Sil
Neil Mink : Good
Tony Soprano : I don't wanna celebrate my daughter's first kid in prison
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Tony Soprano : [over a payphone] alright, this sit-down, with the guy, get a pen and paper
Christopher Moltisanti : [after looking through nightstand] I can't find a piece of paper
Christopher Moltisanti : [after deciding to write on his pillowcase, telling Tony to his ready to write what his going to say] shoot
Tony Soprano : alright, tell Paulie to let Patsy run the car operation while Furio is gone. Then tell Patsy his gotta kick up ten points: seven and a half to me, two and a half to Paulie
Christopher Moltisanti : got it
Tony Soprano : alright, you and Sil, you figure out who pays the Longshore union and how much, I'll back you whichever
Christopher Moltisanti : I'm on it
Tony Soprano : [before hanging up] alright
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Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri : [while driving Tony] you think he wears a bag?
Tony Soprano : [confused] who wears what?
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri : you know, a colostomy bag? Furio's old man?
Tony Soprano : how the fuck would I know that?
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri : because my ma, maybe, maybe not... has to get one
Tony Soprano : [disgusted] can we not talk about this?
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri : we can talk about any topic you like
Tony Soprano : good
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri : it's just that I got ma "squared away" at Green Grove...
Tony Soprano : [interrupts him, irritated] for the fuck's sake, everybody's gonna get old and die
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri : am I driving you tomorrow too?
Tony Soprano : no, I'll drive myself
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri : I got nothing else to do
Tony Soprano : I got a very important meeting, that's all, "delicate situation"